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Naked Weapon
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Naked Weapon (Review)

January 16, 2005By

Naked Weapon

aka Chek law dak gung

2002
Starring
Maggie Q as Charlene Ching
Anya Wu as Katherine
Almen Wong Pui-Ha as Madam M
Daniel Wu as Jack Chen

As a big fan of Naked Killer and similar fare, I was initially thrilled when it was announced that they would be remaking it, and that Wong Jing would be involved. Then it was announced it would instead be a “Naked Killer“-type movie, and I began to get a little worried. This formula is hard to do wrong, though, and Jing has been doing it for decades. OR so I thought. Instead, what could have easily been a great movie instead became a shining example of everything WRONG with Hong Kong cinema these days and explains why they are being surpassed by Korea and other places. Some of the many many problems will be addressed when they come up and others at the end.


Tarantula
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Tarantula (Review)

January 8, 2005By

Tarantula


1955
Starring
John Agar as Dr. Matt Hastings
Mara Corday as Steve (Stephanie) Clayton
Leo G. Carroll as Prof. Gerald Deemer
Clint Eastwood as Jet Squadron Leader

Tarantula immediately sets the tone for it’s 1950’s sci-fi-ness by a bleak opening involving a dying mutant in the desert. Over the course of this movie the White Hero and Cold Female Scientist will work together to defeat the Monster Menace caused by the Old Mad Scientist in what would be a cookie cutter movie. It came out in 1955, one year after Gojira but one year before Godzilla with Steve Martin hit the US shores. How much that movie influenced this is unknown to me, but this is a pretty well made for the time giant monster movie on par with some of the earlier movies in the daikaiju genre. It even features a young Clint Eastwood as the leader of a jet squadron that is sent to send the spider to Spider Hell. This movie does differ in the spider is a real spider blown up to enormous size as opposed to a man in suit, so it is similar to other classics such as Giant Gila Monster.

Seytan
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Seytan aka Turkish Exorcist (Review)

January 8, 2005By

Seytan

aka Turkish Exorcist

1974

Starring

Canan Perver as Gul
Agah Hun as The exorcist (Father Amish here)
Meral Taygun as Gul’s mother Ayten


Another Turkish rip-off in the fine tradition of Turkish rip-offs. This time it’s a scene for scene remake of The Exorcist, except since the Turkish people are Muslims a few changes were made, and it’s not that scene for scene. Because it follows the American version closely it doesn’t delve into plotical weirdness that other Turkish greats such as Turkish Star Wars and 3 Dev Adam do. But fear not, this is an effort in pain. I managed to get a subtitled version so I have actual character’s names (for the most part) and a vague memory of seeing The Exorcist 15 years ago as a point of comparison. As we can’t get to the end unless I get started, off we go!

Romper Stomper
InBad, Movie Reviews

Romper Stomper (Review)

December 9, 2004By

Romper Stomper


1992

Starring

Russell Crowe as Hando
Daniel Pollock as Davey
Jacqueline McKenzie as Gabe
Directed by Geoffrey Wright

Before Russell Crowe was Gladiator, he was a soldier of the white race. But not a very good one. And this movie is not exceptional, either, though it isn’t that bad. It’s interesting to see a younger Crowe play a completely different character than usually seen in American films. Actually it’s interesting to see an actor I don’t really care for be a villain main character. Russell Crowe’s acting is like this introduction, it isn’t very good!


InBad, Movie Reviews

Catch the Heat

November 25, 2004By

Catch the Heat


1987
Starring
Tiana Alexandra as Checkers Goldberg
Rod Steiger as Jason Hannibal
David Dukes as Waldo Tarr
Can you Catch the Heat? Not really, the heat is more like the warmth you feel if you sit down where someone was just sitting, not flaming hot heat as the title suggests. Maybe Catch the Lukewarmness should have been the movie’s title. Or Generic 80’s Action Film #2323535 as that is an accurate description. The only thing going for it is Tiana Alexandra is hot but she seemed to vanish after this film, so this is her Citizen Kane sadly enough.

Tiana Alexandra Catch the Heat
Catch the Heat

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