Way to go after High School Musical 3. I see they did bother to remember they were formed to attack Sly Stallone, though.
Worst Picture:
Speed Racer, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans, The Day the Earth Stood Still, High School Musical 3, The Hottie & The Nottie, Dungeon Siege, The Love Guru, Postal, Rambo, The Happening, Meet Dave, Witless Protection
Worst Actor:
Zac Efron, Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy, Eddie Murphy, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone, Tom Cruise (Valkyrie), Will Ferrell, Ashton Kutcher, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, Mark Wahlberg
Worst Actress:
Paris Hilton, Jessica Alba, The cast of “The Women,” Camilla Belle, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Diane Keaton, Jennifer Connelly, Zooey Deschanel [HOW DARE YOU!], Vanessa Hudgens, Eva Longoria-Parker, Reese Witherspoon
Worst Screen Couple:
Any couple from HSM 3, Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher, Paris Hilton & Joel David Moore, Kate Hudson & Dane Cook, Kate Hudson & Matthew McConaughey, Larry the Cable Guy & Jenny McCarthy, Any couple from Mamma Mia, Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy (Meet Dave), Al Pacino & His Hair, Mark Wahlberg & Zooey Deschanel, Mark Wahlberg & Mila Kunis, Sylvester Stallone & His Ego
Worst Director:
Uwe Boll, Scott Derrickson, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Tom Putnam, Marco Schnabel, Sylvester Stallone, Jon Avnet, Diane English, Roland Emmerich, Brian Robbins, Kenny Ortega, M. Night Shyamalan
Worst Prequel, Sequel, Remake or Rip-Off:
Indiana Jones 4, HSM 3, Rambo, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, An American Carol, The Women, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Prom Night, Speed Racer, X-Files: I Want To Believe
Worst Career Achievement:
Uwe Boll, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Madonna, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone
There is a blog called SoftFilm run by duriandave that posts artifacts from movie days gone by of Chinese cinema. The webmaster has a rather large collection of movie memorabilia and usually pictures and biographical information is posted about various actors and actresses from 50 years ago. The problem that causes the SoftFilm blog to drive me crazy is that every week or two, he will post images or information about some awesome-sounding Chinese film that probably no longer exists! Imagine finding out that there is a Chinese Female Robin Hood movie? Well, there was, but I will probably never get to see it! Gah! Here are some of the treasures that tempt you in their delightfulness, but then punish you with their wickedness of not existing:
So what’s up with this film?… Secret Agent 101 (also known as Magic Fire 101), a Shochiku production shot in Hong Kong with the help of MP&GI and released the same year as The Golden Buddha.
The poster for this one is listed in a lot of internet poster dealers, but the film itself is not. imdb
Oriole, the Heroine (also known as Miss Nightingale, the Flying Fencer), a Cantonese crime thriller starring Pearl Au Kar-wai as the titular heroine and Fanny as the trusty sidekick.
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The character of Oriole (or Wong Ang) the Flying Heroine first appeared as the protagonist of a popular series of pulp novels in 1940s Shanghai. Written by Siu Ping, an intelligence worker during the Sino-Japanese War, these stories depicted the social injustice and inequities of the era and gave the people a hero who fought on their behalf. In 1950s Hong Kong, the Wong Ang novels remained as popular as ever.
This was a precursor to these:
Previously, I had assumed that the first film adaptation of Wong Ang was How Oriole the Heroine Solved the Case of the Three Dead Bodies (1959), which featured reigning martial-arts queen Yu So Chow in the title role. Yu played the crime-fighting heroine seven more times in the next few years. Her final Oriole film was The Blonde Hair Monster (1962)
Double Pistol Heroine
Another Yu So Chow (or Yu So-Chau) film is Double Pistol Heroine, of which nothing is known at all. Gah!
The Steel-Arm Girl Knight-Errant
This one is a Thai film, but stars a Chinese actress. Since Thailand has an even worse record of preserving its films than Hong Kong, there is even less of a chance this is still around! =(
[Carrie] Ku Mei, the little “Skylark”, becomes very popular in Thailand as she leads the cast of the Siamese picture “The Steel-Arm Girl Knight-Errant”. She speaks now fluent Siamese and has adapted herself to the customs of the land. Her kiss scene in the picture boasts to be the longest, the hottest, the wildest and the most tempting kiss in the history of Siamese movies.
