The Boy and a Magic Box (Review)

The Boy and a Magic Box

aka Shen Tong Bao He aka Boy With His Magic Box

1975
Directed by ????
The Boy and a Magic Box
Screw The Boy and screw his Magic Box, the only reason you should see this film is for all the freaking weird monsters that show up! We got dinosaurs, we got three-headed guys with swords, we got dinosaurs with beards, we got flying monkeys, and we got unofficial Japanese Kaiju cameos. Sure, most are defeated by some kid, but the monsters are the reason to watch because monsters rule and stupid kids drool. This is the THIRD Taiwanese film we have watched with giant monsters that has a kid running around like he is Kung Fu Superman (Flyer of Young Prodigal and Young Flying Hero are the two others) so I can only conclude this is a popular genre in Taiwan and there may be many more such films waiting to be uncovered. And many more annoying pseudo-Kennys. Oh, well. So let’s get to seeing these monsters!
The Boy and a Magic Box

The only evidence of the film seem to be a few entries on film databases, most of which is in Chinese. So what we have been able to find out is this is a 1975 Taiwanese production, and the two surviving prints (by prints I mean VHS tapes that have been dubbed to DVDR) have either subtitles in Korean or cropped off English subtitles that you can’t read. So, essentially, no subtitles. But at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles! I am guessing a widescreen remastered print is too much to ask for, especially since this is probably a children’s film. I hope some day 35 years from now a Chinese neo-blogger is reviewing Elmo’s Potty Time as if it is a serious film. Because, then, I win. TarsTarkas.NET victory!

The Boy and a Magic Box

Hey, no subtitles and a confusing script lead to confusing reviews. So just go with the names we made up for everyone, it will help you in the long run.

And this review got bumped up a bit to answer the challenge thrown down by Todd at Die, Danger, Die, Die, Kill over Taiwanese kaiju films. Your move!
The Boy and a Magic Box

The Kid (Choi Foo-Gwai) – The Kid is the product of love, too bad for his parents who are torn apart by fate. And then royal guards try to kill him when he is saving his little brother, but he is rescued and trained in the martial arts, which come in handy when a batch of dinosaurs try to kill him. Everyone tries to kill him, but at least he has a magic box. Because otherwise, The Kid would be The Dead. Choi Foo-Gwai spends most of the film emoting with various pained faces of rage.
Wong Lau Yeh (Leung Sau-Geun) – The father of The Kid who can’t be with the mother Yeung, what with her being one of Monkey King’s brides. So he heads off to marry some other lady and then does nothing else.
Yeung (???) – Yeung is The Kid’s mother and the lover of Wong Lau, except she’s been promised to Monkey King! So she gets thrown into Heaven’s jail. Bet you didn’t know Heaven had a jail!
Old Guy (Cheung Kwong-Chiu) – Old Guy is Yeung’s dad and let’s his daughter get with Wong Lau Yeh after misreading a book or something. That turns out to be a problem when she gets knocked up. One of the few actors I identified.
Monkey King (???) – Monkey King is the Monkey King of Journey To The West fame. Has magic Pregnancy Detection Eye Rays.
Triclops (???) – Possibly named Ar-lang, Triclops guards Heaven from invading punk kids and pregnant fiancees. His magic third eye gives him the name I gave him, inspired by He-Man.

The Boy and a Magic Box

AmericanGrandJury.org is run by the Chinese!

The website Americangrandjury.org has been popping up on my radar the past few days. Besides the scant mentions on sites like FreeRepublic and Resistnet.com, American Grand Jury made somewhat of a splash the other day with a HUGE group action that I’m sure numbered in the high dozens, and since it involved some hilarious protestation against Glenn Beck (who still hasn’t denied he Raped and Murdered a Young Girl in 1990) I feel like I should really be paying these guys a compliment.

Through “Operation: Flood It”, now apparently “Operation: Special Prosecutor”, tens of dozens of proud Birthers coordinated through Americangrandjury.org flooded the call-in lines of Glenn Beck’s radio talk-show on Monday to press Beck on the issue of President Obama Obambi Obummer Barry Sorento’s eligibility to be President of the United States. Right now the Tea Party people, Birthers, et al are a little peeved at Beck for following in the footsteps of other Conservative luminaries such as Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Michael Medved of Politico, and many more for dismissing the Obama Eligibility crowd as the ship of fools they are. What a position for Beck to take! He must be getting more liberal in his old age!

