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Age of the Hobbits synopsis

The Asylum’s filmed in Cambodia mockbuster Age of the Hobbits has advanced to the point that a plot synopsis and actors have appeared on their official site.

In an age long ago, the last village of clever, peace-loving Hobbits is attacked and enslaved by the Java Men, komodo-worshiping, dragon-riding cannibals. Now the young Hobbit Goben, along with his father and sister, must seek help from the “giants” (human hunters) to find the Javas’ lair and rescue the last surviving Hobbits, Goben’s mother among them. In their quest to destroy the Javas, the heroic partnership of humans and Hobbits will transform both species forever.

From the sound of it, they’re incorporating a lot of details from various homonid species. The Hobbits are the so-called real Hobbits, Homo floresiensis. The Java Men also take their name from a Homo erectus subspecies colloquially called Java Man (Homo erectus erectus) The Komodo mentions means the whole thing is set in the Indonesian region, where Java Man and the Flores Man are both found. So this is basically Quest for Fire meets Willow meets Caravan of Courage. Which I like. Christopher Judge (Stargate), Bai Ling (all sorts of awesome stuff), and Sun Korng (I have no idea) are attached. Joseph Lawson directed, he actually did digital work on the LOTR trilogy, as well as directing Nazis at the Center of the Earth. Writer Eric Forsberg wrote the entertaining Arachnoquake. This means Age of the Hobbits could be pretty good. Just don’t be boring, that’s all I ask!

Homo floresiensis

Actual photo of Bai Ling


pic via

The Asylum's A Field Guide to Cryptozoology

Want.

Official Press Release:

VANCOUVER (June 29, 2012) – Arcana Comics is excited to announce they will be teaming up with The Asylum, the movie studio behind such “monstrous” films as MEGA SHARK VS CROCOSAURUS and TRANSMORPHERS, at San Diego Comic Con! To celebrate, Arcana Comics is releasing a limited edition, SDCC Exclusive, A Field Guide to Cryptozoology, featuring creatures from The Asylum‘s films.

Drawn by the talented Mike Dubisch with writing and design work from Michael David Nelsen (SIDESHOWS, CHAMPIONS OF THE WILD WEIRD WEST), the field guide shows off the creatures of The Asylum films in spectacular fashion, and only people attending SDCC this year will be able to pick up a copy.

Look out for booth 2415 at SDCC this year starting on July 11th (Preview Night) to find Arcana Comics and The Asylum, and be sure to pick up a copy of this limited exclusive before it’s gone!

Time to scout around on Ebay in a few weeks to score a copy of this!

Cryptozoology The Asylum

Asylum gives us Age of the Hobbits and some Buddies

Movie concept improvers The Asylum got profiled again, this time by the LA Times (in an article that mentions many other knockoff/mockbuster studios) and there was a nice tidbit about one of their upcoming films that was news to everyone:

That’s why the Asylum is sending a small crew to Cambodia to shoot what could be the hottest drafting opportunity title of the holiday season: “Age of the Hobbits.” If all goes well, the disc will be stocked in Redbox kiosks before director Peter Jackson’s”The Hobbit” hits theaters in December.

Yes, a Hobbit mockbuster! Filmed in Cambodia, of all places! Age of the Hobbits has the potential to be awesometacular!

Speaking of awesometacular, the Air Bud/Air Buddies series has given us 12 entries so far (including spinoff films) but what it hasn’t produced is a wave of immitators that have staying power. That may change when The Asylum comes to town, because they’re also doing their own golden retreiver puppies series, Golden Winter! And thanks to the winter theme, it can easily be sequelized to different seasons without missing a beat! Featuring Shannon Elizabeth and Haylie Duff, the film will feature a kid who befriends some puppies and then they stop a bank robbery. Maybe this will be puppy Home Alone too? Tom Seidman writes and directs. Clearly Haylie Duff proves she’s the superior Duff sister. No, that wasn’t a joke, by the way. She voices Rory the puppy leader.

Golden Winter

We're not buddies, in fact, we all hate each other and you!

The Asylum gives us an Atlantic Rim to go with Pacific Rim

But when will we get an Indian Rim?

Notice how hard I’m trying to not do “rim job” jokes in these posts. So mockbuster masters the Asylum have announced their Pacific Rim mockbuster, and it’s Atlantic Rim. The plot seems pretty similar, just a bit lower in scope:

When giant monsters crawl out of the Atlantic Ocean and attack the Eastern Seaboard, the US Government is forced to trust A.I. robots to defend the country.

Asylum’s flicks have been getting progressively better, and hopefully Atlantic Rim will be a cheesetastic good time where giant robots fight giant monsters. Maybe one of the giant robots can transform into Titanic 2 or something.

via DreadCentral

Atlantic Rim

Rimformers! More than meets the...I'm sure you can figure out the joke!

Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark is coming!

Yes, it’s true! The Asylum has gone and done it, and announce the third film in the Mega Shark trilogy – Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark. This time, Mega Shark faces her greatest threat, her mechanical double, Mecha Shark! One would think that Mega Shark would also be Mecha Shark’s greatest threat, but you are wrong. Mecha Shark’s real greatest threat is rust!

I bet you didn’t see that joke coming, even though you should have!

Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark is just announced, so no real information about which former pop star/sitcom star will be fighting the giant shark, but we’ll let you know as soon as the world finds out.

You can read our review of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus here, and look out for the upcoming Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus review, which might just feature some puppets…

And here is a bonus Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies teaser trailer, because, why the frak not??

via ObservationNotes

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

Prepare to get your Lincoln on this year…

Yes, folks, there are at least three (3) Lincoln movies coming your way in 2012, and two of them involve Lincoln fighting various monsters in history mashup genre bending tales of what if history. Or just dumb stories about Lincoln killing things. Either way, the movies are coming, and you’ll just have to deal with them!

First up is Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, based on Seth Grahame-Smith’s novel. Seth Grahame-Smith is the guy who started those awful mashup books that mix public domain stories with werewolves and zombies and crap. Soon everyone rushed to make a cheap buck, and now the bookstore shelves are littered with this garbage, making it harder to find novels about space babes kicking butt. I mean, harder to find William Shakespeare books. Yeah, that’s it! So Lincoln had a secret journal where he killed vampires, and vampires caused the Civil War and are responsible for slavery! Timur Bekmambetov directs, and Benjamin Walker, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rufus Sewell, Jimmi Simpson, Dominic Cooper, and Alan Tudyk star.

Not to be outdone, the Asylum has their own Lincoln killing things movie: Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies!

Just check out this poster:
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies

And also there’s a boring true life biography of Lincoln coming out, called Lincoln. Steven Spielberg directs it and Daniel Day-Lewis is Lincoln. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jared Harris, Tommy Lee Jones, Jackie Earle Haley, James Spader, and Sally Field also star. It will probably be good and get Oscar noms. If you’re into that sort of stuff.