Yeke Bezan

Yeke Bezan (Review)

Yeke Bezan

aka یکه بزن aka Little Hero aka Yekeh Bezan
Yeke Bezan
1967
Written and directed by Reza Safai
Yeke Bezan
Three Iranian Supermen (including a Superwoman!) Now that got your attention, let me deflate your joy for a bit by explaining that three characters dress up as Superman and fly around for a few minutes in the middle of the film, powered by a magic wand that also turns them into Tarzan characters and gunfighters out of an Old West movie. But, still, Iranian people running around dressed as Superman is not something you expect to see. The global image of Iranian cinema is a bunch of art house films all banned in their home country, but readers of TarsTarkas.NET know that Iranian cinema is much more than that. As we saw with Shab Neshini Dar Jahanam/A Party In Hell, pre-Revolution Iran put out a wide degree of cinema, including fantasy elements. There is even a term for these silly films, Filmfarsi, coined by Iranian film critic Houshang Kavoosi. Filmfarsi movies are low-budget populist fare that takes tropes and queues from other countries’ movies, particularly Indian cinema. The genre still continues today, though now the stories are worked around the censors, requiring directors to either tow the line or be very creative in their subversion.

Our focus is on 1967’s Yeke Bezan (The internet tells me that translates to Little Hero, but there is no giant octopi firing babies at genderbending kung fu starlets!) It is a goofy comedic fantasy film with roots all over. The long sequences of characters punching and shooting at each other seems lifted from Hollywood’s serials, giving it a common feel to the Turkish Super Hero movies that also feature large-scale “borrowing” of American pop culture. The characters break out into song, with beats that fit right in with Indian film. They even follow the Indian character breakdowns: A Handsome Hero, a Behrouz as his sidekick, a good girl who the hero ends up loving, and a bad girl who hangs out with the villains. Both the Handsome Hero and Behrouz spend time chasing after the bad girl, who we know is bad because she wears towels while talking to the men!
Yeke Bezan
In fact, there is a large amount of attractive women who shuffle through the film. 1960s Iran must have been a swinging place. Like several countries, the cinematography when women are on screen focuses on specific parts of their bodies, here it is either their bare backs (in the case of the bad girl in towels mentioned above), or more often, their legs, with the women almost exclusively wearing short shorts.

Overall, Yeke Bezan is interesting to watch because it’s unlike what you think films from Iran would be like, but it’s similarities to other genre cinemas of the time will also preview how much you will enjoy it. If you like the midstream Turkish Superhero movies that spend more time punching and goofing than superheroing, then Yeke Bezan will be up your alley. Otherwise, you’ll probably be bored for half an hour, entertained for 20 minutes, then bored for the conclusion of the film.
Yeke Bezan
Writer/Director Reza Safai is hard to find information on, partially because he shares a name with an up and coming actor/director named Reza Sixo Safai. I don’t know if they are related, all I can definitively find out about Reza Safai is he directed a string of fifty‐two Filmfarsi movies from 1961 to 1978, but his career cratered out after the Revolution. He wrote, produced, and even acted in many of those films. There was a brief attempt at a revival post-Revolution, but he ran into censorship problems. He was efficient with resources (aka cheap), would extend filming hours to cut down on the number of days on location, made promotional material out of outtakes, and often had one film shooting while another was processing in the lab. Reza Safai at one point dated starlet Mercedeh Kamyab, a fact that was more important than mentioning his actual career in at least one book about Iranian cinema.

Despite the goofy Filmfarsi cinema getting critical disdain, Yeke Bezan is a cinema classic in Iran. So much so that it was even remade in 2004 as Sharlatan (Charlatan), which follows the original plot rather closely, including the magic wand turning them into Superman scenes! So that’s two Iranian Superman movies! The film follows the original close enough I stole some of the character names from it to use for characters here. If anyone who has seen Yeke Bekan can help out, that would be great. I fully expect someone to stop by 7 years after an internet hero fansubs Yeke Bekan, outraged that I got a character’s name wrong. Sharlatan is released on DVD with English subtitles, unlike Yeke Bezan, which was taken from an internet rip of a vcd rip of a VHS tape that is probably second generation of a degraded negative that has two obvious missing scenes. With no subtitles, but at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!

