I am glad that they kept the scale of the White Apes accurate (the cover art on the books rarely has the apes big enough), but for a true confession: I went to the theater recently and the John Carter trailer started playing. I had no idea what it was and got bored and stopped paying attention until i realized it was the John Carter trailer I saw months ago. It just doesn’t have that excitement of trailers that are awesome. Maybe I’m just being overly jaded from decades of disappointment from entertainment. Or maybe I’m a big jerk! Oh, well. So enjoy this picture of a huge monkey!
Manos in HD
Recently, a film collector made an amazing find – the original 16mm workprint of Manos: The Hands of Fate.
Complete with never-used alternate title!
Hal Warren shot Manos on 16mm reversal stock and edited the film using that same stock. Then he made a 35mm blow-up internegative, and made copies of that for the distribution copies. So already the film was going to look murky in theaters. This print is the original 16mm print.
To compare the current best copy (a vhs dub of the distribution print) to the workprint:
Just amazing, that’s what this is. We get glimpses of things such as a few outtakes, seeing beyond the cropping, and even the original opening shot. The owner of the print is preparing the footage to make a limited BluRay release, as well as keeping this print in good enough shape to make theatrical prints from.
Beavis and Butthead – Werewolves of Highland and Crying
And now that the ridiculous introduction is out of the way, let’s get on with the show!
Werewolves of Highland
Beavis and Butthead watch a Twilight film and realize how much women love the romantic cheesy lines from the film. The Twilight even spills over into school, with Mr. Van Driessen mentioning how the Twilight vampires and werewolves are true antiheroes who are irresistible to women. So Beavis and Butthead get get the idea to become vampires and werewolves themselves! They spots a homeless dude at the mall and have him bite them. But instead of becoming werewolves, they become infected with a score of diseases.
Riffs:
MGMT – Kids – An awesome trashing of the bad parenting shown in the video. And yes, that’s Florida.
Jersey Shore – The boys give us a good slamming of JWOWW and her stories of her grandkids, along with the general terribleness of Jersey Shore cast
Skrillex – First of the Year (Equinox) – Beavis knows what a child molester looks like very accurately. The pair discuss what would actually be spoken on the call to 911 about this video.
Crying
A stray onion causes Beavis to tear up, leading to nonstop mocking by Butt-Head over his crying that continues for the rest of their lives. Sometimes simple episodes like this showcase how awesome the show is.
Riffs:
True Life – I’m Addicted to Porn – “porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn”
LMFAO – Champagne Showers – The pair trashes them for spraying around expensive champagne while the economy sucks. Yes, Beavis and Butthead are the 99%. They also deal in philosophy with the statement by Beavis “Why were we born as us?” Makes you think.
All in all, a killer opening show, and a sign the series hasn’t changed a bit, but is still hilarious.
NOTE: For these reviews I will be using Butt-Head and Butthead interchangeably, because barely anyone types “Butt-Head” when talking about the show.
Lady in Black Cracks the Gate of Hell (Review)
Lady in Black Cracks the Gate of Hell
aka The Hell’s Gate aka The Black Musketeer (part 3) aka 女黑俠威震地獄門
1966HKMDB Link
Directed by Law Chi
Lady in Black Cracks the Gate of Hell is different than the other two Dark Heroine Muk Lan-Fa films, because there is less Muk Lan-Fa in it. Sister Muk Sau-Jan takes much of the spotlight for the first half of the film. I don’t know if actress Suet Nei was busy (she had several other films out that year), or if the studio decided it wanted to focus more on Law Oi-Seung and try to make her a bigger star as well. If so, it didn’t quite work, as her film output never reached star levels and she faded away to obscurity, to be only mentioned by guys with websites.
Lady in Black Cracks the Gate of Hell is also different because it looks more low-rent. The scale seems smaller, the plot more confusing, the stakes are less severe, and the villain dies in one of the lamest (but realistic) ways ever. But it’s still some good Jane Bond. And worth tracking down if you’re into this sort of stuff. Once again, the only available formats is unsubtitled vcd or DVD. And as we all know, at TarsTarkas.net, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!
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The Dark Heroine Muk Lan-Fa Shattered the Black Dragon Gang (Review)
The Dark Heroine Muk Lan-Fa Shattered the Black Dragon Gang
aka The Dark Heroine Mu Lanhua Shattered the Black Dragon Gang aka 女黑俠木蘭花血戰黑龍黨
1966HKMDB Link
Directed by Law Chi
The Dark Heroine is back, and this time, it’s personal. Okay, maybe it’s not personal, but she’s back and The Dark Heroine Muk Lan-Fa Shattered the Black Dragon Gang definitely has her shattering a gang of thugs who think they can get away with doing evil stuff, even if she’s doing it in the present tense instead of the past tense. Clearly influenced by James Bond more than the preceding film, the stakes are grander (but less close to home), the external story is streamlined, and there is more even pacing of action.
Like many of these films, there is a large gang behind an international conspiracy. The evil Black Dragon Gang has matching black turtlenecks with shiny jackets and black pants, because the more evil and conspiractory your gang is, the more they have matching uniforms. The boss has shiny pants, which begins to look ridiculous when he’s donning his pantyhose mask disguise. No one starts dancing and snapping and going on about how when you’re a Black Dragon Gang, you’re a Black Dragon Gang all the way; but I’ll still mention the Jets from West Side Story like I do whenever there is a matching uniform gang. Just to show you how much this gang is into Black Dragon Pride, they have their own gang letterhead for letters!
When they aren’t threatening the world, the Black Dragon Gang hangs in their secret base complete with wall of supercomputer and many operators. They have a giant dragon painting in the bar part of their lair. One gang member tosses knives at a dummy of a girl in a bikini. It’s like some sort of weird spy frathouse. At one meeting of the Black Dragons, we see they have a secret leader who speaks to them via a head projection from a screen. This secret boss is never revealed at any point, nor is he mentioned in the sequel. Not that we’re going to try and close loose ends here…but we made up a theory that we’ll present at the end of the review. And TarsTarkas.NET declares it canon. Because we can do that. Because we have a cannon.
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Rampage getting a movie, no Uwe Boll in sight…
For those of you keeping track at home, this is Warner Brothers’s third picture involving giant monsters, as Godzilla and Pacific Rim are both being cofinanced by WB while coming out of Legendary Pictures.
Also, we demand nudity as these monsters revert back to human. It’s just required, okay???
images ganked from