Jiang Luxia and Chrissie Chau to bust vampires!

Twitch got news that Jiang Luxia and Chrissie Chau will be teaming up to fight vampire, kung fu style. As Vampire cops! And no title was given for this film, making my Google Alerts Fu very sad.

Dennis Law sez:
“It’s about kung-fu vampire killers. I want to combine the basic elements of BAD BLOOD and WOMB GHOSTS – ghosts and kung fu together in a kind of Chinese underworld movie, set in the present day. The heroes are a team of vampire police – police operating in the vampire world. Chrissie will be one of them, together with Jiang Lu Xia (from BAD BLOOD). I want to combine martial arts actors from the mainland with Chrissie and some pretty young models from Hong Kong to make an exciting vampire kung fu movie for young people. I’ve also got Chin Siu Ho, from Mr. VAMPIRE. He’s in his late 40s, now but can still fight! Also Yuen Wah will star as the big evil vampire. In the supporting cast I’ll also have Maggie Siu and Pinky Cheung. We’ve got the script and production will start in early June, so probably we’ll be releasing it early next year.”

Uh…I saw Bad Blood this past weekend, and it had some good and a lot of bad (review coming soon) but Jiang Luxia was great in it despite the fact they made her mute. Maybe she’ll get to talk in this one and not be all somber like in Coweb. A little personality is all I ask. Since we dumped the Chrissie Chau glam shots in the news article for Beach Spike, we’ll have to dig up some different pictures to close out this article… And good luck getting good shots of Jiang Luxia doing anything. When TarsTarkas.NET shows up on the first page of Google Image Search it is time to redefine your search terms.

Random Chrissie Chau:
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Wingnut Web – Homeland Rebellion: Praise the Lord Edition

NEWSFLASH! Resistnet.com is still filled with crazy people! I know, this is shocking news. Well, pick up your jaw from the floor and get to reading the latest Wingnut Web! I barely even looked around and was inundated with conspiracy crap, even crazier conspiracy crap, and completely crazy conspiracy crap. Bonus war against the federal government goodness and even some keen fan fiction that will get its own update later. But until then, let’s bring on the conspiracy crazy train! Toot toot!

Resistnet.com supports America’s Law Enforcement Officers, but only if they’re gunning down government troops
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Tea vs. Coffee. Whoever wins, we lose!
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Resistnet is praising Jesus and passing the ammunition…like Jesus did!
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We must support the government’s attack on the government!
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USA142day barfs out some conspiracy crap here
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Then USA142day tops himself and proves Resistnet is just filled to the rim with crazy
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No serial numbers? Nice of Mel Frost to support terrorists getting their hands on untraceable guns just so he can live out his Civil War II fantasy (which they will lose again)
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Hey, what about the free market? Now you have the government mandating jobs creation…
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Ha ha ha!
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Oh, wait, people on Resistnet are treating this seriously!
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More like, what’s wrong with you, David Mumme?
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Excuse me, but I gotta go dump more poison fluoride into drinking water as part of my secret government conspiracy to give everyone Alzheimer’s. Until next time…

New Reviews – Legend of the White Snake and Orumcek

The reviews in the past week are Legend of the White Snake and Orumcek. The former is a goofy Thai film from the 1960s that proves snake ladies are evil, and also put on odd dance numbers. Therefore, Lady Gaga is a snake woman, but one of the good ones. Meanwhile, Orumcek is yet another Turkish Superhero, this one a space cadet Spiderman. Yes, Turkish Spiderman, as a hero and not an insane killer. Far out, dudes! Read them today, watch the clips, and don’t forget to tip your waiter.

Legend of the White Snake link

Orumcek link

Örümcek (Review)

Örümcek


1972
Directed and Written by Taner Oguz

The last time we had a Turkish Spiderman, he was a pot-bellied, bushy-eyebrowed psychopath who had nine lives and it took the combined might of Captain America and El Santo to take him down. This Turkish Spiderman goes by the name Orumcek and dresses like he was on the way to Space Cadet school and took a detour down wacky hero alley. His costume would not look unusual dressed upon a Japanese super hero such as Prince of Space of Space Chief or Starman.

Like most Turkish films of the era the print is tore up and there seems to be chunks of it missing. That’s what happens when the military takes over and no one cares about cultural preservation of your countries film history. At least the negatives didn’t get melted down for the silver nitrate, like so many other films now sadly gone.

Even with only one hour of film remaining, there is quite a lot going on. So much that I am sure some of my guesses are completely wrong. This is without subtitles, but at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles! The main plot has to do with treasure thieves, but there is gun running, wine running, and bad nightclub singing. I think there might be undercover agents in the evil gang, but just who they are I am not sure.

Turkish films made around this time are all heavily influenced by American serials, and when combined with the normal Turkish quirks such as every guy having mustaches and being macho macho men, the super hero films all come out with their own distinct flavor. Be it Turkish Phantom or Turkish Phantom, it is undeniably Turkish. Orumcek is Turkish for spider, so to be Spiderman he would be Orumcek Adam, but that ain’t the movie title so we’re just calling him Orumcek. Is he strong? Listen bud, he’s got TURKISH blood!

There looks like there is one more Turkish Spiderman film, which probably no longer exists (I can’t find my links to the photos of the film or its title and production year.) There is also a 1966 Turkish crime film called Orumcek Adam, but that does not appear to be a super hero film.

