Zone Fighter Episode 09 – Oe! Reddosupaidaa-no Himitsu

Zone Fighter Episode 09 – Oe! Reddosupaidaa-no Himitsu

aka Search for the Secret of the Red Spider! aka Find the Secret of the Red Spider!

1973
Directed by Kengo Furusawa
Written by Juro Shimamoto


Zone Fighter is back and he’s on a murder spree! Zone Fighter and the rest of the Zone Family have come to kill innocent animals that the Garoga have infected. Curing them is not an option, only MUUUURDER!

We at TarsTarkas.NET do not condone murder, especially of innocent animals. We however do condone the murder of the Zone Family, and are officially Team Garoga! Now, if you’re reading these in chronological order, we’ve skipped a few. That’s entirely the fault of the disks, because technology is dumb. What happened in those missing two episodes? Probably nothing important. In any event, if you are confused as to who’s-who in the Zone Fighter universe, check out the Zone Fighter Splash Page for all your questions to be answered.

Hikaru Sakimori (aka Zone Fighter) still hasn’t bothered to kill all the Garoga, and instead is just sitting around Earth chasing Garoga signals. Lazy, lazy Zone.

Holy crap, a foot long red spider! Flying in the air on it’s web or something. It’s Creepies all over again! The spider floats to a truck just sitting at the side of the road…

Garoga agents! Hikaru gets into a big fight with them. The Zone Fighter theme plays, it’s all very Zone-ish. But Hikaru hasn’t bothered to turn into Zone Fighter, because he’s lazy, and although he’s kicking their butts, Zone realizes he needs to transform to sell more toys.

The Zone Family gets a signal and transform to go help. The Garoga attack with black and white candy cane weapons! Weapons they are too dumb to use properly and soon the Zone Family have grabbed their candy canes and are killing them with their own weapons.

The Garoga goons taunt that their spider is evil, and then run away. Why you would yell that as a taunt I have no idea, as it’s stupid! Way to spoil your plans, Team Garoga. We’re no longer Team Garoga, as both teams are stupid.

But the Zone family doesn’t bother to stop or attack the spider RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM and instead they go back home to ask Grandpa Zone what is up. Okay, that’s so stupid we’re back on Team Garoga!

2 Headed Shark Attack!! plus Almighty Thor trailer

Wait, WHAT???? I was just checking in on the Asylum to see the new Thor mockbuster trailer when suddenly I saw their coming soon list had…2 Headed Shark Attack! No other info is available at this time. Two heads are deader than one!

Also here is the trailer for Almighty Thor:

Yes, you saw Thor shooting an uzi at dinosaurs in the middle of a city.

Almighty Thor coming May 7 on Syfy. Richard Grieco is Loki. Kevin Nash is some guy.

Zanbato – J.J. Abrams does Japanese swashbuckling robots with swords

I must be a bad nerd, as I can’t really get excited over the prospect of Japanese “swashbuckling robots with swords” anymore. Largely due to the fact I’ve been burnt so many times by big budget films I’m just bitter about everything. Heck, look at what Sucker Punch promised vs. what it delivered. I have every right and reason to be pessimistic. But, we’ll see what we see when we get more information. J.J. Abrams usually doesn’t tell anyone anything about his films for a while, building buzz or what not, and giving them code names like Zanbato. Again, I’m getting sick of that as well. Not everything that is a big top secret project deserves to be a big top secret project. And if another studio wants to rush out a Japanese robot sword movie, more power to them. Someone has to make a film that isn’t terrible some day. J.J. Abrams’ Fringe writers Monica Breen and Alison Schapker are rewriting Zanbato as I type. Okay, maybe not exactly as I type. One of them may have went to the bathroom or something.

No, you're supposed to have swords! SWORDS! Stupid robot.

