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Tai Chi Zero

Tai Chi Zero

aka 太極1從零開始 aka Tai Chi 0

2012
Written by Chang Chia-Lu and Cheng Hsiao-Tse
Directed by Stephen Fung Tak-Lun

Tai Chi Zero
Mike Mulligan and Mary Anne are back, but darker and edgier!

A festive feast of visual excess that leaves you unsatisfied and full of regret, Tai Chi Zero is that mirage in the desert that looks good, but is nothing but sand when you get up close. The fun graphics and video game inspired editing are polish over a generic and predictable plot that doesn’t even do us the favor of trying to be creative. All the enthusiasm and cool effects are wasted, and that just makes me mad!

Now, I love cool looking visuals and razzmatazz editing. But you need something beneath that that’s just as creative. When the story is essentially something that has been done to death a thousand times, often more creatively, it’s just not exciting. The cast, the look, the effects, the wasted potential.

Tai Chi Zero
Chef Emeril Lagasse?

The main hero’s arc tale is set against a conflict that is essentially the modern West vs. the traditional East. Of course, tradition and kung fu wins out over technology and guns. One of the ways to get your film easily approved by Chinese censors is to make it about how awesome China is, so a lot like this is an easy pass. Creative films use that “China rules!” setting to say other things that censors are too dull to pick up on. Instead, Tai Chi Zero has characters saying how technology is bad in scenes with video game graphics and editing. It’s almost as if there is something else being said, but there isn’t. This expectation and disappointment exposes Tai Chi Zero as nothing more than a mannequin that can’t talk or move, but sure is wearing a pretty dress in the store display window. But it has encouraged me to go find some real people in real clothes, aka good movies. The East vs. West thing is even more hilarious because I can literally walk to the high school producer Daniel Wu went to school at here in America.

Tai Chi Zero
It’s the cover of one of those cheap shot on video horror films!

The action scenes I have little complaint with. The diagrams and arrows while the characters go through their stances were neat touches, and Sammo Hung and Andy Cheng Kai-Chung know what they’re doing to make things looks cool. The video game stylizing is incorporated into the choreography, which makes many scenes look like they are straight from a fighting arcade game. When each cast member first shows up, there are character cards for each of them as well as a brief one sentence bio. Besides looking cool, the biographies are good for beginners to Hong Kong/Chinese cinema, and good for those of us who don’t keep up with wushu stars who are making their first appearance in film.

Tai Chi Zero
SURRENDER HUMANS! TODAY THE MACHINES RISE!

Tai Chi Zero‘s tale is your normal hero’s arc story. Yang Lu Chan is The Freak, born with a super rare skin tag on his forehead which means he has super kung fu powers. Which is good, because he doesn’t have super brain powers. Discovered at a young age by a master, Yang Lu Chan is trained as a warrior and becomes his greatest fighter in the battles that come. But a chance encounter with Master Dong clues Yang Lu Chan in that his kung fu skills will prematurely kill him unless he learns negative kung fu, which is only taught in Chen Village, and then not to outsiders.

Yang Lu Chan/The Freak (Jayden Yuan Xiao-Chao) – A fictionalized version of real a tai chi master and teacher, Yuan Xiao-Chao is depicted as a martial arts prodigy with a growth on his forehead – the three crown blossoms – that gives him supernatural powers when smacked. It also will kill him if he doesn’t learn the style of kung fu taught in Chen Village. So he goes to learn. Is not very bright.
Chen Yu Niang (AngelaBaby) – Daughter of Master Chen, leader of the Chen School. She and her boyfriend Fang Zijing are trying to persuade Chen Village to accept the rail station that is planned to be built there. Until Fang Zijing goes bad and rejects her, then she tries to save her home from his plans.
The Old Labourer/Chen Chang Xing (Tony Leung Ka-Fai) – Gee, could this mysterious Yoda character secretly be Master Chen Chang Xing? Duh Doy! Of course, he’s just using Yang Lu Chan to save his village, but eventually is less manipulatively evil about it when the crap hits the fan. Is also a fictionalized version of a real person.
Fang Zijing (Eddie Peng Yu-Yan) – Chinese citizen educated overseas in England, who tries to bring modern technology back to the scoffing villagers. Is never accepted in Chen village and eventually rejects it in favor of not looking like a failure in front of the Emperor. Brings the giant steam machine to forcibly build the rails and reconnects with his overseas lover Claire Heathrow.
Claire Heathrow (Mandy Lieu) – Fang Zijing’s sweetheart from England who has come over as part of the East India company to lay tracks, and also to come with Fang.
Tai Chi Zero
I hate it when my steam-powered superweapon is infested with lady ninjas!t

