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InBad, Movie Reviews

Mirror Mirror

March 29, 2012By

Mirror Mirror


2012
Written by Melissa Wallack & Jason Keller
Directed by Tarsem Singh

I killed and skinned a Bjork to wear her hide to this gala!

Mirror Mirror is the first theatrical Snow White movie of 2012 to hit theaters. Featuring Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen, and Tarsem Singh’s distinctive visual style of making every frame look like something you’d use as a desktop background, Mirror Mirror is a beautiful film. But beyond the exterior beauty, your enjoyment of Mirror Mirror will depend on how close you are to the target audience, primarily young girls and their mothers. Mirror Mirror is not bad, there is plenty of action and humor for everyone, but I can see that if I was a 7 year old girl, this film would be the awesomeness. Instead, it’s just good, not great. There are problems such as a few slow spots and a lack of suspense due to the Snow White story being so old and used that we all know the day will be saved, the Evil Queen defeated, and Snow will get her Prince Charming. It’s more of the journey, not the destination, that is important in these cases. While parts of the classic Snow White tale are used, some parts are glossed over, while other pieces are added after being weaved from thin air.

The next guy who calls one of us “Dopey” gets his knees cut off!

Differences abound immediately from the other Snow White, for instead of a Lord of the Rings inspired fantasy, Mirror Mirror is a live action cartoon. The only thing missing was talking animals! Between Tarsem Singh’s imagery and Eiko Ishioka’s costumes, the fantasy world of the fairy tale is alive and well on your movie screens.

Steve Jobs, you bastard!

The scenery is beautiful, from the CGI spectacle that is the castle sitting over the frozen lake to the snow-covered forest where danger may lurk behind every tree. The costumes are amazing, and I could spend thousands of words describing them all. But you really must see them to appreciate them. The opening sequence done in a puppet-style is marvelous, much appreciated compared to all the flat Flash opening sequences I’ve seen in films lately.

And once again, TarsTarkas.NET has sold out and went to an advanced screening for free!

Snow White and the Full Monty

Snow White (Lily Collins) – Snow White is the daughter of the King, who rules over a happy Kingdom. But he is lost when fighting a frightful Beast, and the Kingdom falls into the hands of his new wife, the Evil Queen. Snow is trapped in her room, never to leave the castle. Until one day she decides to… Daughter of Phil Collins, Lily Collins originally auditioned for the role of Snow White in Snow White and the Huntsman, which ended up casting Kristen Stewart.
The Queen (Julia Roberts) – The vainest woman in the world, The Queen runs through the Kingdom’s treasury like a hot knife through butter, driving the Kingdom to ruin and keeping it locked in a permanent winter. Her latest scheme is to marry yet another handsome prince to refill her bank account. And wouldn’t you know it, a handsome prince just happens to wander into the Kingdom…
Prince Alcott (Armie Hammer) – The handsome Prince who is in search of adventure, and he finds one in a Kingdom ruled by an evil Queen and the King’s rightful heir leading a rebellion consisting of dwarves. Also the Queen wants to marry him, even victimizing him with love potions. Armie Hammer plays the Prince so straight-laced and heroic that’s it’s amazing. You can almost see Cinderella and Belle fighting over him just off screen… Also Armie Hammer sounds like Arm & Hammer, so let’s put Armie Hammer in our fridge to see if he stops odors…
Brighton (Nathan Lane) – The Queen’s loyal servant, who was the loyal servant to the King before her. He doesn’t really like what he does, but doesn’t dislike it enough to do much of anything about it. His character is both literally and figuratively a cockroach, though he isn’t entirely evil.
Let’s kick that other Snow White movie’s butt!
InMovie News

Marshawn Lynch is Matt’s Chance

March 28, 2012By

Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch, known for being in “beast mode” and eating lots of Skittles during games, is now dipping his toes into the action movie world with Matt’s Chance. Matt’s Chance is a local production to Seattle, writer/director Nicholas Gyeney is from the area.

Matt, a dark and brooding late 20s cowboy, has just witnessed the ultimate betrayal. After walking in on his girlfriend sleeping with another man, and learning that she pawned her engagement ring to pay for the abortion of their unborn son, Matt begins spiraling downward into a quest for revenge that pits him face to face with the mafia, corrupt bankers, a trash talking priest, and even God himself.

Costarring is an all-star cast of cult stars: Lee Majors, Edward Furlong, Gary Busey, and Margot Kidder.

Here is a video from the Kickstarter page for the film:

via NWCN

Marshawn Lynch Skittles

This has nothing to do with the film

InMovie News

Val Kilmer has become Mark Twain

March 28, 2012By

It’s completely freaky how much Val Kilmer looks like Mark Twain under makeup for his new play, Citizen Twain. This play, which is written, directed, and stars Val Kilmer, is just preliminary work for Kilmer’s upcoming role in Mark Twain and Mary Baker Eddy. Twain himself became a rival with Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of Christian Science, writing essays against her and her work. Remember when people wrote essays against things instead of retweeting? Good times. I’m shockingly looking forward to this, because it just sounds cool. Twain’s stories are awesome, his essays are awesome, and it will be hard pressed to make Mark Twain and Mary Baker Eddy not awesome.

via yahoo movies

Val Kilmer Mark Twain

I fought aliens with Captain Picard, so of course I'm Batman!

