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InMovie News

Naked Solder

July 7, 2012By

Naked Soldier got released in theaters finally and they released a buttload of HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE images, one of which is important because it has the only image of Jiang Luxia I’ve seen from the film. As she’s the only thing keeping me interested at this point it’s a pretty important fact, as Naked Soldier will undoubtedly be very very awful. But maybe I’m wrong. No, I’m not wrong. Stop sewing the seeds of discord. History will be on my side. As we shall see, once this shows up on Western shores and I review and trash it. I mean give it a fair review.

So here Jiang Luxia is all dressed up in mannish clothes looking like Yukari Oshima 2.0 meets Disco Godfather. I call that a good thing, though I know there are people out there who don’t care for Yukari Oshima or Jiang Luxia. Judging by the picture she works for a 1930s private eye who also employs a Ukrainian enforcer woman and a gay manservant.
Naked Soldier

The plot for those who need a refresher:

Interpol agent CK Long busted a billion-dollar drug deal fifteen years ago. The cartel has avenged itself by hiring Madame Rose’s organization of assassins to kill CK Long’s entire family. Long himself survives and believes his young daughter is still alive. In fact, for these fifteen years, the girl has been kidnapped by Madame Rose, brainwashed and trained into beautiful, sexy killer Phoenix.

Phoenix has now become the top-ranked killer in Madame Rose’s organization. She is skilled in combat and always completes her missions. Thanks to her band of killers Madame Rose has expanded her criminal organization and now assigns missions in many parts of the world. CK Long has never imagined that he would one day become the target of his own daughter’s mission.

The rest of the images –
Naked Soldier
I dumped the rest after the fold…

InMovie News

Naked Soldier gets a trailer and maybe a release month

June 21, 2012By

Naked Soldier (which we’ve written about before) has been pushed back again and again to the point where it is a mystery to everyone when the film will come out. But that mystery might be close to being solved when current rumors pinpoint the release date as July. Just when in July is not clear, nor how wide the release will be. What is clear from the trailer is Marco Mak saw Naked Weapon and thought that was far better to base the film on than Naked Killer. This is sad, and makes me wonder if Marco Mak has some sort of substance abuse problem, because only drugs of the highest caliber could explain Naked Weapon being held to a higher regard than Naked Killer.

You might think that means we won’t bother watching this once it pops up at DVD stores in Chinatown. You couldn’t be more wrong, for Jiang Luxia is in this and we’ll watch whatever awful film she’s in just to support one of the few actual female martial artists in Hong Kong cinema.

The plot:

Interpol agent CK Long busted a billion-dollar drug deal fifteen years ago. The cartel has avenged itself by hiring Madame Rose’s organization of assassins to kill CK Long’s entire family. Long himself survives and believes his young daughter is still alive. In fact, for these fifteen years, the girl has been kidnapped by Madame Rose, brainwashed and trained into beautiful, sexy killer Phoenix.

Phoenix has now become the top-ranked killer in Madame Rose’s organization. She is skilled in combat and always completes her missions. Thanks to her band of killers Madame Rose has expanded her criminal organization and now assigns missions in many parts of the world. CK Long has never imagined that he would one day become the target of his own daughter’s mission.

Naked Soldier

The nakedest fully clothed person...ever!

InMovie News

Naked Soldier

July 12, 2011By

Naked Soldier is the latest update of the Naked Weapon/Naked Killer type films, this time Jenn Tse Ting-Ting stars (Nicholas Tse’s sister), and Sammo Hung stops by. Haunted Office and Tracing Shadow director Marco Mak Chi-Sin will be helming this time out. The plot:

Interpol agent CK Long busted a billion-dollar drug deal fifteen years ago. The cartel has avenged itself by hiring Madame Rose’s organization of assassins to kill CK Long’s entire family. Long himself survives and believes his young daughter is still alive. In fact, for these fifteen years, the girl has been kidnapped by Madame Rose, brainwashed and trained into beautiful, sexy killer Phoenix.

Phoenix has now become the top-ranked killer in Madame Rose’s organization. She is skilled in combat and always completes her missions. Thanks to her band of killers Madame Rose has expanded her criminal organization and now assigns missions in many parts of the world. CK Long has never imagined that he would one day become the target of his own daughter’s mission.

