The Goblin Corps – Books I Done Been Reading!

The Goblin Corps
by Ari Marmell

The Goblin Corps is something special, one of those rare breeds of books tht take place from the point of view of who would normally be considered the villains of the fantasy epic. But you will soon be cheering for the villains as they embark on their various quests to procure rare and magical items. The Demon Squad is made up of Craeosh the Orc, Katim the troll, Gork the kobold, Jhurpess the bugbear, Gimmol the gremlin, Fezeill the shapechanger, Belrotha the ogre, and Shreckt – their gargoyle drill sergeant.

The squad serves King Morthul the Charnel King, who has been recently foiled in his latest plot to take over the world. In response, his killing of the local king’s daughter has prompted the massing of a gret army to wipe the Charnel King’s empire off the map. The Demon Squad is put together to get the items needed to stop this threat, and also deal with the various problems tht arise when you live in a magical evil kingdom filled with monsters and horrors unimaginable. The characters come alive with their constant bickering, in-fighting, and sarcastic quips. The standard fantasy tropes are there for the different races, but twisted and tweaked to make them unique and familiar at the same time. Craeosh is just as likely to swear as he is to swing his big sword at whoever walks by, while Gork is the kind of character you should never turn your back on. Belrotha is dim but driven to do what is best for her people and her King. Fezeill acts prim and proper despite his constant outer appearance change. Grimmol is hiding a secret as to why he’s in the squad, which is hard to do when you talk constantly like he does. Jhurpess’s simple dialogue and goofy scenes keep him entertaining, and Katim’s motivation is different enough from the stereotypical troll behavior that even she stands out.

The various quests seem like video game levels, though the payoff happens earlier than you would expect, leaving the last third of the book to go down a completely different path. The ending was unexpected and unique, and makes me wish a sequel was here already. Don’t get too attached to the characters, as there is a body count. The heroic side has both heroes and villains as well, the lead sorceror being a particularly sharp thorne in the Charnel King’s side. And while there are a few odd threads that don’t seem to go anywhere (particular effort is spend capturing someone alive…and then she promptly is never mentioned again!), overall things go together solidly. Like I said, I wish there was a sequel already, and I meant it.
The Goblin Corps

Books I Done Been Reading! name shamelessly stolen from Vault of Buncheness

Nicolas Cage is a Vampire photo

We all love Nic Cage, and now thanks to the magic of eBay, you can buy a photo from 1870 of a guy who looks like Nic Cage, head slightly warped. You know you want it.

From the description:
(The Thanatos Archive watermark is not on the original image)

Original c.1870 carte de visite showing a man who looks exactly like
Nick Cage. Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of
walking undead / vampire, et cetera, who quickens / reinvents
himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might
be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.

This is not a trick photo of any kind and has not been manipulated
in Photoshop or any other graphics program. It’s an original photo
of a man who lived in Bristol, TN sometime around the Civil War.

I’ve had a lot of questions asking where I purchased this. As followers
of my website know, I collect antique memorial photography –
images of dead people – from the 1800s. This photo was found in
the very back of album that contained an unusual number of
Civil War era death portraits (which is why I purchased it). All of
the other people in the album, living and dead, were identified
by name – this man was not.

Photographer is Professor G.B. Smith. A contact of mine forwarded
this interesting article (link) about the photographer, Smith. Turns
out he was a confederate Civil War prisoner of war photographer.

Guaranteed to be an original 1860s-70s photograph and not
a modern reproduction, copy or photo manipulation.

Nicholas Cage Vampire

cyberbu//y (Review)

cyberbu//y

aka Cyberbully

2011
Directed by Charles Binamé
Written by Teena Booth

cyberbully
Nothing can ever go wrong now that I have a computer!

cyberbu//y is an ABC Family original movie presentation designed to teach America about the dangers of cyberbullying. It’s also the most hilarious movie about the internet since Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life. There are so many goofy things going on it is hard to keep track. But we will try, because we are TarsTarkas.NET – cyberbullies!

cyberbully
When Goatse strikes…

Join us as we watch a teenage girl’s life be destroyed by the internet! Keep in mind teenage girls get their lives destroyed all the time, usually due to Jennifer being a bitch. Damn you, Jennifer! Why you gotta be a bitch all the time? Don’t be talking to Justin in math class!

cyberbully
Oh my god Becky look at her butt. Her butt is so big that she needs 2 cars. One for her…and one for her butt.

Can Linsay’s fragile mind handle the harsh social complexities that is the modern internet? Or will she be destroyed, body, mind, and soul, snuffed out like a candle in the wind. The internet wind.

cyberbully
And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the LORD thy God hath given thee, in the siege, and in the straightness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee.