Well, actually Beck immediately accused “the liberals” of putting together an effort to Punk him on his own call in show, because of course there couldn’t POSSIBLY be any people on Beck’s side that disagree with him. Such a fickle and angry audience you’ve amassed there Glenn! Oh man, they just hate Glenn Beck so much! But back to American Grand Jury, let’s take a look at their homepage.

American Grand Jury.org homepage

American Flags, check

Eagle, check

Multi-colored bolded text, check

Disgusting god-awful layout, check

Article about a Republican, check

No transparency, contact information, author attributions for posts, or any tangable “about us” information, check

Must be a Birther-made website! Most of American Grand Jury’s posts consists of articles regurgitated from World Net Daily, American Thinker, and Pajamas Media with a couple of really poorly illustrated editorial cartoons (a few of which they actually plagiarized by removing the cartoon’s text and adding their own jokes) and the occasional “Special Editorial” from the only author on the website who simply goes by the name “Bob”.

Who is Bob? Well, American Grand Jury’s website makes it impossible to find this out since there’s no About section, or Contact page, or even any email address associated with the poster “Bob”. American Grand Jury does have a hopping mad comments section though. The brave souls at TarsTarkas.net will slowly pour over these comments pages to bring you more internet comedy gold soon. Thanks to the magic of ICANN’s internet registry however we can, for the first time in American Grand Jury’s short history, give you some tangible information about who owns and operates the site! Whois information for Americangrandjury.org returns the following:

[Querying whois.publicinterestregistry.net]
[whois.publicinterestregistry.net]
Domain ID:D155757881-LROR
Domain Name:AMERICANGRANDJURY.ORG
Created On:30-Mar-2009 02:38:43 UTC
Last Updated On:20-Dec-2009 14:57:17 UTC
Expiration Date:30-Mar-2011 02:38:43 UTC
Sponsoring Registrar:GoDaddy.com, Inc. (R91-LROR)
Status:OK
Registrant ID:CR38819421
Registrant Name:Robert Campbell
Registrant Street1:P.O. Box 1941
Registrant Street2:
Registrant Street3:
Registrant City:Nogales
Registrant State/Province:Arizona
Registrant Postal Code:85628
Registrant Country:US
Registrant Phone:+1.5202879727
Registrant Phone Ext.:
Registrant FAX:
Registrant FAX Ext.:
Registrant Email:[email protected]
Name Server:NS1.LINODE.COM
Name Server:NS2.LINODE.COM
DNSSEC:Unsigned

So I guess it’s safe to assume that “Bob” is actually Robert Campbell. Robert Campbell registered his website Americangrandjury.org on March 30th 2009, a time when the Birther movement was just starting to gain its steam. Googling the registrant’s phone number, 520-287-9727, turns up little to no information, EXCEPT for another Whois page for a defunct website known as hk-tradingpost.com. The DNS for hk-tradingpost.com, however, is a site called topsax.us which, is where all this internet detective work gets interesting, and as you could probably guess, topsax.us is a internet website dedicated to talk about and the sale of Saxophones! Bob’s email address is [email protected], so he must be a good sax player himself. This is cool for me personally because I played alto sax for a couple of years in grade school. Bob Campbell might actually be a pretty cool guy (if your conversation doesn’t go beyond talk of woodwinds that is)! Meet Robert Campbell:

Robert Campbell, saxamaphone extrodinaire

No relation to Canadian comic mastermind Colin Mochrie

Colin Mochrie!

TopSax has its own blog

As well as Twitter

And even a YouTube channel

Oh and American Grand Jury has their own blog radio talk live conspiracy fun hour show, which only has 3 episodes up at the moment but is still some really crazy shit (not to mention Robert and his co-host Phil Dedrick, who is a big Resistnet guy, don’t know what the phrase “mastering audio” means). Listen through the podcasts till about 15 minutes where the hosts start to take phone calls. Some truly amazing stuff. Also another odd thing to note, according to the “About” section from Topsax, Robert Campbell actually lives in China where he owns the company that makes his “top quality” super-cheap saxophones. This would make some sense since Bob’s audio on the podcast sounds phoned in, but isn’t that really incredibly ironic? Robert Campbell, owner of Americangrandjury.org and petitioner of the US government and sitting US president doesn’t even live in this country? Do fans and members of Americangrandjury.org realize this? The dude lives, makes money, and owns businesses in China, the biggest Communist country in the world! He must know Barry Sorento and Barry’s Communist allies pretty well now.

