Megaconda

On the Retromedia forums, Fred Olen Ray let drop that his son Chris Ray’s second feature (after Reptisaurus) will be Megaconda, which is about a giant snake! Starring Greg Evigan and Stella Stevens, and featuring Ted Monte and Mike Gaglio. Some mockup posterwork (not official) has been thrown up, giving one the image of the old Boa vs. Python DVD cover. Maybe, just maybe, they will actually have the giant snake fight helicopters!
megaconda

Reptisaurus comes out on DVD in Japan on June 10th, check out the artwork:
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Sky Fighter?

Gonggoi: The Beast (Review)

Gonggoi: The Beast


2002
Directed by Jaroongsak Vonglaueng

An example of Thai horror from their very numerous killer monsters/spirits genre (combining both!) we get a killer gorilla with glowing red eyes named Kong Koy (spelled Gongoi in the title, but what are you going to do?) that is the ghost of the previous owners of a monkey statue that are driven to kill to regain ownership of said statue. Thus the film gets filled with stupid teenagers who die, but not enough other people die. The long dragging in the beginning followed by lots of padding throughout the film stretch the running time and make it feel like a three-hour long film, and not in a good way. For those of us who just want to see red-eyed monkeys killing teenagers, we get what we want, but have to put up with a lot of annoyances to get to it.

Professor Laphin (???) – Former college professor who left academia to pursue a life of artifact trading for profit. Still manages to know all sorts of folk legends that modren kids don’t care about. Also manages to be a good shot with a gun and an expert in putting red tags on monkey heads.
Joe (???) – Joe is a complete moron who manages to steal a haunted artifact, do the one thing that will make the haunted artifact activate and kill everyone, then not do anything to stop it the entire time until almost everyone is dead. Then he doesn’t even have the courtesy to die. Joe, I say “No!”
Dan (???) – Dan isn’t a nice guy, so he has to die. Goodbye, Dan!
Dome (???) – Dome has long hair and is a cool-looking dude, too bad about his name. He is dating Yoyo but soon end up on the wrong side of a mad monkey ghost’s fist. He’ll never be a soul singer now!
Yoyo (Annie Roongnapa Brooke) – daughter of Professor, mixed despite both of her parents being Thai, so either she’s somebody’s step-daughter, someone was fooling around, or the director thought we just wouldn’t notice. Annie Brooke is a semi-famous model in Thailand and even has an Idol vcd called Sexy Return. It also looks like she has been in several other low-budget horror films such as Mortal Reflection and Sherry Ann, but I can’t find any personal information about her.
Tick Tack (Jintana Aromyen) – Tick Tack (who might be Tick Tock, but it isn’t spelled that way in the subs) is Dan’s girlfriend and is the hot one of the group (I reject the film’s attempt to make Yoyo the hot one just because she’s mixed. Tick Tack is also the crazy one who loses her mind quickly. Jintana Aromyen can also be seen in Janram aka Blind Moon and Secret Room No. 7 (SR7), both of which I know nothing about except that Janram looks like a vampire lesbian film. 2010 UPDATE: Be glad I wrote this years before Ke$ha appeared and this review isn’t filled with jokes about her waking up and feeling like P. Diddy.
Palm (???) – Joe’s girlfriend and the least of the three girls. I called her Girl3 throughout my notes because they don’t mention her name until after she dies. Spoilers. Palm is not a very faithful girl, so she is the first girl to die. I have no idea who played her.
Kong Koy (???) – A guy in a flea-bitten monkey suit with glowing eyes, who is supposed to be the evil spirit of a wooden doll that was the doll’s first owner and wants it back. Also known as Gonggoi.

I could not identify who actors/actresses Pongsakorn Srijun or Sarus Lao Utaiwattana were, and was unable to identify any of the others. So another incomplete filmography thanks to me not being able to ready every language on the planet.

Giganta will eat your children!

Hey, Giganta is the robot that automatically produces fun! They wouldn’t lie in an ad! Was one of these installed anywhere near you? I was never so lucky!


giganta

Jaws of the Mississippi

Foywonder has broken the news of a new mutant/radioactive shark in the Mississippi River movie coming soon called Jaws of the Mississippi. Finally, a shark movie that dares to have a shark swim up the Mississippi River and maybe even threaten my hometown of Rock Island, Illinois. That would rule.
the plot:

A massive hurricane devastates the Gulf of Mexico, with it a US government’s top-secret anti-bioterrorism facility. When one of its highly radioactive chemicals spills into the ocean it triggers mutations in a great white shark, enabling its adaptation to survive in freshwater. As this shark reeks havoc on local Mississippi River towns it poses the additional risk of spreading this radioactive material and contaminating the entire freshwater system of the United States. Local fisherman Ward and his hillbilly crew are secretly hired to hunt down this shark, and when they find it threatening a group of teenage boaters, Ward must face his troubled past to save these kids and prevent further catastrophe.

Maybe Jaws of the Mississippi will fight Sharks in Venice for the sequel!
Official Active Entertainment site (the people who are also bringing us Chrome Angels!)
jawsofmississippi

Little Shop of Horrors getting remade

Roger Corman’s Little Shop of Horrors is getting scoped out to be remade (but not as a musical) so expect that to bomb at the box office sometime in the near future.
shocktillyoudrop sez:

under the direction of Corman vet and Wrong Turn 3 helmer Declan O’Brien.

“I just optioned the remake rights,” O’Brien announced to ShockTillYouDrop.com this morning. “We’re going to set that up as a studio feature.” The director is going to be shepherded by Roger Corman and The Bourne Identity producer Andrew Tennenbaum “After I did this movie for Roger called Cyclops he was so happy he said, ‘This is the best movie that’s come through my doors in 20 years, so here’s my catalogue, pick something else.'”

“I have a take on it you’re not going to expect. I’m taking it in a different direction, let’s put it that way.”

Cyclops wasn’t terrible, but unless you actually do the alternate ending of the musical version, I don’t see this one being near as fun. But then, I’m cynical.
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