It’s that time again, time time, when RiffTrax drops another new VOD title! Fangs of the Living Dead is the kind of film that will make you long for the days of Twilight. Or at least, make you long for the days you watched better Euro-horror. From Italy, land of 10,000 movies, Fangs of the Living Dead will be certain to give bite to those wanting a cool fix of riffing fun. Okay, just check out this sample.

Even before Prime Minister Berlusconi brought fame to Italy with his countless deviant and reprehensible acts, it was a sexy, saucy nation. And, according to its old horror movies, it’s also full of sexy, saucy, abandoned castles, owned by sexy, saucy, possibly dead but still wealthy men. And of course, most important of all, lots of sexy, saucy, scantily clad women to explore these castles and gasp at basically everything they see. As you might have guessed, our new feature Fangs of the Living Dead is loaded with your daily recommended intake of exactly this kind of Sexy Sauce (now available at Arby’s).

Leading the way is Anita Ekberg, known for being Miss Sweden, her role in Fellini’s La Dolce Vita, and most of all for going out of her way to keep people from finding out she played “the most beautiful model in Italy” in Fangs of the Living Dead about 10 years after all that.

Anita is summoned by her “uncle,” aka the Italian Vincent Price, to a remote castle he claims is her inheritance. What she discovers leads to a shocking twist ending, one SO shocking that not even the filmmakers knew it was coming – seriously, they made the movie one way and at the last minute the producers made them tack on a twist ending that makes no sense. See if you notice! (you will absolutely notice)

Ease into your most practical dungeon-exploring negligee and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Fangs of the Living Dead!

Yes, there is a movie called Firehead! I was as surprised as you, and I generally know about these things so it takes a lot for a title to surprise. But Firehead exists, and it stars some guy and Jack Lemmon’s son and looks godawful. Which means the RiffTrax must be amazing! Find out today!

You know you’re in for a treat when we were considering starting this description, “When an Estonian cyborg defects to America…”

This Estonian cyborg, as you’ve come to expect from Estonian cyborgs by this point in time, is the ultimate killing machine. Played by The Actor You Get When Reb Brown is Making Something Even Crappier, he possesses the devastating ability to shoot lasers out of his eyes! For this reason he is called LaserEyes. Er, The Blinkinator. Maybe Cyclops from X-Men. No, it was Firehead! He’s called Firehead, since he can shoot fire lasers from his head eyes.

Who’s the most suitable man to track down Firehead and ensure that he doesn’t go on a rampage? Did you say Chris Lemmon, son of screen legend Jack? Of course you didn’t. Did you know he existed? Well, have you ever seen someone really commit themselves to a terrible Jack Lemmon impression? Right, of course you haven’t. But take our word for it, Chris makes a strong case that the true villain of this movie is Hollywood Nepotism.

Actually, the real villain is a shadowy organization known as The Upper Order, which plots the beginning of World War III from a rented conference room at the airport Ramada. They are led by another legend, Oscar winner Christopher Plummer, who was having so much fun that he brought along fellow Oscar winner Martin Landau. Rumor has it they almost convinced Orson Welles to come along too, but he wanted to spend his twilight years pursuing dignified, artistHAHA! We almost made it through that sentence!

Join Mike, Kevin and Bill, all Estonian defectors themselves, as they riff LaserEy Firehead!

RiffTrax is back (bax?) with another VOD feature, Dr. Who and the Daleks. The true story of how Peter Cushing was Dr. Who and fought those robots that look like mailboxes with plungers on them. This is the perfect film to play for that guy who keeps talking about how the new Dr. Who series is totally cool, because after that he’ll leave you alone. Dr. Who and the Daleks will bring one thing, and that’s quiet time! Maybe you will even have enough quiet time to watch all the RiffTrax VODs you have fallen behind on watching, much like me. Not all of us have a time traveling phone booth to give us more time to watch movies. Yet.

Available at RiffTrax.com!

ATTENTION, WHOVIANS! (For the uninitiated, that is not something Jay-Z yells at the beginning of a song, it’s a name for Doctor Who fans)

Before Matt Smith, before David Tennant, before Christopher Eccleston, before even the scarf and afro guy, there was Peter Cushing. Well, not before, exactly, because this feature-length movie isn’t a canonical part of the Doctor Who universe or storyline. So it’s sort of more adjacent, than before. It’s nearby, if nothing else. Approximate, at least. Like, Dr. Who is in it! But instead of a mysterious Timelord alien, he’s kind of just a confused human grandpa with the last name Who. But he does have a TARDIS! Of course, instead of a disguised alien craft it’s just, like, this junky thing he made with his granddaughter. Oh yeah, he hangs out with his granddaughters. Yeah. But then they travel through space and fight the most classic Dr. Who bad guys of all, the Daleks! Of course, in this imagining of Dr. Who, the Daleks are just some dopey trashcan looking guys with plungers sticking out of ‘em that talk funny — oh, that’s how they still are? Seriously?? PERFECT! IT’S CANON AFTER ALL!

So no matter how much you know, don’t know, or don’t want to know about Dr. Who, this movie will fill your needs. Plus, the RiffTrax itself is totally canon, and an official part of the Mike, Kevin, and Bill timeline (unlike that regrettable one-off TV special, “RiffTrax goes to Hawaii”, which shall never be spoken of again). Exterminate Dr. Who and the Daleks today!

Why do I like these RiffTrax VODs? Is is because all I need to do is write up a paragraph and then copy/paste a whole bunch? Is it because they are a good deal and varied enough that there is bound to be something you are interested in? Nope, it’s because they’re are damn funny! So I’ll keep writing about them until that stops happening. Even though I’m way behind on catching up on these. But that’s the kind of problems I want to have. Too much good stuff. Speaking of good stuff, Psycho was some good stuff. Psycho II…not so much. But then, I did like Psycho IV, the one where he calls into a talk radio station. So if you can’t get enough of the Bates Motel tv series and want to see something similar but vastly inferior, grab yourself some Psycho II, turn on the shower, and let Mike, Bill, and Kevin make you kill yourself with laughter.

Turns out hilarious re-imaginings of classic Hitchcock movies aren’t just for James Nguyen! They even dug up the original Norman Bates (aka, Anthony Perkins, you may know him from his other work in just kidding, obviously, just kidding) and his momma (quite literally) for this one! Not to mention the Motel and roadside homestead, and even the iconic shower scene! Because, when you see a timeless thriller beloved by millions, the thing you want most is to follow it with a sequel 22 years later that pays homage by just whizzing all over it in every way possible.

Norman gets released home to his family crime scene with some help from psychiatrist Robert Loggia, who’s tough and cool as always, but utterly inept as a psychiatrist. Despite the fact that Norman’s killing spree would’ve made national news, with college kids wearing ironic t-shirts of him in his mother’s dress by now, very few folks in his sleepy hometown seem to remember him at all. And those that do are eager to give him a job, or, in the case of Meg Tilly, go back to his home and spend the night, just for funsies. Only Dennis Franz (and, presumably, his bare bottom) is suspicious of the man who IS STILL OBVIOUSLY INSANE. But hey, who knows, maybe Norman’s fine now? JUST KIDDING, OBVIOUSLY, JUST KIDDING, HE’S STILL NUTS AND TELLS THEM SO HIMSELF MULTIPLE TIMES.

Join Mike, Bill, and Kevin for Psycho II, and turn the crank on Hitchcock’s grave one more time!