Wyvern

2009
Written by Jason Bourque
Directed by Steven R. Monroe

Do you guys have those pancakes with chocolate chips in them? Mansquito really turned me onto them…

Wyvern is a generic title for a generic movie about a thawed out tiny dragon that terrorizes an isolated town until it’s killed by a stunt from a 1950s teenage rebel movie. If you think this sound generic enough to be a SciFi Channel (aka SyFy) original flick, then you win a gold star!

Director Steven R. Monroe is a SyFy machine, helming flicks such as Sasquatch Mountain, Ogre, Jabberwock, Mongolian Death Worm, and Ice Twisters. Writer Jason Bourque both writes and directs B-grade schlock such as Beyond Loch Ness, Metal Tornado, Dark Storm, and Doomsday Prophecy. So this are experienced hands here.

The most hardcore rock station Alaska has ever seen!

As Wyvern takes place in Alaska and we got two stars of Northern Exposure in the cast (3 if you count the bloody moose head!), so it is fun to pretend this is sort of an epilogue to the series, especially since I was never that into the show and only casually watched it. So let’s enjoy this fanfic version where all the beloved characters are eaten by a dragon! (Excuse me…a wyvern!)

If this happened more often I’d actually watch Ice Truckers!

The big problem with Wyvern is it is a bit too by the numbers. It doesn’t do anything beyond what it is, a simple monster flick. Now, I don’t expect every film I watch to have all sorts of hidden meaning and cool things going on. That’s why I make up crazy things like the Northern Exposure connection. But I do believe with working with what you have, and that wasn’t achieved, and the film is poorer for it. So what could have been exceptional is instead just average. It isn’t bad, it’s even fun. But it was so close to being over the top, and floundered. It makes me sad just thinking about it. So instead of making frowny faces, let’s enjoy us some monster mayhem!!

Jake Suttner (Nick Chinlund) – Just your average trucker getting over the the death of his brother by killing a giant thawed out wyvern to save a tiny town. Claire (Erin Karpluk) – Owns a cafe and is the love interest, because there are only like three women in this town. Haas (Barry Corbin) – The richest man in Alaska has now become a hillbilly! We’re through the looking glass here, folks! Deputy Susie Barnes (Elaine Miles) – Hey, it’s me, that lady from Northern Exposure you recognize sort of and then went on to do little. Does little here. Vinyl Hampton (Tinsel Korey) – The radio DJ for the local low-watt station that just seems to employ her and no one else. This was her pre-werewolf days, for all you Twilight fans out there. Farley (Simon Longmore) – Local resident who just wants to grill. He plays checkers by himself, and I don’t mean Nixon’s dog. Colonel Travis Sherman (Don S. Davis) – TarsTarkas.NET salutes the late, great Don S. Davis, here playing a complete nutter who gets chomped. There seems to be a lot of mental illness in this tiny town. Chief Dawson (John Shaw) – The chief and the only sensible guy in town. So he’s dead… Wyvern (CGI) – If you think penguins marched, just wait until you get a load of this guy! Wyvern has come out from the ice to eat and eat and eat like some sort of prehistoric jerk!

How quickly do you think we’re gonna die? Very quickly.