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The Mighty Gorga (Review)

The Mighty Gorga


1969
Starring
Anthony Eisley as Mark Remington
Megan Timothy as April Adams
Scott Brady as Dan Morgan
Kent Taylor as Tonga Jack Adams
Bruce Kimball as The Witch Doctor/Mort the Clown
Lee Parrish as George
Greydon Clark as Charlie the Elephant ticket seller
Directed by David L. Hewitt

One of the worst rip-offs of King Kong ever, even worse than Queen Kong (which is an epic chore to sit through itself), this masterpiece of horrible filmmaking sinks below the chum of the crap, a benchmark that is not easily passed by those trying to create a worse giant gorilla film. Sure, that genre has some terrible entries: the aforementioned Queen Kong, King Kong Escapes (though I like this one), the Mighty Joe Young remake, A*P*E, the upcoming Kinky Kong, and the classic porn masterpiece King Dong. Giant ape movies will be with us forever, and some of them go on forever like the Peter Jackson version of King Kong. The Mighty Gorga is mercifully short, the best feature of the entire film.

Mark Remington (Anthony Eisley) – Head of the Circus. Almost out of money, except the large amount of cash he blows on an ill-informed mission to Africa to capture a giant gorilla he’s only heard about third handedly. But that’s what you do when you are the White Male Stereotype Guy!
April Adams (Megan Timothy) – Runs an exotic animal supply house in Africa that her missing father owned. She somehow picked up a British accent despite her father having no such feature.
Dan Morgan (Scott Brady) – The evil exotic animal supplier. Bought the bank not to try to foreclose on April’s place, but is foiled by Mark. Hunts after their party, wrongly assuming they are searching for treasure. Squashed by Gorga. Morgan must be a protege of Ross from the Catching Trouble short.
Tonga Jack Adams (Kent Taylor) – April’s daddy, missing famous explorer who shows up in exactly the place Mark and April go, because that’s convenient for the plot.
Arnold Shye (Gary Kent) – Agent from Consolidated Circus Consortium, the Ringling Bros/Barnum and Bailey of its day. Gobbling up all the smaller circuses to create a monopoly and control the market on bearded ladies and trapezes. Eventually killed by Cirque du Soleil secret agents during the Second Circus War.
George (Lee Parrish) – An employee of April, speaks good English as a joke in the film explains to us. The best character in the film, so of course they kill him off, as he was acting while Black. Jerks! Shot by Morgan while attempting to save everyone.
The Witch Doctor (Bruce Kimball) – Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang!
Mighty Gorga (A reject Muppet) – If King Kong’s son had a sister, then the two of them mated, then that offspring self-fertilized, then the baby was put in a microwave for an hour or so, then smoked some crack, then maybe, just maybe, it would be as ridiculous as the Mighty Gorga.
The T-Rex (One of the world’s worst puppets) – Hey, remember in King Kong when King Kong fought a T-Rex? Well, this King Kong rip-off does, and so the screwed up Gorga puppet must fight an even ridiculously looking T-Rex. Hopefully the puppeteer’s hand wasn’t hurt during the rip-roaring prehistoric action! Killed by Gorga in the climatic battle of two of the world’s lamest monsters.

A woman is chained as sacrifice because she is the next victim of the Mighty Gorgo! As we all know how this works from the various King Kong films, the movie doesn’t even bother to explain what is going on. They then jump right into a circus, as lion taming happens during the opening credits, something every version of King Kong can’t claim to have, so that’s one point for The Mighty Gorga.

Lady Iron Monkey

Lady Iron Monkey

aka The Ape Girl aka Zui Hou Nu
Lady Iron Monkey
1979
Starring (This is guesswork)
Fung Ling Kam as Ming Ling Shur (the Ape Girl)
Lap Bo Au as Drunken Monk
Sing Chen as Prince Yan Shing
Man Tai Lee as Evil Advisor
Lo Lieh as Assassin Millenrapen
Directed by Chi-Hwa Chen
Lady Iron Monkey
Lady Iron Monkey (or The Ape Girl as it was known before producers tried to cash in on Iron Monkey getting a theatrical release in America) is a pretty fun flick that takes us to a world where a girl is raised by monkeys, and uses her monkey abilities to become a master of kung fu. She beats up plenty of people along the way, and her monkeyness gets her into several spots of trouble. The films doesn’t take itself too seriously, bordering on campy, but is serious enough that they don’t do any of the annoying “acknowledging that they’re in a movie” type stuff. The goofiness allows the movie to flow quickly and to the point, and you get disarmed from questioning the logic of certain events. In addition, some of the plot is centered on actual Chinese history, though that is prevalent in many Chinese Kung Fu films, some of which is ruined by terrible dubbing. Even if this is just a response to Charlton Heston demanding damn dirty ape stinking paws off him, it’s still pretty entertaining. Actress Fung Ling Kam/Gam Fung-Ling (or Kim Fung Li as she’s billed as) wasn’t in many films, IMDB has this as her sole credit and I only found two more that even listed her (thanks to Google) titled Iron Bridge Kung-Fu and The Gloomy Tower (aka Shaolin 36 Beads, which was released on DVD – UPDATE: I recently saw The Gloomy Tower and Gam Fung-Ling is nowhere to be found) IMDB being incomplete regarding Asian cinema? I never!! At least they even have a listing for this film. Lady Iron Monkey also has early roles for Lo Lieh, who plays an assassin and would go on to be a very famous martial arts star; as well as Chen Sing, who also had a long career despite not reaching the level of fame as Lo Lieh. With this information here, we will seemingly become the leading resource for information about The Ape Girl/Lady Iron Monkey

The opening credits is the traditional 1970’s kung fu movie opening with the star posing different stances as the credits run by. We get Ming Ling Shur, the Ape Girl, dancing around doing her monkey style kung fu, and who is she joined by? A chimpanzee! Chimpy is flipping around, doing some of the same flips and jumps Ming Ling Shur does as well. The print is pretty scratched up, but it’s suddenly clear as day when the title appears (because it’s a retitle.) Ming Ling Shur is a hairy girl, with hair on her arms and monkey makeup on her face. She’s also pretty good at acting like a monkey, with big, exaggerated movements. It adds to the charm of the film, as does the Ape Girl Theme which plays during the lighthearted moments. This is a film about an ape girl, it isn’t going to be the most serious thing in the universe.

