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InMovie News

NOOOOOOOO!!!!! – The Biggest Movie of All Time 3D

May 24, 2011By

That’s it, I’m sorry the rapture didn’t happen, because now we’re getting another Seltzberg movie!

In Scary Movie we spoofed the creepy teen horror genre, in Date Movie we took on cliché romantic comedies, Epic Movie we parodied bloated blockbusters, Meet the Spartans we lampooned the ultra macho 300 and in Vampires Suck we skewered the cultural phenomenon Twilight. But our new movie will dare spoof the biggest, boldest and most successful movie ever made – James Camerons Avatar.

With a domestic box office of nearly 700 million dollars and an overseas haul of over 2 billion, it was only a matter time before this behemoth got a good ribbing. And what could possibly be riper for satire? You got half naked blue people plugging their hair into strange flying horses so they can read their thoughts! And nothing in this mega blockbuster is off limits, from its overly simplified message of “big corporations = bad; tree hugging environmentalist = good,” to the broadly drawn characters like the buffed out Colonel who’s in a perpetual ‘roid rage to the very colorful, glowing and… come on, totally stony world of Pandora. And just like Avatar our movie will be in eye popping 3-D – making it the very first spoof movie ever in this format. It’s a perfect showcase for our outrageous sight gags, physical comedy and audacious stunts that will make for a hilarious film and uproarious audience experience.

How many cows will be dropped in 3D? Find out…at your peril!

Give a child a camera and ten minutes and they’ll come up with a critique of Avatar better than these two bozos will crap out. Heck, that cat who takes photographs would make better films if he had a webcam on him. There is room out there for a good Avatar parody. But this isn’t it.

InMovie News

John Carter of Mars has lost his Mars

May 24, 2011By

And now it’s just John Carter. Why? Why do something so dumb? Why take the scifi out of your big scifi spectacle? Well, there are several possible reasons:

1- Some suit at Disney thinks that they must remove “of Mars” to prevent association with the film Mars Needs Moms, which went all Fat Man and Little Boy at the box office. I can just imagine the idiotic executive, with not a lick of movie making experience in his body, foolishly believing that the reason Mars Needs Moms failed was because of Mars, and not because the story sounded dumb and the aliens looked so hideous people actually ripped off their balls so they wouldn’t father children who would be forced to live in a world where they might see the alien design on this film. The same suit doesn’t see a problem with John Carter being a former Confederate soldier.

2- As A Princess of Mars is public domain, and the compromise name John Carter of Mars isn’t in the US (but is somewhere overseas, IIRC), Disney decided to just go with John Carter because it would be easier to trademark. That sentiment is sort of weird when you remember that ER had a character named John Carter for over a decade, there’s a lunatic congressman named John Carter, and the name John Carter is so common I’ve met several. Maybe they’re hoping people think this is about Jimmy Carter’s secret other brother, the one who didn’t make beer.

3- They plan to fuck with the story so much John Carter goes to a different planet each movie! This would be an incredibly stupid idea, but, this is Hollywood and they did remove “of Mars” from the title.

Of course, there is still a whole year to go, and John Carter of Mars will probably have another six titles by then (and be known in Japan as “Super Hoppy White Devil Man vs. Green Spider Monkey”)


More images here

Insee Daeng
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Insee Daeng (Review)

May 23, 2011By

Insee Daeng

aka Red Eagle

2010
Directed by Wisit Sasanatieng

Insee Daeng is a tragedy. Because it sucks, not because sad things happen in the film. It’s just terrible. An action flick with no heart, things just happen, you don’t care about any of the characters. It’s too busy trying to look cool to be cool. Insee Daeng is forcing me to rewrite my long-standing rule that The Matrix ruined cinema. The Matrix is so 1999. This is a new decade, and there is a new film that will cast a shadow over terrible action flicks for the next ten years as they attempt to emulate, but fail to duplicate the story and characterizations that made the film great beyond the effects. That is The Dark Knight, who shines over Insee Daeng like a batsymbol over some city with a hero who dresses as a bat in it.

Did we really need a brooding Insee Daeng? Wasn’t part of the reason we loved him because he was so jolly as he was blowing away bad guys? Mitr Chaibancha had presence, he would never be hanging out in an ice room feeling sorry for himself. He’d be so cool any room he entered became an ice room, and he’s so hot the ice would instantly melt. The freezing/melting ice is the Quantum Mitr Factor. It is an impossible standard that we can’t expect Insee Daeng to meet with its Insee Daeng, but it doesn’t even try.


