Polar Bears turning on their own due to Bear Frenzy Rays!

My Bear Frenzy Ray is nearing completion! This wonderful device will cause all bears hit by it to go bear-crazy and ravage anything and everything they see. Several of the bears escaped from Bear Camp and still had bear-crazy residual rays within their bodies, causing them to kill their kin. Soon, I shall use the Bear Frenzy Ray to take over several zoos around the world, and hold them ransom for $500 million each!

MuHahahahahahahaha!!

Study: Warming turns bears into cannibals
Monday, June 12, 2006; Posted: 9:01 p.m. EDT (01:01 GMT)

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — Polar bears in the southern Beaufort Sea may be turning to cannibalism because longer seasons without ice keep them from getting to their natural food, a new study by American and Canadian scientists has found.

The study reviewed three examples of polar bears preying on each other from January to April 2004 north of Alaska and western Canada, including the first-ever reported killing of a female in a den shortly after it gave birth.

Polar bears feed primarily on ringed seals and use sea ice for feeding, mating and giving birth.

Polar bears kill each other for population regulation, dominance, and reproductive advantage, the study said. Killing for food seems to be less common, said the study’s principal author, Steven Amstrup of the U.S. Geological Survey Alaska Science Center.

“During 24 years of research on polar bears in the southern Beaufort Sea region of northern Alaska and 34 years in northwestern Canada, we have not seen other incidents of polar bears stalking, killing, and eating other polar bears,” the scientists said.

Environmentalists contend shrinking polar ice due to global warming may lead to the disappearance of polar bears before the end of the century.

The Center for Biological Diversity of Joshua Tree, California, in February 2005 petitioned the federal government to list polar bears as threatened under the federal Endangered Species Act.

Cannibalism demonstrates the effect on bears, said Kassie Siegal, lead author of the petition.

“It’s very important new information,” she said. “It shows in a really graphic way how severe the problem of global warming is for polar bears.”

Deborah Williams of Alaska Conservation Solutions, a group aimed at pursuing solutions for climate change, said the study represents the “bloody fingerprints” of global warming.

“This is not a Coca-Cola commercial,” she said, referring to animated polar bears used in advertising for the soft drink giant. “This represents the brutal downside of global warming.”

The predation study was published in an online version of the journal Polar Biology on April 27. Amstrup said print publication will follow.

Researchers in spring 2004 found more bears in the eastern portion of the Alaska Beaufort Sea to be in poorer condition than bears in areas to the west and north.

Researchers discovered the first kill in January 2004. A male bear had pounced on a den, killed a female and dragged it 245 feet (75 meters) away, where it ate part of the carcass. Females are about half the size of males.

“In the face of the den’s outer wall were deep impressions of where the predatory bear had pounded its forepaws to collapse the den roof, just as polar bears collapse the snow over ringed seal lairs,” the paper said.

“From the tracks, it appeared that the predatory bear broke through the roof of the den, held the female in place while inflicting multiple bites to the head and neck. When the den collapsed, two cubs were buried, and suffocated, in the snow rubble.”

In April 2004, while following bear footprints on sea ice near Herschel Island, Yukon Territory, scientists discovered the partially eaten carcass of an adult female. Footprints indicated it had been with a cub.

The male did not follow the cub, indicating it had killed for food instead of breeding.

A few days later, Canadian researchers found the remains of a yearling that had been stalked and killed by a predatory bear, the scientists said.

D-War

D-War (Review)

D-War

aka Dragon Wars: D-War

2007
Directed and written by Shim Hyung-rae

D-Wars aka Dragons Wars is the film that was announced years ago and everyone though it was crazy. Writer/director Shim Hyung-rae sounded pretty insane with his talk of an epic Korean movie set in LA with dragons blasting everything, and rumor was this was a giant money pit. But investors were hooked, film was created, and soon a trailer emerged that showed dragons and lizard armies marching around LA while a giant snake thing slithers around. This created instant buzz, but it would be another year before D-War hit theaters. Internet weirdos like myself were salivating at the thought of a big-budgeted extravaganza that would either be incredibly awesome or incredibly terrible. Little did we know that we would be getting both in the same movie! For fifteen glorious minutes D-Wars becomes the best movie ever made. However, those fifteen minutes are stuck in the dead center of some of the crappiest writing, acting, logic, and cinematic efforts of the decade. But that’s a good thing, as it makes this review more interesting.

We got Korean dragons. We got subtitles. We got American second rate actors. Shim Hyung-rae is the man responsible for the remake of the Korean daikaiju film Yonggary which became known as Reptillian. The love for this man of giant lizards trashing cities would seem weird were it not for Japan. Still, the concept for D-Wars sounded pretty far out. It depends heavily on Korean myth as well as some random new things. Yuh Yi Joo, Imoogi, Bochun, Atrox, Buraki, Dawdler, the vocabulary you need to learn for this movie reads like some second rate Pokemon/Yu-Gi-Oh crap! The amount of plot-related alphabet soup words is above and beyond the norm for a giant monster movie. It is distracting, and leaves the audience confused and angry. I don’t want to be angry when watching a monster movie, I want to see giant lizards f-ing things up!

