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Honey Bunny Secret Undercover Agents

Secret Undercover Agent: Honey & Bunny (Review)

Secret Undercover Agent: Honey & Bunny

aka Himitsu Sennyuu Sousakan: Honey & Bunny

2007
Directed by Keiichi Kobayashi
Written by Yoshiyuki Morita

From the land of Japan comes the first of the Secret Undercover Agent films, what is basically a showcase for two gravure idols. For those of you who don’t speak Japanophile, gravure idols are models that pose almost naked, but not quite naked. Thus we have no nudity and have to make due with implied nudity. Don’t blame me for the lack of naked chicks, this is purely a Japanese phenomenon. The two gravure idols are Haruna Yabuki and Yuuri Morishita.

The plot of this and the sequel is there is a secret organization whose name I haven’t ever figured out that does James Bond-type work in the fashion industry. So I am guessing Zoolander was also an inspiration. This allows for the girls to wear lots of skimpy outfits, while at the same time there being action and other things happening. What makes the Secret Undercover Agent movies stand out is they are beautifully shot. They seriously have some of the best cinematography I have ever seen in what is essentially an exploitation film. The film was written by Yoshiyuki Morita and directed by Keiichi Kobayashi, so they get the majority of the credit and blame.

The DVDs come lacking English subtitles, so there will be certain things we are guessing at. At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles! Another guess is at some of the character names, our rudimentary translation skills were put to the test and found lacking (partially because I didn’t want to devote three times the amount of time trying to find out a character’s name than I was spending writing the whole review!)

Now, we must try not to let exploitation films speak for a culture as a whole, though it does speak for a subculture of the main culture. Do you want Japan judging us based solely on The Hills Have Eyes 2? As far as exploitation flicks go this is pretty tame and would barely even qualify, if it wasn’t so blatant on showing off the gravure girls it could even pass itself off as a comedy.

Honey (Haruna Yabuki) – Shoe-throwing tough girl who spends most of the film not trying to care about anyone. I embarrassed by the smallness of her mammaries. Haruna Yabuki is a gravure model so there are a lot of pictures of her in skimpy clothes around the internet. She does not return for the sequel and the role of Honey is recast. But check out this gallery of images!
Bunny (Yuuri Morishita) – The newest agent, simple and sweet, also has a big rack. Said sweetness and big rackness makes Honey treat her with disdain at first. Yuuri Morishita can also be seen in Monster X Strikes Back.
Capp (???) – We call this guy Capp because we aren’t sure of his character’s name, though it might be Kamakita or Hanzai. He is the agent in charge of this little spy ring, and spends most of the film lusting after Honey.
Saki (Minami Otomo) – Reception girl for the spy agency, also specializes as a bartender when doing undercover work in big stings.
Nervous Guy (????) – The other male agent in the spy agency, Nervous Guy is sort of shy but doesn’t really do much except provide someone for Capp to talk to when the girls are undercover. Joins in on big stings like Saki does. I am not sure of his character’s name, but it might be Hacebe.
Shitagi (Fumie Nakajima) – The boss where Bunny interviewing for a job as a bondage gravure model and involved in some sort of illegal shenanigans. Is a fashion dictator, but manages to escape in the end. I am not sure what her name is, but she was involved in launching the Shitagi Collection so we are calling her Shitagi.

Neko Ramen Taisho

Neko Ramen Taisho (Review)

Neko Ramen Taisho

aka Pussy Soup

2008
Directed by Minoru Kawasaki
Written by Minoru Kawasaki and Masakazu Migita


Minoru Kawasaki makes some of the weirdest films to come out of Japan since the last weird film to come out of Japan, which was like last week or something. Okay, Japan has a LOT of weird films, but at least Minoru Kawasaki’s are entertaining. And usually not insane enough that you can talk about them with strangers and they won’t think you are insane. If you disagree with this, try explaining the plot of Tokyo Gore Police to the person sitting next to you on the bus and see if they start looking disturbed. Minoru Kawasaki specializes in films where animals do people’s jobs. Usually, the animals are human sized, but in this film the cats are cat sized, even if they are played by puppets. Besides the animal films, Minoru Kawasaki also directed The Monster X Strikes Back: Attack the G8 Summit.

Neko Ramen Taisho started life as a Flash anime series. Then it became a movie with puppets, thus being superior because puppets>anime any day of the week. The English subtitlers decided to call it Pussy Soup, which is clever, but as I learned all about it and eagerly awaited it as Neko Ramen Taisho, that’s what I call it and that means I will ignore the Pussy Soup jokes.

There are some famous Japanese cats in this film, so if you enjoy famous Japanese cats, this is a sure bet winner!

