Lethal Angels

Lethal Angels (Review)

Lethal Angels

aka Mor gwai tin si

2006
Directed and written by Wai-Man Cheng

Hong Kong used to have some of the best action films in the world. Than the bottom fell out of the industry, due to several factors (a rash of bad films, talent leak to the US, influx of flash over substance, etc.) and terrible junk began streaming from Hong Kong like diarrhea from a sick newborn. The problem was compounded due to the rise of South Korea as a cinematic powerhouse about the same time. Still, Hong Kong kept coming out with horrid junk such as Naked Weapon and soon their films became irrelevant. But then as few good films such as Infernal Affairs and Shaolin Soccer caught on in the US. Inspired, a few films from Hong Kong dared to increase in quality. There was still plenty of junk, but now the junk flew less freely, and moments of actual good filmmaking crept in. Still, moments of weakness are rampant, and films like this thrive in those moments. An unmemorable action thriller in the same veins as Naked Killer and Naked Weapon, Lethal Angels even was tentatively titled Naked Avengers and at one point. It now sports a title that is a throwback to earlier female action films, back when they all had “Angel” in the title. Yet they all look like action masterpieces compared to this dreck (and some of them were action masterpieces, but that’s another article.)

Problems abound in Lethal Angels. From uncharismatic characters to lethargic action sequences, the excitement never seems to get going, stalled like my car’s engine in -30 degree weather. Even the gunplay gets dull, and the CG muzzle flashes are obviously fake and very distracting. Never try to make an action sequence where cartoons get plastered all over it at random. That’s your tip of the day. Female action is supposed to be sexy and exciting, not dull. How can you make it dull? And yet, time and time again, I encounter films that can’t put together an exciting action sequence to save their lives. This movie is DOA, watching it is lethal and you will become an angel.

Yoyo/Mango (Tin Sum as Tien Hsin) – Our heroine and female assassin is a mild-mannered girl who one day saw her entire family killed by the Triads after they found out she was going to watch Hitchcock’s Notorious and/or her dad was going to testify against them. After being saved by Winnie, joins the assassin squad until she runs into her former boyfriend, who is now a cop. So she turns good. Tien Hsin is probably best known over here for her minor role in The Duel, and with her making movies like this, that will be all she’s known for.
Winnie (Jewel Lee as Jewel Li Fei) – Madam Winnie is are archetype female assassin trainer who is a former assassin herself. She’s brought to life here by Jewel Lee, who played the role of one of the female assassins in Naked Weapon. The circle is now complete, the student is the teacher.
Emma (Cherrie Ying Choi-Yi as Cherrie In) – Her character has zero motivation, we know little to nothing about her or why she suddenly turns on her master. Yet she does, and also inexplicably winds up with Big Guts. Her character is deadly with a shovel, she must have worked at the Shaolin Temple as a gravedigger. Cherrie In has been in a lot of films the past few years. I’d list some but then I’d just steal the joy from those who like to Google. Okay, fine, Election and Rob-B-Hood.
Dora (Viva Wei as Wei Hua) – Her name is Dora, but she’s no explorer, she’s a crazy killer who will rip out your guts and hit a 9.5 on the Orgasm Scale while doing it. Don’t mess with this woman unless you like breathing through holes in your neck. Killed by a hail of cops bullets.
Macy (Meme Tian Pu-Jun) – The other evil girl also gets little back story, except how she was turned out by the evil Triad Big Eyes. She also is killed because she’s evil and they never win. Is never seen shopping at Macy*s.
Big Guts aka Darren (Jordan Chan Siu-Chun) – Veteran cop who is a big braggart. Ends up with Emma because sometimes you just gotta write a bad script. Jordan Chan is famous for the Young and Dangerous movies, and he was also in Haunted Office
Jet (Andy On Chi-Kit) – Young cop who knew Mango/YoYo before she became an assassin. Is single-handedly responsible for a Hitchcock film running for thirty years straight in Hong Kong due to all the girlfriends he takes. Can’t dance. Can’t play basketball. The only thing about him is the way he walks.

