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Links From the Crypt!

Cryptkeeper Hitchcock

Hello, boils and ghouls! It’s time for another cut of scare-tastic links that have nothing to do with the picture at the top of this post! That’s how we roll at TarsTarkas.NET, so let’s get on with the show!

If you are like me, you got piles and piles of stone cold cash that you don’t know what to do with. Don’t spend that money paying your phone bill, instead donate it some friends in need!

**SA CineD buddy and sometimes TarsTarkas.NET contributor Donald Hallene III has an indiegogo up to fund his school project film Slumber City:

Slumber City is a film. A short film. A Student Film. It is the senior thesis project of Donald Hallene III (aka Me!) and will be the last big chance to show off my creativity and flair before I graduate from film school.

Slumber City follows Nathaniel McKay, a struggling writer who also struggles with bad dreams. As a child, he had terrible dreams, most featuring a dreaded figure he calls Mr. Night. As he grew older, he found ways to supress the dreams, but now they are fighting their way back, and his daughter Molly has started to have them as well.

While spending a weekend with Molly, the two of them are whisked away to a strange place called Slumber City, where all of Nathaniel’s repressed dreams live. Mr. Night has taken Molly, and Nathaniel has until sunrise to get her back. With help from a strange new friend, he must find the clues to free Molly.

Slumber City is a fun fantasy adventure set in a world of nightmares and monsters. The film will be shot in the Summer of 2013, with a public release currently scheduled for October 2013

**And fellow MOSS agent Carol at the Cultural Gutter is going on another round of funding with Gutter-a-go-go Raids Again!

The Cultural Gutter was created in the early years of the new millennium to fulfill a dream–provide quality, clear-eyed writing about disreputable art. Since 2004, we have written about videogames, comics, science fiction, fantasy, genre film, romance and television. And throughout that time, we have maintained a commitment to paying writers for their work.

In summer 2012, like many other arts organizations, we lost our Canada Arts Council operations grant. The legions of mazer tanks surrounded the vulnerable Cultural Gutter. But that fall, friends of the Cultural Gutter rallied to our Gutter-A-Go-Go campaign to help us keep our commitment to paying writers for their work. While we fell short of our goal, we raised enough money to make and send out all our contributor perks and keep The Gutter going until this June.

Now we hope to rise from the ashes as Gutter-A-Go-Go Raids Again!

**What horrors happen when someone edits in a bunch of softcore spots to a Santo film? FourDK takes the plunge with El Vampiro y El Sexo!

**3 Guys step on El Ultimo Elvis‘s blue suede shoes!

**Blueprint: Review deals with a Warrioress!

**Monster Island Resort Podcast #102: Horror, Sexuality, Body Fluids, and Rotting Flesh with Thanatomorphose director Éric Falardeau

**Cinematic Catharsis does battle with The Road Warrior

**Pre-Code wonders if The Constant Woman is really so constant!

**TrashFilmGuru beams into Trekkies!

**The Film Fiend goes for 12 Rounds 2 – Reloaded

**What do you do when you run out of names to call new beetle species? Grab names from the phone book!

**Check out some 3D Latte Art!

**American International Pictures will produce a whole bunch of remakes. This is like the third time they’ve tried something like this. Maybe they’ll actually have a good film this time. Maybe.

**Indian actress Jiah Khan committed suicide recently, her mother has since posted a letter by her that shows some of the abuses of the entertainment industry.

**Jim Patterson: Black Soviet Icon’s Lonely American Sojourn

**Why Do So Many Father-Daughter Movies = Feisty Kid + Bumbling Dad?

**Christina Ricci will play Lizzie Borden in a new Lifetime movie that seems tailor made to enforce the stereotype of what Lifetime movies are about.