Wingnut Web – Homo, homo sapien…wise, wise man Edition

It’s time to go down Resistnet Lane and see what those crazy kids are resisting to this week! Is is sandpaper? Bandaids? Toilet paper? Nope, they are resisting the president again! Just like all the patriots are doing. How easy it must be to be a Patriot, you just yell and scream and don’t think, and then get bitter and wonder why your kids don’t want to come home for Christmas any more and your wife ran off with the cable guy. Your only friends are a gun and the guy on the radio. He knows your pain. He loves you like your wife couldn’t, because she always wanted to be loved back. Ha! And now those stinking libs are coming for your guns! Quick, blow them away! What, it was just the meter reader? Uh, oh. You’re screwed now, Holmes. It must be a liberal plot. Obummer really was out to get you, better luck next time!

Rush is “my””heroe” and a Founding Father, because he hangs with the little man (from his giant compound)
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Lyn Valentine never apologizes for anything. She once accidentally pushed her child down the stairs, and then beat that child for crying.
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Ginny Zalnoski is Q*Bert!
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Lyn Valentine returns after she took some drug that made her repeat every punctuation mark three times for some reason…
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All Illegal Aliens are Welfare Queens. Those Illegals working in sweatshops and in the fields? Welfare Queens. Bonus call for government overthrow.
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bumbleshorts is still trying to get Arizona to secede from the union, because of…uh…stuff!
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Gee, we got two welfare queens right here! Hey, geniuses, if you overthrew the government that is currently putting food on your table, you’d starve!!
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A bankrupt state is like Dick Grayson being a ward of Bruce Wayne.
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Maybe you should look for work instead of reading conspiracy theories on the internet, good sir!
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Thank Sheriff Joe for abusing the law to punish his enemies and racial profiling anyone with dark skin!
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Let’s fire everyone in charge of government programs! Then they can all run around like chickens with their heads cut off, MuHAHAHAHAHA!
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President Buttface. That’s what we are up against.
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I bet this guy said the same thing about the Shoe Bomber…yeah, right!
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What kind of grade should you give the Bush Administration for letting them go?
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I wrote this letter about letting Mexicans die in ditches instead of having hospital care because I like steak.
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Obama told me he was going to kill 50% of the world’s population, during his speech on TV. He always talks to me, last week he told me to go buy a dog, and kill it and throw it on the neighbor’s porch. My neighbor was totally mad. What a jerk!
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Hey, look, more crazy mofos!
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And let us close on our new favorite Resistnet.com post, a post so crazy and insane that we’re just going to wait until the next Wingnut Web to dish out more Resistnet goodies as this one will still be stealing the thunder.
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Until next time, remember the Knights Templar!

Willem Dafoe talks John Carter of Mars

Willem Dafoe chatted up io9 and gave some info on shooting John Carter of Mars, which starts next week, actually. So I guess read the interview, or something. That’s why I linked it. In case you couldn’t figure it out. So read it already.
Tars-Tarkas-1-painted-by-Ag

The Mysterious Death of the Nisour Square Trial

Thursday, a federal judge dismissed all charges against five Blackwater employees who slaughtered between fourteen (technically seventeen) civilians in a crowded Baghdad intersection in broad daylight.   How exactly that happened is a long story, that I should probably begin with the shooting itself, referred to as the Nisour Square massacre.  Here is just one of the many accounts of the shooting from the traffic guard who was present:

ALI KHALAF SALMAN: [translated] But when he turned his face towards traffic, he heard this woman crying, “My son! My son!” And then he ran into that direction, and he saw her son, who was a medical student. He was all covered in blood. He said he went—when he heard the woman crying, he went towards that direction, and he tried to help the medical student who was covered in blood, help him out of the car. But the mother inside was holding tight to her son. And he raised his hand to stop—

SUSAN BURKE: Stop the shooting.

ALI KHALAF SALMAN: [translated] Stop the shooting. He was telling them, “Don’t shoot, please.” He said, while he raised his hand and asking them not to shoot, this time the man in the fourth car shot the mother dead. A machine gun. He said, the car was number four in line. And then, when the person in car number four, a security man, started shooting, he shot the mother dead. And the cars in front of this car, the civilian cars, actually, they spread around to the sides. I think they were scared.

And he said the doctor’s car was an automatic car. Because he died behind the wheel, the car started moving by itself, because it was an automatic car, towards the square. And at this moment, they started shooting the car with big machine guns, and the car exploded.

