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Green People rumored to be taking over the box office!

Yoda hulk

With the rumors/news of both Marvel’s far future plans for their films and the Star Wars stand alone flick, it would seem that the box office will be getting a bit greener, and not from the cash these films will rake in.

It’s not really a spoiler any more, since several sites rushed over each other to post the news in the headlines of their damn articles, but Latino-Review quoted a source as saying that the Phase 3 Marvel films will include Planet Hulk and World War Hulk. This presumably means that Hulk will be shot into space either at the end of Avengers 2 or the beginning of Planet Hulk. Then by the time Avengers 3 comes about, Hulk will return and be very angry. If you’ve never read the Planet Hulk comics, you literally need to drop everything (even your baby!) and run out and read the comics. It is one of my favorite stories of the past decade, and even got me reading comics again after a long absence (though I went back to ignoring comics again as the last few series I followed have ended and Hulk got really stupid after WWH.) Planet Hulk is basically Hulk transported into a John Carter of Mars style story. It’s full of pulpy goodness, monsters, zombies, fighting, more fighting, evil kings being evil, and weirdo aliens. It’s even been turned into a cartoon feature (though they neglect to include the ending that causes Hulk to return for World War Hulk!)

So needless to say, I hope this part of the rumor is true.

Secondly, the other big rumor is there might be a Yoda stand alone film, possibly an origin story. I personally don’t give a frak about Yoda’s origin and hope it stays mysterious forever, but a Yoda adventure could be cool if done right. But I have no reason to think it will be done right. I also have no reason to think this won’t make a bajillion dollars no matter how done wrong it is. Despite my dark, bitter heart, I know this will be a cash cow and can see why some people are excited. So I will be cautiously optimistic, because that sounds positive even though I can easily spin it into “I told you so, suckers!” when Yoda starts rapping.

With all this green, it is the perfect time for a John Carter (of Mars, dammit!) sequel! Do it, Disney!

Weekend Linkend

I transferred the site over to a VPS this past weekend, learning fun things like Linux and Apache and how to rebuild Apache. Most major issues look fine, just one or two smaller things to clean up. Which means I’ll have time to write more posts and try to make up for all the traffic lost during the multiple times the site was suspended for using too many resources!

While all that was happening, movie news was still raining from Heaven. Dang it, world, still going on while I’m busy! What a jerk… So let’s look at some!

**DurianDave at Softfilm had a song mix on Zoë Baxter’s Lucky Cat radio show, and he did a song-by-song breakdown of all his choices.

**Production storyboards from 15 classic flicks

**The coolest lawsuit of 2012 has happened thanks to some nutter from Belize who claims that some Americans stole a crystal skull from Mayan ruins 88 years ago, and since Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull had a crystal skull in it, it was an unauthorized use of the likeness. Is he asking for a bunch of money from Indiana Jones’ new owner, Disney? You bet! Is his attorney a bankruptcy attorney from Illinois? Of course! Should this lawsuit be thrown out so hard it breaks the sound barrier? Damn skippy!

Just wait until Westinghouse hears about the fridge in the film!

**A story about Captain America that is cool

**Robert Zemeckis was doing the press rounds because of Flight and said that the Roger Rabbit 2 script is written and they are just waiting for Disney to get around to financing it. It would be hand drawn and set in the past like the original, the only difference is it will be 3D.

**Tron 3 has gotten a writer and is going forward (probably due to Wreck-It Ralph making so much dough!) despite the second one being terrible and no one at all caring. When this gets close to release, it’s time to short Disney stock again…

**Speaking of Disney losing money, they’re also planning to do a Don Quixote flick with Johnny Depp, but it doesn’t look like it’s the famous The Man Who Killed Don Quixote film that Terry Gilliam was making at one point with Depp when everything fell apart as shown in the documentary Lost in La Mancha.

**Ready Player One‘s author Ernie Cline is writing a new book called Armada and it’s already optioned for a film at Universal. All we know is:

the ultimate wish fulfillment to every videogame fan on the planet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s The Last Starfighter except with more gamer callbacks.

**Lifetime and Jennifer Love Hewitt are bringing us Mrs. G’s Bigger Love, which is based on a few fantasy posts at the blog Derfwad Manor. The posts are a gender-reversal of Big Love, where the character Gatticio is a female polygamist married to Hollywood hunks like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Ben Affleck. You can read some of the entries via this link near the bottom. It took me a minute to figure out that this was just a few posts being optioned and not the blog itself, which is a middle age woman blog and outside the scope of a blog I would read at all. The gender reversal and fantasy aspects should do well on Lifetime, and hopefully we get some cool internet freak out action once the rest of the world catches wind of Mrs. G’s Bigger Love.

**Kevin Smith basically announced he’s doing Clerks 3 via Twitter. That’s all we know at this point.

**Can’t Stop the Movies meets Dodes’ka-den!

**It’s a CRIMEWAVE! at TheCulturalGutter!

**FourDK goes to the isle of Iodo!

**Exploderbutton presses The Rains of Ranchipur and Bonjour Tristesse!

**NinjaDixon must take some Executive Action!

**The Deadly Doll meets the Junkyard Dog!

**Monster Island Resort chats about gore!

**Here is a Hungarian Star Wars poster from 1977
Hungarian Star Wars

Links killed the dinosaurs!

