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InMovie Reviews, Ugly

I Love Hong Kong

July 15, 2011By

I Love Hong Kong

aka Ngo oi Heung Gong: Hoi sum man seoi aka 我愛香港

2011
Directed by Chung Shu-Kai and Eric Tsang Chi-Wai
I Love Hong Kong
I Love Hong Kong is another Shaw/TVB backed Lunar New Year comedy coming on the heals of 2010’s 72 Tenants of Prosperity. It is also deeply tied to Hong Kong nostalgia, and growing up in Hong Kong. Thus, a lot of the charm of the film does not translate well to overseas markets. And while parts of the film are funny and interesting, it feels like you are at your roommate’s family reunion. This isn’t to say that I Love Hong Kong is a bad film, but if you didn’t spend time living in Hong Kong, it is probably impossible to fully appreciate it. And I say that as someone who’s never lived in Hong Kong.
I Love Hong Kong
During the Lunar New Year in Hong Kong, it has become tradition for the studios to release comedy films. And that tradition dates back to 1937’s Bloom and Prosper, a film that doesn’t exist any more. Lunar New Year’s films generally have huge casts bursting to the brims with everyone famous they can cram in, wacky plots, romance, and lampooning cultural targets. And while the modern age may have lessened the impact of the box office, the tradition is alive and well. Besides starring a whole host of people, I Love Hong Kong has two directors, three script writers (Chung Shu-Kai, Heiward Mak Hei-Yan, Wong Yeung-Tat), and is based on an original story by 8 people (Eric Tsang, Chung Shu Kai, Heiward Mak, Wong Yeung Tat, Manho Mok, Chan Cheuk Wah, Ming Wong, and Louis Ng)! That’s almost as many people as who write the average terrible Hollywood blockbuster. Some of the cameos include Tenky Tin Kai-Man, Michelle Lo Mik-Suet, and even Maggie Cheung!

The theme song repeats the “I Love Hong Kong” phrase a lot, and by the end of the song you are reassured that everyone on the planet loves Hong Kong. So get with the program! There are several other songs in the films, usually during flashback sequences, and they are classic songs well enough known that my wife was singing along.
I Love Hong Kong

Ng Shun (Tony Leung Ka-Fai) – The former owner of a toy factory out of work when the factory is forced to close. Moves his whole family (illegally) into his father’s apartment, where he grew up, and reconnects with the residents he left behind. played by Bosco Wong in flashbacks.
Shun So (Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu) – Forced to take an old job at a beautician’s office, but is treated like crap by her former coworker and friend. In another hilarious scene, she acts as a stunt double for a tv series. Her youngest daughter is Ng King (Chan Wing Lam). Sandra Ng is also in Mr. and Mrs. Incredible, The Eight Hilarious Gods, and Beauty on Duty.
Ng Tung (Stanley Fung Sui-Fan) – Shun’s dad and grandfather to the three kids. Lives in the Hong Kong apartment complex all his life, and now has to deal with his grown son returning with his whole family. Is fully integrated in the complex and never wants to leave. Also his birthday is July 14th, and that’s the day I finished writing this review. Coincidence?? I think not!!!! Stanley Fung has been in over 100 films, so odds are you’ve seen him in something.
Ng Ming (Aarif Lee Chi-Ting) – The son of the Ng family. Is FEHD (Food and Environmental Hygiene Department), but his job is going after street vendors, which is bad because where he just moved into is filled with the people he’ll be busting! Aarif Lee is one of the new Hong Kong heartthrob guys you will probably hear a lot of soon. They even reference one of his earlier roles as Bruce Lee in this film.
Ng Chee (Mag Lam Yan-Tung) – The Ng’s older daughter, who works as a promotions model while going to college. Is shy and not wanting to bare her body like the famous E Cup Baby. Mag Lam won the reality show The Voice 2 and was quickly snatched up to a four year deal by EEG. This is her first film.
Tok Shui Lung (Eric Tsang Chi-Wai) – After some rough goings when he first comes back, Tok Shui Ling and Ng Shun return to being best of buds. Tok knows a lot about everything and is good at getting Shun to go along with his schemes to get into trouble. But there is more to Tok Shui Lung than we, and Ng Shun, know. Tok is played by Wong Cho-lam in flashbacks, where we watch as his girlfriend becomes Miss Hong Kong and dumps him. Eric Tsang is also on TarsTarkas.NET in Kung Fu Cyborg and Task Force.

