The Dark Heroine Muk Lan-Fa (Review)

The Dark Heroine Muk Lan-Fa

aka The Dark Heroine Mu Lanhua aka 女黑俠木蘭花

1966HKMDB Link
Directed by Law Chi
Written by Lau Ling-Fung


The Dark Heroine Muk Lan-fa is a pulp heroine who appeared in a series of novels by Ni Kuang and three films in the 1960s. The Dark Heroine films are examples of the Jane Bond genre, a type of film we are big fans of here at TarsTarkas.NET. For our newer readers, the Jane Bond films were a type of film that appeared in 1966 until around 1969 which were heavily influenced by James Bond, and featured female crimefighters or criminal heroes who take down gangs and international conspiracies while wearing hip clothes and always

How much is cribbed from the Black Rose films? A lot. Of course, even those aren’t original, the female crimefigher motif is common in Hong Kong and Chinese film, dating back even before film to Cantonese Opera, having many instances in literature, and continuing to the girls with guns films in modern cinema. The Jane Bond trappings were just the latest iteration. As for the Dark Heroine herself, Muk Lan-Fa and her sister Muk San-Jau team up to fight evil gangs and rob from the evil. Muk Lan-Fa’s name is derived from that of Hua Mulan, and she is the star of the series, hence her name in the titles.

Ni Kuang (倪匡 aka Ngai Hong aka I Kuang aka Yi Kuang) has written literally hundreds of films and novels that films were based on, if you are someone reading this site than you’re more familiar with his work than you probably realize. Notable characters created by Ni Kuang include Chen Zhen (from Fist of Fury), Wai See-lei (Wisely), Yuen Tsang-hop (Dr. Yuen) and the One-Armed Swordsman (with Chang Cheh). I believe there are 60 Dark Heroine books in the complete series. Here is a gallery of some of the awesome pulp covers the books used to have. But they were later reprinted at some point with less spectacular covers, and you can order them on your Chinese eReaders if you read Chinese and want to Google that info yourself.

Later the characters were used for a TV series in the 1980s on TVB Limited starring Angie Chiu and Sharen Yeung. The sisters were given a background of ninja training, though I am not sure if that is the official story for their martial arts or was invented for the series. Hello opening credits! The Dark Heroine Muk Laf-fa later inspired The Heroic Trio films.

Director Law Chi was active in the 60s and 70s. He helmed all three Dark Heroine flicks, along with a few other spy/Jane Bond type films (Lady With a Cat’s Eyes (1967) and The Big Chase (1966)) and some wuxia flicks. His output dropped by the beginning of the 1980s, though he did manage to direct Haunted House Elf somehow. Writer Lau Ling-Fung didn’t seem to have much of a career outside of these three Dark Heroine films, either. Action directors Liu Chia-Liang and Tong Gai would go on to earn acclaim at Shaw, and Tong Gai even scored Suet Nei’s hand in marriage.

Things get pretty confusing at times, as the plot will zigzag all over before it reaches the logical next step. And as a bonus, these lovely vcds come equipped with no subtitles. But at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!

The plot to get some sort of weapon, and there is espionage and spy rings involved. The spy rings are run so terribly that random people can just wander into the meetings and become embroiled in the world of secret light weapons and boat gunbattles. And one last thing before we start, for the transitions between scenes, instead of starwipes, this film has explosionwipes! That’s brilliantly awesometacular!

Muk Lan-Fa (Suet Nei) – Our Dark Heroine, the elder Muk sister who runs amok defeating evil dudes, robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, and defending Hong Kong from gigantic gangs of thugs. And she dresses keenly even when she’s dressed in all black. Her Dark Heroine gear has plenty of spy tricks built in.
Muk Sau-Jan (Law Oi-Seung) – The younger Muk sister, who helps gather intelligence and back up her big sis. Not averse to storming into a room with two guns and blasting bad guys away. She had two guns before two guns was cool!
Ko Cheung (Kenneth Tsang Kong) – Ko Cheung keeps popping up whenever there’s trouble. Is he good? Is he bad? Will this mystery man ever score a date with Muk Lan-Fa?
Mom (Yung Yuk-Yi) – Single mother of Muk Lan-Fa and Muk Sau-Jan. Spends most of the film being threatened, kidnapped, or injured. By the sequels, she’s either permanently kidnapped, dead, or the sisters hid her away in a home so she wouldn’t be kidnapped all the time, as she’s ain’t in them.
Inspector Chan (Sek Kin) – Sek Kin….as a corrupt cop??! Of course Inspector Chan is a bad dude! You don’t get a choice when Sek Kin plays you… Sek Kin has made numerous appearances on TarsTarkas.NET: How the Ape Girl Stole the Lotus Lamp, The Furious Buddha’s Palm, Midnight Angel, and Lady Black Cat.
Ho Tin Hung aka Bald Bad Guy (Tang Ti) – A bad guy who is sort of working for Chan, but also doing his own thing. But that doesn’t work out too well when he gets killed. I wrote the entire review with him named Bald Bad Guy, so that’s what’s staying even if I found out his real name right before publishing this.

