Enter the Transmorphers

The Asylum’s latest Robot Wars has been renamed The Transmorphers, but is still keeping the plot that sounds like it is Terminator 2. No good tag line found, but “Morph than meets the eye” would be a good one.

transmorphers

New Review – Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack

New review was upped Monday. Thanks to illness I didn’t get around to getting back here until now.

Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack
Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack
Complete with clip. March of Godzilla 2 continues…

Godzilla Mothra King Ghidorah

Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (Review)

Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack

aka Gojira, Mosura, Kingu Gidora: Daikaiju sokogeki

2001

Starring
Chiharu Niyama as Yuri Tachibana
Ryudo Uzaki as Admiral Taizo Tachibana
Masahiro Kobayashi as Teruaki Takeda
Shiro Sano as Haruki Kadokura
Eisei Amamoto (Hideyo Amamoto) as Professor Hirotoshi Isayama the Prophet
Mizuho Yoshida as Godzilla/Gojira
Akira Ohashi as King Ghidorah
Rie Ota as Baragon
Directed by Shusuke Kaneko

Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack aka GMK aka Gojira, Mosura, Kingu Gidora: Daikaiju sokogeki aka Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah: The Giant Monsters’ General Offensive (the literal title) has a reputation of being one of the better entries in the series. This couldn’t be further from the truth. GMK is one of the worst entries, in my opinion THE worst film of the whole series. Biollante? Megalon? The Smog Monster? They are three Citizen Kanes compared to GMK. Director Shusuke Kaneko became famous for making the highly regarded modern Gamera films, and was given a chance to make a Godzilla film. His original concept would have been far superior, but Toho screwed around with his monster choices, and that combined with stylistic touches I don’t really care for ended up melting into a nasty soup of disflavor. We shall go over some of the origins of the film before we get to the story, and deal with the problems in their appropriate areas.

Godzilla X Varan, Baragon and Anguilus: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack would have been a neat film. It would have eliminated one of my major criticisms of this film, the complete role reversals of several established monsters. It also would have provided a reappearance of Varan after many years (last seen briefly as a ratty costume in Destroy All Monsters), Anguirus returning (who hadn’t been seen since Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla), and Baragon (who made it into the final film.) Varan was actually director Shusuke Kaneko’s favorite monster, but he ended up keeping Baragon in the final product, and changing Ghidorah’s face to resemble the old Varan costume. Also, rumor is the Gotengo from Atragon would have also appeared (it ended up reappearing in Godzilla: Final Wars, alongside Anguirus) and lots of maser tanks (the tanks with the satellite dishes that shoot lasers.) But as Varan and Baragon were not box office bankable, something Toho was more worried about after the failures of Godzilla 2000 and Godzilla vs. Megaguirus; and after Kaneko’s own friends had no idea who Anguirus and Varan were (I don’t know if they knew who Baragon was) he decided to drop them in favor of the pushed by the studio King Ghidrah and Mothra. This provided a small wrinkle storywise. Okay, a huge wrinkle. The plot of the film is about Godzilla attacking, being the souls of the dead from World War 2 out for revenge. Japan would then be defended by three guardian creatures, which were weaker than Godzilla but teamed up their power. Since Mothra and King Ghidrah can both hold their own against Big G, they had to modify them a bit to make them smaller and weaker looking. Also, that meant Ghidrah was a hero for the first time ever, something I do NOT agree with. The monsters end up not being much of team players, with only Mothra doing things to help anyone else.

So now Godzilla, instead of being treated like a force of nature, is now a malevolent force of destruction. He doesn’t even have pupils anymore, to give him a more sinister look. I kind of find that annoying, but it fits in with the intended storyline, so I let it go. He also has a hunched back and pot belly, which is a tad harder to let go. Hit the gym, Big G! As a film in the Millennium series, it is free to rewrite continuity however it sees fit. Still, some things shouldn’t change, like character allegiances. The success of the film prompted Toho to continue making a few more G films, so some good came out of it. Just because I like it the least doesn’t mean I won’t watch it, but when given a choice between chocolate and chocolate with peanut butter, you take the C&PB every time. Plus, I lied earlier, this cannot be the worst Godzilla film, as thanks to this and Godzilla Final Wars, the American Godzilla is now part of the canon, making it the worst film. Hopefully some enterprising young student makes their own fan film of Godzilla X Varan, Baragon and Anguilus: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack, with which we can live on vicariously until Toho decides to start pumping out more Big G films again.

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (Review)

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus

aka Gojira tai Megagirasu: Ji shometsu sakusen aka Godzilla vs. Megaguirus: The G Annihilation Strategy
Godzilla vs Megaguirus
2000

Starring
Misato Tanaka as Kiriko Tsujimori
Shosuke Tanihara as Hajime Kudo
Masato Ibu as Motohiko Sugiura
Yuriko Hoshi as Yoshino Yoshizawa
Toshiyuki Nagashima as Takuji Miyagawa
Tsutomu Kitagawa as Godzilla
Minoru Watanabe as Megaguirus
Directed by Masaaki Tezuka
Godzilla vs Megaguirus
Godzilla fights a giant bug! Sound familiar? Because most of this movie is, and has been done before much better. There are a few nice scenes, but for the most part the movie is just a pale imitation of its forbearers, a legacy it can never hope to be part of. The second film of the “Millennium” series (Shinsei series), where the story can ignore continuity at will to make things however they want. Sure, that allowed this movie to potentially do some neat things, but in the end, they just floundered with them, and the whole thing fizzled.

