Bigfoot

June 12, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Bigfoot

2012
Written by Brian Brinkman and Micho Rutare
Directed by Bruce Davison

Packed to the gills with crazy action, former stars, and massive carnage, Asylum’s Bigfoot is an entertaining SyFy feature that also doubles as political commentary. Bigfoot is relentless with action sequences, the very first shots are of various animals being devoured up the food chain, until we reach man shooting a bear. Man who is quickly taken out by a huge Bigfoot! Bigfoot will run rampage through the local town of Deadwood, smashing cars, trucks, and chomping the heads off of people. There is an energy in Bigfoot that keeps it chugging along, character dismissing any attempts to stop and think as they rush into one crazy plan after another, all while Bigfoot is smashing and eating.

Bigfoot is a sequel in spirit to Mega Python vs. Gateroid. Like that film, it features two faded stars (instead of 80s pop icons Tiffany and Debbie Gibson, we have former 60s child stars Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams) who argue constantly. The monster battle aspect has been dumped for just constant monster action. Bigfoot features more minor stars in supporting roles than MPvG, but both do feature a musical icon getting killed just after they appear (Micky Dolenz gets chomped in MPvG, while Alice Cooper gets punted in Bigfoot!) Even the ending is similar, but more on that in a little bit.

Bigfoot is part of the Icy May series for MOSS – The Mysterious Order of the Skeleton Suit. And if you are wondering why something for May is showing up in June on TarsTarkas.NET, you must be new here! Heck, our March theme (March of Godzilla 2013) is still going on! Further Icy May entries include Gaddaar at both Beth Loves Bollywood and at FourDK, Yeti Curse of the Snow Demon at The Horror!?, Snow Devils at Exploder Button, Fist of B-List meets The Iceman Cometh, and The Great Silence at Teleport City.

	Harley Anderson (Danny Bonaduce) – Former singer turned obnoxious disk jockey and thrower of ridiculous nostalgia concerts that both fail and cause angry beasts to awaken. Spends most of his time fighting his former partner turned rival Simon Quint instead of stopping the creature he helped unleash on the public.
	Simon Quint (Barry Williams) – Former singer turned gentle soul and friend of the Earth. He attracts a large following of young hot women and fights for the rights of nature. He attempts to subdue Bigfoot so he can be peacefully relocated instead of killed, but his attempts never pan out.
	Sheriff Becky Alvarez (Sherilyn Fenn) – A former detective in Oklahoma City, who has returned to her childhood home and joined the Sheriff’s department there. Attempts to stop the rampages of Bigfoot, despite objections from everyone for different reasons, and is one of the few characters more worried about the actual problem then about scoring points against the other side.
	Bigfoot (CGI) – Angry huge furry guy who likes to bit off heads of passersby. Awoken from his hibernation due to noise from acres of trees getting chopped down, and is not too keen on this environmental encroachment. So he smashes up the local town.

InMovie News

Alligator Alley is Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators, still SyFy bound

June 11, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Time to pour out a 40 for the loss of a great movie title, as Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators is now known as Alligator Alley. Or maybe the film will just have both titles, as the production company site still has the Ragin Cajun name, but the Alligator Alley title on the mockup posters. Even old production posters have the Alligator Alley name. Whatever title this ends up having on SyFy, rest assured it will be funtastic!

From two feuding Cajun families, college grad LACY DOUCETTE and DATHAN ROBICHAUD have to keep their love affair secret, but when Dathan’s dad’s discarded “blue moonshine” results in mutated, gigantic, predatory gators, both families have to work together to get rid of the gators. Unfortunately, the truce doesn’t last long, and the toxic moonshine causes anyone bit by a gator to actually turn into one…

Awesome director Griff Furst helms this one, with Victor Webster, Christopher Berry, and Jordan Hinson starring. DreadCentral has a trailer which is linked below.

Of further note, a film called Snakehead Swamp is listed on Active Entertainment’s site with no further information. Hmmm….

via DreadCentral

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Area 51

May 17, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Area 51

aka 51

2011
Written by Lucy Mukerjee
Story by Kenny Yakkel
Directed by Jason Connery

Aliens just can’t make Jello correctly…

Area 51 is a more unique SyFy offering. Instead of the usual CGI effects chasing our heroes around, instead we have monsters made of largely practical effects and makeup mixed with CGI. It actually rules, because it’s so unexpected. The effects work is pretty good, the various monster costumes are full costume props, some of them being large wearable puppet constructs. The only alien costume I didn’t like was the one for Patient Zero, because it looked too much like a guy in a full body suit. This reminds me of the Don Dohler films, which was some nice nostalgia. And Area 51 is better than many of those!