Hound Murder Case (1961)
Another one that exists, yet I don’t have it, thus must get it. We have classic film villain Sek Kin as some sort of were-animal thing.
Bat Girl!!!! Second link (alternate title: The Lady Killer (1967))
Why doesn’t this still exist? Why? Why? WHY???
Blue Falcon (1968)
A Josephine Siao starring that is also no longer among us. I weep for the loss of this awesome film.
Wu Lizhu starred in the Lady Robin Hood movie. She has nicknames Lady Robin Hood and the Oriental Female Fairbanks. Some biographical information is available via Electric Shadows, another blog that drives me bonkers! More info here.
Lady Robin Hood is well known enough to have made it into the Inaccurate movie database. In fact, a print of this might still exist, but who knows? I haven’t run across it yet. Here is a Movie summary:
Title: Lady Robin Hood
Pinyin: Nu Luo Bin Han
Synopsis:
A sick king instructs his loyal minister Luo Zhengqing to guide and install the crown prince as king after his death. However, the minister of the army, Situ Yangming, makes a grab for power after the King’s death and incarcerates the crown prince. Luo Zhengqing leaves the government, unhappy about Situ’s dictatorship and the heavy taxes levied on the people. Unknown to Luo, his daughter disguises herself as the male bandit Robin Hood, robbing government offices to help the poor. Meanwhile, Situ orders captain of the imperial guards, Zhang Zhonggeng, to kill the crown prince. Zhang is a loyalist and conspires with Lady Robin Hood to save the crown prince. When Situ discovers that the prince has escaped, he falsifies the late King’s will and has himself crowned as king. However, the female Robin Hood has stolen the original will, thus exposing Situ’s false claim to the throne. The female Robin Hood kills Situ and instals the crown prince as the ruler. Only now does Luo Zhengqing discover that the Lady Robin Hood is none other than his own daughter. (Based on viewing the film and the film synopsis.)
Credits:
Director: Yam Pang-nin.
Scriptwriter: Yam Pang-nin
Casts:
Wu Lai-chu (as Lady Robin Hood),
Wang Hao (as Situ Yangming),
Ren Yizhi (as Xiaolan),
Tso Tat-wah (as Zhang Zhonggeng),
Meng Na (as Mrs Situ),
Hu Siao-fung (as Zhang Xiao Er),
Cen Fan (aka Tsen Fan) (as Inspector Chen),
Chen Jian (as Zhao Da),
Jiang Rui (as Luo Zhengqing),
Gao Dian (as tax officer),
Che Xuan (as Brigadier Tang)
The hits keep on coming, so I applaud SoftFilm blog and DurianDave, and tell him to keep up the good work, and keep driving me crazy. Because a little bit of crazy never hurt anyone. The world needs to know about Chinese Batgirl films, lady super heroine flicks, and Jane Bond mania.
Fatal Termination is a Hong Kong action film that dangles little kids out of windows of speeding cars. For fun. Now that is hardcore! We got video and review, because we care about you, the consumer. Consume it today!
aka Chi se da feng bao 1990 Directed by Andrew Kam
This movie has the scene. What scene? If you’ve seen Fatal Termination, you know what scene I am talking about. If you haven’t, just look at the screencaps littering this review, or watch the movie clip. We have a young girl dangled out of a car window at high speeds. No special effects, no blue screens, no CGI, it’s 100% real. That scene. What would normally just be a random Hong Kong action film with a slight Girls with Guns vibe (solely because of Moon Lee, who doesn’t do much fighting until that scene) instead becomes a memorable experience just for the shock of wondering if they could do that. They could, they did, and now we can enjoy! So enjoy! Or I’ll dangle your daughter out a window like I’m Michael Jackson. So read on…
John (Ray Lui Leung-Wai) – Husband of Moon, head of security at the airport, father of Yan Yan and tries to get to the bottom of the weapons smuggling mess.