Jeff III (Toru Furuya) – William Thomas Jefferson III – will go by the name Master, aka Taisho, thus the title of the film. Amazing, huh? Jeff III was groomed to be a Cat Idol by his father, but Jeff III wanted none of it, and after being beaten around by his father runs off to find his lot in life. Eventually settling on running a ramen noodle shack, things change again when a rival cat ramen noodle shop opens down the street.
Jeff II (Seizo Kato) – William Thomas Jefferson II – will go by the name Shogun. He is a famous Supermodel Cat (aka Cat Idol) and demands his son follow his path. Is brutal in his disceplin to make his son a Cat Idol, so much that Jeff III runs away. Even when Jeff II is shamed and run out of the model industry, he follows his son to try to shame him further.
Tanaka (Kazuki Kato) – A regular customer in Jeff III’s ramen shop and probably Jeff III’s closest friend. Kazuki Kato is a J-pop star.
Mariko (Nao Nagasawa) – A woman who is friends with Tanaka and pseudogirlfriend. Not a big fan of ramen noodles, but supportive of her friend Tanaka even if she has completely different ideas. Nao Nagasawa is a singer and model that you can see more of in this gallery post as well as see her as a ninja in Geisha vs. Ninja.
Ramen chef (Toshio Kurosawa) – The Ramen chef who rehabilitates Jeff III from his depression, and infuses a love of crafting ramen noodles into Jeff III, giving him newfound purpose in life. Also helps his student during the challenge from his father.
Miki (???) – Miki is the girl with the cat who is the love interest for Jeff III.

Assault Girls

Another Assault Girls Trailer

Assault Girls

UPDATE: Read our review of Assault Girls here!

The trailer for Mamoru Oshii’s Assault Girls has landed. The true story of a post-apocalyptic future where three hot Japanese girls hunt sand worms. Okay, maybe it’s not true. Yet! Gray (Meisa Kuroki), Lucifer (Rinko Kikuchi), and Colonel (Hinako Saeki) get into a world of trouble when a new super-giant worm shows up. Sort of like when that happened in Beetlejuice. He was the ghost with the most, baby.
Source: NipponCinema
Official site

K-20: Legend of the Mask (Review)

K-20: Legend of the Mask

aka K-20: Kaijin niju menso den

2008
Directed by Shimako Sato

In a world where Japan avoided going to war with the US, the Meiji Era nobility continues to exist in 1949. This has created a huge divide between the rich and the poor in the capital city of Teito. Yes, Teito. Stay with me here. No social mobility leads to a massive poor underclass and a tiny fraction of superrich. This playland for the rich is not without costs, as a masked villain known as K-20, the Fiend with 20 Faces, drives fear in their hearts as he steals their money. K-20 is not a noble thief or a Robin Hood, he is just a jerk who robs jerks.

There are also police zeppelins that drop police gyroplanes, because that always happens in comic books.

Series creator Edogawa Rampo is a popular horror and mystery writer whose work has been turned into cinema since 1927. After WWII, most samurai and similar films were banned, and Edogawa Rampo’s vast contemporary work was quickly put on the big screen. The K-20 stories originate in a Boy Detectives series launched in 1936 that lasted 26 years. Edogawa Rampo’s character of The Fiend With Twenty Faces is a mysterious master of disguise, and Detective Kogoro Akechi is called Rampo’s alter ego. Other early Rampo films include 1946’s The Palette Knife Murder (Palette Knife no Satsujin) and 1947’s Ghost Pagoda (Yurei To) and Phantom With Twenty Faces (Kaijin Nijumenso), which is the same Phantom story that inspired the novel this film is based on.

Said novel is the 1989 work from playwright Soh Kitamura, which updates the classic Rampo Akechi tales. Kitamura’s completely new take on the tale caused much controversy among Rampo Edogawa’s fans, much like many remakes.

More about Edogawa Rampo: Yes, Edogawa Rampo is not his real name, Taro Hirai named himself after Edgar Allen Poe! His first writing successes were in 1923, his erotic horror style is called eroguro-nansensu. Other Rampo stories on film include 1969’s The Blind Beast (Moju), 1969’s The Horror of Malformed Men (Kyofu Kikei Ningen), 1976’s The Stroller in the Attic (Yaneura no Sanposha) and 1968’s Black Lizard (Kurotokage). Rampo eventually became a character in mystery films of his own, in the movie Rampo (and this film has two wildly different versions.)

