Bone Alone is not a porn film, but a Talking Dog Home Alone from Asylum!

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals! Asylum is back to take that literally, by giving us what we’ve all be craving – a Home Alone ripoff that features talking dogs! Bone Alone looks so much like Home Alone from the trailer, that this will be a Christmas classic for years to come, even featuring completely unrelated terrible sequels made decades later.

Bone Alone follows a similar plot to Home Alone: Bone the dog is a bad doggie and is forbidden from going to grandma’s house for food, so he’s left home alone. Where a bunch of thieves break in, and Bone must defend his house with all his doggie powers. Which involves lots of traps that Bone is somehow able to put together despite having no opposable thumbs. Also he talks, and there are other talking dogs, so Bone isn’t really alone. Why Bone doesn’t just yell at the burglars is a mystery. Kevin Sorbo shows up with a “dog catcher” uniform on, and is exploded. Now we know why Bone was left alone — he’s the Unabomber!

Perhaps this will spawn an entire genre of dog-themed mockbusters of popular films. A Jurassic Bark that doesn’t make you cry, anyone? Bone Matrix? Commandog? I demand all these films be made. By Christmas!

Also I lied, Bone Alone IS a porn film, but it’s a different Bone Alone!