The fun part of doing research on Yeke Bezan was that even though I drew a blank on a lot of things I tried to discover about this film, I stumbled across several other exciting things. Needless to say, expect a whole pack of obscure Iranian fantasy films to appear in the next few months, and hopefully more once I identify what movies are on a few mystery posters. I did get a few of the cast, but some of them are mysteries. Frank Myrqhary and Hassan Rezaei are listed in the credits, I’m not sure who is who.
Yeke Bezan
But for now it’s time to get farsi, filmfarsi, with Yeke Bekan!

Hasan (Reza Beyk Imanverdi) – Our intrepid hero, who spends the day doing good things and being a free spirit floater. And occasional hero for hire. Defeats the villains, gains a magic wand and the girl. Reza Beyk Imanverdi was an Iranian theater actor whose big break came when he met director Samuel Khachikian at a car accident, and Khachikian cast him in one of his films. That ballooned to a huge career that not only headlined many Iranian films, but gained him international stardom and roles in films in Turkey and Italy. He was forced out of Iran after the Revolution and eventually settled in America, becoming a truck driver. He died in 2003 of lung cancer.
Behrouz (Dariush Asadzadeh) – Hasan’s goofy sidekick who is usually sporting a sideways hat. He’s the comic relief, though manages to be a little less annoying than the traditional comic relief guy. Actor Dariush Asadzadeh is still performing on Iranian dramas into his 90s, but beyond that there is little biographical information about him in English.
Mahshid (Mina) – Rich lady under the care of her uncle, though all her wealth seems consecrated in a necklace that everyone wants. Hasan crushes on her. I was unable to find anything out about Mina.
Maryam (???) – Maryam is the bad gal who gives the heroes someone to perv on while maintaining Mashid’s chaste nature. Because she’s a sultry seductress she has to be evil, thus she’s allied with the villain, Homayoun. I don’t know who played her.
Homayoun (???) – The Bald Eyepatch Villain who menaces Mahshid in pursuit of her necklace that’s worth tons of money. Is repeatedly foiled by Hasan and Behrouz. Not sure who played him.

Yeke Bezan

One Christmas Eve Hallmark

One Christmas Eve (Review)

One Christmas Eve

One Christmas Eve Hallmark
2014
Written by Holly Goldberg Sloan
Directed by Jay Russell

One Christmas Eve Hallmark
Ever have one of those crazy nights where all sorts of weird stuff happens, and then you pick up a bunch of new best friends and a dog? Sure, we all have many times, and One Christmas Eve celebrates that phenomenon with Christmas flair! One Christmas Eve is a comedy movie which I didn’t know Hallmark even did, but I guess so because here it is! One Christmas Eve is an uneven holiday film that jumps around tonally and has some major missteps, but also does a few things surprisingly well that worked out enough to win me over in the end.

Nell Blackmore (Anne Heche) is freaking out trying to ensure the first Christmas after her divorce is a magical one for her two children. Opera-obsessed bad singer Emma (Alissa Skovbye) and video gamer Alden (Griffin Kane) are less than worried that Christmas won’t be special, because kids will be kids. Cesar Cortez (Carlos Gómez) is a worker looking to get him and be miserable during Christmas break, only to find someone dumped a puppy in front of his store. With no one around as it’s late at night on Christmas Eve, he looks for a happy family to dump the dog on the doorstep of to pass the buck. He picks the Blackmores, but his attempt to flee after buzzing the doorbell is foiled when he slips on a sled and injures his leg. Nell suddenly has to deal with someone injured on her property while a mystery dog entrances her children.

Thus begins the troubles for the night, as they go to the hospital. Nell parks the van in the loading zone, thinking it will just be a minute, but ends up taking forever (as someone who has been to the ER several times, you should expect to sacrifice many hours waiting around). She also first meets Dr. Chen (Brian Tee), who will take care of the family during each of their visits tonight. Alden takes the dog for a walk and ends up falling down a hole in a building under construction. Emma wanders out to go find him, and their van gets towed thanks to Reggie (Kevin Daniels) the security guard. Thus as soon as Cesar is free to go to the hospital, they’re back, with Alden having a broken wrist and Emma having cold exposure. That was rather poorly executed, her coat gets caught on a fence so she just leaves it, and suddenly is hospitalized even though it doesn’t seem that cold, and she’s fine a short bit later.
One Christmas Eve Hallmark

Coed and the Zombie Stoner

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner (Review)

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner

Coed and the Zombie Stoner
2014
Written by Scotty Mullen
Directed by Glenn R. Miller

Coed and the Zombie Stoner

This happened all the time when I was a meter maid!