And boy do things get f-ed up! The level of utter chaos here during the money sequence is beautiful. Shim Hyung-rae manages to take to school a squad of previous genre failures. Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich’s Godzilla only wishes it had this kind of great monster sequences. For those of you upset over the lack of helicopters vs. dragons the posters for Reign of Fire promised us, despair not, for your cup runneth over in D-Wars! Did you wish that the Gungan army in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was really an army of metal-clad badasses who blow the crap out of innocent villagers? You better start believing in the Blue Fairy because we got there here as well!

New Hammerhead Shark Species Discovered

South Carolina is a hotbed for new Shark Species, as people like me are well aware. I regularly send several of my assistants there to get choice specimens for my laboratory.

New hammerhead shark discovered
Scientists have discovered what they believe may be a new species of hammerhead shark living in the Atlantic Ocean.

The hammerhead, which has yet to be formally identified or described, was spotted in the northwestern Atlantic and is believed to be a rare species.

According to a report from the BBC, the sphyrnid shark was discovered by Dr Joe Quattro, a researcher who was studying fishes in the waters off South Carolina.

Quattro studied the local population of Scalloped hammerheads (Sphyrna lewini) in the area and spotted fish that appeared to be closely related.

Later genetic work showed that the similar-looking hammerhead was in fact a genetically distinct cryptic species.

Adults have been found in the waters off Florida and North Carolina, but the fish is believed to spawn in the waters off South Carolina, where Quattro first spotted it.

“If South Carolina’s waters are the primary nursery grounds for the cryptic species and females gather here to reproduce, these areas should be conservation priorities,” Quattro told the BBC.

“Management plans are needed to ensure that these sharks are not adversely impacted so that we can learn more.”

The related Scalloped hammerhead reaches an adult size of around 4.3m and is often found in large schools. Although not aggressive, it is considered potentially dangerous to man.

Coming from Paris Hilton – The Hottie and the Nottie

A new movie to infest theaters everywhere, The Hottie and the Nottie is a Paris Hilton vehicle that will become yet another example of why movies today suck. February 8th will be a day of sorrow, a day to wear black. The “plot” involves a guy returning to his hometown to track down the girl he is in love with, only to find out that the reason she is still single is that she has a very ugly, very clingy friend that he has to find a date for in order to get into Paris Hilton’s character’s panties. This will of course lead to lots of hilarious hijinks and not a bunch of bad writing and crude jokes. Plus, it turns out that the guy will be falling for the ugly girl, probably after a makeover. Isn’t it great Hollywood is all about people falling for the ugly girl, but only after the ugly girl becomes beautiful, which involves shedding her glasses and ponytails. Another story about being superficial masquerading as a film about accepting ugly people.
Hottie Nottie

How can you go wrong with a poster like that? One hopes they are handing out razor blades at the screenings so you can end your torment.


IMDB
Official Site

Attack of the Sabretooth (Review)

Attack of the Sabretooth


2005
Directed by George Miller

SciFi Channel has an addiction. That addiction doesn’t flood its veins with poison, or spend the rent money betting that the Steelers will cover the spread. This addiction is with garbage. The SciFi Channel loves garbage. It probably wants to BE garbage. A few more movies like this and its wish will come true. There is only one thing redeeming about Attack of the Sabretooth: It didn’t kill me. But even then, the movie is a failure, as anything this terrible should be fatal!

This crapfest is another of the long parade of SciFi Channel originals, and a sequel in name only to the film Sabretooth. It’s also a sequel in CGI, as some of the same sabretooth renders are reused. In case you are wondering, we are using the British spelling of sabretooth because the film did, as that helps convey to the reader in text form just how painful the movie was. You so want to complain about the spelling of “sabertooth”, don’t you? Well, TOO BAD!!!! MuHAHAHAHAHA!!! I had no escape from the film thanks to a malfunctioning DVD eject button. In fact, that DVD keeps malfunctioning whenever bad films are playing. The TV refuses to be shut off, I unplug, and things continue to play. There is no escape from the bad films, and now you have no escape from reading the horror that is Attack of the Sabretooth. Hey, you can’t go to another website now! I forbid it! Get in here and read on, find out how the evil businessman is killed by CGI so bad you can create better with MSPaint. Find out how they have a retarded walrus sabretooth screaming around like he just got ripped off by the carpenter and couldn’t eat any clams (yes, an Alice in Wonderland joke.) Behold Robert Carradine’s here-before unknown skill of turning his head into a failed CGI student’s rendering! It’s all here, and more!