Raging Sharks

2005
Starring
Corin Nemec as Mike Olson
Bernard van Bilderbeek as Harvey
Corbin Bernsen as Captain Riley
Vanessa Angel as Linda Olsen
Todd Jensen as Mr. Stiles

Boy, these sharks sure are RAGIN’!!! The title does not lie, the sharks do go for a rage. Why are they raging? Red-orange alien crystals. Yes, aliens cause sharks to go bonkers. Like sharks need an excuse. Thrill to the horror of Parker Lewis himself, Corin Nemec, battling stock footage from the Discovery Channel. Shutter in horror at how low Corbin Bernsen’s career has fallen. Stand in awe at Vanessa Angel’s complete lack of emotion acting-wise. This film sure makes me rage! I’m like a shark on the prowl, I’ve sniffed blood and shall soon tear this film to pieces.

Like all decent shark movies, this one opens up in outer space as ID4 reject aliens crash an star cruiser into a space station at 3 miles per hour. I guess the aliens haven’t invented space-brakes. The explosion hurls what looks like a Bajoran Orb from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine into deep space, where it lands on Earth a few seconds later. The Orb is a good shot, and manages to land right on top of some Russian cruiser that’s in the Bermuda Triangle, being that the Bermuda Triangle is Russian’s number one port. The cruiser goes to the bottom of the ocean, with the orb aboard. Now we know why everything keeps disappearing in the Bermuda Triangle: Alien car wreck garbage keeps crashing into them. Somebody call Space-Geico! Look out for the Raging Gecko.