You can’t trust links, they kill everything…

**Movie critic told not to review films with strong female leads. Skip most of this rambling blog and scroll down to read the email from the guy.

snow white and the huntsman is trash. moral garbage. a lot of fuzzy feminist thinking and pandering to creepy hollywood mores produced by metrosexual imbeciles.

I don’t want to publish reviews of films where women are alpha and men are beta.

where women are heroes and villains and men are just lesser versions or shadows of females.

i believe in manliness.

**There’s gonna be a Johnny Carson biopic! John McLaughlin will write, Tom Thayer will produce and it’s going to be based off of the biography Carson The Magnificent: An Intimate Portrait by Bill Zehme book.

**Triplets has a writer! You know Triplets, the sequel to Twins, which starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito as brothers, that will incorporate Eddie Murphy as a third brother. Somehow. We thought it was a joke but now Josh Gad (Book of Mormon) and Ryan Dixon are collecting a paycheck to write a script, so the joke is on us. I hope they continue the tradition of having the villain get hundreds of feet of chains dropped on his head.

**I’m still not going to report Episode VII director rumors until one is confirmed, because anything else is pointless garbage.
Bloom County Star Wars

**Dino Time 3D is a real movie opening soon!

**Support the Cultural Gutter‘s IndieGoGo or be destroyed! The Cultural Gutter lost their grant and need some $$$ to keep the lights on!

**Clown Dad.

**TarsTarkas.NET is too popular and has outgrown our shared hosting, so soon we’ll be switching to a VPS, as soon as I figure out what the heck to do to make that happen. Until then, we have to run in a crippled mode to not set off the wrath of our webhost and get suspended again.

**FourDK has become a Man Chased by a UFO!

**Can’t Stop the Movies takes Lincoln to the theater!

**3 Guys battle Piranha!

**TheVern needs to Step Up! 3D!

Until next time everyone, remember to walk the dinosaur!

Yellow Line

All You Need Is Links

All the news that if you didn’t read it, it’s news to you!

**Alexa Vega in Machete Kills:
Alexa Vega Machete 2

**Michael Arndt, who helped write Toy Story 3, is writing Star Wars Episode VII. No word on a director yet except for a different rumor every day, all of which we’re ignoring.

**Collider has the first picture of Tom Cruise in All You Need is Kill, a movie titled by my 7 year old self. It’s basically Groundhog Day vs. Starship Troopers and is based on a manga by Hiroshi Sakurazaka. Emily Blunt and Bill Paxton costar.

The story unfolds in a near future in which a hive-like alien race, called Mimics, have hit the Earth in an unrelenting assault, shredding great cities to rubble and leaving millions of human casualties in their wake. No army in the world can match the speed, brutality or seeming prescience of the weaponized Mimic fighters or their telepathic commanders. But now the world’s armies have joined forces for a last stand offensive against the alien horde, with no second chances.

Lt. Col. Bill Cage (Cruise) is an officer who has never seen a day of combat when he is unceremoniously demoted and then dropped—untrained and ill-equipped—into what amounts to little more than a suicide mission. Cage is killed within minutes, managing to take an Alpha down with him. But, impossibly, he awakens back at the beginning of the same hellish day, and is forced to fight and die again…and again. Direct physical contact with the alien has thrown him into a time loop—dooming him to live out the same brutal combat over and over.

But with each pass, Cage becomes tougher, smarter, and able to engage the Mimics with increasing skill, alongside Special Forces warrior Rita Vrataski (Blunt), who has lain waste to more Mimics than anyone on Earth. As Cage and Rita take the fight to the aliens, each repeated battle becomes an opportunity to find the key to annihilating the alien invaders and saving the Earth.

All You Need is Kill

**Serial murderer Nancy Grace has a book called The Eleventh Victim which became a Lifetime movie starring World Metta Peace and a pill-popping Jennie Garth.

**Ninja Dixon sketches the Mark of the Devil!

**And You Thought It Was Safe examines The Creature Walks Among Us

**Will The Man with the Iron Fists stop Can’t Stop The Movies?

**Speaking of CSTM, the Pre-Code Follies have been moved to their own site, Pre-Code.com!

**CinemaKatz is cursed by The Raven!

**TheVern dances The FP!

Until next time, which will be later today!

Disney buys Lucasfilm, immediately greenlights Star Wars Episode 7

Disney just bought Lucasfilm for $4 billion in stock and cash and has greenlit Star Wars Episode 7 at .5 past lightspeed, literally in the press release announcement of the deal. Just keep in mind that now that Disney owns Marvel and Lucasfilm, those green bunnies from the Marvel Comics are now canon!

Yes, Star Wars Episode 7 – Lepi Everywhere!!

Jaxxon Lepi

What’s up, Darth?

