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RiffTrax Live Sharknado
InRiffTrax

Sharknado – RiffTrax Live Trip Report!

July 11, 2014By

RiffTrax Live Sharknado

RiffTrax drove their silicone-sealed SUV through a river of sharks to get to the theaters for another RiffTrax Live event, covering that infamous SyFy spectacular, Sharknado! So of course TarsTarkas.NET is there, because wherever sharknadoes go, we will follow.

As you may recall, we were not 100% on board with Sharknado, as the fun doesn’t really start until the last third of the film. Sharknado works soooo much better with a live audience, especially when the sharknadoes finally show up and things become insane! I only wish I could see more SyFy features in theaters. Ghost Shark, Bigfoot, Boa vs Python, there is enough that they could do one a year and never run out until the planet is overrun by those damn dirty apes!

It’s not a RiffTrax Live without a barrel of shorts, so we got a returning favorite, the bizarre short A Case of Spring Fever, featuring Coily the Spring Sprite. You might recall this short showing up on MST3K, specifically episode 1012 – Squirm. Well, now there is a whole new set of riffs for it, and you can recoil(ha!) in horror from the demonic spring entity and his blabbermouth human slave. It’s enough to make you want to kill all springs.

After a brief preview of the Godzilla RiffTrax (including bonus technical glitches!), it was time for the main event – Sharknado! The 90210 jokes flew with the flurry of…a sharknado! As Sharknado is a ridiculous film, complete with stock footage, editing gaffs, and fun low-budget cinema features like inconsistent weather, there was plenty to riff about.

Tara Reid was a particular target thanks to her personal life painting a giant bullseye on herself. The CGI effects were another focus, the big screen making some of the dodgier effects stand out even more. The New Zealand guy lead to a slew of jokes done in a goofy accent that were hilarious as well. And we can’t forget all the slams against Transformers 4! There were some fun callbacks, including for Norman and for More Dangerous than Dynamite.

As mentioned, things really got going in the last third of the film, when the son appears and the effects and plot go to hyperspeed cornball. Flying a helicopter into sharknadoes to throw bombs at them to blow up the sharknadoes, while sharks rain down below and get shot from the sky or chainsawed into pieces. It is a fun time, and a riff filled time.

Overall, this is probably one of the best RiffTrax Live events, I’d rate it almost as good as Jack the Giant Killer and Manos. The only drawback was the slower start. Godzilla is up next, that will be awesome, followed by Anaconda and Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. Cinematic horrors all, but with RiffTrax on our side, we can do anything!
Sharknado RiffTrax

Yambao RiffTrax
InRiffTrax

Yambaó – new RiffTrax VOD!

June 27, 2014By


Yambaó for me, Yambaó for you, Yambaó for everyone! RiffTrax has cranked out another VOD feature, this time riffing on the well known Cuban/Mexican film Yambaó. You do know Yambaó, right? Of course you do! It looks amazing, it sounds amazing, it probably smells amazing (take a whiff and see!), so you got to go buy Yambaó immediately so you can be the first on your block!

Yambaó! No, it’s not a dopey social media app you’d never heard of until it was purchased by Google for billions of dollars. Nor is it a miracle cleaning solution sold in 90s infomercials for only $19.99, including a bonus travel-sized tube of Yambaó. Yambaó, quite simply, is Yambaó, and there’s nothing else quite like Yambaó. It’s also entirely possible we just enjoy saying Yambaó.

Yambaó (AKA Cry of the Bewitched, but why would you call it that when you can call it Yambaó) takes place on a sugarcane plantation in Cuba in the 1850s, and centers on the love triangle between a master, one of his slaves, and Yambaó, the mysterious dancing granddaughter of a sorceress who lives in the wilderness – yeah, we know, another one of those dang Cuban plantation witch love triangle movies we’re always doing. It’s weird, it’s fun, it’s flirty, there’s a cave granny with evil magic powers, it’s Yambaó!

Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and Yambaó for Yambaó Yambaó and Yambaó with Yambaó!

Yambao RiffTrax

Bride and the Beast Rifftrax
InRiffTrax

The Bride and the Beast – new RiffTrax VOD!

June 6, 2014By

Gorilla costumes and an Ed Wood script, The Bride and the Beast is the new RiffTrax VOD, and it has everything we love about jungle adventures. Stock footage, white people, gorillas representing forbidden interracial sexual lust, and sets that are made out of cardboard and repeatedly bumped into by the actors. Expect the RiffTrax crew to have a field day with this one! The lead woman is revealed to have been a gorilla queen in her prior life, which leads to consequences that will never be the same. Or something. The 1950s were ripe with past lives stuff thanks to the Bridey Murphy thing. For a cool breakdown of The Bride and the Beast, check out this DVD Savant review!

Order it at RiffTrax.com!

We’ve seen so many big screen weddings that they’ve begun to feel a touch cliched. Yes yes, the handsome husband sweeps the beautiful bride off her feet. Blah blah, he carries her over the threshold. Yada yada yada, he takes her down to the basement to meet the gorilla named Spanky that he keeps in a cage down there that he had never mentioned owning until that very moment. Etc etc, the chimp escapes and attacks the bride, triggering a relapse to a previous life when she lived as a gorilla herself, interrupted only when the husband guns Spanky down in cold blood. And then they return three of the extra fondue pots they got as wedding gifts.

This is the plot of The Bride and the Beast as written by one Ed Wood. This time around, instead of balling it up in Albuquerque, our characters go on on a honeymoon in Africa. You might think that since a main character has revealed that she was a gorilla in a previous life, this might affect the plot in some way. At least they spend the majority of the movie around gorillas in some capacity. Clearly you have never seen an Ed Wood movie before. No my friend, the plot revolves around deadly tigers, which we think were the alien’s Plan 10. The tigers are played by Fake Bela Lugosi.