You think this is crazy, guess what they got in Area 52!

By far not the first flick to feature Area 51 or aliens fighting people in Area 51, Area 51 does give us a variety of creatures causing a variety of problems. The different stories sort of weave together, but have a bit of trouble trying to find a narrative whole. The different creatures with their own different agendas gives them more characterization than usual in a SyFy style flick. The fact that not all of the monsters are mindless killing machines was a great touch that needs to be used more in other creature features.

Suddenly the alien thinks he’s Neo!

The basic story is the press are being let into Area 51 for the first time as part of a media transparency thing, except they are only going to get to see a tiny part of the base and nothing cool. Until things go wrong… Alien killing spree wrong!

	Colonel Ronald Martin (Bruce Boxleitner) – The guy in charge of Area 51 who leads the tour and the eventual attempt to clean up the monster massacre.
	Claire Fallon (Vanessa Branch) – A rabble-rousing muckeraker blogger who is famous all over the world. Takes up the fine tradition of Lois Lane-style female journalists (a trope that predates Lois Lane back to at least the Torchy Blane films) in that she fights the system and doesn’t put up with bullies. Even alien bullies
	Sam Whittaker (John Shea) – A famous news reporter who is inside the system, sort of like Ted Kopple. He is also on the Area 51 tour along with his camerawoman.
	Sgt. Hannah (Rachel Miner) – One of the guards on the base, a decorated war hero who is uncomfortable with the recognition because she doesn’t feel she earned it. Becomes the de facto commander of the guards tasked with not letting any of the aliens escape from the underground compound after everyone of higher rank is slaughtered.
	Aaron “Shoes” Schumacher (Jason London) – Shoes is one of the guards who believes in the alien conspiracies. Can’t handle combat and shot himself in the foot to avoid it. But when aliens are attacking he managed to find courage to be under fire. Helps his friend Sgt. Hannah contain the situation.

The aliens at Area 51:

	Patient Zero (Jed Maheu) – A morpher, meaning this alien can change his form into whoever he touches due to replicating DNA, and can repeat any words said by the target. This subject crashed 25 years ago and occasionally is let out to impersonate President Reagan. Is usually no trouble, except for the murderous killing spree Patient Zero goes on today. Suddenly impersonating Reagan makes sense…
	J-Rod (VyVy Nguyen and Rob Steinberg – voice) – Alien Grey who lives on the base and helps his friends the humans communicate with the aliens and type up reports. Has telekenetic powers and the power to code computers while being afk. His entire belief system might turn out to be a lie… But at least he can probably get a high-paying coding job in Silicon Valley!
	Lady Death and Little Devil (Ivan Djurovic and VyVy Nguyen) – alien monsters that are simply wild hyperpredators. Little Devil is Lady Death’s spawn. This creatures can’t be reasoned with and just blindly kill anyone they see.

Time to die, Smurf!

InMovie News

SyFy – Thursday Flicks and Future Fun – Roswell, Robocroc, Bering Sea Beast, Last Halloween!

May 10, 2013ByTars Tarkas

The SyFy twitter page has been a bit active giving a few clues as to future features. Rise Of The Dinosaurs on May 11th will be the last Saturday show for a while, as Saturdays become the realm of SyFy original and imported tv series. Movies are moving to Thursday, the first of which scheduled is Axe Giant on June 13th, it’s the Paul Bunyan is a crazy killer flick that looked pretty fun.

The next batch of Thursday flavor is on June 27th, which will give us a double-feature of Stonados (making a triumphant return after getting yanked due to the Boston bombings) and Independence Day-saster, which has an awesome name and we mentioned it long ago.

The twitter dropped an image of four screeners that just arrived: Robocroc, Roswell, Last Halloween, and Bering Sea Beast.

Of the three new ones, I can find nothing at all about Roswell (the generic name does not help in searching!), while Last Halloween is maybe this film –

A tradition as old as life itself. A tradition old as the demonic forces it represents. The story of a group of people unwilling to face the truth, and unable to reconcile the past. And one man who can. But is he even a man? When humans can’t put the past away. And another entity who simply does not want to.