I Love Hong Kong

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

All’s Well Ends Well 2011 (Review)

July 14, 2011By

All’s Well Ends Well 2011

aka 最強囍事 aka Ji keung hei si 2011

2011
Directed by Chan Hing-Kar and Janet Chun Siu-Jan
Written by Chan Hing-Kar, Ho Miu-Kei, and Fung Ching-Ching

All’s Well Ends Well 2011 follows in the footprints of it’s four predecessors in presenting a series of couples who spend the majority of the film bickering about the nature of love and then end up all marrying or getting together at the end. The previous film a year prior reset the action to ancient China, but we’re back to modern day and with an almost entirely new cast, save Louis Koo and a few brief cameos (AngelaBaby, Ronald Cheng Chung-Kei, Stephy Tang Lai-Yan, and a billion others!) The story is a mix of several stereotypical lovers stories, with a healthy mix of fantasy scenes and goofy side characters to keep things going until everyone gets married.

Sammy (Louis Koo Tin-Lok) – Sammy is a famous makeup artist who obsesses over women, despite putting on an air of homosexuality. But all shells must crack, and Sammy meets his match in his personal assistant, Claire. Louis Koo continues to be in every movie ever made in Hong Kong. See him here in Mr. and Mrs. Incredible.
Claire (Cecilia Cheung Pak-Chi) – Sammy’s personal assistant at the cosmetic company. She takes her job serious and doesn’t waste time chasing after money. Sammy defends her through all the crap she takes from other people, causing her to have feelings for him instead of the billionaire chasing after her. This is Cecilia’s big return to the screen after the Edison Chen photo scandal and taking a break to have some children. Between the time I watched this film and the time the review was published, Cecilia and her husband Nicholas Tse became embroiled in a huge divorce drama. Cecilia is also here in The Promise and My Kung Fu Sweetheart.
Clerk Chan (Raymond Wong Pak-Ming) – Clerk Chan is a billionaire businessman too busy to spend time with his girlfriend, so he gives her a cosmetics company to keep her busy until he has time to marry her. This backfires when Dream begins to spend all her time making the company work. Raymond Wong has been in all of the All’s Well, Ends Well films.
Dream (Yan Ni) – Clerk’s girlfriend who he puts in charge of a cosmetics company to keep her busy while he does business deals. Dream takes the job serious and becomes very involved in her company. Clerk must work to keep her heart.
Arnold Cheng (Donnie Yen Ji-Dan) – A cosmetics salesman and friendly rival to Sammy, who recruits him to his new company. Arnold is also friends with Mona. Donnie Yen co-directed Protege de la Rose Noire
Mona (Carina Lau Ka-Ling) – a writer who gets invested in her books and is friends with Arnold. Carina Lau was also in Detective Dee

mr and mrs incredible
InGood, Movie Reviews

Mr. and Mrs. Incredible (Review)

June 6, 2011By

Mr. and Mrs. Incredible

aka San kei hap lui aka 神奇俠侶

2011
Directed by Vincent Kok Tak-Chiu
Written by Steven Fung Min-Hang, Vincent Kok Tak-Chiu, and Chan Po-Chun

I’ll be blunt – Mr. and Mrs. Incredible is the best film I’ve seen out of Hong Kong in 2011 so far. That’s either great praise for Mr. and Mrs. Incredible, or a scathing indictment of this year’s crop of movies. It’s both, actually! Mr. and Mrs. Incredible is less of an action fest superhero movie, and more of a film about couples and conflicts that arise in a relationship that just happens to be between two superbeings. And it’s pretty damn good. A costumed period piece that takes queues from The Incredibles and several other super hero in real world pictures, we join Gazer Warrior and Aroma Warrior ten years into retirement as Flint and Rouge, living out their lives in a peaceful village in the middle of nowhere. But fate has decreed that the two superheroes will once again don their uniforms.