Orumcek/Spiderman (Hüseyin Zan) – Orumcek is a space cadet or something. I give Turkey props for having this super hero not being just a costume copy but in fact his own man. Orumcek has his SpiderMotorcycle that has a machine gun built into it. Orumcek punches jerks, bangs women, and kicks Peter Parker in the butt. I like how Orumcek has both goggles and a visor
Erol (Hüseyin Zan) – He is Spiderman! He’s also a guy who gets beat up a lot. Okay.
Main Female Babe (???) – The main female character whose entire job is to take care of Erol and get into danger so Orumcek can save her. Works as a nightclub singer because that makes the movie longer.
Bald Villain Guy (???) – The evil mastermind behind the treasure theft/gun running/wine smuggling/whatever they are doing. He may be named Shep or something similar. He is responsible for Spiderman 3 being so horrible, and also for the franchise being rebooted. Don’t gorget the Spider Clone saga and One More Day. What a jerk!
Evil Biff Tannen (???) – What is Alternate 1985 Biff Tannen doing in Orumcek? Whatever it is, it isn’t good, as he’s evil here, too! That Biff Tannen, always trying to pull a fast one…
Evil Blonde Girlfriend (???) – Bald Villain Guy’s girlfriend who is so loyal she has sex on the floor of a cave with another guy.

The CIA's answer to the suicide bomber

GQ interview with military law expert Scott Horton

At a recent press conference in Islamabad, a Pakistani reporter raised this issue to a noticeably frazzled Secretary of State Hilary Clinton. “What is actually terrorism in U.S. eyes?” the reporter asked. “Is it the killing of innocent people in, let’s say, drone attacks? Or is it the killing of innocent people in different parts of Pakistan, like the bomb blast in Peshawar two days ago? Which one is terrorism, do you think?”

An international law expert from Georgetown University has recently made the same point as the journalist:

CIA drone attacks produce America’s own unlawful combatants

In our current armed conflicts, there are two U.S. drone offensives. One is conducted by our armed forces, the other by the CIA. Every day, CIA agents and CIA contractors arm and pilot armed unmanned drones over combat zones in Afghanistan and Pakistan, including Pakistani tribal areas, to search out and kill Taliban and al-Qaeda fighters. In terms of international armed conflict, those CIA agents are, unlike their military counterparts but like the fighters they target, unlawful combatants. No less than their insurgent targets, they are fighters without uniforms or insignia, directly participating in hostilities, employing armed force contrary to the laws and customs of war. Even if they are sitting in Langley, the CIA pilots are civilians violating the requirement of distinction, a core concept of armed conflict, as they directly participate in hostilities.

He also makes a point at the end that’s extremely important:

And while the prosecution of CIA personnel is certainly not suggested, one wonders whether CIA civilians who are associated with armed drones appreciate their position in the law of armed conflict. Their superiors surely do.

The big reason for the expanded use of drones and the continued use of mercenaries is the political cover they provide.  Doing it through the CIA is a great way to escape congressional oversight (if congress actually intended to exercise it very seriously–as Scott Horton put it in the interview, it’s been “a complete joke”).  It would have been nice for them to at least rubber stamp the war in Pakistan rather than just adding a few lines into the annual DoD appropriations bill.

What the frak? A SECOND Showgirls 2??? – Showgirl

This brings the whole dueling films thing like Antz and A Bugs Life or Armageddon and Deep Impact into a whole new territory!

Twitch dug up info there is another person working on a Showgirls sequel!

Rena Riffel – Penny Hope in the original movie, was originally going to be in that terrible-looking Showgirls: The Return until she realized it will be terrible and instead is making her own sequel, Showgirl.

My film is titled SHOWGIRL, being that I am the last and only “showgirl” still keeping that flame alive. It’s sort of a…”What ever happened to Penny Hope?” – fifteen years later, story. SHOWGIRL is my take on what becomes of a thirty-something year-old stripper who is still obsessed with dancing and fame.

We are planning on shooting this coming summer and are still searching for a few of our leading and supporting characters to round out the cast. SHOWGIRLS’ fans will be pleased to learn that some of the original cast members have agreed to be in SHOWGIRL, and some of my MULHULLAND DRIVE cast members will appear as well. It is my hope to work with my SHOWGIRLS friends Gina Gershon and Elizabeth Berkley again too. And, I am even thinking about giving my former STRIPTEASE co-star friend Demi Moore a call.

You could say I’m pulling a “Barbra Streisand.” SHOWGIRL is my YENTL, because I will be writing, directing and starring! We are securing major funding and working with top production talent, like the original post production team who did the original SHOWGIRLS. It’s pretty exciting and amazing. Stay tuned for more news coming soon!”

There is a trailer at the Twitch link complete with nudity which is why it isn’t embedded here. It looks awful as well, but an awesome kind of awful (even though it is just a demo reel and not any actual scenes) We got trannies and midgets, so that beats the other film by a mile on that alone.

The closest thing I can think of is the dual The Art of War 2s, one of which was filmed and ready to go starring Anthony ‘Treach’ Criss, but then Wesley Snipes got into court trouble and needed money fast, so he agreed to be in a DTV sequel of his own for The Art of War and that one got released first, bumping the original The Art of War 2 to be The Art of War 3. And we have a review of the original The Art of War, just sayin’.

The Showgirls franchise just got saved by the bell...