Zombies! Frat parties! Nude chicks! Drugs! Crass jokes! The Coed and the Zombie Stoner is a modern mish-mashterpiece of crazy that won’t settle for just being ridonkulous. Much as Dark Helmet sends Spaceball 1 into ludicrous speed, The Coed and the Zombie Stoner makes its own pattern of plaid, and thankfully is wearing its helmet!

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner begins with nude chicks and a zombie attack, and then backs up to the Warm Bodies-esque love tale, by way of the Mary Jane. Marijuana is the cause of and solution to the zombie menace, as the weed is partially responsible for the experiment gone awry that causes the zombies, as well as keeping the zombies calm so they don’t attack people.

Special breakout performances from Jamie Noel as Bambi, the sorority bitch from hell! In a most excellent scene she drops her own version of the cunt-punch email that made the internet rounds, and you believe in your heart of hearts that her character would gleefully threaten such a thing.

Coed and the Zombie Stoner

This is a disaster! Ziggy deserves better than page 3!


Lena Young and Dora Pereli as Bibi and Bunny, goofy sorority besties who can’t seem to keep their clothes on. I’ve been around enough to know you have to be very good to act that goofy and ditzy and energetic without it coming off a totally fake, and they nail their performances. Even Chrissy joins in on their sorority chants in the middle of crisis, it’s how infectiously charismatic these two are. Those suds in the opening scene? Spontaneously appeared because of how bubbly these two are!

Zombie purists will get annoyed that the Romero rules aren’t being enforced, but zombie purists are annoying, so good. The rules seem more like the Return of the Living Dead rules, except pot mellows the zombies out. The zombies retain much of their minds, and even stage elaborate scenarios and entertaining games as they devour their prey

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner is like the 1980s college flicks and zombie flicks crashed into each other, then were bathed in 2010s sensibilities. There are references all over the place to other films, and at times it seems we jump right into a scene from one of them. The Coed and the Zombie Stoner is a clearinghouse for toilet humor. Not just the actual humor involving toilets and bodily functions, but within the universe. The frats and sororities have provocative names like KY House, DIK Frat, and even ZBE Frat, the fraternity that foreshadows. Christine Nguyen cameos as a librarian, and Mindy Robinson has a bit part as Nurse Escandalo. So there is just so much fun going on, let the party begin!

Coed and the Zombie Stoner

This is a weird reboot of Captain N: The Game Master


Chrissy Chrysanthemum (Catherine Annette) – Brilliant college student, sorority sister, and researcher who talks and talks and talks and talks. Her constant talking leaves her without a boyfriend and in danger of losing her scholarship, until she meets a nice zombie guy who listens.
Rigo Fabian (Grant O’Connell) – Secret zombie who lives in one of the labs, he’s from back in the class of ’85, yet only Dr. Avon knows he’s still around until he starts dating Chrissy. Is a nice guy zombie except for his zombie temper. was a brilliant researcher before the accident.
Bambi (Jamie Noel) – The Queen Bee of Sorority Crazy, Bambi is a force of nature that destroys all in her path. Anyone who dares put things out of place gets demolished and humiliated, and her usual target is Chrissy.
Bibi (Lena Young) – Super energetic sorority sister who spends most of the film forgetting to wear clothes and hanging out with her BFF, Bunny.
Bunny (Dora Pereli) – Super energetic sorority sister who spends most of the film forgetting to wear clothes and hanging out with her BFF, Bibi.
Spike (Andrew Clements) – Chrissy’s brother and local DJ. Has an unfortunate encounter with a zombie’s hand.
P.J. (Ben Whalen) – Chrissy’s ex-boyfriend who dumps her right at the beginning of the film for Bambi, and then spends the whole time acting like the gigantic douche he is.
Dr. Pier Avon (Louis J. Dezsoran) – Chrissy’s boss at the university and the only person who knew about Rigo all these years before he is introduced to the rest of the school.
Brad (Aaron Caleb) – Nerdish frat guy who can’t catch a break, or a girl, though has caught a cold sore. Gets in touch with his feminine side.
Romero the cat (???) – A very naughty cat who is also a pot zombie as well as a namecheck reference to zombie movies.
Coed and the Zombie Stoner

The car was already like this, the montage was them just changing outfits!

A Cookie Cutter Christmas Hallmark

A Cookie Cutter Christmas (Review)

A Cookie Cutter Christmas

A Cookie Cutter Christmas Hallmark
2014
Written by Barbara Kymlicka
Directed by Christie Will Wolf

A Cookie Cutter Christmas Hallmark

Hi, I’m the Thicke that doesn’t sing rapey songs! Watch me eat lots of cookies!