Godzilla attacks the mainland periodically, but as they only follow the first film, Godzilla can attack whenever they want him to. Godzilla’s main foe is Megaguirus, who is one of the lamest monsters. So far, the Millennium series does have one point of continuity: they all created crappy new villains for Big G. Eventually they just gave up and went back to reusing older monsters, for much better effect. Until then, we have to deal with this Megaguirus. Megaguirus is a large, prehistoric dragonfly. Sure, prehistoric dragonflies were lizard-looking giant monsters who never had to flap their wings. They probably fought Anguilusaurus all the time during the time of the Fire Monsters. Megaguirus’s little henchbugs are the Meganula, who are the smaller, only people sized prehistoric dragonflies, which have a wingless and mature winged form. They like to snack on tasty people.
Godzilla vs Megaguirus
Good ideas, bad execution, tired story. A few good points, outshadowed by the many bad. Not the hallmarks of a film you want to see, but at this point we have no choice, for the DVD is bought, and the play button has been activated!

RiffTrax upcoming movie: Terminator 3

The latest RiffTrax will be released this Friday, after a week off for the crew. Terminator 3 will get terminated by both Mike and Kevin.

Also, as I report on RiffTrax so often, I’m just giving in and giving it its own category. I’ll probably get off my lazy butt and write reviews of each sometime during break.
t3

Movie News – Hand Drawn King Kinkade

Terrible painter Thomas Kinkade is getting a movie about some of his terrible paintings. His crap on a canvas is some of the most popular unskilled art in the world. As you can tell, I am not a big fan of his wholesome Christmas themes, K-Mart-style artistic skills, and uncredited slave lackeys.

IGN

They make books into movies. They make TV shows into movies too. And comic books. And plays. So why not turn a painting in to a movie?

That’s exactly what Lionsgate and the Firm are teaming up to do. Together, the two companies will adapt Thomas Kinkade’s painting The Christmas Cottage into a feature, with a holiday release planned. This is but one project in the deal Lionsgate has made with the artist to produce film and TV projects based on his work, which Variety describes as “paintings with glowing highlights in idealistic settings, such as country cottages and streams.”

Kinkade’s company has apparently sold approximately $1.7 billion worth of artwork over the past 15 years along with $2.4 billion in licensed product sales (greeting cards, calendars, etc.) in the past 10 years. That means his art can be found in one out of every 10 homes in the U.S.

The film will shoot next month with Michael Campus directing and Ken LaZebnick (Prairie Home Companion) writing. The picture will be partially biographical, “based on how Kinkade was motivated to begin his career as an artist after discovering his mother was in danger of losing the family home.” And if that’s really how Kinkade got his start as a painter, you’ve got to hand it to him. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to get a real job that pays if you’re trying to save the family home? But he persevered as a starving artist instead, apparently.

Lionsgate’s Michael Paseornek says that the company was interested in Kinkade in part because of his “massive mailing list” — an e-mail address in one of 10 homes! Who can blame them?

Here is one of the paintings

kinkaid

Just imagine what horror will be unleashed.

Speaking of unleashed, the Burger King King will also get his own movie.

By now everyone’s seen those bizarrely creepy Burger King commercials in which the massive-headed mascot appears in the most weirdly unlikely of places. Apparently this ad campaign has been something special for the BK corporation — it even spawned a series of Xbox video games that some of my friends call “addictively awful.” (I played the one called Sneak King … for about 3.3 minutes.) But now comes word that the King of Burgers is about to make the leap to the silver screen. Yes, that’s right: A feature film centered around a corporate mascot.

According to MSN, Burger King already has a studio and a distribution deal in place for Burger King: The Movie* — and they’re threatening to have the movie finished by the end of this year! The head marketing guru for the fast food franchise indicates that the flick will be an “origin story,” although I doubt it will be a re-enactment of the character’s true origins. Who’d want to watch a movie about a mid-70’s marketing meeting, anyway? (“Hey, I know! We’re called Burger King, so let’s use an actual burger king!”) It’s a horrible idea to make a Burger King movie, obviously, but at least the company is being honest about it. I distinctly remember a few movies that felt like feature-length McDonald’s commercials, only they were advertised as actual films.

* This is not the confirmed title, but I bet it’s the one they go with.

BK

But some possible good news, Disney is making hand-drawn films again, complete with the first black princess!

Disney shows first black princess

Disney’s next animated fairy tale, The Frog Princess, will feature the studio’s first black princess.

Maddy is an African-American girl living amid the faded grandeur of New Orleans’ French quarter.

The movie will also see a return to the hand-drawn animation process, instead of using computer animation that has become the industry standard.

The film will be made by John Musker and Ron Clements, the team behind The Little Mermaid and Aladdin.

Cajun charm

Walt Disney Studios chairman Dick Cook said: “The film’s New Orleans setting and strong princess character give the film lots of excitement and texture.”

Composer and singer Randy Newman will provide music for the film, which promised an “unforgettable tale of love, enchantment and discovery with a soulful singing crocodile, voodoo spells and Cajun charm,” a Disney spokesman said.

The studio said its new princess will be added to its collection of animated princesses used at the company’s theme parks and on consumer products.

The film is set for release in 2009.

disney
The princess. Is she really black, or just a white woman with dark skin? Rumor is Alicia Keys will voice, but then it could be anyone.