The real world super hero subgenre has grown significantly as of late, with storytellers finding the same thing Marvel did in the 1960s, that it is much more interesting to have actual people be the super heroes vs. mythological perfect beings with no problems ever. Movies like Watchmen, Super, and Defendor show real people with real problems donning capes and punching people. Now, the leads of Mr. and Mrs. Incredible don’t have deep psychological problems, emotional abuse issues, anger management problems, delusions, or revenge fantasies brought about by murdered parents. Their problems are much the same as most real couples. Part of Mr. and Mrs. Incredible‘s strength is that it sounds like familiar arguments even as it is surrounded by super hero antics and wacky comedy.

Flint (Louis Koo Tin-Lok) – The former Gazer Warrior has been retired for ten years and now serves as the head of the guard at a small peaceful village. His eyesight is starting to go, and he’s one of the few people in town who can read. But suddenly his peaceful village gets a lot fo visitors…Louis Koo is in like a bajillion movies, even getting injured in a motorcycle accident hasn’t slowed him down, they just had to work his action films around his injury.
Rouge (Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu) – The former Aroma Warrior is also retired and living with her husband, running a restaurant in town. Her days are spent listening to the local gossiping women and hating cockroaches. Sandra Ng is also in The Eight Hilarious Gods and Beauty on Duty.
Gazer Warrior (Louis Koo Tin-Lok) – Gazer Warrior sports laser-beams from his eyes, super sight, super strength, invulnerability, super speed, and a costume fit for a dark knight.
Aroma Warrior (Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu) – Aroma Warrior sports the Aroma Palm, super strength, invulnerability, super speed, and being hot.
Phoenix Bleu (Li Qin) – a martial arts apprentice come to watch the tournament. Takes a shine to Flint due to her love of Gazer Warrior. Gets unwanted attention from spoiled kid King Kong.
Grandmaster Blanc (Wang Bo-Chieh) – The organizer of event who looks creepy and is obviously up to no good. I’m on to you, Blanc! Blanc, like your moral compass! White, because you are empty, empty of color, empty of soul! Your body cold as ice, because you’re a sparkle vampire written by some Mormon chick in some terrible novels! Oh, yes, I know all about you, Blanc!

InBad, Movie Reviews

Out of the Dark (Review)

May 30, 2011By

Out of the Dark

aka Wui wan yeh

1995
Written and directed by Jeff Lau Chun-Wai
Out of the Dark
Stephen Chow is known as one of the funniest people to come out of the Hong Kong film industry. His films have become favorites around the globe and he has legions of fans. Chow’s mo lei tau films cross all sorts of genres, from spies to action to historical to gambling to sports. People argue over which of his films are the best. But one film that rarely is brought up is Out of the Dark, and here at TarsTarkas.NET we believe that is a crime. In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion that Out of the Dark is my favorite Stephen Chow film. But it isn’t a non-stop wacky film, it’s a comedy that’s also a pretty spooky ghost film with a very high body count. Most of the look, costumes, and even a few character names are ganked from Besson’s Leon: The Professional. Heck, there’s even a plant! Director Jeff Lau previously directed several ghost movies, and Chow in the Chinese Odyssey flicks. He moved on to Metallic Attraction: Kung Fu Cyborg among other films.
Out of the Dark
Out of the Dark doesn’t fit the mold of the normal mo lei tau films, it spends time transcending the genre of wackiness while simultaneously embracing it (yes, that’s possible!) Out of the Dark shows much of the genius later captured by Kung Fu Hustle as a mo lei tau that is more. But instead of following a hero arc, we instead follow a group of people caught up in the sins of an evil family and their revenges from beyond the grave. There are kids brandishing knives, creepy old ladies, possessions, and the one man crazy enough to not be scared of this crap. Someone’s gotta bust ghosts and take up where Lam Ching-Ying left off! So let’s get our Dark on!
Out of the Dark

Leon (Stephen Chow Sing-Chi) – He’s Leon, he’s nuts, he ain’t afraid of no ghosts! Leon can defeat the forces of darkness thanks to his superior will and superior insanity. Leon takes the security team under his wing, attempting to save them from the wrath of poltergeists.
Qun (Karen Mok Man-Wai) – A girl at the crossroads who stumbles across Leon and is instantly smitten. Qun has what it takes to follow Leon into the abyss. Qun is sometimes subtitled as Kwan. Karen Mok later dealt with ghosts in Haunted Office, and also appeared in Task Force.
Tieh Dan (Wong Yat-Fei ) – A suicidal security officer due to his wife running off during the beginning of the film. Spends most of the first 1/3rd trying to kill himself, and the last 2/3rd fighting for his life.
Lily (himself) – Leon’s flower that can see ghosts. This is not the first time a plant has gotten a credit in Roll Call.