Hidden Heroes

Hidden Heroes (Review)

Hidden Heroes

aka Zhui ji 8 yue 15

2004
Directed by Joe Ma Wai-Ho and Soi Cheang Pou-Soi
Written by Joe Ma Wai-Ho and Sunny Chan Wing-Sun


After Steve Chow stopped doing 30 films a year to focus on bigger projects, Hong Kong went through a state where the genre of mo lei tau was sort of a walking dead. But before the bullets where put through the brain, several pretenders to the throne were marketed. Nick Cheung was just not very funny, but Ronald Cheng at least had some of the childlike charm mixed with perversion and quick wit that was Chow’s claim to fame. Not enough to capture the thrown and come out with 30 films of his own each year, but enough that he could do at least one. Cheng’s acting style was to hold nothing back, often screaming his lines and charging forward, no matter the ridiculous situation, and going with the flow whether situations become dangerous or completely wacky. And much of Hidden Heroes is wacky. It is a mo lei tau film, and done well enough you could see Steve Chow starring in it, but not so mo lei tau that people start dancing in the streets. The tonal shifts remind me a lot of the Fight Back to School films.

Hidden Heroes is also that rare genre of Hong Kong Science Fiction. Not with kung fu masters flying around shooting cartoon rays, but with time traveling robots. And that will bring out comparisons to The Terminator, even though the films are almost completely different. The movie itself even references The Terminator. Because of the nature of Hong Kong cinema, Hidden Heroes becomes a few other genres as it goes along, sometimes tacking serious as the framed cop/corrupt cop story plays out.

This film is also where Charlene Choi and Ronald Cheng worked together enough to fall in love and eventually get secretly married. Their marriage was finally discovered by the Hong Kong press just in time for them to divorce. Another fun fact about Ronald Cheng is that in 2000 he got so drunk and disruptive on a flight it had to make an emergency landing to kick him off, and the pilot beat him over the head with a flashlight. This became the “air rage incident”, because every story in Hong Kong press has a definitive name. The craziness stalled his singing career for years, and he was just getting back into the swing of things as Hidden Heroes was made.

Officer Ho Yoiji (Ronald Cheng Chung-Kei) – Our hero is a lazy coward who spends most of the film plotting to kill the love interest while being engages to another love interest. That is, when he isn’t running away in fear from mad bombers, robot girls, and corrupt cops. And yet, Ho Yoiji is likable, and you want to see him succeed and not be murdered on his appointed date in history.
Mei Ling Chan 1872332 (Charlene Choi Cheuk-Yin) – In the future, there are millions of Charlene Choi robots running around. That seems cool, until you realize what most of them are probably being employed as, and then it all gets disgusting! Robot 1872332 gets blown up. See Charlene Choi also pops up in Protege de la Rose Noire and Beauty on Duty!
Mei Ling Chan 1872333 (Charlene Choi Cheuk-Yin) –Whoa! I guess hair styles in the future are now mimicking Bride of Frankenstein! Robot 1872333 replaces 1872332, and it is her duty to keep Yoiji alive long enough for him to die when he’s supposed to die. Sometimes, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
Mei Ling Chan (Charlene Choi Cheuk-Yin) – Another Charlene Choi robot? Nope, this is the actual Charlene Choi, or Mei Ling Chan, who works making fake passports for criminals until she crosses paths with Ho Yoiji. Then it’s love, and crazy, and love. Love means never having to say your sorry for shoving Yoiji into a washing machine after lying about his fiancee.
Inspector Cheng Wai Ming (Raymond Wong Ho-Yin) – He’s the chief, and he’s corrupt! Ho Yoiji is partially responsible for the death of his lover, and also inadvertently picks up the key to the secret money stash the two criminals had. So now Yoiji is a target. Look out, Yoiji!
Officer Zhang Kitt (Qin Hailu) –Kitt is the only competent member of the police force who isn’t evil. Gets caught up in all the Ho Yoiji hysteria, but is eventually proven right. Qin Hailu is not exactly a comedic actress, and plays her role strictly straight. It sort of works, but it also makes you wonder if she knew it was a comedy film.
Mayumi (Higuchi Asuka) –A former dancing Geisha, now engaged to Ho Yoiji until the time traveling robots show up and his life gets flipped, turned upside down. We don’t have a minute to rap, so basically they agree to see other people.

Honey 2 is a trailer we can call get behind…

or in front of! Can this new Honey (some chick from The Vampire Diaries) dance better than the 718 and totally serve them on national tv? Because otherwise she’ll have to live with being served herself.

Katerina Graham, Randy Wayne, Melissa Molinaro, Lonette McKee and Audrina Patridge star. Audrina Patridge??

Also the new Honey’s team is called the HDs, I guess for Honey Dancers.

Directed by Bille Woodruff, who directed the original Honey so you know it’s going to be Honey-liscious (technically impossible because of no Jessica Alba)