Important casting information that you need to know is Jiang Luxia will show up as a Thai assassin! The official site has all sorts of goofy cast bios in their flash-centric page (Still hate the flash pages…) making the film look more team centric, instead of lone women being awesome. Corey Yuen will do the action, so the action won’t be horrible. We can save that for the plot!

Jenn Tse is Phoenix, other assassins are code named White Snake, Black Dragon, Ivy, and Selina. Midriffs will be bared, but that’s probably the only nudity you’ll get!

SO here’s a teaser, followed by two posters. Enjoy! Because you know we’ll watch this, no matter how terrible it is.

Naked Soldier

Vampire Warriors
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Vampire Warriors (Review)

February 13, 2011By

Vampire Warriors


2010
Written and directed by Dennis Law Sau-Yiu

Sparkle THIS!

The announcements of a film starring Jiang Luxia and Chrissie Chau as chicks who fight vampires sounded like it would be the best movie ever. The reality is a far different creature, instead being a disappointing film with a few good moments. Jiang Luxia continues to be the best part of the films she shows up in, while Chrissie Chau continues to be…hot. She also barely participates in the action sequences. The action sequences should be what the film is built upon, but the tone of the sequences shift from practical fighting to insane flying wire fu where people get thrown through every wall in China, except for the one wall you would want to see someone thrown through.

The script itself feels more like a first draft than a full script. Many characters have little motivation, and even those given reasons for why they do stuff aren’t given much else to explain how they got to where they were. More of this complaint near the end of the review. It is obvious that Twilight inspired parts of the film, what with all the moping, the vampire family, and the vegetarian vampire angle. Someone needs to write a teenage girl hopping vampire romance novel quick!

Yank him until he goes full Anime!

When you think Chinese vampire films, you think of the hopping vampires, one-eyebrowed monks, awesome retro effects, lots of goofy scenes, and spooky/gross effects shots. Which is why when one comes out that features exclusively the western style vampires it is sort of interesting. There is no vampire hopping at all in this film, though there is a guy running around in the Qing style uniforms. We got no priests, and the effects shots are entirely digital and sparse. I don’t know if the complete lack of religious figures blasting the vampires is because the film is trying to appeal to more Western audiences who would be confused, or if there is some film guidelines from Mainland China that are against that stuff showing up. I do think the latter is why there were less gross/makeup effects that used to be common in these films.

Only mean people on the internet can make Chrissie Chau sad

Besides Jiang Luxia and Chrissie Chau, there are a bunch of other models in the cast – Haley C, Annie G, Dominic, Laying, Mia C, Suki, all of these are model/lang mo names. One expects the amount of Blue Steel in this movie will keep Pittsburgh in business for a bajillion years. I’m sure other girls with normal names in the credits are also models, it’s almost as if Dennis Law was trolling for dates. We also have two alumni from the original Mr. Vampire film, who are also the only people (besides one old lady) who look over 24 in the film. So please forgive the scant biographical information on some of these girls, as there isn’t any in English. As a final note, the film toys with some lesbian undertones between the main characters, which is sort of weird, especially since this film takes place in the all-too-common Hong Kong world where everyone is attractive 22 year old models who have never had a boyfriend.

Gymkata!