White Haired Witch drops a poster! (and literally drops an actor!)

The teaser poster for the new upcoming 3D version of The Bride with White Hair (called White Haired Witch and the Moon Kingdom or The Bride with White Hair 3D – 白髮魔女傳之明月天國3D) is up. This time, Fan Bingbing will play the titular white haired lady. (Fan Bingbing has somehow managed to not be in a movie I’ve reviewed except Future X-Cops!) If you recall, the other Bingbing, Li Bingbing, played the same basic character in Jackie Chan/Jet Li’s Forbidden Kingdom. The classic version will always be the 1993 duology The Bride with White Hair parts 1 and 2, with Brigitte Lin in the title role.

The new Bride with White Hair caused some controversy when actor Huang Xiaoming was injured on set, sustaining a comminute fracture in two toes on his left foot. That basically means his toe bones were smashed! Of course, he’s a workaholic, and was soon back in the swing of things despite the injury.

Jacob Cheung Chi-Leung/Zhang Zhiliang directs this new version of the tale, which is from Mainland China production companies. Vincent Zhao stars alongside Fan Bingbing and Huang Xiaoming, along with costars Wang Xuebing, Shera Li, Mark Du, Nicholas Tse, and Kevin Yan.

via Filmsmash and AsianFanatics

White Hair Witch 3d poster

The Wrath Of Vajra will flow!

Dr Vajayjay Kimmel

No, The Wrath Of Vajra has nothing to do with another weird name for lady parts invented by Oprah (and having them seek revenge!) but is an upcoming Chinese martial arts film that looks like they took Ong-Bak and combined it with Fist of Legend or Ip Man. So the winner is everyone who loves brutal martial arts action!

Xing Yu stars (you might remember him from Kung Fu Hustle) and as he’s an actual Shaolin Monk, his kung fu is pretty authentic. The theme will be cultural pride, so expect the Japanese characters to be a big bunch of jerks. Even the plot synopsis agrees with my theory:

In the 1930s, before the Western powers entered World War II, a Japanese death cult called the Temple of Hades is ordered to work alongside the military to aid in the spiritual destruction of China. The elite warriors believe that the war can be won without the use of man-made weapons. They buy young children from impoverished parents and train them in martial arts to be assassins serving the Japanese Empire.

When he was 8 years old, Vajrasattva was among the children sold to the Temple of Hades. Forced by his captors to fight for food, he accidentally caused the death of his brother. He made a secret oath to take revenge. Many years later, and now the greatest assassin in the temple, he escapes to China and joins the Southern Shaolin Temple, where he receives spiritual enlightenment and vows to protect his own country against the Japanese.

Law Wing Cheong directs. The Wrath Of Vajra also stars Steve Yoo, Nam “Poppin” Hyun-joon, Jiang Bao Cheng, Zhang Yamei, Ikeuchi Hiroyuki, and Kurata Yasuaki. The trailer is up at Twitch, click on through to give it a watch. (it’s too wide to embed here)

Now if you excuse me, I have to go write a screenplay about a vagina that goes on a revenge quest…

Princess & Seven Kung Fu Masters (笑功震武林) is pure Wong Jing


Wong Jing is back again for the 100th time (okay, okay, 93rd time…) with Princess & Seven Kung Fu Masters (笑功震武林), a sort of kung fu Snow White but not really but also wacky weird stuff. With Sammo Hung as Sammo Hung, and also Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu, Ronald Cheng Chung-Kei, Eric Tsang Chi-Wai, Rose Chan Ka-Wun, Timmy Hung Tin-Ming, Natalie Meng Yao, Xie Na, Yuen Wah, Bruce Leung Siu-Lung, Wong Cho-Lam, and many more. It looks totally, totally…something. And because everything Hong Kong is Chinese now, it’s in Mandarin. Yeah.

