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Friday Killer

12 Disasters of Christmas on SyFy!

12 Disasters of Christmas

What happens when 12 lords a’leaping leap while drunk? The 12 Disasters of Christmas!

On Jacey’s 18th birthday, strange things begin to happen: water turns red, tornados appear out of nowhere, and massive ice spears come shooting out of the sky. When Jacey is told she is the ‘chosen’ one, she soon realizes that she is the only one who has the power to stop the impending doom. Using an ancient book of Mayan prophecies, Jacey and her father must figure out how to stop the twelve disasters that begin the countdown to the end the world!

Looks like Jacey’s got a date…with the Anti-Christ! And he’s worse than anyone you find on OKCupid. Okay, maybe not these guys. But he’s still pretty bad and the world is ending thanks to Mayans or something, so Jacey’s got her work cut out for her! By the way, Jacey’s parents are named Joseph and Mary, so if you can’t figure out the “Jacey” joke, I really don’t have time to explain it. Watch that Charlie Brown Christmas special where Linus explains it.

December 8th is the day we will long remember. Hopefully those eight maids a milking get done soon so I can make some white Russians and forget.

Steven R. Monroe directs, Ed Quinn and Magda Apanowicz star.

Yellow Line

Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness rolls a d20 on SyFy!

November 24th is the SyFy premiere of Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness, the third feature in the Dungeons & Dragons film franchise. It’s got floating hands, the Phantom of the Opera, exploding dudes, a chick who makes goths look like amateurs with all her piercings and tattoos, a giant orcish dude, a CGI dragon, and smokey swords. It looks craptacularly delicious!

Two thousand years ago, Nhagruul the Foul, a sorcerer who reveled in corrupting the innocent and the spread of despair, neared the end of his mortal days and was dismayed. Consumed by hatred for the living, Nhagruul sold his soul to the demon Lords of the abyss so that his malign spirit would survive. In an excruciating ritual, Nhagrulls skin was flayed into pages, his bones hammered into a cover, and his diseased blood became the ink to pen a book most vile. All those exposed to the book were driven to madness or so corrupted by the wicked knowledge contained within that they had no choice but to turn evil. Misery and bloodshed followed the disciples of Nhagruul as they spread their Masters dark dream. Creatures vile and depraved rose from every pit and unclean barrow to partake in the fever of destruction. The cities and kingdoms of Karkoth were consumed by this plague of evil until an order of warriors arose from the ashes. The Knights of the New Sun swore an oath to resurrect hope in the land. The purity of their hearts was so great that Pelor, the God of Light, gave the Knights powerful amulets with which to channel his power. Transcendent with divine might, the Knights of the New Sun pierced the shadow that had darkened the land for twelve hundred years and cast it asunder. But not all were awed by their glory. The disciples of Nhagruul disassembled the book and bribed three greedy souls to hide the pieces until they could be retrieved. The ink was discovered and destroyed but, despite years of searching, the cover and pages were never found. Peace ruled the land for centuries and the Knights got lost in the light of their own glory. As memory of the awful events faded so did the power of servants of Pelor. They unwittingly abandoned themselves in the incorrect belief that the Book of Vile Darkness could never again be made whole

Don’t worry if you didn’t know there was a third Dungeons & Dragons film, because that also means you don’t know there is also a fourth one in production! don’t forget to check out our reviews of the original Dungeons & Dragons and the surprisingly okay first sequel, Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God. Will The Book of Vile Darkness keep up the trend? Ask our friends in the UK, as the flick is already on DVD there!

Dungeons & Dragons The Book of Vile Darkness
Dungeons & Dragons The Book of Vile Darkness

Ghost Storm rages on SyFy


November 10 sees the premier of Ghost Storm, the true story of a storm that was full of ghosts that attacked the planet. Or some random small island so we can save on extra expenses. As the plot sez:

An action packed chase led by Hal and Ashley to save the people on this small island from a strange electrical storm which is led by angry souls from a mass suicide looking for revenge.

So they’re storm chasers? Ghost storm chasers. Was the mass suicide some dumb cult, and then everyone is mad that there was no alien spaceship to take them away so they become evil rainclouds? It’s sad when your religion is a bit off, but that’s no reason to go all crazy. Just suck it up and help water some farmer’s fields, you jerks! This is a SyFy channel original flick, so expect lots of ghosts and storms and CGI craziness and actors who were on popular shows a few years ago.
Crystal Allen, Carlos Bernard, and Aaron Douglas star. Ghost Storm is written and directed by Paul Ziller, of Sea Beast and Snakehead Terror fame.

Ghost Storm

The Surgeon General is going to put so many warnings on this film!

Rise of the Zombies on SyFy Saturday

Rise of the Zombies

Rise of the Zombies is not about zombie Viagra as far as I can tell, but it does have French Stewart as a zombie survivalist. Along with Mariel Hemingway, LeVar Burton, Danny Trejo, and Ethan Suplee, they hang out on Alcatraz, until zombies overrun it and they have to go searching for a cure across an overrun America. Rise of the Zombies airs October 27. I couldn’t find a trailer, but there are a series of interviews at this link.

