KG Karate Girl

KG Karate Girl (Review)

KG – Karate Girl


2011
Directed by Yoshikatsu Kimura
Written by Fuyuhiko Nishi


KG – Karate Girl is the followup to High Kick Girl!, and once again follows Rina Takeda around as she beats up people and kicks them in the head. This time, the movie is more Rina-centric, and we even get another female fighter in the form of 14 year old Hina Tobimatsu. Much of the creative team is back, High Kick Girl! director, producer, fight choreographer, and cowriter Fuyuhiko Nishi wrote KG, while High-Kick Girl!’s other writer Yoshikatsu Kimura takes the director chair this time out. Tatsuya Naka is also running around, but as he gets killed pretty quickly he isn’t in the film nearly as much as High-Kick Girl!


As a sophomore effort, KG shows signs of improvement, the story is easier to follow, though it is still steeped into the culture of karate and honor. The family dojo is on Okinawa (where karate began), one of the main plot points involves seizing a clan belt, and the evil Shu Tagawa has his own gang of karate thugs who dress in all black and invade dojos. Several of the bigger fighters are semi-famous martial arts champions, such as Richard Heselton and Tatsuya Naka.

A lot of time was spent making sure this was going to be filled with great action, Rina spent a year training for it (in addition to being an Ancient Dogoo Girl, and prepping for a slew of other film roles), and the training shots during the credits show the time that was taken to make sure the choreography was action packed.

Ayaka Kurenai (Rina Takeda) – Ayaka Kurenai’s father was killed and sister kidnapped when she was but a wee child. She’s now just become an adult, working at a movie theater and living her life, until her past returns to haunt her.
Sakura/Natsuke (Hina Tobimatsu) – Sakura is actually Ayaka’s kidnapped sister Natsuke, raised for a decade by the evil Shu Tagawa to be one of his karate goons. She doesn’t talk for most of the film, just intensely staring at everyone when she isn’t kicking them. Hina Tobimatsu was around 14 when this was filmed, and shows great promise as a martial arts star.
Shu Tagawa (Keisuke Horibe) – The evil Shu Tagawa likes to kill people and steal their belts. For honor. He has a gang of karate thugs that we don’t see do evil things, but it is implied they do evil things because they have evil mantras.
Ayaka’s friend (Noriko Iriyama) – I am not sure if she is just her friend or also an adoptive sister, but in either case she joins Ayaka for some of her adventures in the first half of the film before disappearing forever.
Ayaka and Natsuke’s Dad (Tatsuya Naka) – The father of the girls taught them karate and stances, but also is killed. So he mostly appears in flashback mode. Tatsuya Naka is yet another High-Kick Girl! refugee.

3 Superman and a Mad Girl

3 Supermen and Mad Girl (Review)

3 Supermen and a Mad Girl

aka Çilgin kiz ve üç süper adam

1973
Directed by Cavit Yürüklü
Written by Volkan Kayhan


Turkey produced some of the weirdest super hero films that ever existed, in their unique brand of mish-mash, zero budgets, and macho manliness. Of those super hero films, 3 Supermen and a Mad Girl is among the cream of the crop for crazy awesomeness. It’s a sort of riff on the Italian 3 Supermen movies, but going much further into the realm of costumed heroes, masked villains, secret plots, catsuited vamps, cardboard robots, and fistfight mania. 3 Supermen and a Mad Girl feels like a live-action comic book, or even a cartoon.

The three stars of 3SAAMG wear orange and black Superman suits complete with goofy masks. Following the premise of the Italian 3 Supermen films (one of which, 3 Supermen At The Olympic Games, would eventually incorporate footage from this film), the suit renders the wearers invulnerable and grants them super powers. The costume capers don’t end there, the Supermen fight a criminal organization staffed with goons wearing essentially green KKK outfits with purple domino masks, supported by a man named Sheytan, who wears a rubber devil mask, red cloak, and black gloves. There is a gaggle of babe dressed in red bikinis/miniskirts and masks, and the whole outfit is lead by a woman wearing a red Vampira uniform with a blonde wig and mask. Writer Volkan Kayhan deserves a million Oscars for creating something this wacky.

Worst Naked Gun opening credits ever!

This being a Turkish film, you can be assured the print looks like it was ran over by a bus filled with puking gophers, violated by amorous porcupines, and then nuked from orbit. Sections of the film appear to be missing, giving it a running time just over an hour. The 3 Supermen At The Olympic Games film that uses footage from 3SAAMG has longer snippets of some of the scenes, and in much better condition, but what exactly is missing besides a few shots of people walking in hallways I don’t know at this time as I haven’t watched the Olympic Games film. As usual, there are no subtitles on our copy. But when has that ever stopped us? At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!!!