Muppet Saga posters

It’s time for me to pimp out the Muppet movie again because I love the Muppets and you’re going to have to put up with that fact. So here are three Twilight Parody posters, The Muppet Saga! I would totally watch an all-Muppet version of Twilight. Make it happen, Disney!
Kermit Muppet Saga Vampire
were-rowlf Muppet Saga

Guess who can act better than Lautner!


Bella Swine Miss Piggy Muppet Saga Twilight

Hansel and Gretel vs Marijuana coming soon to theaters!

The more I write about these awful-sounding film plots, the more I wish they were jokes and not real. But it is real. It’s as real as the look of confusion on your face. Black Forest: Hansel and Gretel and the 420 Witch is an actual film that got greenlit, that concerns a witch living in Pasadena who lures teens into her house with a special blend of marijuana so she can eat them in order to maintain her youth. Lara Flynn Boyle is the weed witch, while Michael Welch and Molly Quinn will be Hansel and Gretel. Duane Journey directs and David Tillman is the guy you can blame for writing this.

For those of you who can’t get enough of the Hansel and Gretel fix, don’t despair! Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters starring Jeremy Renner will also hit theaters soon!

Check this out for more public domain stories becoming films.

Bewitched Bunny Hansel Gretel

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill


2011
Directed by Dennis Dugan

jack and Jill
Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries…how did this movie get made???

Oh, boy.

Do you love jokes about explosive diarrhea? Do you love seeing great actors slumming it in a film where they’re sexually obsessed with a man in drag? Do you live films that give characters quirks instead of doing any characterization at all?

jack and Jill
Fictitious depiction of a Jack and Jill audience…

Finally, I can hush the naysayers who keep saying “nay” when I try to explain that just because I’ve sold out and get free movie passes and dump trucks filled with money and drugs and keep giving all those films positive reviews, that I’m not a shill. Because there is no way in Hell that Jack and Jill will get a positive review, because the dump truck was three minutes late! And also pretend I worked a “Knights who say ‘Ni'” joke in there that was actually funny, unlike every other reference to the Knights who say “Ni” ever. Even this one.

jack and Jill
Actual depiction of a Jack and Jill audience…

Jack and Jill sucks. I can’t say going into this one I had much high hopes. But I was wishing for maybe something passable. I like some of Sandler’s older work, but I can’t think of anything lately he’s done that I’ve even bothered with. Parts of Jack and Jill seem like they’re trying to ape the older style, but the jokes just do not work. A homeless guy randomly for Thanksgiving dinner, so he can say wacky things. A kid who tapes things to himself, because that is wacky. A bird that says random phrases, because it’s wacky. A daughter who is always in a costume and has a doll that is always in an identical costume…wacky! All seem like they would be funny, but no. Luckily, there are fart jokes to fall back on! Those work…if you’re high on wacky-tabacky! Which probably means you wandered into the wrong theater when trying to check out Harold and Kumar 3.

jack and Jill
She’s totally not crazy. Now can I have my dog back unharmed, Scientologists?

Jack (Adam Sandler) – Jack is an ad executive and a jerk, who will randomly do something sort of kind just as the audience is turning against him.
Jill (Adam Sandler) – Jill is his twin sister who is only slightly annoying. But the movie reassures us over and over that she’s the most annoying thing ever, despite evidence to the contrary.
jack and Jill
Jack and Jill treats women like it does to the audience

Looking for cartoon characters the next big thing at the box office!

It’s like Antz and Deep Impact all over again! Yes, we have two competing films that deal with people looking for fictional characters!

First up, Jennifer Lopez is (producing) Carmen Sandiego. Yes, a Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego movie! Keep in mind that most people who even know what this is are probably more familiar with the game show than the computer games. But if they keep things awesome and have Carmen stealing monuments and cities and things, it will rule. But they’ll probably wuss out and make it some dumb tower heist movie. Like that movie, Deep Impact.

Next up in your searching news, the long-rumored Where’s Waldo movie oozes back to life thanks to MGM being given a pile of money. A pile of money they seem to want to burn like the Joker did in Deep Impact. But I’m sure they’ll jam enough pencils into kids’ brains to get some returns. Do kids even know who Waldo is, or why they should be looking for him? Maybe Carmen Sandiego stole him in a crazy movie cross-over! Like when Sam Jackson showed up at the end of Deep Impact and the meteor joined the Avengers.

Where's Waldo Carmen Sandiego

I would watch the frak out of this movie!

Image source