The Hideous Sun Demon is the new RiffTrax VOD!

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Hideous sun demons are cool, but not as cool as hideous Run DMCs! Yes, that pun is very bad and probably caused someone reading it to curl into a ball and die, but that’s the price we all pay to get alerted to new RiffTrax VODs! This time we get The Hideous Sun Demon, a legend in people who watch old black and white monster movies circles. Since you can’t see it the way it was meant to be seen (at a drive in while you are paying more attention to making out with your date than the movie), see it the way it’s now meant to be seen, with RiffTrax commentary!

Ripped from the television series Botched comes The Hideous Sun Demon! Buy it today at RiffTrax.com!

This is the tale of a man who transforms into a violent lizard creature whenever he’s in the sun too long. No, he’s not the third wheel love interest in an upcoming Twilight reboot, he’s The Hideous Sun Demon!

It’s the late 50s, a time when exposure to radiation still caused fun stuff, like superpowers and shape-changing, as opposed to less fun stuff, like, y’know, death. After some radioactive material falls off the toy train the scientists use to transport it through the lab (actual plot point, not a joke) mild-mannered genius drunk Dr. Gilbert McKenna is changed forever. Sunlight turns him into a reptile man-monster, presumably because that’s the rubber suit that was cheapest to rent when they made this movie. But not cheap enough for them to rent the bottom part of the suit, apparently, because he runs around in totally soaked khaki pants for roughly half the movie. Why are his pants so wet? That’s just part of the mystery!

It’s a superhuman dose of old-fashioned nuclear mutation fun, stay out of direct sunlight and join Mike, Kevin and Bill for The Hideous Sun Demon!

Hideous Sun Demon RiffTrax

Stalked By My Neighbor on Lifetime will make you lock your doors!

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Stalked by my Neighbor Lifetime

There’s a littler Rear Window to our soul in everyone…


Stalked by My Neighbor has Lifetime break out a masterpiece of genre mashups, with Rear Window, crazy stalker movies, American Beauty, and suspense up the yin yang! The best part is, the actual stalker is the protagonist, Jodi Allen, who is a victim of home invasion caught on Skype and now takes photos of her neighbors all days. This leads to clues to a murder and conspiracies and soon the bodies are piling very high, which means their subdivision will probably have to up the Homeowners Association fees to make up for the slack of the new empty units. That’s just another reason why Homeowners Associations are terrible. Also murder and stalking is terrible, almost as much as HOAs. Almost.

Jodi Allen and her mother Andrea moved to suburbia to help Jodi recover from a traumatic home invasion. But when 18-year-old Jodi, while taking photos out her bedroom window, sees a sinister shadow across the street, she panics. Has her nightmare returned? Determined to take action, Jodi goes on a mission to warn her neighbors and find out the truth, only to discover that the shadow may be stalking her.

Stalked by My Neighbor stars Amy Pietz (Stalked at 17), Kelcie Stranahan (Dirty Teacher), Katrina Norman (Fired Up!), Grant Harvey (Jersey Shore Shark Attack)

Stalked by My Neighbor is written and directed by Lifetime vet Doug Campbell (Sugar Daddies, Death Clique, all the “at 17” movies), and as Campbell’s pedigree is awesome this will be a fun exploitative ride! It airs Saturday, March 28, on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

Metal Man (Review)

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Metal Man

Metal Man
2008
Written by Carlos Perez, Ted Chalmers, and Novin Shakiba
Directed by Ron Karkoska

Metal Man

Thrill as Metal Man checks his blind spots!


Metal Man looks suspiciously like another super hero who has a movie in 2008… Who could it be? I just can’t place it…Punisher? Metal Man actually is a mockbuster in the vein of the films from The Asylum, except I don’t know if that was the original concept. It looks like a fan film turned original production, and has all the hallmarks of a fan film. Bad acting, sound problems all over (you can’t hear a lot of the dialogue without turning the volume up a lot), pacing problems, the script seems made up as they go along, characters disappear, and characters go places just because they are required to by the plot. Overall, it is not very much worth your time, unless you are on a mission to track down all the weird low-budget super hero flicks that have popped up in the past decade.
Metal Man

Science, it’s so boooooring!


