Do you want Search?
Random Post
Random Post
Search
Search
Coweb movie
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Coweb (Review)

August 5, 2009By

Coweb

aka Zhang wu shuang

2009
Directed by Xiong Xin Xin

Coweb is part of several films that showed up around the same time involving a lone female fighter beating the tar out of lots and lots of people. Others include Chocolate, High-Kick Girl, and Fighter. So of course TarsTarkas.NET was paying attention, because we are all about girl power. Or at least

Jiang Luxia is the Chinese Nation-wide Wushu Champion in Shaolin quan. She has a host of other sports accolade and is the Chief Trainer on the Practical Ladies Self-Defense program on CCTV.com. Jiange Luxia is also an expert in Martial Arts Repertoire, Practical Self-Defense, Qiqong, Taijiquan and Crossbow techniques. First showed up on the scene after she started posting online shorts of herself doing wushu moves in 2007 under the name Mao Er Bao Bei (translates as “Cat-Eared Baby.”) I think this is the link to her video blogs, but to get to the older videos you have to go a few pages back because there are a lot of Coweb shorts before that. She was also on a show hosted by Jackie Chan to find new kung fu stars. What is weird is her videos show her being full of energy and smiling and having a positive attitude, but Coweb keeps her in a somber tone the entire film. Completely drains her personality. That is one of several mistakes that hurt Coweb, however, Jiang Luxia is beyond awesome and will be a big star (assuming she doesn’t get horribly injured.)

Coweb was rumored to have a cameo by Edison Chen (fresh of his sex photo scandal) but the mainland DVD version I watched did not have Edison Chen in it at all. I was disappointed because I wanted to see him get beat up, but maybe Mainland China cut him out and he will still show up if this ever gets released in Hong Kong. As mentioned, the only way this film has been released outside of a few festivals is on a Mainland China DVD, dubbed in Mandarin with no subs. That’s not entirely accurate, there are Chinese subtitles, which were ran through an auto-translator thanks to the magic of the internet. Thus, incredibly confusing English subtitles played while I watched this, but I just ignored them (I left them on some of the screencaps for humor’s sake)

Coweb is the directorial debut of Xiong Xin Xin (aka Hung Yan-Yan), who is an action choreographer and stunt double, who also became an actor just to show off his wushu acrobatic moves.

Nie Yi Yi (Jiang Luxia) – Nie Yi Yi is a wushu instructor and mall security guard getting over the death of her father, who becomes a bodyguard for a private businessman’s wife, which then leads to a kidnapping trouble. Nie Yi Yi then beats up everyone everywhere, because they all deserve it. Nie Yi Yi translates as Clinging according to the terrible subs.
Chung Tin (Sam Lee Chan-Sam) – Nie Yi Yi’s childhood friend who recruits her to be a bodyguard. There is more to Chung than meets the eye, but he is not a robot. Sam Lee is one of the “Gen-X” HK actors, most of which were actually in the HK movie Gen-X Cops.
Ho Kwun (Eddie Cheung Siu-Fai) – Ho Kwun is a debonair tycoon who hires Yi Yi to watch over his wife, then is kidnapped along with the wife and becomes the object of rescue.
Susan (Peggy Tseng Pei-Yu) – Susan is the wife of Ho Kwun and is the woman Yi Yi was hired to protect. Yi Yi does such a good job Susan is kidnapped almost immediately. Nobody knows anything about Peggy Tseng Pei-Yu.
Song Li Shan (Kane Kosugi) – The final opponent of Yi Yi and the business partner of Ho Kwun who is originally blamed for the kidnappings. Kane Kosugi is probably the most famous in th US for going all Return of the Jedi in Godzilla: Final Wars and is the son of Sho Kosugi. He was previously on TarsTarkas.NET in DOA: Dead or Alive.

InWingnut Web

Wingnut Web – Born in Kenya Edition!