Starring Nathaniel Sylva, Vanessa Leigh, Michael Thurber, Tom Paolino, Olivia Larsen, and David Erin Wilson, and is directed by Christopher L. Ferreira.

Bering Sea Beast has no imdb info, but I have found from twitter it stars Jonathan Lipnicki, Cassie Scerbo, Brandon Beemer, and Jaqueline Fleming, and is sort of a take on the realty TV series I never heard of called Bering Sea Gold. And it has Sea Vampires.

via Twitter and Twitter
SyFy logo via here

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Abominable Snowman

May 10, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Abominable Snowman

aka Deadly Descent

2013
Written by Nathan Atkins
Directed by Marko Makilaakso

Hey, guys, funny joke, now let me in!

A group of mountain climbers learn that sometimes the mountain climbs you, even if it isn’t in Soviet Russia and also “the mountain climbs you” is a metaphor for huge abominable snowmen that eat you. Sure, that joke makes no sense, but who gives a crap, we got a gigantic abominable snowman eating people, making sense is for losers!

Proud SyFy vets UFO International drop this tale of man vs. beast (Originally titled Deadly Descent), which follows a similar structure as most of the creature features, so it’s all down to details. While not being a bad example, Abominable Snowman is by the numbers, it does what it does and that’s what we got. The things to distinguish it from other creature features is not the monster, but the vast amount of skiing and snowboarding.

Every character is either active military, a vet, or going into the military. This means they drop military terms like candy at a parade. They’re also all experience mountaineers and skiers thanks to the nearby slopes, so those hobby terms are used all the time as well. I’m not experience enough at mountaineering and skiing to know if they were making sense or blabbing a bunch of nonsense, but I shall give them some leeway here. The military aspect defines the characters. They’re trapped in a small town, the only way out is to go into the army and see the world. Everyone’s friends join up, and the only jobs left is bartending for the broken vets who return. A main character Brian suffers from PTSD, as does at least one of the supporting cast. Adrian Paul’s helicopter pilot character returned from war an empty man and got into substance abuse troubles. Other characters argue about whether to reenlist, how it will disrupt their lives vs. the potential benefits and ability to do something interesting. It’s an evenhanded approach that doesn’t take sides, just shows reality. The variety of military characters as opposed to the usually cliche military nut is what I liked best about Abominable Snowman.

Hi, we’re yetis, but usually we disguise ourselves as ellipses!

Director Marko Makilaakso helmed War of the Dead, which ran out of money and sat on a shelf for years. I haven’t seen it. Beyond that, he’s done a lot of documentary work. Writer Nathan Atkins also wrote Super Tanker and Cold Fusion, but before all this he angered a bunch of people who like a terrible movie too much when he wrote the DTV sequel, S. Darko.

The biggest disappointment is that the monster CGI just a few simple repeated movements, and beyond that we rarely see the creatures. As someone who likes lots of monster shots and shots of monsters doing things, this was disappointing. Beyond that, this ski route has seen a lot of snow bunnies slide down it. So in the end, the needle moves back to average but not terrible.

	Brian Tanner (Chuck Campbell) – Obsessed Afghan vet who loses a friend hiking the same way he lost a father 25 years ago – via Abominable Snowman attack. Connecting the dots, Brian goes looking for the monster, and ends up finding him! Uh-oh! Chuck Campbell shows up in Jason X.
	Nina Tanner (Lauren O’Neil) – Brian’s sister, was going to head off to officer’s training until her bro went missing. Now she has to go all Where’s Waldo and fight a monster that killed her dad.
	Rick McCabe (Nicholas Boulton) – Guy sort of with Nina, which makes Brian uncomfortable because his sister is so young. Rick is a natural leader who takes charge of the search for Brian.
	Mark (Adrian Paul) – Pilot and combat vet. Mark was in a helicopter crash, where he was accused of being too drunk to fly. Now drinks milk to forget and argues about his reputation.
	Abominable Snowmen (CGI) – The fierce creatures of Glacier Peak, eating everyone they meet.

I should’ve had a V8!

