1939
Starring
Groucho Marx as J. Cheever Loophole
Chico Marx as Antonio Pirelli
Harpo Marx as Punchy
Kenny Baker as Jeff Wilson
Florence Rice as Julie Randall
Margaret Dumont as Mrs. Susan Dukesbury
Another Marx Brother’s film! This one has Our Boys involved in Hot Circus Action, gorillas gone wild, ceiling walking, quotes galore, cannons, quips, gags, and lots of fun. A welcome change from the parade of Turkish Monstrosities.
aka Combat High
1986
Starring
Keith Gordon as Max Mendelsson
Wally Ward as Perry Barnett
George Clooney as Biff Woods
A made for TV movie from 1986 styled after Police Academy, except they forgot the funny. And the Guy who makes noises. Gotta have Michael Winslow. They try to make up for it with lots of guest stars from TV shows at the time. This movie has only seen the light of day on DVD due to George Clooney’s early performance. George Clooney’s past is our misfortune. Read on, you apes, you wanna live forever?
aka Kilink in Istanbul
1967
Starring (best guesses here)
Yildirim Gencer as Kilink (Killing)
Irfan Atasoy as Shazem
Muzaffer Tema as Prof. Cemil (Professor Lucy)
Mine Soley as Bespectacled Blonde Babe Assistant
??? as Turkish Grandpa Al Lewis
Directed by Yilmaz Atadeniz
Looks like an old serial chopped up and combined in movie form. It doesn’t even have an ending! There was supposed to be a whole series of these starring Kilink or Killing. In this one he’s evil, but he’s more of an anti-hero. Maybe I can track one of the others down sometime soon. This one itself took me three years trekking in uncharted Asian rain forests searching for a lost Temple of the Hubatonga tribe, only to have my guide Hadji betray me and sell me for a couple of magic beans to a cannibal witch, from who I stole this video during my escape. (Ebay, $8)
2004
Starring
Halle Berry as Patience Phillips/Catwoman
Benjamin Bratt as Tom Lone
Sharon Stone as Laurel Hedare
Lambert Wilson as George Hedare
Frances Conroy as Ophelia
Alex Borstein as Sally
Directed by Pitof
A movie destined to fail, 12 years after Michelle Pfeiffer starred as Catwoman in Batman Returns they finally crank out the spinoff. Except it’s not really a spinoff. We don’t know what it is, exactly, except painful. All of the Catwoman backstory from decades of DC comics is thrown right out, in favor os some multiple Catwomen throughout history garbage. I guess Pitof saw Catwomen of the Moon and decided he liked it. Or not. This movie was plagued with production premonitions of it’s terribleness. It took years to develop, and when Berry was finally signed, it looked like maybe there was something good going on. It was all lies and false hopes. The announcement they were ditching all Batman references was a bad sign, and then Catwoman was announced to not be Selena Kyle but instead the never heard of Patience Phillips. It wasn’t a complete wash yet….
Then the photos of the costume hit.
aka Geunyeoreul moreumyeon gancheob
2004
Starring
Kim Jung-hwa as Park Hyo-jin (spy)
Kong Yu as Choi Go-bong
Nam Sang-mi as Nam Jin-a
Jadu as Park Hyo-Jin (Real)
Baek Il-seob as Park Mu-sun
In a follow up to Korean romantic comedy Too Beautiful to Lie it’s time to review another Korean romantic comedy. This one is also pretty darn good. Now that makes the movies fun to watch, but not much fun to review, as it’s harder to be nice than to lash out violently as Turkish rip-offs speak gibberish or Starman beats up aliens for hours on end. But in the end it makes you a better person, to not be filled with hate. Or so they say, I just am saving my rage for the next film. I promise it will be crap. Now let’s get started on something good.
aka Don’t Believe Her! aka Geunyeoreul midji maseyo
2004
Starring
Kim Ha-Neul as Joo Young-ju
Kang Dong-won as Choi Hee-chu
Nam Sang-mi as Jae-eun
Joo Young-ju is behind bars, living the life of a female prisoner in South Korea. She spends her time making a wooden goose for her sister’s upcoming wedding, and is now up for parole. She tells the parole board her father is dead, her mother works constantly, and her sister missed a year of school to pay for her education, all while tearing up. The Parole Board buys it and she’s granted a release, but back in the holding area she is teaching the other prisoners how to lie convincingly and cry correctly. Young-ju leaves the prison and calls her sister, who is embarrassed by Young-ju and doesn’t want her future in-laws to know Young-ju is an ex-con.
Young-ju goes on a train ride, where a parade of passengers of varying degrees of annoyance sit by her. Finally a young man named Choi Hee-chul sits by her, though she is asleep at this point. Hee-chul pulls out an engagement ring from his coat and begins fondling it, given shades of Gollum. One bump of the train later, and the ring has fallen to the ground, and rolled underneath Young-ju. To get his ring back, Hee-chul has to reach past Young-ju, which he tries to do as she sleeps, but she awakens to him on the floor with his hand beneath her legs and freaks out, hitting him repeatedly.