Pegasus vs Chimera and Aladdin and the Death Lamp – SyFy Creature Features!

Pegasus vs Chimera

When do I get to fight Sharktopus???


The Earth is still spinning on its axis, so SyFy is producing more monster flicks! And we got a double-feature on our hands for September 15th. The movie formerly known as The Blood of Pegasus has been renamed Pegasus vs Chimera in proper SyFy fashion, and will be starting off our monster event. John Bradshaw takes a break from directing endless Christmas movies, while Nazneen Contractor, Rae Dawn Chong, and Sebastian Roché star. The only plot synopsis I’ve found is

The magical steed Pegasus goes head to head with the hellish Chimera

So, yeah, CGI bloodbath!!!!! Pegasus vs Chimera starts at 7 (6 central), and is followed by…

Aladdin and the Death Lamp! A film I could find even less information about. Kandyse McClure and Noam Jenkins are listed as starring in it, but I don’t know if they are aware as it isn’t on their IMDB lists yet. What we do know is just:

To save the world, Aladdin must wager everything to get an evil Jinn back into his lamp.

That’s right, the genie in the lamp is a jerk! Can we get Genie vs Ifrit? Maybe someday… Aladdin and the Death Lamp slays its way to your small screen at 9 (8 central)

Be there. Because where else are you going to find killer genie flicks? Kazaam 2?

Aladdin and the Death Lamp

Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three! I'm on the job, you big nabob, you ain't never had a friend...

From yearbook ban to SyFy to the slammer

It’s just one of those years for Sydney Spies. First she explodes across the internet when her racy yearbook photo is banned from her high school yearbook, a shot that featured her not wearing much clothing. This lead to lots of media attention. And as she’s an aspiring actress/model, it also lead to a role in the upcoming SyFy channel original feature American Horror House, airing on Halloween! It’s sure to be a smash hit with a title that doesn’t even have a monster name.

But don’t think this story is all happiness and roses and unicorn poo, because Sydney Spies and her mom Denise “Miki” Spies were arrested! There was a party at the Spies place filled with alleged underage drinkers, and when the cops came to break it up, Miki Spies tried to herd some of the underage kids inside the house (other kids ran and jumped over fences!) Then Miki Spies refused to give identification and tried to run from the cops. As providing a place for underage kids to drink is a crime, she got arrested after a brief scuffle. Sydney Spies allegedly tried to block the police from entering the home, and then resisted arrest when they handcuffed her! And she tried to escape from a police car! So she gets thrown in the slammer as well.

Now, we all do dumb things as a kid, but this is an increasingly media-centric world, hiding from dumb things you did as a kid is going to get harder. And the reality tv lifestyle also doesn’t encourage good behavior, because that doesn’t make headlines. Whether Sydney Spies succeeds or fails in her attempt to become a legitimate actress will probably not be affected by her having drinks at 18, but fighting with cops is the sort of thing that might hint you aren’t easy to work with. I hope Sydney Spies does do better, and this is just the last bump on the road of her life’s adventures. But she’ll probably just be on some terrible reality show next year.

Sooo…. be sure to watch American Horror House on SyFy! Where the horror is underage drinking.

via The Durango Herald
Facebook gallery of Sydney Spies photoshoot heresci

Sydney Spies
Sydney Spies Arrested

American Horror House plot:

Sigma Delta Phi is one of the most prestigious sororities located on the East Coast. Home to an international collective of artistic students from the Stendhal University of the Creative and Performing Arts, it’s a sorority steeped in a rich, untainted history. Nonetheless, dark secrets dwell beneath the cracks of Sigma Delta Phi. Some are spoken – rumors of ghosts and other supernatural occurrences. Others are ignored (the mysterious cries residents hear every third Sunday, the odd spectral indentations at the end of the bed and the seemingly ageless sorority house mother). When Joanna, a new student dies under mysterious circumstances, the police rule it as an accident (others blame the ghost). One year later though, the sorority is still reeling from this ghastly blemish on their impeccable record. When freshman Daria arrives at the school and joins the sorority, she’s heard all the rumors of ghosts and wants to prove that it’s all a hoax. What she discovers is that Joanna’s death was actually the result of a Hazing gone wrong (not ghosts – it was a cover-up). The problem is, Joanna is now haunting the sorority and she’s out for revenge on the sorority on the eve of her death on Halloween night one year ago. With the sorority’s annual Halloween bash in full swing, the sister begin to die horrible deaths one after another – it’s up to Daria and her fellow “sister” Sarah to figure out how to put Joanna’s spirit at rest before they end up her final victims. That is, if the grueling hazing ritual they’ve been sucked into doesn’t kill them first.

Darin Scott directs, and Morgan Fairchild also stars!