Bikini Time Machine

aka Rewind Time Machine

2011
Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Juan Medina)

Bikini Time Machine says it all, except no one is in bikinis. But there is a time machine, and a lot of people nude and having the sex while not in their proper time periods, so it all works out in the end. Unless you are a bikini purist, in which case I’ll just have to ask you to leave.

Bikini Time Machine is smart in that it approaches time travels in an interesting format. No one physically travels through time. But their brain’s biorhythmic electrical impulses are sent to the past, which temporarily manifest themselves in physical form, so you can “interact” with the past. I put interact in quotes because thanks to a quirk in the time travel method, a side effect is time travel turns you incredibly incredibly horny, thus most visits leave only the time needed to have sex before the session ends. This is very convenient for a softcore movie! The machine is called a “Memory Experience Generator” by its inventor, Professor Wells. As all the time travelers are women until the very end, it is not mentioned if men would be similarly affected (and as that could have lead to some disturbing scenes if the film didn’t end where it did, it’s probably for the best.) The other thing related to time travel is the whole adventure is monitored by Professor Wells via a video monitor. For scientific purposes, of course!

Lara Clayton (Joslyn James) – Owner of the Lost Cafe, surprise recipient of a huge lease bill or else she’ll lose the place. Her desperate attempts to fix the problem are foiled by J.B. Watergate and his son Teddy, until she gets the final laugh. Sara (Kylee Nash) – Waitress at the Lost Cafe who gets involved in the time travel fun. Easy going and doesn’t like jerks. Bathtub enthusiast, friend of hippies. Professor Wells (Michael Gaglio) – Professor who has invented time travel via projecting your brainwaves into the past in solid form. Hires young ladies to do just that, while he observes their adventures. Is fired for his radical research, but that doesn’t stop him. Obviously named after H.G. Wells, writer of The Time Machine Teddy Watergate (TJ Cummings) – Spoiled son of J.B. Watergate, hired by his dad to foil Lara’s attempts to pay off her lease. Feels a little bit guilty, but not guilty enough. J.B. Watergate (Ted Newsom) – Ruthless businessman owner of a chain of nudie bars and property all around LA. Wants to put in even more nudie bars, especially one where the Lost Cafe is. Purvis (Trish Cook) – J.B. Watergate’s assistant who helps him deliver his lease announcement against the Lost Cafe and warns him that they might still come up with the money. Kandy (Jenna Presley) – Student of Professor Wells who is time traveled to the castle, and has sex with the Princess. Which means she has one up on that chump Mario! Dean Potter (Sal V. Miers) – Professor Well’s furious boss who enjoys firing people in ways that probably violate school policy. Ken (Tony Marino) – Oh, that guy. Hippy (Nick Manning) – Just a far out guy who scoped a groovy chick who appeared in his bedroom one fine day. After freeing their love, the choice chick peaced out and our hero is left to wonder if he was wigging out. Princess (Sarah Vandella) – Just your normal 1780s princess sitting around waiting to have lesbian sex with time travelers. Marcia the Masseuse (Tasha Reign) – Teddy’s masseuse is more than masseuse.