The plot:

During the early years of the Republic era, in the North-East region of China, the people are suffering from the power struggle among the local Warlords, bandits, and Japanese invaders. Warlord Lam (Sammo Hung), is not a leader of great vision, but stands firm in his own beliefs. The only paradise within the region is ‘Lucky Town’, the one place where no one dared to attack as it was protected by the seven kung fu masters who have resided there. When young patriots, Yan Fang (Rose Chan) who disguised herself as a man, and Howard Luo (Dennis To), infiltrate Tiger’s Den at night trying to steal the code book fail in their mission and tries to run, only Yan survives and is rescued by Cheryl. Mistaking Yan as a man, Cheryl falls for Yan. She then brings Yan to Lucky Town and begs the Seven Masters to cure Yan. Cheryl and the Seven Masters are then told of the secret plan by the Japanese, and together, they resolve to fight against Tiger Den and save Warlord Lam.

Natalie Meng Yao

How dare you!

Shu Qi Chrissie Chau Journey to the West 2013

Your 2013 Lunar New Year Comedies!

Shu Qi Chrissie Chau Journey to the West

It’s that time of the year, when China shuts down thanks to Chinese New Year! In between everyone going to see their family and every family going out for an incredibly expensive dinner, there is also the tradition of going to see ridiculous comedy films in the theaters! The Lunar New Year comedies are a source of some of the best comedy films from Hong Kong! And also some of the most terrible… But let’s not dwell on those failures, because they get buried beneath the sands of progress progress progress. And more films the next year! This time, we got a three-way battle plan, and the first time in two years that there isn’t an I Love Hong Kong/Alls Well Ends Well matchup at the box office. Because last year’s entries are buried beneath the sands of progress progress progress.

Journey to the West: Fell Monsters Chapter (西游·降魔篇) – The most anticipated of the three new years comedies, because it’s the long-awaited return of Stephen Chow to film! He’s directing this insane take on the famous Monkey King story, even if his appearance in front of the camera will be brief if he does it at all. In any event, I cannot wait, and will literally murder every single one of you to get to see this film. Yes, even you, Tiny Tim. Think I’ll spare you because of your gimpy leg? Think not!
We posted the trailer here

Hotel Deluxe (百星酒店) – Vincent Kok’s entry takes place at a fancy hotel, and like all good Lunar New Year comedies, a bajillion things are going on. The hotel hires scab employees, it’s being used as a film set, is being renovated, and is hosting a fake wedding. Yes, only those few plot lines! Hotel Deluxe stars Ronald Cheng Chung-Kei, Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu, Teresa Mo Sun-Kwan, Chapman To Man-Chat, Fiona Sit Hoi-Kei, Eric Kot Man-Fai, Raymond Wong Pak-Ming, Lynn Hung Doi-Lam, Karena Ng Chin-Yu, and many more. Raymond Wong is producing. It opens February 7th
The trailer:

Better and Better (越來越好·村晚) – Zhang Yibai (with help from Xie Dong-Shen) bring us this Mainland funded comedy on February 10th. It features Tony Leung Ka-Fai, Wang Bao-Qiang, Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu, Wu Gang, Aaron Kwok Fu-Sing, Wang Luo-Dan, Xu Jing-Lei, Ni Da-Hong, and cameos from the likes of Karen Mok Man-Wai and Zhang Ziyi.
Trailer:

Who will win the ultimate showdown of ultimate 2013 Lunar New Year Destiny? Probably Stephen Chow unless that film sucks, than it’s anyone’s game!!!!!!! Enjoy the lots of pictures below.

via Roast Pork, Sina

And let’s not forget I Love Hong Kong 2013 (2013我爱香港之恭喜发财), like I almost did!