If you enjoy scenes of Alan Thicke eating various cookies, you will love A Cookie Cutter Christmas! For everyone who isn’t one of those four people, let me tell you about A Cookie Cutter Christmas. Hallmark delivers a tale of female rivalry that becomes a Christmas miracle because that’s just how they roll. Thus, A Cookie Cutter Christmas has us follow a woman who constantly loses to her rival in a battle for the only eligible guy in town as well as learning how to cook. The rival aspect might turn some people off, but it’s not that unusual for life. Some people are constantly comparing themselves to others and have to be better than them. The keeping up with the Jonses mentality can be self-destructive, cause financial ruin, and it’s also pretty annoying when someone keeps beating you again and again. That might not seem very Christmas, but like it or not, competition is a big part of Christmas. Displays, gifts, cards, arguing with relatives over Christmas dinner, the true meanings are often lost, and those with competitive streaks can get sucked right in.

Christie Reynolds (Erin Karkow) has been competing with Penny Miller (Miranda Frigon) since they were children, Penny stealing her verses in a Christmas pageant long ago and the rivalry living on decades later with both women as teachers at the same elementary school forever engaged in proxy battles. Penny Miller seems to win almost all of the conflicts, her students raise more money and she even organizes the big Christmas fund raiser now. Thus, Christie is in a down point in her life, forever stuck in second place.

A Cookie Cutter Christmas Hallmark

Worst pot cookies ever!


Enter hunky single dad James Thompson (David Haydn-Jones), whose wife thoughtfully died off long enough ago that dating again is a possibility. His daughter Lily (Genea Charpentier) ends up enrolled in Christie’s class instead of Penny’s, but soon both women are working for the affection of the new hunk in town. James is super charity man, having moved to their small town specifically to start a charitable organization, thus now Penny alters the big fund raiser to help him out. Penny also organizes a bake off competition at the school, the winning teacher getting a fat sack of cash to use for a class trip. Christie enters the contest, both because her students would love a field trip and because it’s another thing to compete with Penny in. The only problem is that Christie cannot cook. At all. Her mom, Bev Reynolds (Laura Soltis), tells her point blank to her face that her food sucks. In the first round of the competition Christie doesn’t even get her food cooked before judging! Thus she’s going to need a crash course in baking, and guess which new hunky single dad in town once wanted to be a chef?
A Cookie Cutter Christmas Hallmark

I like the Christmas lights in the shape of a hamburger in the background!

Nine Lives of Christmas Hallmark

The Nine Lives of Christmas (Review)

The Nine Lives of Christmas

Nine Lives of Christmas Hallmark
2014
Written by Nancey Silvers
Based on the book by Sheila Roberts
Directed by Mark Jean

Nine Lives of Christmas Hallmark

Hello? Morris auditions?


Christmas is that time of year when one thinks of cat based romance tales (or tails), and finally someone has made a film about the thoughts that every normal person has during the season. The Nine Lives of Christmas is a nice fun film that lets the charisma of the actors and lead cat overcome a weaker script. At points things come together a bit too easily, which lessens the impacts of the personal insecurities both Zachary and Marilee are feeling. But those objections are largely inconsequential as the film is charming enough to rise above that to deliver some holiday cheer.

The best part of The Nine Lives of Christmas is that it is pretty much a reverse Garfield movie. Instead of a sassy fat cat, Ambrose is a sweet friendly cat. Instead of a dorky cartoonist, Zachary Stone is a dreamy firefighter. Instead of a vet who constantly rejects his advances, Marilee White is a vet student whose life goals give her the excuses she needs to reject a social life. And the cat doesn’t talk. Before I knew anything about the film except for a rough plot outline, it was already the film from Hallmark’s 12 Movies of Christmas event that I was most interested in.

Nine Lives of Christmas Hallmark

The Cat that Defeated Superman!