Kyle (Samuel Nathan Hoffmire) – Kyle is some video game dork who is chosen by a professor with an agenda to become trapped in a metal suit for the rest of his life. Poor Kyle, I feel sorry for him. Kyle has become…
Metal Man (Samuel Nathan Hoffmire) – He’s Metal Man, not made of Iron but of Metal! Don’t sue us, because he’s totally different! Just look at his face, designed at the Iron Man suit for alien Greys. Kyle can’t take off this suit, but the film doesn’t say how he pees. Expect Metal Man to be really rusty, really soon! Someone install a spigot!
Dr. Blake (Reggie Bannister) – His real name is Peter Hamilton, but Dr. Blake is one of the lead developers of the special metal helmet that gives people super powers. He wants to develop it as a non-weapon. Right. Has no qualms with trapping unwilling participants in the suit forever. Killed by a punch to the jaw, but downloaded himself in the computer of the Metal Man suit so he can annoy Kyle for as long as he lives. Totally not named after any Thor character you are thinking about. Not at all…
Sebastian (P. David Miller) – He’s evil! How evil? He looks like Kevin Costner…if he was EVIL! Imagine, if he was an evil Postman! An evil Waterworld! An evil Robin Hood! An evil Field of Dreams! Totally evil! Like all evil people, he is incredibly rich, and has advanced lab equipment in the basement of his mansion, along with many goons to kill whoever he wants.
Marissa Lee (Jill Shackelford) – Her research scientist father was killed, and Sebastian told her Dr. Blake did it. She later finds out the truth. Sebastian paid for her to go to grad school, then hires her to examine a captured Metal Man helmet. Later becomes trapped in a helmet as well.
Mecha-Terror M48 (???) – With a name like Mecha-Terror M48, you’d think this would be a cool villain, not a gimmick brought out for a quick fight with no back story. You’d be wrong. Mecha-Terror M48 wishes he was the ED-209 of Metal Man, but fails to even be those Robocop 2’s that killed themselves.

Metal Man

My mom’s washing the rest of my costume!


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Portrait of Love paints a picture on Hallmark Channel!

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Portrait of Love Hallmark Channel

That’s not a portrait, that’s a sculpture!


Hallmark Channel’s new movie Portrait of Love (formally known as Heart of the Matter) is that old chestnut about a woman from the big city who returns all successful to her small town and yet suddenly is pulled in by that love junk and may end up throwing it all away for some dude she dated in high school. Just take a look at your high school dates on Facebook and where they are now to see how likely that prospect is (YEESH!)

A prominent fashion photographer returns to her small town roots at the request of a friend. Surrounded by both memories and loved ones, she must consider a choice between a successful future and rekindling both the love of her life and of her home.

Can’t women have both? Nope, you gots to be choosing one or the other, sorry. Them’s the rules!

Portrait of Love stars Bree Williamson (A Beginner’s Guide to Snuff) as April Littleton, Jason Dohring (Prehysteria! 2) as Luke Dwyer, Frances Fisher (Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3: Viva La Fiesta!) as Doll Dwyer, Ella Thomas (Surrogates) as Julia Robbins, Corbin Bernsen (Christian Mingle) as Tyler Mason, Caitlin Carmichael (Wiener Dog Internationals) as Jess Dwyer, Cassius Willis (Lakeview Terrace) as Frank Robbins, and Cissy Wellman (Jane Doe: Vanishing Act) as Karen Waverly.

Portrait of Love is directed by K.T. Donaldson (High Plains Invaders). It is written by Michael Votel, Jr., Matt Marx (This seems to be the first film written for both), and Jennifer Notas (Christmas Under Wraps) It premieres March 14th on Hallmark Channel!

Photo via Hallmark/Bryan Sheffield

Batman: Assault on Arkham (Review)

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Batman: Assault on Arkham

Batman Assault on Arkham
2014
Written by Heath Corson
Directed by Jay Oliva and Ethan Spaulding
Batman Assault on Arkham
DC Animated has hit some sort of weird divergence where the films are either really good or really bad. Batman: Assault on Arkham fits in the really good category, even though it reduces Amanda Waller’s character to too simplistic of a bully villain. That’s a shame, as Waller is one of the greatest comic book characters, a high-ranking official who runs her own show outside of the normal good and evil duology, and is capable of standing up to the greatest heroes and villains.