Moon (Moon Lee Choi-Fung) – Wife of John and one of his security team members. Is a faithful mother to the point of jumping onto a moving car, punching through the windshield, and yanking out passengers to save her daughter. See Moon Lee here also in Tomb Raiders.
Officer Wai Loong (Robin Shou Wan-Bo) – Custom official who is on the take, to the point where he begins playing both sides and getting deeper and deeper into a pit. Goes into mortal combat with the heroes as they uncover his layers of lies.
Jimmy Li (Simon Yam Tat-Wah) – a cop from Political Division, which must be a division of Police Squad considering how much they blow solving the case here and getting lots of people killed. Jimmy Li’s white boss keeps thinking he’s a loose cannon who doesn’t play by the rules, but as people die no matter how much by the rules he plays who really cares? He likes wearing gigantic sunglasses, which must have been in at the time in Hong Kong. Simon Yam is in dozens of Hong Kong action films, and has been seen here in Future Cops.
Ko Mok-Fu (Phillip Ko Fei) – The criminal mastermind setting up a weapons theft and delivery to a rival Muslim faction, but gets double and triple crossed by Officer Wai Loong. Ends up in a final battle with Officer Wai and hero cop John. Phillip Ko was also a producer of this movie, as well as starring in many other cheap action films at the time, like Angel Enforcers and Deadly Target.
Mr. Lau (Lau Dan) – Pipe-smoking partner of Jimmy Li, Political Division. More soft-spoken and diplomatic, worried about eating, and doesn’t pay attention when someone breaks into the hotel room to kill him. Oops!
Officer Miu Chun-Fan (Kiu Wai Miu) – Moon’s brother, framed for stealing the weapons and is dropped off a building by Ko Mok-Fu when Miu gets evidence that Officer Wai was responsible for the weapons theft. Kiu Wai Miu starred in Centipede Horror and several of the Lucky Star films.
Yan Yan (Chan Cheuk-Yan) – Daughter of Moon and John, likes ballet, hanging out car windows, and getting shot.
Billy (Cheung Kwok-Leung) – Protégé of Officer Mui, but joins in Officer Wai’s evil plot. Later regrets it and helps John uncover the truth until he gets blown up by Ko Mok-Fu. Cheung Kwok-Leung stars in a film called The Mystery of the Big Boobs which I need to locate immediately…
Wrestler Goon (Mike Abbott) – Rarh! Bonesaw will smash you scrawny weaklings! Snap into a Slim Jim and dangle your Asian children out windows, because YOU WILL BE DESTROYED!! The Title Belt is mine! Bonesaw!
This time it is not Edison Chen causing problems in China, it is Zhang Ziyi running around topless on the beach, and having her man Vivi Nevo dig into her butt out there as well. Okay. Whatever. I don’t judge, I just enjoy the chaos this will probably cause. Last year’s Edison Chen scandal was among the most searched for items on the web. And fallout is still happening. Chen has two films that are unreleased, one that is reshooting scenes to exclude him, the other that is opening very limited after being heavily edited. You would think they would want to capitalize on the notoriety, but I guess not. Afraid of success. If you don’t want to be photographed naked, don’t be naked in public or photograph yourself naked. And China should stop caring that people get naked, with 1.3 billion Chinese, it is not like none of them ever had sex.
We got a pair of female fighter movies to report on, and thanks to already released films Chocolate (Thailand) and Fighter (Denmark), this will be four such films in a short amount of time. Ignoring the fact that all four films are from different countries, is this the beginning of a whole slew of female fighter films? Because, that would be awesome! All four films also feature martial artists, not actresses, and they are all the film debuts of those girls. Now all we need is some enterprising producers to go and make some team-up movies and combine these girls together.
High Kick Girl – Japan
A cute high school girl who learns Karate must take on a group of secret fighters with help from her Karate master.
Rina Takeda will be starring in this one.
Official Blog – It is all in Japanese, so I hope you can read Japanese or are good at faking it.
Jiang Luxia stars, she was a contestant in a show Jackie Chan ran to find the next kung fu film stars. Her character fights lots of bad guys who have kidnapped her boss. But the whole thing is a trick and her fights are being recorded and used by illegal gamblers. I think she will be pretty mad and have to beat more people up, right?