InBad, Movie Reviews

Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness

May 3, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness

aka Dungeons & Dragons 3

2012
Written by Brian Rudnick
Directed by Gerry Lively

The horrors of Lasik!

Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness. D&D: The Threequel. D&D: Chipwrecked. Known by many names, Dungeons & Dragons 3 still manages to become a SyFy original and pack in some fun. While there is no comparison to big budgeted blockbusters where characters slice down armies of orcs, for a small adventure things are peachy keen. +2 axe keen.

Where do we stand? Well, it is still a hell of a lot better than Dungeons & Dragons. But Dungeons & Dragons 2 is slightly more charming. That isn’t to say Dungeons & Dragons 3 isn’t good. It’s actually pretty entertaining. I would say it is equally as good as the second one, if only because they switch things up and have us follow around a gang of evil adventurers who aren’t afraid to slaughter innocent people and rob and kill each other. It’s the cool things like this that make you want to watch more films that follow around a bunch of amoral people. And it’s also how some of the funner D&D campaigns go, as your characters just loot, murder, and plunder the countryside while becoming the most powerful and the most wanted people out there.

This dragon is ET!

We see the return of the director and writer of Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God for this new installment, Gerry Lively and Brian Rudnick. Their familiarity with the subject matter and how to make a film that isn’t terrible helped save this franchise from becoming the gigantic joke the original installment made it. The Book of Vile Darkness is an actual book for D&D as well as being an item in the game. The book was controversial upon release, as it was the first D&D book for mature audiences and some claimed it validated the old complaints about Dungeons & Dragons being evil. Others were a bit more rational with their reception.

In the film, each character gets effects and has their own motivations for why they are doing what they are doing. Some have tragic back stories, some are just in search of interesting lives, and some are just giant dicks. Akordia has neat effects where she can teleport her hands to far away to do things, which are put to great use like when she needs to slap Grayson for being an idiot again. It’s fun seeing how such powers would actually be used as opposed to just them being used in random battles. There is some great flavor, and some neat concepts for some of the monsters, particularly the very creepy undead child, and the disturbing evil Lord who has his mouth sewn shut, but still speaks through his chained twin female slaves.

Mrs. Gollum!

Grayson’s quest to save his father and thus save the world forces him into positions that betray the oaths he swore, but they are the only way to do the job of saving the world. Grayson’s choices (and eventual reveal as being way more powerful morally than his father because he compromises on his principles) is an interesting story branch, and makes you wonder how it plays out in a grander scheme. Do Grayson’s choices to kill people and ally with bad men equate with some of the awful things the US does on its War on Terror? Is this like a Jack Bauer situation, in that Grayson truly doesn’t have another alternative? Grayson does do bad things, but they are done to bad people who are planning to do even worse things. In a matter of principles, his hands aren’t as dirty as they might be, but to the values that the Knights he belong to, he doesn’t measure up to the oaths. But that doesn’t matter, as his commitment and character is what activates his magic amulet, something more pure members of the Knights were never able to do. Following the Dungeons & Dragons alignment system, Grayson moves from Lawful Good to Chaotic Good, but he never really steps outside of the good sphere. So it isn’t an abandonment of the Good principle, even if he isn’t the pure Lawful Good he wanted to be.

	Grayson Azrael (Jack Derges) – Heroic newly initiated Knight who is the lone survivor of an ambush and must now join with some unseemly scum in order to rescue his father. Finds out the real world is far more complicated than the rules he agreed to as a Knight.
	Akordia (Eleanor Gecks) – Witch who is out to have a good time terrorizing the masses for fun and profit. Unexpectedly falls for Grayson despite him being a goody-goody.
	Bezz (Barry Aird) – The coolest character proves that evil people rule. Bezz is a vermin lord, literally made of bugs. He has extendable eyes and other weird powers. Gives Grayson a neat warning about a raccoon grabbing an apple from a box that Grayson doesn’t pick up on. Is not opposed to causing massive chaos to alleviate his boredom.
	Vimak (Habib Nasib Nader) – Barbarian member of the evil party who is looking for gold to get revenge against the village that slighted him as a wounded child. Doesn’t care that his revenge will impact many people.
	Seith (Lex Daniel) – Evil rogue and thief who is totally into the concept of the strong dominating the weak, to the point where he yaks about it constantly. He never shuts up about it. Ends up becoming very weak in the end.

The worst modern dance ever.

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