Ar (Jiang Lu-Xia) – Ar is a vampire hunter who spends all night killing vampires. Ar killed vampires with her father when she was young. She is also illiterate and has no money, as killing vampires doesn’t pay well. Jiang Lu-xia is rocking some awful extensions. Did one of the 1000 models on the movie sabotage her hair? See Jiang Luxia also be awesome in Coweb and Bad Blood.
Max (Chrissie Chau Sau-Na) – Vampire Max is Ar’s best friend and is a vegetarian vampire. Max’s favorite food is corgi, and definitely not obviously stuffed rabbit or ketchup. Chrissie Chau is the queen of the new breed of models showing up in Hong Kong called lang mo. Lang mo are models who aren’t fashion models but thanks to the internet get famous via the internet, and publish picture books of themselves wearing bikinis, something that is still shocking to many people in Hong Kong. There was even a big book fair recently where the lang mos like Chrissie Chau were banned and that caused much publicity and the models just showed up anyway as visitors. Chau is in an impressive number of recent films and will probably be in many more and inspire a whole new generation of lang mos.
Mung (Yuen Wah) – Mung is a Vampire Vampire, who consumes the blood of vampires to get powerful or something. Yuen Wah is one of two Mr. Vampire alums, and has been in a bajillion films, including My Kung Fu Sweetheart and Kung Fu Hustle.
Lung (Chin Siu-Ho) – Lung is the dad of the vampire family and is 1500 years old. He likes younger chicks, and lying to younger chicks. Chin Siu-Ho is another Mr. Vampire alum.
Rex (Rock Ji) – The brother in the family and the family member every sister has a crush on, even though Rex is too dense to pick up on it. Rock Ji is a male model. Shocking that another model is in this cast, I know.
Kar (DaDa Lo Chung-Chi) – The 800 year old vampire sister who is sick of living the unfeeling life. She gets her wish, though in the end maybe she didn’t want it so bad. DaDa Lo is a lang mo and also is in a pop group called Sugar Beez with A. Lin. The group appears to be based on the Twins, though most YouTube videos show them performing in front of only a few people at a time.
Lin (A. Lin) – The youngest member of the vampire family. That’s about it for what her character does in the film except almost drink too much water and die. Then she actually dies via Vampire Vampire. A. Lin is a model/singer noted for her resemblance to Gillian Chung. In the group Sugar Beez with DaDa Lo.
Menstruation really hits the spot!
Bad Blood
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Bad Blood (Review)

April 1, 2010By

Bad Blood

aka Mit moon

2010
Directed and written by Dennis Law Sau-Yiu

Bad Blood is a Hong Kong crime film that is about Triads and betrayal and having too many characters to give enough of them proper character development. And it isn’t very good. It is saved from being completely boring by one character going absolutely crazy and by Jiang Luxia beating up lots of dudes.

Granted, the only reason I even bothered to see this film was Jiang Luxia was in it, and from the trailer and description it made it look like she was going to be a deaf evil hit girl. And though she is deaf and dumb, she isn’t an evil hit girl and her character actual does stuff and is likeable, more than in Coweb, but no one still has bothered to use Jiang Luxia in a real capacity. Someone get of your duff and do it right, before I fly to Hong Kong and then quickly fly back home after having breathing problems in the bad air quality.

But Triad films are still the rage thanks to affairs of the infernal kind and dudes who are youthful and menacing. So for every HK Triad film you will sort of remember, there are many more that you will not. This might qualify as a film you will remember, but not because of the intriguing Triad relationships.

Audrey Lok (Bernice Liu Bik-Yi) – Audrey Lok is the female heir of a crime family who wants to go straight. Or does she? Beware, for when she cuts her hair she goes from normal to insane! No one will stand in her way. Bernice Liu’s picture was on the wall of a dim sum place I was eating at soon after I watched Bad Blood, so now she is following me and soon will try to tie me to an SUV and set me on fire as well. Too bad she has to wait in line for that chance!
Funky (Simon Yam Tat-Wah) – The default new leader of the gang who presides over most of the gang getting killed and himself killed. What a great leader! Simon Yam was on TarsTarkas.NET before with Fatal Termination and Future Cops.
Calf (Andy On Chi-Kit) –With a face deformed by a birthmark, this illegitimate son of a hooker is the heir to the crime family that is only barely tolerated by the rest of the family. Finds Dumby and takes care of her, but he is used by Audrey to get revenge on everyone. Andy On was Jet in Lethal Angels, so he’s got that going for him.
Dumby (Jiang Luxia) – Dumby is deaf and dumb, hence her name. Dumby talks via texting and sign language. She knows kung fu, having been trained by Calf who found her as an orphan on the streets. Spends her spare time doing amateur super-heroish work. Is not related to the Seven Dwarves or Gumby.
Brother Zen (Michael Chan Wai-Man) – An older gang member with grey hair and smart enough to figure out things despite being a lower-tier guy. But he gets killed regardless. That’s what you get for being named “Brother Zen”!
Kong (Xiong Xin-Xin) – Kong is a gang member who also runs a gym. That’s about it for his character, and then he’s killed. Xiong Xin-Xin has probably done action choreography in many films that you have seen. Or maybe not, because I don’t know what you’ve been watching. He also directed Coweb.
Hung (Ken Lo Wai-Kwong) – Another member of the gang who does stuff and then gets killed. You gotta love characterization like that! Ken Lo has been an HK actor for decades, and has made appearances on TarsTarkas.NET in Future Cops and Nobody’s Perfect.

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