August 3, 2009By

It is no surprise to us that Barack Hussein Muhammad The Devil Obama, Jr, was born in Kenya and secretly sent to the US within hours of his birth in order to begin a 47 year scam to install him as the first Muslim US president to destroy the USA. The plan is just too simple and perfect. What we can’t understand is all the people who don’t believe it happened. People who use “facts” and “logic” are just wasting their time. And when some lady with fake degrees and faker eyelashes gets mailed Barack Obama’s original birth certificate, we know the jig is up! Let’s watch our pals at Resistnet.com celebrate the downfall of a presidency!
Barack Obama's Kenyan Birth Certificate

Let’s kick things off with our favorite tinpot dictator, Dee!
rnb1.jpg

Randy G Morley knows that nothing matters because THEY control both sides, but we got ammo!
rnb3.jpg

People would rather die than use Google to find the birth certificate in less than one second!
rnb4.jpg

kat 1776 begins the first of many posts longing for Obama to be hung
rnb5.jpg

eugene gorton gets fooled by the fooler foolers every April Fool’s Day
rnb6.jpg

kat 1776 so wants to murder the president…
rnb7.jpg

Phyllis Prather says kill them all! The only good bug is a dead bug!
rnb8.jpg

Even a Marine would lose to Obama!
rnb9.jpg

Yes, it matters, you frakwad!
rnb10.jpg

If only Obama had killed you, then we wouldn’t have to read your ramblings
rnb11.jpg

hee hee hee 🙂
rnb12.jpg

kat 1776 continues to go tinfoil crazy
rnb13.jpg

Dominick Farruggio jumps for joy, breaks hip, has hip replaced thanks to Obamacare, continues to search for the “real” birth certificate
rnb14.jpg

Someone with a Night of the Long Knives fetish!
rnb15.jpg

kat 1776 is so itching to hang that black president!
rnb16.jpg

dale henderson arrives to give his “expert” opinion. Since he thinks it is real it is undoubtedly fake.
rnb17.jpg

That “excuse” being it is a fake. Darn New World Order foiled them again!
rnb18.jpg

Yeah, Dee, Orly Taitz has never given any indication she might be nuttier than all get out! Except the part where she is nuttier than all get out…
rnb19.jpg

Lance M. Hiller, Sr. gives us horrors by seeing his mug next to the words “premarital sex” in addition to trying to figure out what the hell he is talking about. I think he is saying he is gay.
rnb20.jpg

Get your guns, the blacks will riot!
rnb21.jpg

This obvious forgery is the work of a real patriot!
rnb22.jpg

Trouble brews as Cindy Johnson doesn’t buy this hook, line, and sinker. Dee gets angry
rnd2.jpg
rnd3.jpg

Cindy Johnson dies a hero’s death and goes out with a bang
rnd1.jpg
Dee deleted this and banned her, but I caught it so now it is on the internet forever! MuHAHAHAHAHA!!

Not the only recent drama, another poor Resister got banned and deleted because he didn’t believe in the Birther nonsense and even used the term “Birther” which is banned there because it is racist.

Jerry Robbins runs into trouble, and this entire conversation is deleted by Dee along with Jerry’s account because he dared not agree with her on everything!
rnl1.jpg
rnl2.jpg
rnl3.jpg
rnl4.jpg
Dee is like the crazy people who get in charge of homeowner’s associations and try to drive out the undesirable families.

Oh, no! Politijab figures out it is a photochopped Australian Birth Certificate!

Damn you, Koyaan! Exposing the source image of a photoshop forgery! You have doomed America.

The Austrailian Original

Until next time, when Obama’s real birth certificate shows up again, proving he was born in India and is 1/2 werewolf!

Challenge of the Lady Ninja
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Challenge of the Lady Ninja (Review)

August 3, 2009By

Challenge of the Lady Ninja

aka Nu ren zhe

1983
Directed by Lee Tso-Nam

The movie takes place in sort of a weird universe where it is World War 2 between Japan and China, but everyone wears 1970s fashion and there are 1970s Cadillacs. Due to the weirdness, I postulate that Challenge of the Lady Ninja takes place in the same alternate universe as Fantasy Mission Force. If you are familiar with both flicks, you will see that makes perfect sense, even if Challenge of the Lady Ninja doesn’t jump genres at the drop of a hat.

Thanks to crafty distributors, the film goes by several names. The version watched for this review is supposedly the uncut version dubbed into English on a widescreen VHS release. Whether there is a superior Chinese language version with subtitles I do not know. What I do know is this film is cool and has a chick kicking lots of butt, so it gains points from that alone!


Challenge of the Lady Ninja has been released under a bunch of names, see if you can find the name you saw it under!: Chinese Super Ninja 2, Never Kiss a Ninja, or Nu ren zhe.