There’s more, but I think you get the idea.  The Army, the FBI, and Iraqi investigators all concluded that at least fourteen were completely unprovoked.  The other three didn’t actually pose a threat and nobody but the Blackwater employees was armed,  but they’re allowed a great deal of leeway on opening fire on things.  Additionally, a former Blackwater employee gave some disturbing sworn testimony about possible motives for the shootings.  The prosecution stated:

In addition to verbal expressions of hatred towards Iraqi civilians, the defendants engaged in unprovoked and aggressive behavior toward unarmed Iraqi civilians in Baghdad. In so doing, the defendants routinely acted in disregard of the use of force policies that they were required to follow as a condition of their employment as Blackwater guards.

[…]

This evidence tends to establish that the defendants fired at innocent Iraqis not because they actually believed that they were in imminent danger of serious bodily injury and actually believed that they had no alternative to the use of deadly force, but rather that they fired at innocent Iraqi civilians because of their hostility toward Iraqis and their grave indifference to the harm that their actions would cause.

So how did the charges get dismissed?   They had immunity before the trial even began.  They were “compelled” to make sworn statements that included the language: “I further understand that neither my statements nor any information or evidence gained by reason of my statements can be used against me in a criminal proceeding,”  effectively turning the Fifth Amendment on its head.   To further ensure that there would be no convictions, higher-ups in the State Department  went to extraordinary lengths to taint the evidence with these statements.   This is how military law expert Scott Horton described it:

What the State Department has done in this case is inconsistent with proper law enforcement standards. It is likely to undermine an ultimate prosecution, if not make it impossible. In this sense, the objective of the State Department in doing this is exposed to question. It seems less to be to collect the facts than to immunize Blackwater and its employees. By purporting to grant immunity, the State Department draws itself more deeply into the wrongdoing and adopts a posture vis-a-vis Blackwater that appears downright conspiratorial.

The State Department Inspector General at the time was a guy named Howard Krongard who’s brother “Buzzy” Krongard was the former number three at the CIA and, at the time of this investigation, was on the advisory board of Blackwater.  Howard Krongard ended up having to testify before a House oversight committee regarding his role in sabotaging investigations against a number of contractors, including Blackwater:

According to a letter, a federal prosecutor asked Krongard’s investigators to assist in the probe of the security contractor, but Krongard sent an e-mail to a senior staff member directing the assistance to “stop IMMEDIATELY” and to wait until he spoke to the prosecutor.

After weeks of delay, [Committee Chair Henry] Waxman said, Krongard asked someone on his media relations staff _ not an investigator _ to assist the federal prosecutors. “This unorthodox arrangement has reportedly impeded the investigation,” Waxman said.

POGO noted an entire network of shady individuals connected to Blackwater and “Buzzy” Krongard including Joseph E. Schmittz, a former DoD Inspector General who was forced to resign in disgrace following similar wrongdoings.  Conspiratorial indeed.

This isn’t something that you would think could be turned into a partisan issue, and indeed, John McCain made a plea to the DoJ to appeal the ruling on his recent visit to Iraq.  Freep had a much different reaction, with one poster going so far as to suggest that Blackwater be put, “in charge of airport and airline security instead of Joe Isuzu Obama and Janet ‘Barney Fife’ Napolitano?”

Nisour Square
pic via

Sukeban Hunters: Soukatsu Nagurikomi Sakusen trailer

The trailer for Sukeban Hunters: Soukatsu Nagurikomi Sakusen has hit the web. The Sukeban Hunters films began life as a 17-minute Yakuza Hunter short film which was included as a bonus feature on the DVDs of a movie called 893239 . Eventually they were announced as a trilogy of films, but now are just a pair of films and have changed from Yakuza Hunters to Sukeban Hunters, which is probably a good title change for selling import DVDs to the USA. Sukeban Hunters: Soukatsu Nagurikomi Sakusen is joined by Sukeban Hunters: Jigoku no Kettou as the sister film. The first is directed by Kazufumi Nakahira and Shinichi Okuda helms the second.

Sukeban Hunters: Soukatsu Nagurikomi Sakusen stars Asami (The Machine Girl and a weird movie I just watched called Mikosurihan Gekijo: Namashibori Super DX) as the main Sukeban Hunter, who is hunting a girl played by Rena Komine (Kamen Rider The First)

We got chicks with swords taking on lots of dudes with guns, psychedelic (they listed it as a feature, so…), girls with machien gun guitars, feather boas, cowboy hats, schoolgirl knifefights, obvious inspiration from Sukeban films, speedboat drivebys, and naked chicks (which is why we are linking to the clip instead of embedding it!)

CLICK HERE FOR THE TRAILER

Rena Komine demands you click for huge!

Rena Komine demands you click for huge!

Source, as usual for awesome Japanese news, NipponCinema