Clones of Bruce Lee

The Clones of Bruce Lee (Review)

The Clones of Bruce Lee


1977
Directed by Joseph Kong Hung (as Joseph Velasco)

Bruce Lee’s death was a tragic affair, a life cut short in its prime. It also became a vehicle for many unscrupulous people to make a quick buck, and soon Bruce Lee exploitation films began popping up all over. Bruce’s death at the height of his popularity both made martial arts films a big deal, but then stagnated them with the plots of his biggest hits. Many films followed the Enter the Dragon plot line, or borrowed elements and threw “Dragon” in the title somewhere. People ate this stuff up.

Many of the Brucesploitation films were packaged as pseduo-sequels to the big Lee hits, where certain “Lee-alikes” took up the mantel of Bruce Lee. Another group of Brucesploitation films worked their magic on the mystery of Bruce Lee’s death, with things ranging from conspiracies, ninja assassins, secret organizations, faking of death, and biopics (including one costarring Bruce Lee’s alleged mistress and owner of the apartment he died in, Betty Ting Pei, Bruce Lee: His Last Days.) Other Brucesploitation efforts were just plain wacky, being totally ridiculous farces. The Clones of Bruce Lee fits more into this group, as does Bruce Lee Fights Back From the Grave and Dragon Lives Again. The final group of Brucesploitation films were just films with Lee-alikes that were retitles to make you think it was Bruce Lee and not Bruce Li or Bruce Le. Bruce Li in New Guinea is a good example of this. A good overview of the main Leealikes can be found here, four of them are in this film!

The Clones of Bruce Lee is a silly film. Forget silly, it is downright insane! The only thing that could have made it more crazy if is there were robots. We have a mad scientist, cloned Bruce Lees, cloned Bruce Lees that look nothing like Bruce Lee, secret agents, evil movie producers, bronze fighting men, random gangsters, laser bars, Bolo Yeung, lots and lots of female nudity, weird edits, compulsive grass eating, giant blinking computers, a Leealike who isn’t one of the clones fighting with two clones, and did I mention lots and lots of female nudity? This movie rules.

Produced by Dick Randall, who also helped bring to America Weng Weng in For Your Height Only, Challenge of the Tiger, the Italian film The Castle of Frankenstein, the Spanish Supersonic Man, and Jim Kelly’s Death Dimension. Director Joseph Kong Hung directed at least 6 other Brucesploitation films, and “Executive Directed” Bruce Li in New Guinea (whatever that means!)

Bruce Lee #1 (Dragon Lee) – Bruce Lee #1 specializes in solo missions, and has Bruce Lee’s mannorisms down pat. Too bad he has zero charisma. Dragon Lee is also known as Bruce Lei, and was in a few other movies as a Lee-alike before disappearing to obscurity.
Bruce Lee #2 (Bruce Le) – Bruce Lee #2 is the brutal assassin, he gives no mercy to his opponents and will kill them when they are begging for their lives. Huang Kin-Lung, better known as Bruce Le, was one of the most popular Lee-alikes, starred in many films of the genre, and even a Bollywood movie.
Bruce Lee #3 (Bruce Lai) – Bruce Lai is also known as Chang Yi-Tao, was also a Lee-alike in Enter 3 Dragons, but later struck out as himself in films such as Blooded Treasury Fight
Agent Charles Li Sing (Bruce Thai) – Not another Bruce Lee clone, just an SBI agent who dresses like Bruce Lee and fights like him also. He assists two of the clones in bringing down Dr. Nai. Bruce Thai was also in Enter 3 Dragons. Not much is known about him, but he is believed to be Thai due to his name.
Mr. Colin (???) – SBI agent who recruits Professor Lucas to clone multiple Bruce Lees to use as agents. A plan so crazy it could only work in some sort of crazy movie. I see… I have no clue who plays him.
Professor Lucas (John Benn) – The brilliant Professor Lucas not only learned human cloning decades before anyone has figured it out, but he also was able to rapidly grow the clones to adulthood, and train them in martial arts due to the martial artists he has hanging around his laboratory compound. Goes mad with power and has to be taken down by his own creations, as usual for mad scientists.

