The 2009 golden Raspberry Awards (their 30th Anniversary year)
has been posted. The regular nominations are just another blast at low hanging fruit, but the real fun is the worst of the decade nominations. And kudos to the Razzies for not doing like the Oscars and nominating everything that moves for Best (Worst) Picture. 2009 was an awful year for film, with only a few bright spots mixed between a lot of terrible trash and downright nuclear garbage.
Worst Picture of 2009
All About Steve
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Old Dogs
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen (AKA TRANNIES, TOO)
Wow, Trannies, Too? Way to make jokes I made when I was 6! Although I don’t think GI Joe was absolutely awful (it was just stupid), Transformers 2 is above and beyond the worst thing released last year. It should be an easy winner.
Worst Actor of 2009
All Three Jonas Brothers – JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Will Ferrell – LAND OF THE LOST
Steve Martin – PINK PANTHER 2
Eddie Murphy – IMAGINE THAT
John Travolta – OLD DOGS
I guess the stab at the Jonas Brothers is an attempt for the Razzies to try to stay relevant. Except it fails and just looks desperate. I can’t imagine who will win this one, so I’m voting for Steve Martin.
Worst Actress of 2009
Beyonce – OBSESSED
Sandra Bullock – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Miley Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Megan Fox – JENNIFER’S BODY AND TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Sarah Jessica Parker – DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS?
Bullock manages to get an Oscar nom and a Razzie nom in the same week. She also said she’d go if she wins the Razzie. So as much as I would love to see that (I like good humor in people) Megan Fox will probably have this wrapped up. And Beyonce and Miley Cyrus are just more desperate relevance noms. Bleh.
Worst Supporting Actor of 2009
Billy Ray Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Hugh Hefner (as Himself) – MISS MARCH
Robert Pattinson – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka) – LAND OF THE LOST
Marlon Wayans – G.I. JOE
I haven’t seen some of these, but the winner will be Pattinson because he’s hip to hate now, though Billy Ray deserves it for whoring out his daughter as a giant cash cow.
Worst Supporting Actress of 2009
Candice Bergen – BRIDE WARS
Ali Larter – OBSESSED
Sienna Miller – G.I. JOE
Kelly Preston – OLD DOGS
Julie White (as Mom) – TRANNIES, TOO
Transformers 2 is awful, and Mom acting like she’s tripping on acid after eating a pot brownie is embarrassing.
Worst Screen Couple of 2009
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers – THE JONAS BROTHERS 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Sandra Bullock & Bradley Cooper – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Will Ferrell & Any Co-Star, Creature or “Comic Riff” – LAND OF THE LOST
Shia LaBeouf & EITHER Megan Fox OR Any Transformer – TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Kristen Stewart & EITHER Robert Pattinson OR Taylor Whatz-His-Fang – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
this is why Boolean string operators should not be writing awards nominations. What is with all the EITHER/OR crap? And the complete lack of the two racist Transformer brothers makes this category a joke.
Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel (Combined Category for 2009)
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Pink Panther 2 (A RIP-OFF OF A SEQUEL TO A REMAKE)
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
Twilight Saga: New Moon
Transformers 2 deserves to win again, but New Moon might pull this out (even though it is better than the first one)
Worst Director of 2009
Michael Bay – TRANNIES, TOO
Walt Becker – OLD DOGS
Brad Silberling – LAND OF THE LOST
Stephen Sommers – G.I. JOE
Phil Traill – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Michael Bay, no contest.
Worst Screenplay of 2009
All About Steve – SCREENPLAY BY KIM BARKER
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – SCREENPLAY BY STUART BEATTIE AND DAVID ELLIOT & PAUL LOVETT
Land of The Lost – WRITTEN BY CHRIS HENCHY & DENNIS MCNICHOLAS
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen – WRITTEN BY EHREN KRUGER & ROBERTO ORCI & ALEX KURTZMAN
Twilight Saga: New Moon – SCREENPLAY BY MELISSA ROSENBERG
Kurtzman and Orci deserve to win, amazing how adding a third writer somehow made their writing worse!
Now the fun begins!
Worst Picture of the Decade
Battlefield Earth (2000)
NOMINATED FOR 10 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 8
(INCLUDING WORST DRAMA OF OUR FIRST 25 YRS)
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
NOMINATED FOR 9 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 5
Gigli (2003)
NOMINATED FOR 10 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 7
(INCLUDING WORST COMEDY OF OUR FIRST 25 YRS)
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
NOMINATED FOR 9 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 8
Swept Away (2002)
NOMINATED FOR 9 RAZZIES® / “WINNER” OF 5
Gigli already got a special award, so it should be out. But, we got a category where it is hard to pick a winner because they are all so awful. I have to put my money on Battlefield Earth because then the Razzies can stick it to everyone in Hollywood who worships Lord Xenu and Thetans.
Worst Actor of the Decade
Ben Affleck
NOMINATED FOR 9 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 2 RAZZIES®
DAREDEVIL, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, PAYCHECK,
PEARL HARBOR, SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
Eddie Murphy
NOMINATED FOR 12 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 3 RAZZIES®
ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH, I SPY, IMAGINE THAT,
MEET DAVE, NORBIT, SHOWTIME
Mike Myers
NOMINATED FOR 4 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 2 RAZZIES®
CAT IN THE HAT, THE LOVE GURU
Rob Schneider
NOMINATED FOR 6 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 1 RAZZIE®
THE ANIMAL, BENCHWARMERS, DEUCE BIGALO: EUROPEAN GIGOLO,
GRANDMA’S BOY, THE HOT CHICK,
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY, LITTLE MAN, LITTLE NICKY
John Travolta
NOMINATED FOR 6 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 3 RAZZIES®
BATTLEFIELD EARTH, DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE, LUCKY NUMBERS,
OLD DOGS, SWORDFISH
Hating Ben Affleck seems passe at this point, so the award will probably go to Eddie Murphy, unless Rob Schneider’s Carrot movie opens soon…
Worst Actress of the Decade
Mariah Carey
THE SINGLE BIGGEST INDIVIDUAL VOTE GETTER OF THE DECADE:
70+% OF ALL VOTES FOR WORST ACTRESS OF 2001
GLITTER
Paris Hilton
NOMINATED FOR 5 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 4 RAZZIES®
THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE, HOUSE OF WHACKS, REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA
Lindsay Lohan
NOMINATED FOR 5 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 3 RAZZIES®
HERBIE FULLY LOADED, I KNOW WHO KILLED ME, JUST MY LUCK
Jennifer Lopez
NOMINATED FOR 9 “ACHIEVEMENTS,” “WINNER” OF 2 RAZZIES®
ANGEL EYES, ENOUGH, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, MAID IN MANHATTAN,
MONSTER-IN-LAW, THE WEDDING PLANNER
Madonna
NOMINATED FOR 6 “ACHIEVEMENTS,”“WINNER” OF 4 RAZZIES®
DIE ANOTHER DAY, THE NEXT BEST THING, SWEPT AWAY
Hmmm… The Razzies love to hate on Madonna (but she’s done nothing at all lately), Lindsay, and Paris. As J-Lo, Paris, and Mariah have sort of disappeared from the movie star land lately, Lindsay Lohan will probably snag this one.
Well, we shall see who wins and who doesn’t. Maybe I’ll bother to try to vote this year, but probably not.
