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War God movie
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

War God (Review)

May 6, 2011By

War God

aka Calamity aka Guan Yu

1976
Directed by Chen Hung Min

Dink dink, dink dink dink dink dink!

War God is a movie that was missing for a long long time. It sort of became a legend among the growing Asian film community on the internet as a lost kaiju film. Little was known about it except some posters and promo images, and the knowledge that it was broadcast on Taiwanese TV at some point recently, meaning a copy existed somewhere. But beyond that, it was unavailable. Then someone found a VHS and it leaked all over the internet, so here we are! Because FourDK and TarsTarkas.NET both cover many of the same paths of film watchership, we’re timing our reviews to drop on the same day. Why compete when you can turn it into something special? This way it is sort of an event. A War God Event. A Calamity, if you will. The real calamity is if you don’t read both of our reviews. You have a responsibility to yourself to read them both, don’t let yourself down again!

Naughty, naughty, naughty! You filthy old soomka!

The best way to describe War God to new viewers is to think of it as a long episode of Ultraman, except instead of the Science Patrol, War God is backed by the Religious Patrol. This is a film not afraid to tell you that when aliens come to Earth with superior technology, don’t try to research ways to defeat them with technology, call on the power of a guy deified. Between that message, the constant moaning and whining of Uncle Chao as he carves the Guan Yu idol, and the subsequent major plot point of painting on Guan Yu’s eyes, the parts of War God that don’t feature giant things beating the tar out of each other can get pretty annoying. Luckily, we have a LOT of scenes of giant things beating the tar out of each other. Finally, a lost film with giant monsters that doesn’t skimp on the giant monsters!

Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?


Thanks to duriandave at softfilm for help in IDing some of the actors:

Chao Chun (Yu Ming Lun) – Head Scientist and head jerk! Okay, not so much a jerk as someone who is too busy with his work to spend time with his family, and thus contributing to the family growing apart. Chao Chun does some sort of nuclear research. Yu Ming Lun was in around 30 films and died on December 24th, 1978
Uncle Chao (???) – Patriarch of the family and a wood carver. Although he is going blind, he continues to carve an idol to Guan Yu due to a promise to his dead wife. Uncle Chao likes to ramble on about when he’s done Guan Yu will give the statue real ultimate power.
Li Yu (Tse Ling-Ling) – Chao Chun’s sister and Uncle Chao’s daughter. Is ignored by the family so Li Yu spends her days hanging around with biker gangs to try to get the attention she is missing at home. Eventually becomes an abduction target of the Martians. Tse Ling-Ling retired from film in 1979, but later returned to TV dramas in the 1980s. She was in Tiger and Crane Fist/The Savage Killers, which was turned into Kung Pow: Enter the Fist in 2002.
Chun Lan (Cindy Tang Hsin) – Chao Chun’s girlfriend and fellow scientist. Tries to keep him a bit in the real world instead of lost in the world of science. All anyone seems to know about Cindy Tang Hsin is that she was in around 20 films and then died at the age of 27.
Guan Yu (???) – Guan Yu is the god of War who grows really big and beats up some Martian jerks. Guan Yu was a real person, though has been fictionalized enough by the Romance of the Three Kingdoms stories that he is more myth than man. And he is deified by many Chinese religions, who borrow from both his real and fictional life and merge with their own belief systems into a hodgepodge of Guan Yu-ism. You will likely find a statue of Guan Yu in many Chinese homes, and he is especially worshiped by Triads.
Martians (???) – These Martians have come to Earth to beat up buildings and dissuade us from science. Masters of Mars, they get schooled on Earth in our ability to get giant people to beat up alien invaders.
This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.
No time for the old in-out, love, I’ve just come to read the meter.
Obama’s new campaign posters looked a little off…
InMovie News

Kunoichi Ninpo – Female Ninja Magic Chronicles – getting rebooted!

May 5, 2011By

Kunoichi Ninpo Cho, as you might know, were released in the US as the Female Ninja Magic Chronicles series, and became famous for having women blasting acid milk, fire, and all sorts of weird things out of their breasts and vaginas. The main series got released just in time for the 90s video boom and beginnings of Asian cinema imports. There has been other female ninja series (probably the Ninja Vixens 10-part “series” or the Lady Ninja Kasumi I don’t know how many but at least 7 series are the bigger ones), but the Female Ninja Magic Chronicles series are the queens of the female ninja (Kunoichi) sexploitation world. And now there will be another!

I didn’t know there were 8 of them (I thought there were just five!) but I guess a few of them have non-Female Ninja Magic Chronicles names in their US releases. Of course, there is also a Kunoichi Ninpo from 1964 which is based on the same Futaro Yamada story as the newer series was. It’s all very confusing. Female ninja softcore movies are rather popular, most likely because they do better overseas than the non-genre stuff.

This new Kunoichi Ninpo (entitled simply Kunoichi Ninpo for now) film will reunite Secret Undercover Agent: Honey & Bunny costars Haruna Yabuki and Yuuri Morishita, along with AV star Shou Nishino (sample creepy title – Skeleton Dildo Hyper Digital Mosaic) and softcore queen Kei Mizutani (the Weathergirl films). I am not sure who the final girl is.