**Movies on YouTube

**BBC is getting a Muppet game show!

**Far-Right Extremists Chased Through London by Women Dressed as Badgers

**Japanese science fiction of the 1930s.

**The Gee’s Bend series of dime novel occult detective stories

**“‘We Have Always Fought’: Challenging the ‘Women, Cattle and Slaves’ Narrative” by Kameron Hurley

**Find out about rare diseases meeting efforts to cure them with The Girl Who Turned to Bone

**Weird Wheels cards!!! And let’s not forget the Odd Rods!

**A cool article about Chinese military fantasy novels!

Lifetime's Anna Nicole Smith biopic airs June 29

As I’m sure all of you are eagerly awaiting, the premiere of the Lifetime Network Anna Nicole Smith movie Anna Nicole (formerly The Anna Nicole Story) will air June 29th. Then you can go back to not remembering who Anna Nicole Smith is, like everyone else in the universe. Not that’s I’m saying this is pointless, too late, derivative dreck that has been done before. I even made a joke about the 2007 Anna Nicole Smith biopic Anna Nicole the last time we wrote about this one. That film is awful, this film will maybe be less awful, but the message is:

Uh….

Let me get back to you on the message!

In other Lifetime exploitation news, the Jody Arias film Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret premieres June 22! This is exciting news for Nancy Grace fans and people who have their tv stuck on Lifetime and can’t find the remote.

Based on the disturbing murder trial that has captivated the nation, “Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret” tells the story of Jodi Arias (Tania Raymonde, “Lost”), a seductive 28-year-old aspiring photographer recently found guilty of killing her former lover Travis Alexander (Jesse Lee Soffer, “The Mob Doctor”), who was found nude in his apartment shower with a slit throat, 27 additional stab wounds and a bullet to the head. While investigating the violent killing, Mesa, Arizona, police retrieved a digital camera from Travis’ washing machine, revealing shocking images authorities claim Jodi took of their sexual escapades, as well as during and after his murder. While Jodi pled not guilty and contends she killed Travis in self-defense, police concluded that when Travis broke off his relationship with Jodi, she became a real life “Alex Forrest” (portrayed by Glenn Close) from the film “Fatal Attraction.” Jodi, they say, stalked her ex-boyfriend, who she successfully seduced one final time before murdering him and then attempted to cover her tracks. Her subsequent trial has been grand theater, dominating the cable news networks, with Jodi testifying in her own defense, offering insight into the sex, lies and obsession that led up to Travis’ murder — beguiling media and onlookers, alike.

Remember: this film was finished before she was found guilty of murder, which is the current MO for Lifetime films.

Lifetime

Stoker

Top Dog is a Link!

Godzilla King Kong Kiss

It’s a monster-sized edition to the Links post to celebrate Monster Love and to make up for Monster Laziness! So many good posts you won’t have to go anywhere else the rest of the day except all these places below. And also come back here. And share other links in the comments if you want. It’s a free internet!

As usual, we got lots of cool links from out friends and some movie news that didn’t rate its own post, and then science stuff thrown in for good measure because learning is cool. So be super monster cool and read all this stuff before I get mad!

**Top picture is Last Play by Jason Edmiston that appeared in the Village Voice, but I found on tumblr long ago with no proper attribution

**Pre-Code takes a dive in The Big Pond!

**Permission To Kill is introduced to The Man From Nowhere!

**It’s A Visual Medium gets animated about Mulan!

**Fist of B-List breaks down The Killing Machine!

**Filmi Geek covers Kannathil muthamittal!

**Turban Decay gets wrapped up in The Mummy!

**Xsmarkthespot talk Harryhausen & Bradbury!

**Trash Film Guru double entendres The Big Snatch!

**Exploder Button ice packs The Snow Devils!

**DTV Connoisseur goes beyond Maximum Force!

**Cinematic Catharsis knows John Dies at the End!

**Comeuppance Reviews gets loud about Silent Assassins!

**FourDK arrests Gaddaar!

**Can’t Stop the Movies has the intel on The Great Gatsby!

**3 Guys sing a song about Cry Baby!

**Free story! From Black PulpDrums of the Ogbanje

**The secret laser-toting Soviet satellite that almost was

**Yes, this link goes to the Daily Dot. But it’s not a terrible article, it’s actually good. I was just as surprised as you! The greatest movie that never was

**Check out this 2001: A Space Odyssey Howard Johnsons Children’s Menu!

**Is there a Jodi Arias Lifetime movie in the works? You bet your sweet bippy! If you aren’t Nancy Grace or someone who accidentally watched three seconds of Nancy Grace before the batteries in the remote kicked in and you could change the channel once more, you probably have no idea who Jodi Arias is, so count yourself lucky!