Lady Iron Monkey

Bruce Lee in New Guinea

Bruce Lee in New Guinea (Review)

Bruce Lee in New Guinea

aka She nu yu chao aka Bruce Li in New Guinea

1978
Starring
Bruce Li (Ho Chung Tao) as Chang Wang-li (aka Bruce Lee)
Chan Sing as Great Snake Wizard Guru
Danna as Ann Kawa
Chin-kun Li as Chin Sang
??? as Tu Yung – one of the guides (shorter)
??? as The crosseyed guide
??? as Cheng Pow
Directed by C.Y. Yang

Bruce Li is Bruce Lee is Chang Wang-li in Bruce Lee in New Guinea, part of Bruce-ploitation Mania of the 1970’s and 1980’s. Bruce Li (real name Ho Chung Tao) was one of the dozens of Bruce Lee imitators renamed Bruce Something or Something Lee in the wake of the death of the King of Kung Fu. Bruce Lee ended up doing all sorts of wacky things once every other movie coming out of Hong Kong was patterned after him to make a quick buck. This is not as wacky as some of them (The Clones of Bruce Lee anyone?) but is still pretty silly. The real question is, would the real Bruce Lee bother going to New Guinea? I think not! Bruce Lee (Li) does end up on Snake Worship Island, I don’t want to give away what they worship there, but it isn’t King Kong. Let’s just say Wacking Day would be a sacrilegious event. It’s important to note that Bruce Li is not supposed to be Bruce Lee, but some guy named Chang Wang-li, an anthropologist who is not a former 1970’s martial arts star, thus the “Bruce Lee” in the title is a complete lie. Not that the producers would care after they got your hard earned money. Sometimes this film is more truthfully titled Bruce Li in New Guinea. Co-starring is the lovely Danna as the Princess, who was being pushed as an international sex symbol at this time, but soon faded to obscurity. Much like this film, except it was never pushed as anything more than a cheap buck, and it shows that, in spades.

Monkey War

Monkey War (Review)

Monkey War


1982
Starring
Lau Seung-Him as Monkey King (Sun Wukong)
??? as Pig (Zhu Bajie)
??? as Tangseng
??? as Sand Monk (Sha Wujing)

Monkey King and his friends encounter two con job fake priests, Spider Women with a Giant Fire-breathing Spider, and flying birdmen lead by shapeshifting bats. This is a collection of what looks like three episodes of a Journey to the West (or Monkey) Series combined into a movie. Problem is, the movie is is Chinese, with zero subtitles! I completely missed the giant “No Subtitles” sticker on the video box, totally enthralled by the painting of a giant flame-breathing spider on the video cover. Not knowing what’s going on in a movie isn’t a new phenomenon here at TarsTarkas.NET, even when the film is in English! Unlike the trickle of Turkish cinema that pops around without any subtitles at all, this time we got the movie’s number. Armed with a Chinese-speaking girlfriend (HI, Honey!) we trudged bravely forward. There is also a second advantage, with a film involving a story with such history as this, it’s easy to find some further information online, so that will be stop number one!

Nabonga

Nabonga (Review)

Nabonga


1944
Starring
Buster Crabbe as Ray Gorman
Julie London as Doreen Stockwell
Prince Modupe as Tobo
Ray Corrigan as Samson (or Nabonga, I guess)

Riding the wave of King Kong Klones (KKK? That ain’t good…), Nabonga succeeds in having the most ridiculous name of the bunch. Buster Crabbe of Tarzan and Flash Gordon fame returns to fight Ming the Merciless in the heat of the jungle for the future of Earth….wait? No Ming? No Rocket Ships? No fun. Stock footage and random gorilla attacks are a poor substitute. The lone bright spot for this movie is the character of Tobo, and he suffers from being a walking, talking, African tribalman stereotype. Still, he’s the only character you will care about in this film. The live action gorilla Nabonga can’t hold a candle to the stop motion magic that was King Kong. Heck, background extras from Planet of the Apes have better characterization than this gorilla. Wait a minute…Statue of Liberty? THAT WAS OUR PLANET!! You Maniacs! You blew it all up! Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!!


King Kong (Review)

King Kong


1933
Starring
Fay Wray as Ann Darrow
Robert Armstrong as Carl Denham
Bruce Cabot as Jack Driscoll
Frank Reicher as Captain Englehorn

The granddaddy of all giant monster films! An icon of film! The Eight Wonder of the World! It holds up pretty well for being 72 years old. Sure, effects have come a long way since then, but aside from a few points in the beginning, King Kong keeps pretty much action filled, and follows a modern style pacing after the first half hour. The “Beauty killed the beast” message has been repeated countless times, especially in the dozens and dozens of knock offs over the years. Willis O’Brien pulled off a masterpiece here, and it didn’t take any Dino De Laurentiis, any Twin Towers, any robot apes, or any CGI nonsense. Big budget remakes cannot improve on this, and Peter Jackson’s upcoming version will not take the spotlight away from this one, either.