This just in…

Muppet Newsflash

Special Report!

Someone is impersonating someone in the United Conservative States of America Militia!
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But who is being impersonated? The email sender didn’t bother to even say! It is a complete mystery. But if you are getting emails, WATCH OUT! They are all impersonated! Even that email from your mom asking you what shoes you want for your birthday? All fake. Your Mom is really a Government Agent sewing chaos. Beware!

Don’t worry, we got a guy on the case:
sherlockhemlock
So soon we shall find out the mystery of the impersonations of no one!

Until then, we leave you with the rest of TarsTarkas.NET, already in progress!

Wingnut Web – The Civilians Military, rappin cause the Muslims keepin us down

WHOSE READY FOR AN ARMED REVOLUTION YA’LL?

The truth in Hip-Hop. TCM is raw reality. Brothers Yeshua and Paranoid are some of Colorado’s greatest underground emcee’s. The two have been rapping since ’99 and have written songs about everything from growing up poor as fucc to songs about revolution against the New World Order. Checc out our website.

Checc us out on MYSPACE. yo!

Cop our album too homie (but only if you love America and aren’t black or mexican)!

The rap duo of T.C.M. consist of brothers, Yeshua and Paranoid, who have been rapping together for years. Raised both in Colorado and on the West Coast, they have developed a very original sound. Yeshua handles most of the production with a hardcore, symphony driven sound that fuels the energy that comes through in their lyrics. Established in the late nineties, T.C.M. has consistently done one thing above all else, that’s pushed the limit on political correctness. In 2007 they released their first full length album “Tactical Combat Maneuvers” which is a fan favorite and currently available for sale.

And we got muttafuccin merch all up in dis bitch (and it’s cool if you’re mexican for this one)!

Man these guys sure were late to the game. If memory serves, the whole gun totin’ gat strapped gangsta revolutionary thing was big from 1993-1996 when guys like NWA and Ice Cube were writing songs about growing up on the streets. You can’t fault these guys for putting in the effort though! Since 1999 ‘The Civilians Military’ has been bustin flows about the New World Order and FEMA concentration camps and most recently about killing presidents and bringing violent revolution to the corrupt Communist Fascist regime in the United States government.

Spreadin their street knowledge through songs like ‘Enemy of the State’, ‘Masked Militant’, ‘Paybacc Time’, and ‘C-Section’ The Civilian’s Military has been a hit with the Patriot movement and the backwoods militias for years now. So popular in fact, that TCM has spawned multiple side projects for the group. You can find all this at the band’s homepage RapSheetz.com.

Riot Gear Clothing has got some great counter-revolutionary threads for the American whose “awakened” to the situation in the country today (that the US is run by Muslims), as well as shirts for that one militia type in our family whose always impossible to shop for. Dog City Chronicles is the band’s comic book for those “literate” fans who want to get some class and substance from The Civilians Military sonic machine.

Dog City Chronicles is the story of Denver, Colorado in the year 2045 A.D. Basically, it’s about the future. Denver is the new capital of the new government of North America, Canada, Mexico, and America have all merged like the E.U. and we have givin up the bill of rights and the constitution. Micro chips are starting to be forced on the people. The middle class has been completely destroyed leaving only the extremely rich, the ruling 3%, and the extremely poor, the rest of us. Most people live in rampant poverty, treated like slaves in a literal police state, all thanks to the on-going war on terrorism. This is half the story, tales of crime and survival from the grimy streets of Old Denver also known as Dog City. The flipside is Neo-D, or M.I.L.E. Two, a luscious, self-contained city within a building. A sky-scraper a mile high, thus earning it’s ambitious name. Built just east of the run down metropolis, it stands as the first of it’s kind. Here is where all the politicos, the bankers, corporate heads and various other well-to-dos make their home. This series is really a tale of two cities, two ways of life, and the revolution that is seemingly inevitable. It will explore the many lives of the people caught in a war of polarized cultures.

Now I’ve never been to Denver before, but are you guys harboring aliens and people with spraycans as heads? If so, that shit is really wack yo and ya’ll should just stop lettin the government tell you what to do, like seriously right now. I’d post some of TCMs hilarious music videos but the video embedding doesn’t seem to want to work. For further reading on The Civilians Militia you might want to check out the links section of RapSheetz.com which includes lots of useful and truthful information about the 9/11 conspiracy, Prison Planet and Alex Jones, sites where you can become a member of your state’s militia, and a bunch of online radio shows that will tell you the TRUTH about how the government is using mind control to manipulate you into turning Communist. Tight shit yo.

UPDATE: Our crack investigative team went through Myspace and recovered a picture of MC Yeshua and his sister. He looks pretty carefree for someone who believes a violent political revolution is right around the corner:

TCM Yeshua

A snake-music good time!