Here is a promo reel showing highlights from the previous films. It is probably not safe for work, just copy/pasta below:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkXu7OSDETw

And the trailer for the new Kunoichi Ninpo (also probably not safe for work):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihuzAoTUnyg

Here the girls talk about the film:

Official site

Pictures:
Yuuri Morishita Kunoichi Ninpo
Kunoichi Ninpo 2011


Source

InMovie News

4 Star Theater Asian Movie Madness

May 4, 2011By

If you live in San Francisco and haven’t been to the 4 Star Theater ever, SHAME ON YOU! But now you have the perfect chance to not live in the shadow of my contempt and go check out some of the Asian Movie Madness double features! You might even see me at some of the showings. Just walk up to random people and ask if they are me until I reveal myself. I might lie to you and say I am not me, so be sure to shake me until I agree I am who I say I am.

Now, on to the films:

5-12 – Deaf-Mute Heroine and Pursuit – Deaf-Mute Heroine looks pretty cool, I have an old VHS copy somewhere and am intrigued as to the free DVD offer. Pursuit looks like it will be just an average action flick, but maybe it isn’t. Never seen it.

5-19 – Temptation Summary and Dirty Doll – A Cat III film and a Roman Porno? I hope they broke out the rubber seats! Just kidding.

5-26 – Ong Bak and Golden Sand Sword – See how Ong Bak all began with the first Ong Bak. And Golden Sand Sword, what can I say except I’ve never heard of it, but if it has a sword made out of sand maybe it will be awesome.

6-2 – The Warlords and The Shaolin Temple – Two Jet Li films I never cared for. I’ll probably miss this one, but if you are a fan of huge-scale war epics, The Warlords might be your cup of tea. I didn’t finish it when I watched because it was too predictable.

6-9 – Clash and Iron Fan and Magic Sword – Clash is the only film out of Vietnam recently that I could just name and people would have vaguely heard of it. But I haven’t seen it or Iron Fan and Magic Sword. Could be a good action time.

6-16 – Lovers in Turbulent Days and Rorita Couple – a sexploitation double feature, with films to make sex feel dirty. I think Rorita is supposed to be Lolita in non-Katakana speak.

6-23 – The Host and Yang Zean – If you never saw The Host, then you missed one of the best Korean movies ever. And Yang Zean is so obscure yet sounds so awesome it must be fun. How many films about three-eyed people will YOU see this year? Five? Make sure this is one of them!

6-30 – Ip Man 2 and Tiger Cage 2 – Uh, oh, I’ve not seen the originals for either of these Donnie Yen sequels, so I will be totally confused.

7-7 – Torrid Wave and Sex and Zen III – That’s Sex and Zen III, not 3D!

7-14 – Chocolate and Crimson Bat: The Blind Swordswoman – See Chocolate on the big screen like it deserves! and see Crimson Bat: The Blind Swordswoman on the big screen like it probably deserves. I’ve heard good things but not seen.

7-21 – Red Cliff Part I & II – Good Lord, that’s a lot of Red Cliff! Make it a challenge to see the whole freaking thing without taking a single bathroom break! And remember when you go to the hospital after your bladder explodes, I didn’t make you do it, only suggested it!

7-28 – Lady Chatterly in Tokyo and Mariko – Lady Chatterly goes to Tokyo and has sex. Also another Roman Porno.

InMovie News

Jeeja Yanin update – Tom-Yum-Goong 2, Chocolate 2, The Kick, Jakkalan

May 3, 2011By

Some news concerning “Jeeja” Yanin Vismitananda that may be of interest:

The biggest news currently is Jeeja costarring with Tony Jaa in Tom-Yum-Goong 2, which will be in 3D. All the familiar faces were at the news conference, director Prachya Pinkaew, action choreographer Panna Rittikrai, costar Petthai “Mum Jokmok” Wongkumlao, and studio executive Somsak “Sia Jiang” Techaratanaprasert,

Jeeja will also be headlining a 3D sequel to Chocolate Hiroshi Abe will also be returning, and it will be directed again by Prachya Pinkaew, who seems to be directing everything ever.

As proof of that, Pinkaew is also directing The Kick, a coproduction of Thailand and South Korea that features Jeeja in a supporting role to Mum Jokmok in a plot involving theft of ancient daggers. The Korean company CJ Entertainment is proclaiming it the first Korean martial arts film and first taekwando film, which as anyone who collects Korean martial arts films can tell you is complete bunk.
Here is a behind the scenes video:

And finally, here’s a trailer for the bicycle messenger comedy Jakkalan, which hit theaters in Thailand April 28th. It’s directed by and costars Mum Jokmok, who was in the first Tom-Yum-Goong

Some posters:
Jukkalan Poster Jeeja
Jukkalan Poster Jeeja
I had meant to get these films up on individual entries, but kept putting it off and off so now we get a giant post. And, yes, these films will get the full review treatment once they start showing up in a format I can see them.

InMovie News

Cobra The Space Pirate

May 2, 2011By

Cobra the Space Pirate is some manga I have never heard of that is now going to be a film. Hopefully an awesome film, as the poster is pretty kickin’. It’s about a space pirate with a gun in his arm who alters his face and memory to hide from pirates, but they start coming out of the woodwork to kill him and he starts getting his memory back. Sounds like it could be fun, so I’ll look forward to this one until I hear different. I guess there was a Cobra video game years ago that people seem to remember fondly. This will be directed by Piranha 3D director Alexandre Aja.

Source

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