Playboy Superman (Levent Çakır) – This Süper Adam is a rich playboy spy who men want to be and women want to be with. He’s so suave, he’s already had sex with you. He even woos Brown-Haired Girl (Yeşim Yükselen), who becomes at the center of the grand conspiracy. Actor Levent Çakır is a familiar site to genre fans, having appeared in Bedmen and the Zagor pictures.
Big Superman (Altan Bozkurt) – It’s the big Süper Adam who crushes the puny humans beneath his feet. Okay, maybe he’s not that big, but he’s still huge and beats up bad guys.
Small Superman (Hüseyin Sayar) – Süper Adam – small – besides being smaller than the others, he is also more childish, playing with puppets and whatnot. Hüseyin Sayar was Robin in Bedmen, thus we got a Superman film where Batman and Robin both star as Supermen. Suck on that, DC!
Mad Girl (Emel Özden) – Mad Girl is the Vampira-ish lady who is totally evil and filled with evilness. Her real identity is a mystery, but it definitely isn’t Brown-Haired Girl’s stepmom Çılgın Kız. GUess who else was in Bedmen?
Sheytan (Nubar Terziyan) – the guy behind it all Who is Sheytan? is totally not Brown-Haired Girl’s dad Alpanu. He’s so evil, he even kills his henchmen such as the mad scientist Dr. Zalkon.
The Robot (???) – A robot which is a guy in a cardboard box with silver paint, holding a gun also made out of boxes with silver paint. He’s awesome.
Greenies (various) – The villains’ goons are dressed in green with purple domino masks and KKK hoods. They show up to fight the 3 Supermen at various times, and are about as effective as blind stormtroopers with both hands tied before their backs.

Cleopatra Wong is back

Because you can’t keep a good Cleopatra down. At the Paris Cinéma Festival in France, Doris Young (who is recieving an honorary award) announced that Cleopatra Wong is going to get revamped, with movies, tv shows, games, all that jazz. Doris Young Siew Keen was going by the stage name Marrie Lee when she starred as Interpol agent Cleopatra Wong in 1978’s They Call Her…Cleopatra Wong. She reprised the role in two sequels (Dynamite Johnson – which was also a sequel to Bionic Boy – and The Devil’s Three) Cult film legend Bobby A. Suarez directed the original installment. Hopefully this results in Cleopatra Wong showing up again in at least one new media.

filmbiz via HKMDB
Cleopatra Wong

Attack of the Public Domain Source Movies!

Since Harry Potter is winding down, Twilight has hit the last book as well, and recent franchise attempts have produced a string of failures (I’m looking at you, Percy Jackson & the Olympians!), Hollywood is instead looking to the public domain to find the next big thing! Just think about it: no one to pay author royalties to. A familiar brand. Other, classic films that you can leech off of. Little creative risk. More money from Satan. It’s a wonder we haven been flooded with 50 Snow White movies a year for the past two decades!

Let’s start with the biggest offender, the Wizard of Oz, who will be giving us an impressive 9 films (so far) in the next 2 years.

Oz, the Great and Powerful
This is a prequel of sorts from Disney, with James Franco signed on to play the Wizard in his pre-Oz days in a traveling circus and subsequent entrance to Oz. Sam Raimi is directing and Joe Roth (whose name will show up here a lot) is producing. Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, Michelle Williams, and Zach Braff also star.

The Witches of Oz
Leigh Scott (of Transmorphers fame!) directs this modern day version where famous children’s author Dorothy Gale finds out her books were based on repressed childhood memories. Sean Astin, Christopher Lloyd, Billy Boyd, and Lance Henriksen star, hopefully none of them play Dorothy! We’re in luck, because it’s this chick, Paulie Rojas
Preview here
The Witches of Oz

Tom and Jerry and the Wizard of Oz
An animated Direct-to-Blu-Ray film featuring the cat and mouse team getting their Oz on.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
This is John Boorman’s CGI version that was supposed to come out a year ago.

Dark Oz
Based on the Calibre Comics series, where Dorothy returns to Oz to find Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion have all gone evil. Pearry Teo directs, the budget is $40 million, Marjorie Jean plays someone named Scraps, and they’ve promised to yank concepts from the 1939 film (like black and white vs color) and Return to Oz.

Surrender Dorothy
Drew Barrymore is fresh off the success of Whip It (ha!) to direct this sequel where Dorothy’s great-great-granddaughter uses the ruby slippers (not in the original book, btw) to fight the Wicked Witch, who is somehow not dead. Zach Helm writes.

Dorothy of Oz
Another animated film supposed to drop in 2012.

L. Frank Baum’s the Wonderful Wizard of Oz
Another damn adaptation of the original novel (there’s 40 Oz books to choose from, people!) directed by Clayton Spinney and written by Sean Gates. The CGI and live action mix reminds me of a low-budget fan film. I can’t get the preview video to play, so here are two creepy promo images:
ScarecrowWoodman

Wicked
Wicked is a book that is a reinterpretation of the Oz series that became a hit musical that has been in talks to become a film forever. But before that happens, we’ll get a tv miniseries based solely on the novel from Salma Hayek’s production company!

There are currently 3 Snow White films worming their way through production:

The Brothers Grimm: Snow White
Directed by Tarsem Singh (The Cell, the upcoming Immortals), this entry is a “dark twist on the classic fairy tale, in which Snow White and the seven dwarfs look to reclaim their destroyed kingdom. ” Featuring Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen and Lily Collins as Snow White. Nathan Lane is also in it, and dwarf names include: Half-Pint, Teach, Renbock, Grub, and Stench.

