Female Vampire

aka Les Avaleuses
1973
Starring
Lina Romay as Countess Irina Karlstein
Jack Taylor as Baron Von Rathony aka Lando
Anna Watican as Journalist
Jess Franco as Dr. Roberts
Directed by Jess Franco (as J.P. Johnson)

This Gem from Director Jess Franco is non-stop naked vampire action. Well, there is little action, but the naked vampire doesn’t stop. The most clothing the female lead wears is a dress that looks as if it were made out of a doily. There are about 8000000 different versions of this film running around, so I’m not even sure which version I watched, though the DVD claimed it was the Director’s Cut.

Opens with a woman walking in the woods. She is completely naked except for cape and belt. And the camera focuses on it all (though some of it is out of focus, a problem that plagues this movie like the locusts in Biblical Egypt). She is Vampire Countess Irina, who isn’t a traditional vampire as she is wandering around in the day and has reflections. But this particular day she is wandering in the woods and comes across a farmer who appears to be raising peacocks. The farmer must have spent all his cool points in a previous life, since he looks like Lord High Dork God. Anyway, it’s good enough for Countess, who starts going down on him immediately. He likes it until suddenly he cries out in pain loudly. So loudly it is heard far away from some ultra-seventies Eurotrash guy who looks like a strung out evil Will Ferrell. The dubbing identifies him as Lando or something similar, despite that name not appearing on the IMDB list of casts, and i think it is supposed to be the Baron Von Rathony character. But I will call him Lando non-the less, since the world needs more Landos.