Korean Terminator (Review)
Korean Terminator
aka 터미네이터와 형사 곰팽이
1992
Directed by ???
Terminator Beyond Thunderdome!
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It’s time once again for a Korean kiddie comedy that will make you beg for a bullet to the brain to ease the pain. Korean Terminator is just as awful as you think a kids Terminator film would be. Like most of these Korean children’s films, there is a ridiculous fat guy who is supposed to be comedic. We saw one in Super Batman & Mazinger V, and there is one here. Though I am not 100% sure, I believe these are the spawn of D-War director Shim Hyung-rae’s character from the Wuroimae films, which were popular enough many of these similar films ganked from them just as much as these Korean kiddie films ganked from Japan and America. There are also often characters with some random stylized anime characteristics, most notably a red nose or drawn on freckles or eyebrows, which I think is an artifact of many of these films having their subjects stolen from anime/manga properties. Though other films will be a mix of live-action and cartoons, Korean Terminator is 100% live-action, so the anime people don’t really seem to belong and make the film much more surreal than it should be.
Lady, you ask me about my salvation again, and I’ll Terminate you!
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It looks like you can thank Jademan Comics Co. for this travesty, as that is the only thing in English in the “FBI” warning before the picture. Which is sort of funny because of the blatant copyright infringement going on in the actual movie. But do not steal this movie that steals so much from so many! If you are a time travel fan, you will be sad to know there is no time travel in this Terminator! There is only a guy who is turned into a Terminator by a crazy scientist who does stuff like that. Every once in a while there is an action sequence befitting a Korean children’s film, the rest of the time is mostly unfunny comedy. But we won’t get anywhere without knowing who we’re facing! I have no clue who any of the actors are or who even directed this. It was a minor miracle finding the Korean name of this film, which doesn’t seem to have an English translation beyond Korean Terminator (which is only the first part of the actual title!) There is also at least one other Korean Terminator ripoff film made around the same time, with a completely different cast.
The true story of Real Doll vaginas!
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I won’t be back! *SOB!*
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Sector 7 (Review)
Sector 7
aka 7 gwanggu aka 7광구
2011
Written by Yun Je-gyun
Directed by Kim Ji-hun
Okay, team, we’re going to get to the bottom of the question “Does this film have phallic and vaginal symbolisms, or is it just stupid?”
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Sector 7 is so by-the-numbers that if you squint really hard, you’ll learn how to count in Korean! Sector 7 decided that it wanted to take all the goodwill that The Host generated for Korean monster movies and throw it all away into the pit of despair, instead giving us a grab bag of scenes ganked from some of the most famous alien monster films of all time. Each scene is a roulette wheel spin random landing on what film they’re stealing from this time. Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, Predator, Leviathan, Lethal Weapon 3, probably other films I just didn’t care enough to remember. Oddly enough, I don’t recall any scene ripped directly from Alien 4. It’s almost as if Alien 4 is so bad no one should copy it…
Wait, am I a penis or a vagina? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??
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But enough of what this films steals from, let’s go over what this film is. Sector 7 is Korea’s first 3D film, and was obviously filmed on a soundstage with the outside backgrounds CGIed in, giving it a weird visual nature. That combined with me watching a 2D transfer of the 3D film probably caused it to look less visually stunning than it is supposed to. But since there wasn’t really any iconic cinematography in the first place, it’s no big deal.
Shoot to kill any and all phallic references!
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We get a prologue that is set in the long distant year of 1985, where a man investigating troubles with an underwater drill at the uncharted Sector 7 finds tiny floating jelly things, then horrible disaster strikes. But that horrible disaster factors nothing at all to the rest of the film, so ignore all that and let’s jump to 2011, where there is still an oil rig in Sector 7 and it is still uncharted despite the 16 years and the freaking oil rig that probably cost millions of dollars to build in the middle of nowhere. That logic continues into the rest of the film, but before that, let’s get to the cast…
You don’t look like my vagina to me!
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I bet there are phallic references here!
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D-War director Shim Hyung-rae has no money
Shim Hyung-rae was a former comedian who made mad dough with his comic character Younggu – the namesake of his company Younggu-Art Entertainment. He also directed the Ureme series and the Yonggary remake. His latest attempt was the gigantic flop The Last Godfather. But by July of 2011, Younggu-Art Entertainment was broke and folded, with Shim claiming to be 41 billion won in debt (~$35 million) He’s now being sued by former employees for 890 million won ($760,000) in unpaid wages.
In addition, Shim faces weapons charges for having an illegally modified gas gun (what the frak??!) and is being alleged by his spurned ex-employees that he has a gambling problem and bribes politicians and businessmen with prostitutes.
What all this means, is no more D-War. A sad day for Korea, and a sad day for America.
via
Miss Korea 1995 Han Sung-Ju 한성주 – the latest Korean Sex Scandal
There is a hilarious and confusion sex scandal happening in South Korea at the moment involving a bunch of alphabet letters, sex tapes, the mob, leaked medical records, abortions, urinating on laptops, and “he said, she said” tall tales. So here is what we know, as far as we can tell. Things may be wrong, but what are you going to do:
Han Sung-Ju (한성주 sometimes Han Sung-Joo), Miss Korea 1995, has turned that beauty queen prize into a career in media, namely being a tv star. She is totally not related to the person the Korean media are dubbing Celebrity A. So don’t get any ideas. Wink. There is also Individual B (Celebrity A’s ex-boyfriend) and Individual C (some dude uploading these things to the net)
At some point Celebrity A dated a Korean-American businessman named Individual B. They had a normal relationship where he gave her tons of money to buy all sorts of crap and new boobs, and also abortions. Then he dumped her, so she went nuts and had some mobsters beat him up and made him sign a NDA in his own blood. So Individual B is mad, and gives Individual C a bunch of stuff to release on the internet, including her passport, medical records, and photos and videos of A and B getting it on. The first video was short, but rumor has it more has hit the net. As you can guess, this has caused a media circus of hilarity, especially since everyone keeps using the Celebrity A name. We will all soon learn that ABC isn’t as easy as 123.
The Kick stunt trailer
Click here for the stunt trailer
We’ll embed it when someone uploads it to YouTube. The plot again for those who missed it:
Moon is a Taekwondo master running an old Taekwondo gym in Bangkok. All five members of his family are also the masters of Taekwondo in different styles: his wife Yoon in cooking style, son Taeju in dancing style, daughter Taemi in soccer style, and the youngest Typhoon can break anything with his strong forehead.
Moon wants his children to be Taekwondo coaches to take over his gym in future. However, regardless of their father’s will, Taeju wants to be a famous pop singer and Taemi is only interested in her secret crush at school.
One day, Taekwon family encounters treasure robbers on the street by accident and happens to get caught into fight with them. With surprising martial art skills, TK family knocks down the robbers and takes back the stolen treasures. The head of the robbers Pom, who is notorious for many crimes, escapes alone and trembles with rage.
TK family becomes famous in public. But, They do not know that Pom is planning to get his revenge.
via Twitch