Taylor Hillridge (Emily Osment) – This Taylor’s not so swift. Your average girl with an internet connection, except Taylor takes everything so serious that even the slightest deviation can cause tears to flow like monsoon rain. Can Taylor stand up to the cyberbullies? Or will she be cyberdefeated?
Samantha Caldone (Kay Panabaker) – Taylor’s best friend and the embittered former partner of a jock, who loved and left her, causing Samantha to freak out at the slightest mention of jocks. Then Samantha goes even more crazy. So we got a Taylor and a Samantha, and there is an evil girl at school named Lindsay. Lindsay Lohan used to date a Samantha, and if we pretend Taylor is Taylor Swift, this all begins to make sense. Now…who is Kanye West in this scenario?
Kris Hillridge (Kelly Rowan) – Taylor’s mom who is totally channeling Judith Light. But she’s no Angela. Mom spends most of the film being unaware of anything, then the last thirty minutes overcompensating by becoming the most productive mom ever. Even then, she only wins by luck.
Scott Ozsik (Jon McLaren) – Scott is the cute jock who has eyes for Taylor, causing Samantha to go nuts with rage. For once, the jock is not a bad guy. That much. Until he goes to college and joins to Alpha Betas and goes up against the Tri-Lams!
Cheyenne Mortenson (Meaghan Rath) – Taylor’s black friend because we needed to throw in some diversity. Bails the second Taylor becomes a liability. There is no famous Cheyenne to go with my Lohan/Swift/Sam theory, unless you count Cheyenne Kimball, who I have never heard of. So let’s pretend her name is Kardashian
James Petitious (iStock Photo) – He’s so real, a guy who cares about girls feelings and reads the poetry that girls put up on their pages. There are so many signs this guy is fake he should be named James McFakefake. My vote for Kanye West.
cyberbully
The Internet…made me….Avril Lavigne!

The Muppets – The Pig With The Froggy Tattoo Parody Trailer

The Muppets put out another killer parody trailer! I seriously cannot wait. Cannot wait. If you follow the Muppets on Twitter, they’ve gone more active there as well, with Statler and Waldorf making tweets.
The plot once again:

When Walter, the world’s biggest Muppet fan, and friends Gary (Jason Segel) and Mary (Amy Adams) discover the nefarious plan of oilman Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) to raze the Muppet Theater, they help Kermit reunite the Muppets to stage The Greatest Muppet Telethon Ever and raise the $10 million needed to save the theater.

Marley and Me goes Air Buddies with The Puppy Years

Yes, it’s true, everyone’s favorite dead dog is back and undead in talking puppy form for Marley and Me: The Puppy Years! Thrill as Marley learns to start talking and never stop. Sadly, the Air Buddies do not show up, as they’re too busy making Spooky Buddies. But perhaps one day, we’ll get the Air Buddies vs. Marley film we deserve! Whoever wins, we all win!

This was direct to DVD, of course! Go buy it at Target or rent it on Redbox, if you’re one of those people who like this stuff.

Cast: Travis Turner, Donnelly Rhodes, Merrilyn Gann, Chelah Horsdal, Sydney Imbeau, Grayson Russell
Director: Michael Damian
Writers: Michael Damian, Janeen Damian
Studio: 20th Century Fox Film Corporation

Plot:
Marley is back for more tail-wagging fun, and this time he speaks! That’s right, “the world’s worst dog” has a frisky voice and and an attitude to match. Join Marley for his mischievous puppy years, as he and his summer pal, Bodie Grogan, wreak havoc on a neighborhood dog contest. Marley outwits Dobermans, Shepherds and Collies, while stealing hearts in his own unique and lovable way.

Posters and Images for Prachya Pinkaew's The Kick

The Kick is an upcoming Thai/Korean martial arts film from Prachya Pinkaew featuring Jija Yanin and a bunch of Korean martial artists (the K-Tigers), including taekwondo world champion Na Tae-joo. It sounds like it will have some fun scenes, beating up bad dudes and bad dudes plotting revenge against a whole family of martial artists.

Synopsis:

Moon is a Taekwondo master running an old Taekwondo gym in Bangkok. All five members of his family are also the masters of Taekwondo in different styles: his wife Yoon in cooking style, son Taeju in dancing style, daughter Taemi in soccer style, and the youngest Typhoon can break anything with his strong forehead.

Moon wants his children to be Taekwondo coaches to take over his gym in future. However, regardless of their father’s will, Taeju wants to be a famous pop singer and Taemi is only interested in her secret crush at school.

One day, Taekwon family encounters treasure robbers on the street by accident and happens to get caught into fight with them. With surprising martial art skills, TK family knocks down the robbers and takes back the stolen treasures. The head of the robbers Pom, who is notorious for many crimes, escapes alone and trembles with rage.

TK family becomes famous in public. But, They do not know that Pom is planning to get his revenge.

The Kick Poster
The Kick Poster
The Kick Jija Yanin
The Kick

Synopsis from Twitch
Images from the difficult to navigate Daum