Out of the Dark

War God movie
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

War God (Review)

May 6, 2011By

War God

aka Calamity aka Guan Yu

1976
Directed by Chen Hung Min

Dink dink, dink dink dink dink dink!

War God is a movie that was missing for a long long time. It sort of became a legend among the growing Asian film community on the internet as a lost kaiju film. Little was known about it except some posters and promo images, and the knowledge that it was broadcast on Taiwanese TV at some point recently, meaning a copy existed somewhere. But beyond that, it was unavailable. Then someone found a VHS and it leaked all over the internet, so here we are! Because FourDK and TarsTarkas.NET both cover many of the same paths of film watchership, we’re timing our reviews to drop on the same day. Why compete when you can turn it into something special? This way it is sort of an event. A War God Event. A Calamity, if you will. The real calamity is if you don’t read both of our reviews. You have a responsibility to yourself to read them both, don’t let yourself down again!

Naughty, naughty, naughty! You filthy old soomka!

The best way to describe War God to new viewers is to think of it as a long episode of Ultraman, except instead of the Science Patrol, War God is backed by the Religious Patrol. This is a film not afraid to tell you that when aliens come to Earth with superior technology, don’t try to research ways to defeat them with technology, call on the power of a guy deified. Between that message, the constant moaning and whining of Uncle Chao as he carves the Guan Yu idol, and the subsequent major plot point of painting on Guan Yu’s eyes, the parts of War God that don’t feature giant things beating the tar out of each other can get pretty annoying. Luckily, we have a LOT of scenes of giant things beating the tar out of each other. Finally, a lost film with giant monsters that doesn’t skimp on the giant monsters!

Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?


Thanks to duriandave at softfilm for help in IDing some of the actors:

Chao Chun (Yu Ming Lun) – Head Scientist and head jerk! Okay, not so much a jerk as someone who is too busy with his work to spend time with his family, and thus contributing to the family growing apart. Chao Chun does some sort of nuclear research. Yu Ming Lun was in around 30 films and died on December 24th, 1978
Uncle Chao (???) – Patriarch of the family and a wood carver. Although he is going blind, he continues to carve an idol to Guan Yu due to a promise to his dead wife. Uncle Chao likes to ramble on about when he’s done Guan Yu will give the statue real ultimate power.
Li Yu (Tse Ling-Ling) – Chao Chun’s sister and Uncle Chao’s daughter. Is ignored by the family so Li Yu spends her days hanging around with biker gangs to try to get the attention she is missing at home. Eventually becomes an abduction target of the Martians. Tse Ling-Ling retired from film in 1979, but later returned to TV dramas in the 1980s. She was in Tiger and Crane Fist/The Savage Killers, which was turned into Kung Pow: Enter the Fist in 2002.
Chun Lan (Cindy Tang Hsin) – Chao Chun’s girlfriend and fellow scientist. Tries to keep him a bit in the real world instead of lost in the world of science. All anyone seems to know about Cindy Tang Hsin is that she was in around 20 films and then died at the age of 27.
Guan Yu (???) – Guan Yu is the god of War who grows really big and beats up some Martian jerks. Guan Yu was a real person, though has been fictionalized enough by the Romance of the Three Kingdoms stories that he is more myth than man. And he is deified by many Chinese religions, who borrow from both his real and fictional life and merge with their own belief systems into a hodgepodge of Guan Yu-ism. You will likely find a statue of Guan Yu in many Chinese homes, and he is especially worshiped by Triads.
Martians (???) – These Martians have come to Earth to beat up buildings and dissuade us from science. Masters of Mars, they get schooled on Earth in our ability to get giant people to beat up alien invaders.
This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.
No time for the old in-out, love, I’ve just come to read the meter.
Obama’s new campaign posters looked a little off…
Hidden Heroes
InBad, Movie Reviews

Hidden Heroes (Review)