Zachary Stone (Brandon Routh) – Firefighter who lives the single lifestyle of not wanting to get married or even have a serious relationship. He’s the envy of some of his coworkers, but Zachary’s habit of doing good deeds results in him getting a stray cat that plants the seeds of responsibility, and spending all his time with Marilee plants the seeds of romance. Also, he’s freaking Superman!
Marilee White (Kimberly Sustad) – Marilee White is a sleepy but brilliant vet school student who has no time for a love life, what with all the studying and the working at a pet supply store, where she is the designated employee that deals with the problem customers. Her apartment complex is run by one of those evil landlords who are all up in your business, and if you have a pet, you are immediately evicted, which probably violates the law but will be important for plot purposes. Marilee does have a clandestine cat named Queenie, and Marilee spends most of her down time dodging questions from her friends and sister about when she’s going to get herself a boyfriend.
Ambrose (???) – Ambrose is a smart cat looking for a home, and Zachary saves him from a dog, so now he’s his new owner. That’s how it works in Ambrose’s world. Ambrose finds keys, understands complex human emotions, and gets adopted as the official firehouse cat. He’s also the catalist that cause Zachary to rethink his unattached lifestyle. Becomes best buds with Queenie.
Queenie (???) – Marilee’s secret cat that she can talk to to unwind after a long day or work and study. Queenie is against her apartment rules, but once evicted she can move into a spare room Zachary has.
Jaclyn (Stephanie Bennett) – Marilee’s sister, Marilee raised her after their parents died, Jaclyn is now a successful real estate agent along with her husband, and is now focused on finding her sister a man.
Blair (Chelsea Hobbs) – Zachary’s spoiled model girlfriend who hates hates hates pets because they interfere with her lifestyle of pretending she’s going to leave the country for a few weeks. Gets people fired and tosses out Ambrose as well. As you can imagine, she’s not the heroine of the film. Chelsea Hobbs is also in Confessions of a Go-Go Girl
Ray (Sean Tyson) – A goofy fireman who knows the score with regards to Zachary’s metamorphosis into being capable of love.
Mark (Dalias Blake) – A married fireman who lives vicariously through Zachary’s lifestyle and becomes concerned when he starts showing actual feelings.
Chief Sam (Gregory Harrison) – The wise mentor fireman who loves cats (his wife is allergic) and saved Zachary from a burning house when he was a kid.
Sarah (Jen Cheon) – Marilee’s friend who also is obsessed with getting her a date, even though she can’t get a date.
Nine Lives of Christmas Hallmark

Screw this, I’m driving to Vegas!

Mama Sleepy Hollow

Sleepy Hollow S02E09 – “Mama”

Mama Sleepy Hollow

Fake! This is faker than that “Moon landing” footage the government released!


Sleepy HollowMama
Written by Damian Kindler
Directed by Wendey Stanzler
Mama Sleepy Hollow

Just wait until we find out our dad is also a ghost!


Sleepy Hollow raises the bar this season with a disturbingly great episode that features some frank depictions of mental illness and suicide, in addition to having demons and ghosts running around. Somehow the balancing act works just fine, and the added heart-string tugs of Abbie and Jenny’s mom being one of the ghosts leads to some great bonding and background information about the Mills sisters.

What we do know of Abbie and Jenny’s mom before this episode wasn’t much. We know she has issues and was eventually committed to an asylum (the responding officer has become the new Sheriff), and Abbie and Jenny were then dumped into the foster system, leading to their rift. We know she had died, I can’t remember if it was specifically stated that she killed herself, but I think so. And because of all the strange and spooky stuff that has happened on the series, it is understood if not specifically stated that she might have been less crazy than it seemed. That turns out to be true, and we get to see a whole lot more of Lori Mills, including interactions with her daughters as they grew up as well as the spectral version running around the asylum.

Mama Sleepy Hollow

My favorite part of this episode is them instantly recognizing what this random jumble means!


Patient bodies are piling up at Tarrytown, the psychiatric hospital that Frank Irving is currently staying at and Jenny Mills and Lori Mills are former patients of. Three bodies in three days, all of which are suicides. Abbie is specifically assigned by Sheriff Reyes because of her knowledge of dealing with weird events, as demonstrated by the doomsday cult she helped bring in. Her family connection to the place is also a plus, and it means Jenny will be along to help, as she’s familiar with the location.

Ichabod is MIA because he has a cold, which leads to some cute character moments and him mentioning that he fought at Saratoga while having dysentery. But he’s no match for being sneakily drugged by Nick Hawley, who tags along. A view of the video of the latest suicide shows the room wasn’t empty when he died, there was someone in the corner. Thanks to the magic of the cameras having a night view mode (Enhance! ENHANCE!) we see the ghost of Lori Mills chanting in the corner!

Mama Sleepy Hollow

Why did mom want us to watch this video of a cat playing a keyboard???