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John Carter of $200 Million Lost

March 20, 2012By

Whoops! Guess you should have advertised the film, Disney! Or at least kept it as John Carter OF MARS, dammit! Now we have a shameful $200 million lost and a big probability that there will be no sequel. Which is a shame, because John Carter (of Mars, dammit!) didn’t suck. It wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t trainwreck bad. Don’t take my word for it, take my word for it!

Disney said “John Carter” has brought in about $184 million in ticket sales worldwide so far. But ticket sales are split roughly in half with theater owners. The movie’s production budget is estimated to be about $250 million with about $100 million more spent on marketing.

The only way to make the money back is to make a sequel and spend $400 million to make it! It’s just crazy enough to work…

via

John Carter of Mars

We lost $200 million, but Transformers 3 made over a $ Billion??? That's it, we're invading Earth!

InMovie News

The Cat in the Hat in the Reboot

March 19, 2012By

Time to hide behind the couch again, because The Cat in the Hat is returning to theaters, this time in CGI form! Yes, a reboot of a big bankable creation from Dr. Seuss was inevitable thanks to the fact the Lorax made a bunch of cash despite being a giant slap to the face of the message behind the Lorax. Luckily, The Cat in the Hat has far less lessons to ignore for a bland CGI flick, though there is the ever-present threat that Mike Meyers will return to voice the Cat. That’s assuming I don’t drown him in hairballs first and leave his corpse floating in the Baltic Sea. Uh…not that I would do that, nor set up an elaborate ruse involving a fake film production just to lure him out there.

Expect Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson to voice Thing 1 and Thing 2 in my imaginary awful version, where Thing 1 falls in love with a baby Little Cat Z.

via

Cat in the Hat

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Zone Fighter Episode 13 – Senritsu! Tanjoubi-no Kyoufu

March 19, 2012By

Zone Fighter Episode 13 – Senritsu! Tanjoubi-no Kyoufu

aka Absolute Terror: Birthday of Horror! aka Hair-Raising! The Birthday of Terror

1973
March of Godzilla 2012
Written by Jun Fukuda
Directed by Ishiro Honda

Zone Fighter vs. Birthday Cake! Only Zone Fighter could fight such a dastardly enemy. All others pale before him, even Godzilla is too yellow to appear to fight the birthday cake! Or, more likely, Godzilla knows this week’s enemy is lame and didn’t bother to return the producer’s calls! Godzilla is also watching his weight these days, thus skipping out on eating that sweet sweet cake.

The Republican Presidential Debates continue…

March of Godzilla 2012 carries on with a Godzilla-free episode, but there is still something for everyone to learn. What we do learn is that Japanese people sing “Happy Birthday” and write things on cakes in English. Also that if you hook a car battery up to a Terror-Beast, the monster gets a red force field that doesn’t work that well.

Stop for me, it’s the CLAW!

If you are Zone Fighter confused, check out the Zone Fighter splash page and learn you some Zone!

It’s Hotaru’s 16th birthday! Her family breaking out the cake and singing, including the Happy Birthday song that now requires huge royalties despite the fact it should have been public domain decades ago. But that’s a rant for another review. Happy Birthday, Hotaru! I hope you enjoy your cake…your DEATH CAKE!!!

Forget Chocolate Rain, we got Orange Julius Rain

Baron Garoga calls via TV to mock them because the cake is a bomb! Granted, that is dumb, so now they know to toss the cake, and Hikaru does, throwing it off a cliff. Then it explodes, too late to do any damage with candle shrapnel. If Baron Garoga would have just shut the frak up for 1 more minute, the Zones would be dead! The series would be over, and I could get back to reviewing a different tokusatsu series that I’ll end up not liking, either.

I’m 70% Megalon!
InMovie News

Starship Troopers: Invasion preview trailer hits

March 19, 2012By


Starship Troopers: Invasion is the CG animated Starship Troopers film coming out later this year, and is sort of a sequel to the original film. This trailer is more of a preview teaser that doesn’t show much of anything except a trooper gearing up for battle. But the production blog promises blood and action, and even bugs in space.
The plot:

A distant Federation outpost Fort Casey comes under attack by bugs. The team on the fast attack ship Alesia is assigned to help the Starship John A. Warden stationed in Fort Casey evacuate along with the survivors and bring military intelligence safely back to Earth. Carl Jenkins, now ministry of Paranormal Warfare, takes the starship on a clandestine mission before its rendezvous with the Alesia and goes missing in the nebula. Now, the battle-hardened troopers are charged with a rescue mission that may lead to a much more sinister consequence than they ever could have imagined….

Shinji Aramaki directs and Edward Neumeier and Capser Van Dien are executive producing.

Still no word if NPH will return as the voice of Carl Jenkins.

Official Site

starship-troopers-invasion

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Zone Fighter Episode 12 – Kyoujuu Kichi Chikyuu-e Shinnyuu!

March 18, 2012By

Zone Fighter Episode 12 – Kyoujuu Kichi Chikyuu-e Shinnyuu!

aka Terrorbeast HQ: Invade the Earth! aka The Terror-Beast Base: Invade the Earth!

1973
March of Godzilla 2012
Written by Norio Komata
Directed by Ishiro Honda

March of Godzilla 2012 is not dead, it was just resting as a TarsTarkas.NET got crushed beneath the weight of a trio of first run flicks and a lost film about a guy in a skeleton suit. But the train has been righted back on the track, and we can continue with our journey of Zone Fighter! Perhaps now you wish the train was flipped back onto its side. Well, too bad, so sad, Zone Fighter is here and he’s fighting a giant chicken while the producers might be committing horrible animal abuse. You just can’t be sure.

Rock ’em, Sock ’em Morons!

If you are Zone Fighter unaware, feel free to drop on by the Zone Fighter splash page, you’ll be glad you did! Now let’s get on with this show, before the chicken monster Barakidon crosses the road and I have to make even lamer jokes!

Troma’s Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead sequel was ambitious

The opening shows Zone Fighter killing many of the previous monsters, his horrible murder spree seared into the eyes and memories of the Garogas. So the Garogas have the ultimate plan to stop Zone Fighter’s brutal murder of monsters – a new monster!

Soon two tiny girls will be by demanding this egg…

Great plan, idiots! I hope Zone Fighter murders all of you.

Ha ha ha! Your hat is ridiculous!
InMovie News

Megan Fox and Zoe Saldana are Swindle!

March 16, 2012By

Joe Swindle! No, wait, they’re plural and they’re chicks… Mary and Carrie Swindle! So now female heist movies are in for some reason, thus Paramount is pushing forward a script called Swindle and are teaming up Megan Fox and Zoe Saldana to rob money from blue Transformers or something. Since they won’t tell us what the script is about, my guess is a legitimate as any other. Megan Fox and Zoe Saldana are getting producing credits, so feel free to blame them if this sucks in the future, people who will be reading this years from now. Also LOL for you not investing in whatever thing got real big between now and whenever you are reading this. You sure got swindled! Scott Wilson and Enzo Mileti wrote the script that’s so good no one will talk about it. Instead we’re all just talking about this film as an excuse to post pictures of hot actresses and get cheap hits. Speaking of that…

Megan Fox

I have been swindled out of my clothes...


Zoe Saldana

I swindled that Jake Sully sucker to help us and dumped him the next day!

via Deadline
Megan Fox photo via
Zoe Saldana photo via my hard drive so long ago I don’t remember

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