April 17, 2011By

Hidden Heroes

aka Zhui ji 8 yue 15

2004
Directed by Joe Ma Wai-Ho and Soi Cheang Pou-Soi
Written by Joe Ma Wai-Ho and Sunny Chan Wing-Sun

After Steve Chow stopped doing 30 films a year to focus on bigger projects, Hong Kong went through a state where the genre of mo lei tau was sort of a walking dead. But before the bullets where put through the brain, several pretenders to the throne were marketed. Nick Cheung was just not very funny, but Ronald Cheng at least had some of the childlike charm mixed with perversion and quick wit that was Chow’s claim to fame. Not enough to capture the thrown and come out with 30 films of his own each year, but enough that he could do at least one. Cheng’s acting style was to hold nothing back, often screaming his lines and charging forward, no matter the ridiculous situation, and going with the flow whether situations become dangerous or completely wacky. And much of Hidden Heroes is wacky. It is a mo lei tau film, and done well enough you could see Steve Chow starring in it, but not so mo lei tau that people start dancing in the streets. The tonal shifts remind me a lot of the Fight Back to School films.

Hidden Heroes is also that rare genre of Hong Kong Science Fiction. Not with kung fu masters flying around shooting cartoon rays, but with time traveling robots. And that will bring out comparisons to The Terminator, even though the films are almost completely different. The movie itself even references The Terminator. Because of the nature of Hong Kong cinema, Hidden Heroes becomes a few other genres as it goes along, sometimes tacking serious as the framed cop/corrupt cop story plays out.

This film is also where Charlene Choi and Ronald Cheng worked together enough to fall in love and eventually get secretly married. Their marriage was finally discovered by the Hong Kong press just in time for them to divorce. Another fun fact about Ronald Cheng is that in 2000 he got so drunk and disruptive on a flight it had to make an emergency landing to kick him off, and the pilot beat him over the head with a flashlight. This became the “air rage incident”, because every story in Hong Kong press has a definitive name. The craziness stalled his singing career for years, and he was just getting back into the swing of things as Hidden Heroes was made.

Officer Ho Yoiji (Ronald Cheng Chung-Kei) – Our hero is a lazy coward who spends most of the film plotting to kill the love interest while being engages to another love interest. That is, when he isn’t running away in fear from mad bombers, robot girls, and corrupt cops. And yet, Ho Yoiji is likable, and you want to see him succeed and not be murdered on his appointed date in history.
Mei Ling Chan 1872332 (Charlene Choi Cheuk-Yin) – In the future, there are millions of Charlene Choi robots running around. That seems cool, until you realize what most of them are probably being employed as, and then it all gets disgusting! Robot 1872332 gets blown up. See Charlene Choi also pops up in Protege de la Rose Noire and Beauty on Duty!
Mei Ling Chan 1872333 (Charlene Choi Cheuk-Yin) –Whoa! I guess hair styles in the future are now mimicking Bride of Frankenstein! Robot 1872333 replaces 1872332, and it is her duty to keep Yoiji alive long enough for him to die when he’s supposed to die. Sometimes, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
Mei Ling Chan (Charlene Choi Cheuk-Yin) – Another Charlene Choi robot? Nope, this is the actual Charlene Choi, or Mei Ling Chan, who works making fake passports for criminals until she crosses paths with Ho Yoiji. Then it’s love, and crazy, and love. Love means never having to say your sorry for shoving Yoiji into a washing machine after lying about his fiancee.
Inspector Cheng Wai Ming (Raymond Wong Ho-Yin) – He’s the chief, and he’s corrupt! Ho Yoiji is partially responsible for the death of his lover, and also inadvertently picks up the key to the secret money stash the two criminals had. So now Yoiji is a target. Look out, Yoiji!
Officer Zhang Kitt (Qin Hailu) –Kitt is the only competent member of the police force who isn’t evil. Gets caught up in all the Ho Yoiji hysteria, but is eventually proven right. Qin Hailu is not exactly a comedic actress, and plays her role strictly straight. It sort of works, but it also makes you wonder if she knew it was a comedy film.
Mayumi (Higuchi Asuka) –A former dancing Geisha, now engaged to Ho Yoiji until the time traveling robots show up and his life gets flipped, turned upside down. We don’t have a minute to rap, so basically they agree to see other people.

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