Heikichi Endo (Takeshi Kaneshiro) – A poor circus acrobat finds himself framed and in the middle of a giant conspiracy involving super-criminal K20. Totally hates thieves, until he becomes one. Takeshi Kaneshiro is half-Japanese and half-Chinese, and shows up in both Japanese and Chinese films, including the recent The Warlords and Red Cliff.
Detective Kogoro Akechi (Toru Nakamura) – Baron Detective Kogoro Akechi is the nemesis of K20. Has fought him for years, but has a terrible secret. Toru Nakamura was last seen on TarsTarkas.NET in 2009: Lost Memories
Yoko Hashiba (Takako Matsu) – Duchess Yoko Hashiba is the daughter of a creator of a device based on Tesla’s work, as well as a privileged aristocrat who realizes that society is corrupt after seeing the truth. And she likes to fly gyroplanes! Takako Matsu is a hard working actress/singer/theater actress in Japan and is the only idol to never have to wear a swimsuit.
Genji (Jun Kunimura) – Circus gadget maker and thief, who pals around with theives. Helps rescue and save Heikichi, in addition to making him tools to help him get back at K20. Jun Kunimura is probably best known to western audiences as Boss Tanaka in Kill Bill or Funaki in Ichi The Killer.
Yoshio Kobayashi (Kanata Hongo) – Boy assistant to Akechi who is part of a Junior Detectives squad which is related to the original serialized stories but only make a brief cameo in the film. Can figure out insanely complicated plots with little or no clues.
Shinsuke (Yuki Imai) – kid friend of Heikichi who worked at the circus until the police destroyed it and he had to get a job being an orphan who takes care of dozens of other kids. Helped out by Yoko Hashiba once she realizes not everyone is rich.
K20 – The Fiend With Twenty Faces – Kaijin means Fiend, thus the K for K20. Or maybe he is the 20th K. Brother of Special K. A thief who steals from the rich and also from the poor, and is a jerk. Just be a Robin Hood thief like you should be, dingleberry!

Geisha vs Ninjas

Geisha vs Ninjas (Review)

Geisha vs Ninjas

aka Geisha Assassin

2008
Directed by Go Ohara

Having read Memoirs of a Geisha years before it became a terrible film, I am an expert on the Geisha and their generational war with the ninja, and am glad a film finally sheds some light on this dark mark on Japanese culture. The geisha has been underrepresented in movie culture because of the firm grip of ninja clans in the film producing world. Ninja master Godfrey Ho has spammed countless video rental businesses with ninja propaganda, to the point where the geisha are all but forgotten. Only in recent years have they made a move on mass culture, and now the Geisha/Ninja war gets it due on the big screen. And by big screen I mean your DVD player.

Do you like ninjas fighting geishas? Then you will like the first twenty minutes or so. after that, the ninjas are no more and the film becomes Geisha vs. _______, with “_______” being each new opponent she faces. Instead of one big film, just view it as a bunch of fighting shorts tied together by a loose narrative. That does mean the Geisha vs. Ninja title is misleading, thus probably why it was changed by the American distributor. The film looks like it should be a cheaply produced junkpile with terrible fights, but the action sequences have a lot of work put into them and are entertaining. I was impressed. Geisha vs. Ninja certainly wasn’t highly financed, but they wisely threw all their money into the action choreography, and that saves the film.

Kotomi Yamabe (Minami Tsukui) – Saw her father murdered before her eyes when she was a young child, and now seeks revenge. Minami Tsukui is a newcomer to Japanese cinema, but she’ll probably show up in some more genre pictures at least.
Female ninja (Nao Nagasawa) – We shall add one of the ninjas in the Roll Call because it is Geisha vs. Ninja. Nao Nagasawa is an actress, singer and model. She was on some Sentai show so I’ll probably get lots of hits from Power Ranger fans. Since she poses for billions of pictures we collected a bunch of them in a gallery. Hey, that stuff gets us ad revenue!
Ainu woman (Kaori Sakai) – So many other random enemies could be here, but let’s continue with the hot chick theme. Oddly enough, there is little information about this hot chick. Google searching for “Japanese Pocahontas” produces a surprising amount of porn, so I can’t even make a good joke.
Katagiri Hyo-e (???)- The samurai guy who killed Kotomi’s father in front of her and who she pursues. Has a bunch of lackeys he sends after her one by one. Also, there is a twist. It is twisty. I don’t know who played him.
Shugoro Yamabe (???) – Kotomi’s father who was killed in front of her by Katagiri Hyo-e. Very concerned over who will inherit the Yamabe Sword. Maybe you should have had a boy, dude. Not what he appears. I don’t know who played him.

Assault Girls

Assault Girls trailer

Assault Girls

UPDATE: Read our review of Assault Girls here!

Japanese girls vs giant sand worms in the post-apocalyptic future. NipponCinema brought the trailer to the outside world.

Plot: In the aftermath of global thermonuclear war, the Earth’s surface has been turned into a desert battlefield. Three beautiful female hunters: Gray (Meisa Kuroki), Lucifer (Rinko Kikuchi), and Colonel (Hinako Saeki) traverse the barren landscape armed with powerful assault rifles to fight a group of deadly sand-dwelling monsters called “sunakujira” (sand whales). When the the epic battle eventually seems to be coming to an end, the sparkle of muzzle flash dies down and assault ship flies overhead. Suddenly, a gigantic super mutation called “Madara Sunakujira” attacks.
Mamoru Oshii directs and it hits theaters in Japan in December, no word on if it will show up in the US.

previous story here
thanks to Avery for the head’s up