Wong Siu Wai (Elsa Yeung Wai-San) – The last member of her band, only woman ninja – wu shao wai, ye hur band. At some points they call her Wu Shao Wei. See Elsa Yeung here also in Island Warriors and in several more films coming soon (or already here if you are reading this in the future!)
Lee Tong (Chen Kuan-Tai)- This traitor to China was fiancee to Wong Siu Wai. Don’t tell anyone the terrible secret of Lee Tong. Chen Kuan-Tai is still active in film today, and will be popping up again here soon.
Koloder (Peng Kong) – A jealous ninja who sees Wong Siu Wai as a threat because of her Chinese heritage. Becomes a bigwig in the Japanese war effort, which pits him against his ninja school rival once again. Peng Kong also was the action choreographer for Challenge of the Lady Ninja.
Chan Fung (Kam Yin-Fei) – Martial arts teacher, daughter of a famous master. The Japanese closed her gym, forcing her to do shows to earn money. Joins Wong siu Wai’s ninja school to fight the Japanese.
Li Fu Lang (???) – An angry girl, her father was murdered by Lee Tong and her home stolen, so she vowed revenge. She gets her chance by becoming a ninja under Wong Siu Wai. No one seems to know who played her.
Chan Yiu-Chen, aka Chi Chi (???) – Brothel Girl Miss Chan gets into the business by overhearing someone ask for girls who hate Lee Tong. Has master powers of seduction, to the point of ninja seduction. I have never seen anything like it in film. No one seems to know who played her.
Ron Yee (Yeung Hung) – One of the four bodyguards of Lee Tong. A Chi Kwan Do expert and weapons expert. Loves brothels, is rough in bed.
Ahn Lei (Yin Su-Li) – One of the four bodyguards of Lee Tong. A tae kwon do expert with no friends who is not adverse to do a little lady wrestling.
Yu Feng – (Sun Jung-Chi) – One of the four bodyguards of Lee Tong. A tribesman with no friends and strange weapons like spider webs and boomerang swords.
Yamamoto (Robert Tai Chi-Hsien) – One of the four bodyguards of Lee Tong. Has a goofy scorpion tattoo on his head. An expert with the Japanese sword and has a bad temper. Robert Tai is a prolific actor/director/action choreographer who worked on such genre classics as Shaolin vs. Ninja, Chinatown Kid, Devil Killer, and The Five Venoms. He is also responsible for Ninja: The Final Duel.
Skeletor (Himself) – Skeletor fights for the freedom of China from the evil Japanese. Even a heartless monster like Skeletor knows the Japanese are bad news, and he helps Wong Siu Wai at every opportunity. Which of the characters above is secretly Skeletor? Even I figured it out during his first appearance.

War Robot
InMovie News

War Robot also coming to the screens

July 31, 2009By

More robot action! Robots fighting people all over the solar system. And based on a graphic novel! But I bet no robot will be peeing on a dude. Maybe we will get a better Terminator 4.
Variety sez:

[Jerry Bruckheimer] has snapped up feature rights to the graphic novel “World War Robot” from IDW Publishing.

Story, penned by Ashley Wood and recounted in war-diary form by participants on both sides, centers on a small band of humans and robots facing off in a battle on Earth, the moon and Mars.

War Robot

InMovie News

Kong: King of Skull Island optioned

July 31, 2009By

The book Kong: King of Skull Island, which is a prequel to Kong’s adventures before that blonde girl came along and changed everything, has been optioned and might show up at a theater near you.
Variety sez:

Spirit Pictures is looking to breathe new life into King Kong and a project initially developed by effects legend Ray Harryhausen.

Producers at the shingle have picked up the rights to the book “Kong: King of Skull Island,” a prequel to the well-known tale of the big ape.

Penned by Joe DeVito and Brad Strickland, book focuses on the backstory of Skull Island and how the giant gorilla became king there. It introduces other giant gorillas and dinosaurs only hinted at in the previous films.

The book was published at the same time Peter Jackson was producing his remake of “King Kong.”

Oh, and we also have this:

Spirit also is developing “War Eagles,” a project Cooper and Harryhausen had developed together and were nearly set to produce before the outbreak of WWII. The period actioner is set in 1939 and revolves around an ace fighter-pilot who tests a new jet and winds up crash-landing in the arctic, where he encounters a lost civilization that’s been thriving there for centuries.

So we got two monster movies possibly coming soon!

Older 
390391392393394
 Newer