The Bride and the Beast is full of bad gorilla suits, absurd stock footage, and last minute realizations that “Oh yeah, this was supposed to be about gorillas, wasn’t it?” Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for this RiffTrax of The Bride and the Beast.

Bride and the Beast Rifftrax

Zindy the Swamp Boy Rifftrax
InRiffTrax

Get malaria with Zindy the Swamp Boy – New RiffTrax VOD!

May 30, 2014By


RiffTrax giving us Zindy the Swamp Boy makes sense, because they’re swamping us with new releases! Us René Cardona, Jr fans know this as the film René Cardona and René Cardona III teamed up to be directed by René Cardona, Jr. Okay, one of many times, but now there is a RiffTrax commentary with it! Originally known as Zindy, el Fugitivo de los Pantanos, this 1973 feature is filled with 1970s Mexican cinema goodness while also being incredibly obscure and amazingly titled. Will Zindy hunt down that jerk Pogo and show him that the true enemy isn’t yourself, but is Zindy? Because that’s what I am demanding from Zindy the Swamp Boy! Buy it today at RiffTrax.com!

Riding the tail end of the great Swamp Boy movie craze of the early 70s (see: Columbo the Swamp Boy, McCloud the Swamp Boy, Maude the Swamp Boy) Zindy the Swamp Boy effectively ended the genre. And for good reason: it violated one of the sacred tenants of the swamp boy genre: do not cast the annoying little kid who played Zindy as your swamp boy.

Unfortunately, Zindy was cast in the movie because the director is his father, Rene Cardona Jr, who also made the previously RiffTrax-’d The Bermuda Triangle and Treasure of The Amazon. Unlike those movies, Zindy does not have a killer doll or a nazi hunting Donald Pleasance. It does however have a chimp that does the dishes, gator wrestling, and the world’s most deadly two square feet of quicksand.

When Zindy’s grandfather discovers his son and daughter-in-law have been hospitalized, he does what we’d all do: flee the premises leaving them to die and guns down the man he believes is responsible. Then he gathers up their infant grandson and moves in with a chimp named Toribio. They move into the swamp, right? WRONG. Turns out Zindy the Swamp Boy is actually forbidden from entering the swamp, or more specifically the swamp zone. Yep, it’s that kind of movie. Sadly, Zindy also plays the flute, so you quickly begin to root for a quick outbreak of malaria to sweep through the swamp and all attached zones.

Fortunately, the movie has an ending so wonderful that you’ll want to start the movie over as soon as it’s done, just to relive everything you just saw with the knowledge of where it’s leading. To say any more would be a disservice to you. Please watch, and experience Zindy The Swamp Boy for the first time.

Zindy the Swamp Boy Rifftrax

City of the Dead RiffTrax
InRiffTrax

City of the Dead – New RiffTrax VOD!

May 16, 2014By

The worst part of living in a City of the Dead is how hard it is to find parking! Also the food usually sucks. But you can usually find a stiff drink, so maybe it’s not so bad. Don’t take my word for it, RiffTrax is bax with another VOD title, City of the Dead, featuring Christopher Lee in a totally not evil evil role. There is 1960s British stuff, pretend Americans, and similar elements to Psycho, which was released at almost the exact same time. (speaking of which, remember that Psycho II is also a RiffTrax VOD!)

Buy it at RiffTrax.com!

Visit the scenic City of the Dead! Just up the road from the Village of the Damned and a hop, skip and a jump away from the Municipality of the Mildly Bloated. This is vintage horror stuff. A sleepy northeastern town, still under the shadow of the witchcraft trials it once held, a town that’s now somehow completely forgotten by the world despite existing in the middle of New England in the 1960s. Get out your vintage horror bingo card and prepare to check off things like “elderly gas station attendant who warns people not to go up that road.” Yes, all your favorite cliches are here!

Speaking of vintage horror cliches: Christopher Lee! Before he was Saruman, before he was…*sigh*…Dooku, he was a professor of the occult with a penchant for sending pretty young female students off to dangerous, devil-worshipping towns. Might he turn out to be secretly evil? For your answer, we remind you again that this is Christopher Lee.

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for a road trip to the City of the Dead! Because hey, it’s still gotta be better than Fort Worth.

City of the Dead RiffTrax

Zilla Godzilla Final Wars
InRiffTrax

RiffTrax vs. Godzilla!

May 14, 2014By


RiffTrax has announced a new Kickstarter so they can get the rights to riff on the 1998 terrible version of Godzilla! But not only is it great news, the Kickstarter was announced while I was waiting in line for a screening of the new 2014 Godzilla, and by the next morning had already reached its goal and then some! Which was all the excuse I needed to post this a bit later. So for those of you who missed the announcement or were putting it off and need a reminder: RiffTrax. Godzilla. Let’s do this!

Last time the goal was to get the money to do Twilight, but the result ended up being Starship Troopers. This time, they already have things set up to get Godzilla, so it will be Godzilla and not some random film. Because the Kickstarter has met its goal, the choice now is just what extras you want to get. There are digital shorts, gift certificates, t-shirts, and even a huge prize of the RiffTrax guys riffing your own film. It’s only 5 grand, why not have them make fun of you wedding? You’ll look fondly back on the video as you pay alimony because your wife dumped you for blowing the nest egg on her being insulted by guys from the internet.

There are plenty of cool stuff to get no matter your budget. And prepare yourselves for the RiffTrax Live Godzilla event, because it’s totally on now! So open up your wallets and donate, that insulin can wait a month!

Disclaimer: I will probably contribute to this Kickstarter, but haven’t done so at the time this post was published.

Zilla Godzilla Final Wars

Good grief, I suck!

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