Here’s the full press release:

BURBANK, Calif. & SAN FRANCISCO–(BUSINESS WIRE)– Continuing its strategy of delivering exceptional creative content to audiences around the world, The Walt Disney Company (NYSE:DIS) has agreed to acquire Lucasfilm Ltd. in a stock and cash transaction. Lucasfilm is 100% owned by Lucasfilm Chairman and Founder, George Lucas.

Under the terms of the agreement and based on the closing price of Disney stock on October 26, 2012, the transaction value is $4.05 billion, with Disney paying approximately half of the consideration in cash and issuing approximately 40 million shares at closing. The final consideration will be subject to customary post-closing balance sheet adjustments.

“Lucasfilm reflects the extraordinary passion, vision, and storytelling of its founder, George Lucas,” said Robert A. Iger, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of The Walt Disney Company. “This transaction combines a world-class portfolio of content including Star Wars, one of the greatest family entertainment franchises of all time, with Disney’s unique and unparalleled creativity across multiple platforms, businesses, and markets to generate sustained growth and drive significant long-term value.”

“For the past 35 years, one of my greatest pleasures has been to see Star Wars passed from one generation to the next,” said George Lucas, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Lucasfilm. “It’s now time for me to pass Star Wars on to a new generation of filmmakers. I’ve always believed thatStar Wars could live beyond me, and I thought it was important to set up the transition during my lifetime. I’m confident that with Lucasfilm under the leadership of Kathleen Kennedy, and having a new home within the Disney organization, Star Wars will certainly live on and flourish for many generations to come. Disney’s reach and experience give Lucasfilm the opportunity to blaze new trails in film, television, interactive media, theme parks, live entertainment, and consumer products.”

Under the deal, Disney will acquire ownership of Lucasfilm, a leader in entertainment, innovation and technology, including its massively popular and “evergreen” Star Wars franchise and its operating businesses in live action film production, consumer products, animation, visual effects, and audio post production. Disney will also acquire the substantial portfolio of cutting-edge entertainment technologies that have kept audiences enthralled for many years. Lucasfilm, headquartered in San Francisco, operates under the names Lucasfilm Ltd., LucasArts, Industrial Light & Magic, and Skywalker Sound, and the present intent is for Lucasfilm employees to remain in their current locations.

Kathleen Kennedy, current Co-Chairman of Lucasfilm, will become President of Lucasfilm, reporting to Walt Disney Studios Chairman Alan Horn. Additionally she will serve as the brand manager for Star Wars, working directly with Disney’s global lines of business to build, further integrate, and maximize the value of this global franchise. Ms. Kennedy will serve as executive producer on new Star Warsfeature films, with George Lucas serving as creative consultant. Star Wars Episode 7 is targeted for release in 2015, with more feature films expected to continue the Star Wars saga and grow the franchise well into the future.

The acquisition combines two highly compatible family entertainment brands, and strengthens the long-standing beneficial relationship between them that already includes successful integration of Star Wars content into Disney theme parks in Anaheim, Orlando, Paris and Tokyo.

Driven by a tremendously talented creative team, Lucasfilm’s legendary Star Wars franchise has flourished for more than 35 years, and offers a virtually limitless universe of characters and stories to drive continued feature film releases and franchise growth over the long term. Star Wars resonates with consumers around the world and creates extensive opportunities for Disney to deliver the content across its diverse portfolio of businesses including movies, television, consumer products, games and theme parks. Star Wars feature films have earned a total of $4.4 billion in global box to date, and continued global demand has made Star Wars one of the world’s top product brands, and Lucasfilm a leading product licensor in the United States in 2011. The franchise provides a sustainable source of high quality, branded content with global appeal and is well suited for new business models including digital platforms, putting the acquisition in strong alignment with Disney’s strategic priorities for continued long-term growth.

The Lucasfilm acquisition follows Disney’s very successful acquisitions of Pixar and Marvel, which demonstrated the company’s unique ability to fully develop and expand the financial potential of high quality creative content with compelling characters and storytelling through the application ofinnovative technology and multiplatform distribution on a truly global basis to create maximum value. Adding Lucasfilm to Disney’s portfolio of world class brands significantly enhances the company’s ability to serve consumers with a broad variety of the world’s highest-quality content and to create additional long-term value for our shareholders.

The Boards of Directors of Disney and Lucasfilm have approved the transaction, which is subject to clearance under the Hart-Scott-Rodino Antitrust Improvements Act, certain non-United States merger control regulations, and other customary closing conditions. The agreement has been approved by the sole shareholder of Lucasfilm.

Check out this AWFUL 3D Star Wars Episode 1 Trailer


Yes, it’s cool to hate Lucas, but seriously, Episode 1, SERIOUSLY? You need to check out this trailer monstrosity designed to sucker poor innocent kids into seeing this film. The narration. THE NARRATION!! My brain…melted on the floor…out my ears…

For those of you who are lucky, you will be unaware that this trailer is narrated in the style of the Disney BLAM! If you aren’t lucky, then you clicked that link and are now wondering why there is a moron explaining everything happening during the cartoon and saying lame jokes. Apparently kids these days are wet cardboard box stupid or something.

At least check out this Disney BLAM! parody

Disney Star Wars