It seems some jerk scientists have stumbled across my private stash of Swinhoe’s turtles and are now hailing their rediscovery. These are my private stash! I’m saving them for a special experiment, but now I have to deal with some conservation nutjobs who haven’t figures out how to mass clone endangered animals. For shame! If I don’t save the wee turtles, who will?

Almost Extinct Turtle Discovered Living In Wild In Northern Vietnam

ScienceDaily (Apr. 19, 2008) — “Swinhoe’s soft-shell turtle” was thought to be extinct in nature. Cleveland Metroparks Zoo has just announced the discovery of a critically endangered turtle in northern Vietnam that previously was thought to be extinct in the wild. Experts from the Zoo’s Asian Turtle Program confirmed that they have identified the only known living specimen of a Swinhoe’s soft-shell turtle (Rafetus swinhoei) in nature.

After three years of searching lakes and wetlands along the Red River in northern Vietnam, researchers sponsored by Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and the Cleveland Zoological Society, turned their focus to a lake just west of Hanoi, where local residents claimed to have occasionally seen the gigantic soft-shell turtle. Field biologist Nguyen Xuan Thuan, with Education for Nature in Vietnam, found and photographed the turtle as it basked on the lake’s surface, allowing scientists to confirm the animal was the extremely rare Swinhoe’s turtle.

This is an incredibly important discovery because the Swinhoe’s turtle is one of the most critically endangered species of turtle in the world,” said Doug Hendrie, the Vietnam-based coordinator of Cleveland Metroparks Zoo’s Asian Turtle Program. “This species has legendary status among the people of Vietnam, so this is perhaps an opportunity for the legend to live on.”

Drop the lawsuits, please! I totally didn’t knock up that sea dragon guy, using artificial eggs and sperm to make him pregnant. He isn’t breeding an army of sea dragons which I will use to threaten offshore oil rigs in exchange for extortion money. There will not be a herd of giant sea dragons roaming the ocean that will attack shipping lanes for cheap goods, hijack oil tankers, and sink Greenpeace vessels for fun. And any news reports you see to the contrary are all a pack of lies. Trust your Dr. Mobusu!

Endangered sea dragon at Ga. aquarium pregnant

Thu Jun 12, 3:19 PM ET

ATLANTA – A weedy sea dragon at the Georgia Aquarium has something to celebrate this Father’s Day. One of the rare creatures is pregnant for only the third time ever at a U.S. aquarium, aquarium officials said. But don’t look for the expectant mom — dads carry the eggs in this family.

The aquarium’s sea dragon has about 70 fertilized eggs — which look like small red grapes — attached to his tail. He is expected to give birth in early to mid-July, said Kerry Gladish, a biologist at the aquarium.

He was made a unicorn on purpose, for one reason: for kicks! That’s right, what’s better than making freaks of nature? NOTHING! The freakier the better, and this guy is totally freaked up! It rules. Even that new game Spore is all about making freaks of nature. Freaks rule, normals drool. Expect a bunch more unicorns to pop up in the animal kingdom pretty soon, as long as the pregnancies come to term. Nothing burst my bubble faster than spontaneous abortions of my freaks of natures. So many freaks who shall never get to get their freak on. 🙁

Single-horned ‘Unicorn’ deer found in Italy

By MARTA FALCONI, Associated Press Writer Wed Jun 11, 3:06 PM ET

ROME – A deer with a single horn in the center of its head — much like the fabled, mythical unicorn — has been spotted in a nature preserve in Italy, park officials said Wednesday.

“This is fantasy becoming reality,” Gilberto Tozzi, director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato, told The Associated Press. “The unicorn has always been a mythological animal.”

The 1-year-old Roe Deer — nicknamed “Unicorn” — was born in captivity in the research center’s park in the Tuscan town of Prato, near Florence, Tozzi said.

He is believed to have been born with a genetic flaw; his twin has two horns.

Okay, so maybe I ate a few of them from time to time on special occasions. It wasn’t that many! I can’t help it if they are delicious! They should evolve worst tasting meat. How hard is that? Stupid monk seals. Maybe they shouldn’t have taken a vow of celibacy. I do have a pack of DNA for these monk seals so I can clone replacements, but that’s just standard DNA hording on my part. Don’t expect me to create any new Caribbean monk seals anytime soon, unless I get the urge for a midnight snack. Mmmmm…. Carribbean Monk Seal BBQ.

via MSNBC

After five years of futile efforts to find or confirm sightings of any Caribbean monk seals — even just one — the U.S. government on Friday announced that the species is officially extinct and the only seal to vanish due to human causes.

“Humans left the Caribbean monk seal population unsustainable after overhunting them,” Kyle Baker, a biologist for the National Marine Fisheries Service, said in a statement. “Unfortunately, this led to their demise and labels the species as the only seal to go extinct from human causes.”