Snow White and the Huntsman
Universal has their own Snow White, and it has Kristen Stewart fresh off of birthing a vampire baby! Besides Stewart as Snow White, Chris Hemsworth is the Huntsman, and Charlize Theron is the Evil Queen. As for the dwarfs, it’s like a whole pack of awesome with Ian McShane, Eddie Izzard, Bob Hoskins, Toby Jones, Eddie Marsan, Stephen Graham, and Ray Winstone. Joe Roth produces this as well. The dwarf names are: Caesar, Claudius, Tiberius, Constantine, Nero, Trajan, and Hadrian. Rupert Sanders will direct (his debut)

Snow and the Seven
You’ll have to wait until 2013 for the long-awaited Disney’s Snow and the Seven, the Kung Fu version of Snow White where she goes to 1800s China for some reason and 7 warriors take the place of the dwarfs. Michael Arndt (Toy Story 3) is writing the newest draft, and the director attached is Francis Lawrence (I Am Legend)

Wash down your three Snow Whites with four Peter Pan films and one miniseries:

The.Never.Land
The.Never.Land has the dumbest name of the four films, and predictably they’re trying to make it a Twilight version of Peter Pan as Peter acts all creepy and Wendy sleepwalks her way through her role… John Swetnam wrote the script.

Untitled Peter Pan Project
This yet to be titled version is a “family adventure” from the producers of Wedding Crashers and some guy named Jeff Rake.

Pan
For some reason, Pan is the hottest commodity of them all, where Peter Pan and Captain Hook are brothers. Channing Tatum will play the most believable boy who never grew up you ever did see! Joe Roth makes his third appearance on this page as producer, and the writer Billy Ray.

Neverland
This time Peter Pan is evil and kidnapping boys, and Captain Hook must stop him. Aaron Henry and Kirk Kjeldsen were the writers who realized there was little else to do but flip the script.

Neverland
Yes, another Neverland, this one a SyFy prequel miniseries with Keira Knightley as Tinker Bell

And here are some one-shots:

Great Expectations
Mike Newell will be directing this straight adaptation, with Jeremy Irvine and Helena Bonham Carter in negotiations. Producers are Stephen Woolley and Elizabeth Karlsen.

Mr. Pip
Sort of related is the adaptation of the novel Mr. Pip by Lloyd Jones. The novel’s plot involves reading Great Expectations and mirrors part of the story. Hugh Laurie stars and Andrew Adamson (director of Shrek 1&2 and Chronicles of Narnia 1&2) directs.

Dark Little Mermaid
This “dark” Little Mermaid version is also based on Mermaid: A Twist on the Classic Tale by Carolyn Turgeon, where there is a love triangle or something. Expect this to get Twilighted the frak up like that Red Riding Hood movie did. Shana Feste will write and direct, and Tobey Maguire and Jenno Topping produce.

Whatsa Matterhorn You? – Disney making Matterhorn ride flick

Pirates rakes in a boatload of cash for Disney, so now the next ride to movie will be the Matterhorn Bobsleds. Just ignore Country Bears and Haunted Mansion, they’re fever dreams (Haunted Mansion is getting rebooted as well, btw – And there is another upcoming film about Disneyworld at night where all the rides come alive called Disney’s Magic Kingdom) Matterhorn features mountain climbers who run into yetis and then hijinks ensue. Jason Dean Hall is writing, and the current title is The Hill (I expect that to change) Will the Yeti be awesome? Will everyone learn a life’s lesson? Will Jack Sparrow randomly show up on the mountain in modern day for no reason? I guess you’ll have to watch the film!

Sneezing Panda Viral Video = Real Movie

You all remember that sneezing panda video that people who watch cute videos all day long fell in love with briefly before Random Dancing Baby #1543232 and Cute Cat #95843 stole its thunder? Someone sure does, because they greenlighted a $1.3 million Sneezing Panda fake documentary called The Life and Times of Sneezing Baby Panda! Panda documentary filmmakers Lesley Hammond and Jenny Walsh (who also shot the sneezing Panda clip) team with China Film Co-Production President Zhang Xun to try to make a film that won’t make China freak out, thus losing all that sweet sweet China box office cash!

The plot, as such:
Riffing on the Chinese penchant for going way, way back when telling one’s family story, Hammond decided to employ the techniques used in Forrest Gump or Woody Allen’s Zelig before that to place the ancestors of the Sneezing Baby Panda in crucial roles throughout history.

“One panda’s a terracotta warrior. Another’s on the Long March,” said Hammond, who with former Nine Network news producer Walsh dug through archival footage they’ll incorporate into the film. “You know the famous photo of Nixon sitting with Mao? Using visual effects, we’ll replace the woman interpreter sitting between them with a panda.”

That article also has Hammond bitching because South Park didn’t give them a dump truck full of money when they made fun of the clip, which totally puts me on the side…of South Park!
Be on the lookout for The Life and Times of Sneezing Baby Panda….whenever it comes out. If you care. You can feel my excitement.