Assault on Arkham becomes unlike a lot of the animated super hero fare because it features a team of scummy villains, who have no qualms about killing people and spend half the film trying to betray Waller and each other.

the Suicide Squad is a group of criminals with heavy sentences who are sent on dangerous missions in return for time being shaved off their terms. As the teams are largely made up of sociopaths, they don’t get along and have trouble working in teams. The fighting and backstabbing just adds to the fun of watching the villains work as they push towards their goal. Waller uses the team to take down threats that can’t be dealt with by normal means and need to be off the books, often ignoring what may be bigger problems to achieve her own goals.
Batman Assault on Arkham
This is as much a Batman film as a Suicide Squad film, so Batman runs around looking for a dirty bomb the Joker has to try to stop it from exploding. That means he crosses paths with the Squad more than once, especially since Harely Quinn is part of the team, despite her insistence that she and the Joker aren’t together any more. As the Squad has to break into Arkham to retrieve a flash disk and the Joker is interred in Arkham, he does end up becoming part of the story, especially when things begin to go haywire.

The Suicide Squad consists of Deadshot (who is concerned only with getting out so he can spend time with his young daughter), throwing expert Captain Boomerang, Harley Quinn, ninja Black Spider, ice queen Killer Frost, Killer Croc ripoff King Shark, and guy not to get too attached to KGBeast. Deadshot serves as the alternate main character, who keeps the team focused on the mission despite their various distractions like ex-boyfriends and marksmen rivalries. The Deadshot presented here is just professional enough to make a compelling main character. Captain Boomerang serves as his less moral counter and constant thorn in his side as Boomerang’s competitive and antisocial streak causes him to see Deadshot as an enemy.
Batman Assault on Arkham
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Cleveland Abduction is ripped from the headlines on Lifetime!

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Cleveland Abduction Lifetime

Lifetime had a Cleveland Abduction-like with Kept Woman, but theyalso have an official Cleveland Abduction flick with Cleveland Abduction! They’ve upped the ante with a few bigger named stars and have started the hype train six weeks out, meaning they have a lot of confidence in the film and the ratings it will garner. I threw their press release below. The actual story is a crazy nightmare scenario, so expect this to be creepy as heck!

Cleveland Abduction stars Taryn Manning (Hustle & Flow), Raymond Cruz (Broken Arrow ), Pam Grier (Jawbreaker ), Joe Morton (Speed 2: Cruise Control ), Katie Sarife(Teen Spirit ), and Samantha Droke (Princess Protection Program). It is directed by Alex Kalymnios (EastEnders) and written by Stephen Tolkin (the 1990 Captain America)

SAG Award winner Taryn Manning (“Orange Is the New Black,” “Hustle & Flow,” “8 Mile”) stars as Michelle Knight and SAG nominee Raymond Cruz (“Breaking Bad,” “Major Crimes”) portrays Ariel Castro in the Lifetime Original Movie “Cleveland Abduction,” produced by Sony Pictures Television. Premiering Saturday, April 25 at 8pm ET/PT, the film explores the true story of Michelle Knight, a 21-year-old single mom whose life was irrevocably changed by a chance encounter with an unsuspected criminal.

On August 22, 2002, Knight was abducted by Castro in Cleveland and held captive in his home for more than 11 years. Finding strength through her belief in God and determined to be reunited with her son, Knight refused to be broken by the twisted Castro. Soon thereafter, he abducted two teenagers, Amanda Berry (Samantha Droke, “Eastwick”) and Gina DeJesus (Katie Sarife, “Supernatural”), and imprisoned them alongside Michelle, who then became a friend and sister figure to her fellow victims.

When Berry became pregnant with Castro’s child, it was Knight who delivered her baby, even performing CPR on the infant girl under the threat of Castro while he told her, “If the baby dies, you die.” Despite enduring more than a decade of brutality, Michelle’s spirit would not be broken, and her unshakable faith in the face of a seemingly hopeless situation was a testament to the human spirit. On May 6, 2013, Michelle was rescued from the home that was her prison for nearly 11 years, and finally given the chance to reclaim her life.

Golden Globe Award nominee Pam Grier (“Jackie Brown”) portrays Carla, a nurse who helped care for Knight in the hospital, and Emmy Award winner Joe Morton (“Scandal”) plays Solano, an FBI agent in charge of the investigation.

“Cleveland Abduction” is produced by Sony Pictures Television. Executive producers are Judith Verno (“Masters of Sex,” “Lizzie Borden Took an Ax”) and Frank von Zerneck (“The Elizabeth Smart Story,” “Left to Die”). David Rosemont (“Bonnie & Clyde”) produces. The film is written by Stephen Tolkin (“The Craigslist Killer”) and directed by Alex Kalymnios (“Becoming Human,” “Hollyoaks”).

Cleveland Abduction premieres April 25 on Lifetime!

Photo via Lifetime/Bob Mahoney