Rome Rittikrai (Ananda Everingham) – Rome Rittikrai is just your average former special forces veteren who became a secret vigilante hero to clean up his country. Instead of being a lovable drunk like old school Rome, he’s a morphine addict thanks to a bullet in his brain
Insee Daeng (Ananda Everingham) – He’s Red Eagle, and that’s red enough for me!
Vasana Tienpradap (Yarinda Bunnag) – Vasana has a doctorate in geology and comes from a rich family, but devotes her time to helping those in need. She is the ex-fiancee of Prime Minister Direk Damrongprapa, and current love interest for Insee Daeng/Rome. Yarinda Bunnag is on Twitter and her sister makes cooking YouTube videos!
Black Devil (???) – It is a mystery who he is. A mystery you will solve before he even appears in the film. He isn’t Victor von Doom, so cut out that thinking right now!
Detective Chart Wuttikrai (Wannasingh Prasertkul) – He vows he’s gonna catch Insee Daeng, and he does…for like 1/8th of a second!
Chantaranantukam Singh (Jonathan Hallman) – Chart’s new partner is the strong silent type who also does heroic stuff to save kids. And he has to listen to Chart blather on all day long.
Matulee (various) – These guys are the secret society that decide what brand of toilet paper you use. Single-ply for you! Also they hate Insee Daeng.

InMovie News

Green with Envy trailer

May 23, 2011By

This movie will be the best movie ever!

green with envy poster

3D glasses
InMovie News

Theaters have gone dark…

May 23, 2011By

3D glasses

Not that they’ve shut down, they’re just not bothering to take out the polarized lenses from 3D films when projecting 2D digital films, causing the films to be much much darker as the polarized lens absorbs 50% of the light. Why are theaters leaving in the lenses? Because it is difficult as frak to take them out. As the article says…

The answer is that it takes time, it costs money, and it requires technical know-how above the level of the average multiplex employee. James Bond, a Chicago-based projection guru who serves as technical expert for Roger Ebert’s Ebertfest, said issues with the Sonys are more than mechanical. Opening the projector alone involves security clearances and Internet passwords, “and if you don’t do it right, the machine will shut down on you.’’ The result, in his view, is that often the lens change isn’t made and “audiences are getting shortchanged.’’

It’s like theaters don’t want us to come to them! Okay, if you say so, theaters…

Uner the Moons of Mars
InMisc News

The New Adventures of John Carter of Mars anthology book coming soon

May 19, 2011By

Since the Pixar film will be coming in one short year, it’s time to hype up the Barsoom machine, thus there is suddenly a new John Carter of Mars anthology coming out! The New Adventures of John Carter of Mars, edited by John Joseph Adams, will hit shelves in spring 2012, just in time to get people excited to go see the film. So hopefully the book is good. With the array of authors they are boasting below, at least some of the stories will be awesome.

I’ll just copy the press release below because that’s easier than doing actual writing:

SIMON AND SCHUSTER BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS TO PUBLISH NEW ANTHOLOGY BASED ON THE CLASSIC JOHN CARTER OF MARS SERIES BY EDGAR RICE BURROUGHS

New York, NY, May 19, 2011-Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing announced today it will publish a new original anthology called The New Adventures of John Carter of Mars, edited by John Joseph Adams and based on the characters created by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Publication will be in the spring of 2012 and will coincide with the 100th anniversary of A Princess of Mars, the first book to feature John Carter. The anthology envisions all-new adventures set in Edgar Rice Burroughs’ fantastical version of Mars (known in the series as “Barsoom.”) This anthology not only imagines new or the lost adventures of John Carter, but also explores the other characters and niches not fully explored by Burroughs. David Gale is the acquiring editor, and Joe Monti of Barry Goldblatt Literary Agency brokered the deal. Simon & Schuster holds World English rights.

Celebrated fantasy writer Tamora Pierce will write the foreword to the anthology, and John Joseph Adams will write the introduction and header notes. The collection will include stories by Joe R. Lansdale; Jonathan Maberry; David Barr Kirtley; Peter S. Beagle; Tobias S. Buckell; Robin Wasserman; Theodora Goss; Genevieve Valentine; L. E. Modesitt, Jr.; Garth Nix; Chris Claremont; S. M. Stirling; Catherynne M. Valente; and Austin Grossman. There will also be a “Barsoomian Gazetteer,” a who’s who and what’s what on Barsoom, written by science fiction author and noted Barsoom expert Richard A. Lupoff. In addition, each story will feature an original illustration by noted artists such as Charles Vess, John Picacio, Michael Kaluta, and Misako Rocks.

At the same time, Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers will publish John Carter of Mars, a bind-up of the first three John Carter books: A Princess of Mars, The Warlord of Mars, and The Gods of Mars, with all-new illustrations by Mark Zug, Scott Fischer, and Scott Gustafson.

“I still vividly recall the summer as a teenager that I read all eleven of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Mars novels in one enthusiastic gulp,” said Jon Anderson, Executive Vice President and Publisher of Books for Young Readers. “The opportunity to revisit that experience with new stories from this stellar roster of authors was too much to resist!”

Uner the Moons of Mars

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