Sequel News – The Good, The Bad, and the Fugly!

Sequels continue to sprawl across the video store shelves like housing developments outside major cities. And like many of those, they are gated off and isolated from the real world, causing horrible developments to be made. Still, sometimes movies that actually deserve it get some extra adventures!

The Good:

Harold and Kumar 2 has been given the go (finally!) Harold and Kumar travel to Amsterdam so Harold can join with Maria, but Kumar is mistaken for a terrorist. Thus the Department of Homeland Security chases then from Guantanamo Bay through the Deep South. No confirming word on if NPH will re-cameo, but hopefully so, as he is rumored to be.

Wallace and Gromit sequel! – After Aardman split from those idiots at Dreamworks, they can get back to making good movies, and Wallace and Gromitt 2 will be awesomely awesome, like the first.

The Departed 2 – rumors of this getting a sequel are hitting high, but it won’t be based on either the sequel or prequel to Infernal Affairs, the HK flick The Departed is based on.

The Bad:

The Prince & Me III – Why is there ANOTHER one of these?????? Still no Julia Stiles, even though she’s not doing much better in the real acting department!

Bachelor Party 2 – Based on a script by Jay Longino, the sequel follows Ron, who’s been engaged to his fiancée Melinda after only knowing her for a couple months. Ron gets treated to the ultimate bachelor party in Florida, courtesy of Melinda’s brother-in-law Todd, in an attempt to sabotage his relationship with Melinda. Fully ready to party but determined to remain true to Melinda, Ron must endure temptation after temptation if he wants to remain engaged. Poor Ron. Poor us. Will there be donkeys? That’s all I want to know. DTV, of course.

RETURN TO HAUNTED HILL – Another DTV mess, capitalizing on the horror DTV trend. Will be lame, like the original remake, but not the original Price film, if you were lucky enough to see it in theaters when a glow in the dark skeleton was flown over the audience. I was several decades away from being born, so I missed out.

NEW JACK CITY 2 – another DTV sequel. Ho-hum

The Ugly:

Lost Boys 2 – Hey, let’s do surfing vampires in San Diego! NO! DTV of course.

Vengeance of Cleopatra Wong – With Gary Daniels. Gary Daniels. GARY DANIELS! (sequel to Cleopatra Wong)

PINK PANTHER 2 – This will hit theaters, with Steve Martin. I weep.

The more life goes on, the more sequels movies will get. That closing line sucks, but so do many of these sequels!

MONKEY CARDS TRICK

Why not?

2007 Tarsies Winners!!!

The 2007 Tarsies have arrived with the winners! Why announce now, instead of waiting until the Razzies or the Oscars? Because that’s the way we roll at TarsTarkas.NET!

Worst Movie
Wicker Man — Again: YouTube link. Nick Cage in a Bear Suit punching women and scaring children is the winner!

Next RiffTrax – Troll 2

Troll 2 will be the next RiffTrax target, with SomethingAwful.com’s Lowtax as the special guest riffer.

Troll 2

Troll 2 has gained momentum recently and surged in popularity. I myself have fond memories of making fun of the film when it aired on Cinemax when I was around 12 or so. It has become ubiquitous with bad movie sites, and I’ve even condsidered doing it myself, but I have been holding back since it started having midnight screenings with the original castmembers. It is the same reason I haven’t bothered with Battlefield Earth, as there are so many good movies out there to make targets out of, you have to shake it up a bit. Of course, I’ll still be attacking any Uwe Boll film that hits theaters, because I like going after him. And one day I might just feel like tackling Troll 2 myself.

Postal Trailer hits web, web cries

Uwe Boll tries to get around the fact taht he sucks by making a movie that is supposed to suck, except it sucks for entirely different reasons.

This is the version of the trailer where you DON’T see Dave Foley’s penis.

Yeah.

Gryphon syfy

New review: Gryphon

SciFi Channel’s latest is also my lastest movie review. It’s about as unremarkable as you can get for a SciFi Channel film, not terrible, not good, not anything. Click here to read Gryphon.

Gryphon syfy

Gryphon (Review)

Gryphon

aka Attack of the Gryphon

2007
Directed by Andrew Prowse

SciFi Channel strikes again with another monster movie where CG runs amok and kills people, this time medieval people, and again their effort is less than stellar. At least it wasn’t painful. Parts of the film seem to be borrowed from many popular movies: the villain is Emperor Palpatine’s lame nephew, certain elements are directly culled from Lord of the Rings, and even parts reminding one of Braveheart are onscreen. The movie follows SciFi Channel’s Type A monster movie, where there is only one monster (or a small group) who is invincible.

The heroine is named Princess Amelia, which is also the name of the actress who played the princess in Dragon, another movie that Gryphon resembles. It’s low budget, has a single word title that is the monster, has a Princess Amelia (even if not by name), has a witch wife of the King who sees the future, and has bad CGI. It’s spooky how much Gryphon reminded me of Dragon. Princess Amelia actress Amber Benson played Tara on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and as I have only seen one episode of that show I have no idea who she is. The hero is Prince Seth, played by Jonathan LaPaglia, from The District, another show I didn’t really watch (but I saw several episodes of it, I just don’t remember him, either.) Where is Coach? He should be playing one of the kings.