**Speaking of killer women, Women’s Studies is a crazy bad horror film about a killer women’s studies cult. I can’t tell if it is supposed to be a parody or what a MRA guy actually believes. Anyone with NetFlix or Amazon streaming want to check it out?

**Also LOL at this book:
The Feminists Cooper book

**Go Go Girls vs. The Nazis is an upcoming Russ Meyer tribute film spearheaded by Wayne Clingman. Patrick Beck is slated to direct with a screenplay by Ross Bigley. The listed cast includes Melanie Robel, Elvis Thao, Melantha Blackthorne, and Ted Alderman.

This motion picture will include three critical elements to give a true grindhouse feel:

1) Women with big breasts.

2) Nazis being killed.

3) A plot.

More information can be found on the official site.
And here is a promo teaser:

**Huzzah…
A Haunted House 2

**The Gremlins remake is lumbering forward, now produced by Seth Grahame-Smith, the guy who wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and the script to Dark Shadows (and rewrites on the Fantastic Four reboot.) Please feed this movie after midnight, but feed it poison!

**Babysitter Massacre sounds like it would be cooler if it was a straight horror movie version of The Babysitters Club instead of a sort of the same.

**Wasp Cystomastacoides kiddo is named after Beatrix Kiddo from Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill.

**These damn Pylopagurus discoidalis hermit crabs just can’t be found alive, except for now when they did. Also they named them The Three Amigos after the film.
three amigos hermit crabs

That’s it until next time, bur remember, keep safe and keep loved!

Weekend Linkend

I transferred the site over to a VPS this past weekend, learning fun things like Linux and Apache and how to rebuild Apache. Most major issues look fine, just one or two smaller things to clean up. Which means I’ll have time to write more posts and try to make up for all the traffic lost during the multiple times the site was suspended for using too many resources!

While all that was happening, movie news was still raining from Heaven. Dang it, world, still going on while I’m busy! What a jerk… So let’s look at some!

**DurianDave at Softfilm had a song mix on Zoë Baxter’s Lucky Cat radio show, and he did a song-by-song breakdown of all his choices.

**Production storyboards from 15 classic flicks

**The coolest lawsuit of 2012 has happened thanks to some nutter from Belize who claims that some Americans stole a crystal skull from Mayan ruins 88 years ago, and since Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull had a crystal skull in it, it was an unauthorized use of the likeness. Is he asking for a bunch of money from Indiana Jones’ new owner, Disney? You bet! Is his attorney a bankruptcy attorney from Illinois? Of course! Should this lawsuit be thrown out so hard it breaks the sound barrier? Damn skippy!

Just wait until Westinghouse hears about the fridge in the film!

**A story about Captain America that is cool

**Robert Zemeckis was doing the press rounds because of Flight and said that the Roger Rabbit 2 script is written and they are just waiting for Disney to get around to financing it. It would be hand drawn and set in the past like the original, the only difference is it will be 3D.

**Tron 3 has gotten a writer and is going forward (probably due to Wreck-It Ralph making so much dough!) despite the second one being terrible and no one at all caring. When this gets close to release, it’s time to short Disney stock again…

**Speaking of Disney losing money, they’re also planning to do a Don Quixote flick with Johnny Depp, but it doesn’t look like it’s the famous The Man Who Killed Don Quixote film that Terry Gilliam was making at one point with Depp when everything fell apart as shown in the documentary Lost in La Mancha.

**Ready Player One‘s author Ernie Cline is writing a new book called Armada and it’s already optioned for a film at Universal. All we know is:

the ultimate wish fulfillment to every videogame fan on the planet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s The Last Starfighter except with more gamer callbacks.

**Lifetime and Jennifer Love Hewitt are bringing us Mrs. G’s Bigger Love, which is based on a few fantasy posts at the blog Derfwad Manor. The posts are a gender-reversal of Big Love, where the character Gatticio is a female polygamist married to Hollywood hunks like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Ben Affleck. You can read some of the entries via this link near the bottom. It took me a minute to figure out that this was just a few posts being optioned and not the blog itself, which is a middle age woman blog and outside the scope of a blog I would read at all. The gender reversal and fantasy aspects should do well on Lifetime, and hopefully we get some cool internet freak out action once the rest of the world catches wind of Mrs. G’s Bigger Love.