Snakes are the best musicians of the animal kingdom. Just watch this clip from the Bollywood film Suraj aur Chanda if you don’t believe me!

Oath Keepers, child rape, and stolen grenade launchers

Speaking of militia crazies and child molestation, a leader in the Oath Keepers movement has been arrested for child rape, and then the police found a stolen grenade launcher in his house. Obviously to hunt deer with.

First, some background on the Oath Keepers, for those of you who are thankfully unaware of this certain clique of right wing crazy. The Oath Keepers are military and former military “patriots” who are

Launched in March 2009 by Las Vegas resident and former paratrooper Stewart Rhodes, Oath Keepers claims to be a nonpartisan group of current and retired law enforcement and military personnel who vow to fulfill their oaths to the Constitution.

More specifically, the group’s members, which number in the thousands, pledge to disobey orders they deem unlawful, including directives to disarm the American people and to blockade American cities. By refusing the latter order, the Oath Keepers hope to prevent cities from becoming “giant concentration camps,” a scenario the 44-year-old Rhodes says he can envision happening in the coming years.

“The whole point of Oath Keepers is to stop a dictatorship from ever happening here,” Rhodes, a former Army paratrooper and Yale-trained lawyer, said in an interview with the Review-Journal. “My focus is on the guys with the guns, because they can’t do it without them.

”We say if the American people decide it’s time for a revolution, we’ll fight with you.“

More random stuff including their pledge on the official site.

But back to the story here:

Marine Sgt. Charles Dyer, aka “July4Patriot,” has been accused of raping a 7-year-old girl. He has spoken at at least one teabagger protest (July 4th) and is also a bigwig in connecting the Oath Keepers movement and the Tea Parties. But the Oath Keepers are disavowing him thanks to these charges:

An ex-military man has been arrested on charges of rape of a child and forcible sodomy.

Charles Alan Dyer, 29, of Marlow, was arrested Tuesday afternoon by Stephens County Sheriff’s deputies, said Sheriff Wayne McKinney. Dyer served in the United States Marines in Iraq.

The second amendment of the Constitution is the only amendment:

During the search the sheriff’s deputies noted several firearms and a device believed to be a Colt M-203, 40-millimeter grenade launcher, a complaint filed in the United States District Court of Western Oklahoma by Alcohol, Firearms and Tobacco Special Agent Brett Williams said.

(also some of the Oath Keepers show up in the comments on CrooksandLiars and get mocked to shreds, for those of you who like that stuff check it out!)

CrooksandLiars also adds:

Meanwhile, unsurprisingly, the folks at American Resistance Movement — a group Dyer was also prominently involved in — are claiming that Dyer was set up, and the girl who accused him was “programmed” to do so. Accordingly, they’ve set up a “Free July4Patriot” fund, with a little button on their front page so you can donate.

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http://www.americanresistancemovement.com/ (hey, a message board!)

Look at all them July4Patriot defense threads stickied! At least one of them has a bajillion YouTube videos of various Patriots defending their boy from the evil programmed 7 year old girl.
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The PayPal donate button.
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Let’s see what these American Resistance Movementers are all about

I see…
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We need a crazy leader to lead us in killing government dudes!
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Obama is chemtrailing the frak out of these guys!
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Fun Fact: All traffic jams are caused by police cars just frakking with traffic!
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UPDATE: CrooksandLiars posted more info on the Oath Keepers running for their lives away from July4Patriot

Whites Only Basketball

What the fuck?
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via ThinkProgress

A new professional basketball league called the All-American Basketball Alliance (AABA) sent out a press release on Sunday saying that it intends to start its inaugural season in June, with teams in 12 U.S. cities. However, the AABA is different from other sports leagues because only players who are “natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.” AABA commissioner Don “Moose” Lewis insists that he’s not racist, but he just wants to get away from the “street-ball” played by “people of color” and back to “fundamental basketball.” Lewis cited the recent incidents of bad behavior by NBA players, implying that such actions would never happen with white players:

“There’s nothing hatred about what we’re doing,” he said. “I don’t hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here’s a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like.” […]

He pointed out recent incidents in the NBA, including Gilbert Arenas’ indefinite suspension after bringing guns into the Washington Wizards locker room, as examples of fans’ dissatisfaction with the way current professional sports are run.

“Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?” he said. “That’s the culture today, and in a free country we should have the right to move ourselves in a better direction.”

More info here

About that Moose Guy…

Sports Moose Productions Announces Shooting for Erotic Horror Flick!

(Atlanta, Georgia) (May 21, 2003)- Don “Moose” Lewis, Managing Member of Sports Moose Productions, LLC, in Atlanta, Georgia, announces shooting will begin on October 18, 2003 for the original motion picture, “Down For the Count!” , an erotic horror flick with live professional wrestling scenes included in the picture from professional wrestling organization, Xtreme Wrestling Union, a partner in the project. The majority of the film will be shot in Atlanta, Georgia with some scenes shot on location at beach locales.