InMovie News

Fifty Shades of bullets to blow out your brains!

March 26, 2012By

That’s what we need, bullets, not some Mommy Porn garbage that was a Twilight fanfic and is now going to be an epic movie trilogy that will make you question everything as you slit your wrists down to the bone. And then keep slicing!

Seriously.

So for those of you who are lucky duckies and have no clue what I am whining about, Fifty Shades of Grey is a trilogy of books that began their lives as Twilight fan fiction. British author E L James created the BDSM-themed story featuring Edward and Bella and they were released for free, as fan fiction is. But the stories became very popular, to the point there was a convention about this fanfic (!) which raised money for charity. Then E L James took the story, changed only the names of the characters (Bella and Edward become Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey), and published the book through a company that has published similar work in the past. She then got her fans who paid for the convention to buy the book and spread reviews all over the internet, generating buzz and getting fame and money and popularizing the term “Mommy porn”. Yada yada yada, E L James has a ton of money and fame made off of the backs of Stephenie Meyer, and scored more when a company paid seven figures for the rights to reprint the books. And now E L James has even more money, because a gigantic bidding war broke out over the movie rights to her book. As many as 10 studios were fighting hand over fist for the right to bring the Mommy Porn to life on the big screen. And..ding ding…we have a winner! For an estimated $4 million or 5% of gross, Universal Pictures and Focus Features have acquired screen rights to Fifty Shades of Grey and the two sequels, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed.

So what the hell is going on?

This:

Anastasia on her first blow job:

Hmm…he’s soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty — salty and smooth…he’s my own Christian Grey flavor popsicle.

Anastasia on Christian’s tortured, tortured soul:

“Why don’t you like to be touched?” I whisper, staring up into soft gray eyes.
“Because I’m fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia.”
Oh…his honestly is completely disarming. I blink up at him.

After her first spanking session:

“Oh baby,” he breathes. “Welcome to my world.”

We lie there, panting together, waiting for our breathing to slow. He gently strokes my hair. I’m on his chest again…boy…I survived. That wasn’t so bad. I’m more stoic than I thought. My inner goddess is prostrate..well at least he’s quiet. Christian nuzzles my hair again, inhaling deeply. “Well done, baby,” he whispers, quiet joy in his voice. His words curl around me like a soft fluffy towel from the Heathman Hotel, and I’m so pleased he’s happy.

This is enough to make you run screaming back to Edward, Bella, Jacob, and the baby he loves, holding them tight and never wanting to let go….

Bella Edward Shades of Grey

Whose movies are awful now???

InMovie News

Robocop Remake changing everything Robocop

March 26, 2012By

Word on the street (and by street, I mean internet) is that the Robocop costume in the new Robocop movie will be totally redesigned to show off more of his face, including a see-through visor. What other changes we’ll get is unknown at this time, because they ain’t talking yet! New Robocop actor Joel Kinnaman is the guy spilling the beans, and he also mentions the ultraviolence from the original will be toned down. Director José Padilha does good work, so we’ll continue to watch with slight trepidation. Because Robocop is awesome, even if all the sequels and tv miniseries and actual tv series and cartoons and Korean commercials were various shades of terrible. So I don’t think that even a terrible Robocop remake will make a dent in the reputation of the original, except in the minds of 13 year olds who won’t have seen the original anyway.
Robocop 3 Japanese Poster

We got a secret look at the new Robocop design!


via Movieweb

InMovie News

Battle: LA getting a sequel

March 26, 2012By

Battle: LA made $200 million because it was made on the cheap and was sufficiently generic along with action-packed. Thus now it is prepping for adding a sequel, which will be a big budget event film. Jonathan Liebesman let this drop during an interview with Collider while promoting Wrath of the Titans, a sequel to a film that was awful which might not be as awful. But I’m still skipping a free screening to go watch a film about a hotel in India, because this is the second Titans film in a row that they didn’t get Denzel Washington back…

Collider sez:

“We’ve just started the script now, so that’s where we are. We have just begun the script. Just because I don’t want the studio to get pissed at me, I’m not sure what I can and can’t say about it. But what’s exciting is it sounds like the budget will be as big. They’re really going to make it an event.”

With the big budget instead of a small budget, are they looking to lose money now? I’m not really sure this is franchise-worthy. Though I wouldn’t mind sequels, this strikes me as more of a Chronicles of Riddick thing going on where a low budget film suddenly gets a ridiculously expensive sequel that doesn’t do so hot at the box office. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe.

Battle LA Alien

Battle LA...or hipster sushi bar? You make the call!

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