InWTF?

No cake for Hitler!

Ah, morons…

Holland Township family angry that supermarket won’t personalize cake for their son
by Express-Times staff
Sunday December 14, 2008, 12:16 AM

Good names for a trio of toddlers? Heath and Deborah Campbell think so. The Holland Township couple has picked those names and the oldest child, Adolf Hitler Campbell, turns 3 today.

This has given rise to a problem, because the ShopRite supermarket in Greenwich Township has refused to make a cake for young Adolf’s birthday.

“We believe the request … to inscribe a birthday wish to Adolf Hitler is inappropriate,” said Karen Meleta, a ShopRite spokeswoman.

The Campbells turned down the market’s offer to make a cake with enough room for them to write their own inscription and can’t understand what all of the fuss is about.

“ShopRite can’t even make a cake for a 3-year-old,” said Deborah Campbell, 25, who is Heath’s wife of three years and the mother of the children. “That’s sad.”

Others, such as Anti-Defamation League director Barry Morrison, applauded Shop Rite’s decision.

“Might as well put a sign around their (the children’s) neck that says bigot, racist, hatemonger,” said Morrison. “What’s the difference?”

Yes, poor little Adolf Hitler.
hitler cake
Transformers – the official shirt of Hitler.

This is their other kid, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell.
Aryan cake
These kids will be the most well-adjusted kids ever!

Luckily, Wal-Mart steps up to rescue young Adolf Hitler and give him a happy birthday. Thanks, Wal-Mart!

More info on SciFi Channel's War Wolves appears:

SciFi Channel has a whole pack of films coming out in 2009, we have had some info on a few of them, here is some more details on War Wolves, which looks like it is done with post.

Digital Jungle Completes DI on War Wolves

December 9, 2008

Source: Digital Jungle

Digital Jungle, one of Hollywood¹s premier post production/digital workflow studios, recently completed an HD 1080P 23.98 project for War Wolves, a Sci-Fi channel 09 film. Acting as the film¹s post-production supervisor, Digital Jungle helped manage the offline, executed the online assembly, provided color correction, visual effects for hands to claws, in addition to the growing and morphing of fangs/ mouth, and all other various deliverables.

Picked up by the Sci-Fi channel for an early 09 airdate, War Wolves is led by John Saxton who plays Jack Ford. Jack leads a special-forces unit back to the United States to hunt down a soldier who has been infected with the
werewolf virus that turns man into wolf. Little does Jack know that three of the female soldiers serving in his unit have also been infected and have already transformed into she-wolves. The she-wolves forces of evil and Fords special op forces of good are pitted against each other in the race to save mankind from turning into wolves.

Digital Jungle President Dennis Ho remarked, “We are ecstatic to have delivered for such an interesting project for the Sci-Fi Channel. This movie will get a very positive response and we are delighted to have been attached.”

War Wolves

Raptor Island 2

New Review – Planet Raptor!

We got a new review up, Planet Raptor: Raptor Island 2! Yes, they made a sequel to one of the lamest SciFi Channel films ever. And yet, Mansquito has no sequel? Where is the justice in that, SciFi Channel? Complete with movie clip, you needs to be clicking this!

Yes, there was a delay in new reviews, but this time there is an excuse besides laziness of just being busy. My laptop that had 20+ upcoming reviews, many of which were already finished or very close, died thanks to Windows Vista being too retarded to install SP1 without nuking the laptop. This lead to much chaos until I got an adapter and plugged the hard drive into my big box, saving the data. So we missed posting this over a week ago, we didn’t even have time to get the Sharks in Venice review done before it aired on SciFi Channel, and the world has to wait a bit longer for our take on YoYo Sexy Girl cop, Son of Dracula (Bollywood), half a dozen girls with guns films from Hong Kong, Agon, Clones of Bruce Lee, a bunch of Superman films from not America, and many other goofy things. But the wait will be worth it!