**Kevin Smith basically announced he’s doing Clerks 3 via Twitter. That’s all we know at this point.

**Can’t Stop the Movies meets Dodes’ka-den!

**It’s a CRIMEWAVE! at TheCulturalGutter!

**FourDK goes to the isle of Iodo!

**Exploderbutton presses The Rains of Ranchipur and Bonjour Tristesse!

**NinjaDixon must take some Executive Action!

**The Deadly Doll meets the Junkyard Dog!

**Monster Island Resort chats about gore!

**Here is a Hungarian Star Wars poster from 1977
Hungarian Star Wars

Yellow Line

All You Need Is Links

All the news that if you didn’t read it, it’s news to you!

**Alexa Vega in Machete Kills:
Alexa Vega Machete 2

**Michael Arndt, who helped write Toy Story 3, is writing Star Wars Episode VII. No word on a director yet except for a different rumor every day, all of which we’re ignoring.

**Collider has the first picture of Tom Cruise in All You Need is Kill, a movie titled by my 7 year old self. It’s basically Groundhog Day vs. Starship Troopers and is based on a manga by Hiroshi Sakurazaka. Emily Blunt and Bill Paxton costar.

The story unfolds in a near future in which a hive-like alien race, called Mimics, have hit the Earth in an unrelenting assault, shredding great cities to rubble and leaving millions of human casualties in their wake. No army in the world can match the speed, brutality or seeming prescience of the weaponized Mimic fighters or their telepathic commanders. But now the world’s armies have joined forces for a last stand offensive against the alien horde, with no second chances.

Lt. Col. Bill Cage (Cruise) is an officer who has never seen a day of combat when he is unceremoniously demoted and then dropped—untrained and ill-equipped—into what amounts to little more than a suicide mission. Cage is killed within minutes, managing to take an Alpha down with him. But, impossibly, he awakens back at the beginning of the same hellish day, and is forced to fight and die again…and again. Direct physical contact with the alien has thrown him into a time loop—dooming him to live out the same brutal combat over and over.

But with each pass, Cage becomes tougher, smarter, and able to engage the Mimics with increasing skill, alongside Special Forces warrior Rita Vrataski (Blunt), who has lain waste to more Mimics than anyone on Earth. As Cage and Rita take the fight to the aliens, each repeated battle becomes an opportunity to find the key to annihilating the alien invaders and saving the Earth.

All You Need is Kill

**Serial murderer Nancy Grace has a book called The Eleventh Victim which became a Lifetime movie starring World Metta Peace and a pill-popping Jennie Garth.

**Ninja Dixon sketches the Mark of the Devil!

**And You Thought It Was Safe examines The Creature Walks Among Us

**Will The Man with the Iron Fists stop Can’t Stop The Movies?

**Speaking of CSTM, the Pre-Code Follies have been moved to their own site, Pre-Code.com!

**CinemaKatz is cursed by The Raven!

**TheVern dances The FP!

Until next time, which will be later today!

Marvel Godzilla #3

The Anna Nicole Story Lifetime flick casts their Anna Nicole Smith

Agnes Bruckner will play Anna Nicole Smith in the Lifetime movie based on the tragic life of the Playboy model. The Anna Nicole Story is written by John Rice and Joe Batteer, but I can’t find who the director is. Agnes Bruckner has a Lifetime movie past with a role in The Craigslist Killer.

The story of Anna Nicole Smith (aka Vicky Lynn Hogan) was one of those tragic lives you saw spiral out of control in real time thanks to the rise of reality television, giving a new dimension to celebrity trainwrecks. It was a harbinger of the modern era vs. the original Marilyn Monroe era of celebrity self-destruction. A neat movie could be made of paralleling the two tragedies. But this won’t be that movie.

Now, you might be thinking there was already an Anna Nicole Smith movie (you are right, The Anna Nicole Smith Story went direct to DVD two years after it was completed!) and this is years too late for anyone to care, as they’ve moved on to the new generation of trainwrecks like Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes. But this will probably get Lifetime a decent ratings score, so there’s that.

Via Deadline

Agnes Bruckner