“We are casting for a leading actress along with supporting actresses immediately!” stated “Moose” Lewis. “This is not your ordinary “FFF”- femme fatale film-female actresses receive great parts and action in this movie. While this is targeted for a mature audience, this is much more than your ordinary “flesh mongrel” film. You do not want to miss a single second of this once you sit down to watch it!”

Sports Moose Productions, LLC recently completed a year of producing a weekly television wrestling show for USA Networks Broadcast stations, named “IWU Wrestling – The Max!” which produced weekly ratings higher than major sports events in the same time period. Production of the series was not renewed due to the stations being sold to the Spanish network, Univision. “Moose” Lewis is also the President of International Boxing Union , Inc. -a world wide boxing sanctioning body in which professional boxers fight for World Championship Titles. Additional members of the Limited Liability Company include C.C. McCubbins of Image Ten Productions and the son of golden era Hollywood legend Rod Cameron, Tony Cameron of Mammoth Pictures.

Erotic Horror, wrestling, and racism! They go together like peanut butter, car mufflers, and handguns.

I have no clue if this ever got made.

Senate races and what not

Scott Brown prevailed over Martha Coakley in Mass. to claim the senate seat in a special election. The vacant seat was the one held for decades by Teddy Kennedy, and the defeat of a Democrat in one of the bluest states came as a shock to many. It shouldn’t be a shock, (and, no, spies from Resistnet, it is not because your Teabag Nation is starting American Revolution II: Electric Tebaggaloo) as Martha Coakley ran a horrible, horrible campaign. A campaign where she basically did nothing for weeks after the primary while Scott Brown went all over Massachusetts and worked the public. Coakley didn’t seem to want to meet anyone, and the few times she was talking in public, she didn’t seem to know basic facts about her own state.

Much talk is being said about how the weak Democratic leadership on the Health Care Bill and the whole Bankster situation did in Coakley. Those things did help uninspire many voters into not bothering to go to the polls. The Health Care bill as written is a weak corporate giveaway that is too watered down by horrific leadership in the senate and complete lack of leadership on Obama’s part. There is no question if the White House had been pushing certain more progressive options they would have made it into the bill. But Obama had no intention of doing such a thing, because he’s a centrist, not a liberal.

The other major thing leading to anger is that the only things the Democrats seem to do about the economic problems is give money to the banks. There is a lot of public anger at the banks, and this is the perfect opportunity for a smart party to ride the populist rage against the banks to push in real reform, set up job stimulus bills instead of handing money to the bankers. But the Democrats are not doing that, because they are too busy sucking on the teat of big finance. Not all of them, just enough that nothing can be accomplished. And those guys are ruining it for everyone. And thus, the only populist rage being channeled now is the Teabaggers exploiting rage into their disturbing, self-destructive parties.

The main lessons to learn from the race are not to be more like the Republicans or to abandon all reform or any of the other stupid things conservative Democrats are saying. You don’t need to wait until you have 60 votes to do everything, and you don’t need to anger your base and spend months working on a bill that gets more and more horrible because one or two idiots in your party (or not even in your party anymore!) keeps dragging things out. Bush NEVER had a 60-vote majority, and he did whatever the hell he wanted. When Harry Reid loses in 2010 it will be the best thing to happen to Democrats in years. the Democrats had the supermajority and all sorts of fun games and prizes, and couldn’t deliver a simple universal health care bill.

That doesn’t mean we’ve given up or are gonna go all Teabagger because we thing the Democratic leadership blew it. This just means we’re going to stick to the “More Democrats, Better Democrats” plan and get some better Democrats in. If that means we lose a few horrible Democrats, fine by me.

But in the final result, Martha Coakley lost because Martha Coakley was a bad candidate. The blame falls on her shoulders first and foremost. She did not put in the work required, and now has paid the price. But just wait until Senator Scott Brown does something horrible. At least, that’s what Glenn Beck things, who thinks “This one could end with a dead intern. I’m just saying. It could end with a dead intern.”

But I’m sure the Teabaggers will just blame the intern.

Actually, this whole thing was just an excuse to post the Glenn Beck video! Plus I can also link this quote:

Ditto any attempt to grapple with climate change. In fact, any legislative moves with this Democratic party and this Republican party are close to hopeless. The Democrats are a clapped out, gut-free lobbyist machine. The Republicans are insane. The system is therefore paralyzed beyond repair.

But keep your head up. The game ain’t over until you lose all your lives (or you rescue the Princess.) Feel free to tell me where I am wrong, because that’s what the comments are for.