Corporate Fantasy (Review)

Corporate Fantasy


1999
Directed by Charles Randazzo
Written by Catalina Larranaga and Garrett Clancy


Mystique films brings us some office-based romance with Corporate Fantasy. You know a softcore is more high class because pseudo-popish songs playing during the action scenes as opposed to light jazz. The film should be sexy, but parts of it are dry and parts crammed in. Catalina Larranaga wrote the film with Garrett Clancy, I get the feeling she wrote the main story and he “punched it up” with the models and other additional sex scenes. Which is fine, you gotta sell the film somehow, and the story is still intact.

The styles of the film date it as a 1990s film, even if it comes at the tail end of the 1990s. Office attire for women is so period specific that you can’t get around it. Thus, right now the film looks older than it is because of the fashion, but in 10 years the film will look less old because some of those fashions/hair styles will be back in style. And kids who weren’t just hitting the offices in the late 90’s won’t even be familiar enough with the fashions to recognize it as dated, so it will blow right past them. Those of use who grew up in the era and witnessed models wearing the same clothes with the same hairstyles don’t see the fashion as a big deal at all, and the glamorous fashion helps Corporate Fantasy look like a much more expensive film than it probably is.

Daisy Dawson (Tracy Ryan as Tracy Smith) – Daisy is the young new attractive employee at the advertising agency that becomes the target of everyone with a Y chromosome. Daisy is shocked, shocked that this could happen, especially after the disaster that was her last relationship. Can things come up roses for Daisy? Or come up daisies? But not pushing up daisies, because that means people die. This is Corporate Fantasy, not Corporate Massacre! Tracy Ryan was active in both soft and hardcore films (her hardcore aliases include Avalon) and had a whole pack of names she went by.
Gloria (Catalina Martone as Catalina Larranaga) – Gloria is the older, more experience, more bad of the three girls, but not so bad she’s evil, she just has sex with married dudes while at the office. But she’s a hard worker and cares about her friends. Catalina Martone is familiar to anyone who saw her dozens of softcore films from the 90s and 00s. And she helped write this one.
Tammy (Susan Featherly) – She’s southern. Did you know she’s from the south? Because her southern accent just shelled Ft. Sumter. Susan Featherly was a softcore actress active in the late 90s-early 00s, appearing in films such as Andromina: The Pleasure Planet, The Awakening of Gabriella, and Virtual Girl 2: Virtual Vegas.
Orlando (Jarod Carey) – The sort of nice guy at the office who occasionally gets caught up in the filthy shenanigans of his fellow male coworkers.
Blake Tyler (John Gallucci) – The sleazy manager of the agency and chief promoter of the sleazy guy behavior and office theft. John Gallucci is a pretty good actor, I’m surprised he’s hardly in anything.
Kevin (Karl Preston) – Kevin is the blond guy who is married, but that doesn’t stop him from doing Gloria. He also rips off his workplace and commits sexual harassment.
David (Brian Nowak) – Loyal mailclerk and secret CEO. Shhhh! Don’t tell anyone he’s really the CEO. Even though it’s a bit obvious…

A Little Bit of Heaven

A Little Bit of Heaven


2011
Directed by Nicole Kassell

There have been a few tries to put cancer in comedies in the past couple of years, most of which have had mixed-to-bad results, because cancer isn’t really that funny. So of course the next step is a weepy romantic comedy about dealing with cancer and finding love! Even weirder, it’s pretty much marketed as a romantic comedy even though is blurs more over into the drama category. But, despite the fact it’s getting awful awful reviews, A Little Bit of Heaven isn’t awful (or even awful awful), it’s far more complicated than that…

Marley Corbett is a carefree woman who seems like she has it all going on. She’s a young hip girl in the city, just scoring a big promotion and living life and partying. Working hard and playing hard. All that cliched jazz. Her biggest worry and biggest love is her pet bulldog, while men are nothing but a list of bootycalls. She has a whole cadre of friends who join her on her adventures.

But things aren’t going all that great in Marley’s life, unexplained loss of weight, bloody stools…something bad is on the horizon. After a visit to the very handsome Dr. Julian Goldstein, she’s diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. Of course, Marley is too busy having fun to take any of this seriously. She shocks her friends with her announcement done in a flippant way, unaware or uncaring about the shock she put them through. Her attitude begins to have some cracks after a colonoscopy shows things are worse than they thought and the only hope in an experimental procedure that might work or might not. It’s also during this colonoscopy that she has her first vision of the afterlife…

Harmless – when good boxes of porno go bad!

Hey, loyal readers, do you like movies?

Do you like pornography?

Do you like horror movies?

Do you like found footage horror movies?

Do you like found footage horror movies with pornography?

Do you like found footage Christian horror movies with an evil box of woods pornography?

Then you will love HARMLESS! The movie about evil porn and how it is evil. Check out the trailer, drop a couple thousands in funding, and we’re off at the races! Rich Praytor is the creator.

Harmless is a feature film shot in the popular found footage style. It’s the story about a husband and father and his battle with a box of porn that is found in the closet. Once opened, the box of porn begins to torment the family, much like a poltergeist. It’s sort of a social commentary on how pornography can destroy a family. Actual home movies and interviews tell the story of the terror the family faces when a box of pornography is opened and something is unleashed.


Official Site
Kickstarter

Only 14 days to go, people!

Harmless

Live a Little Love a Yowza Bernice

Kurtzman And Orci to ruin Mummy and Van Helsing reboots

We knew The Mummy was getting rebooted, but we didn’t know until now that Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci were going to be in charge of remaking it as well as the Van Helsing reboot that everyone has been screaming for. Everyone in the INSANE ASYLUM, that is! For further proof of that, Tom Cruise is currently attached to be Van Helsing. This seems like some sort of desperate plan to make the Hugh Jackman original look like a good movie. Well, Good Game! As for The Mummy reboots, the original two were sort of cool in an Indiana Jones type way, though the third one was less fun and more bore. However, Brendan Fraser was awesome in them, and it may be hard to capture that kind of magic when the Mummy is peeing dust on someone. You might think I don’t like Kurtzman and Orci because all their movies have been varying shades of awful, and you are right.
Sad Van Helsing

Actual picture of Van Helsing audience reactions...


Enjoy the Press Release!

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA, May 1, 2011—Universal Pictures today announced the studio has signed a two-year first-look production deal with one of the leading writing/producing teams in the entertainment industry, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, and their K/O Paper Products banner. The duo will kick off their new relationship with Universal by reimagining titles from the studio’s library including Van Helsing and The Mummy. The announcement was made by Universal Pictures Chairman, Adam Fogelson and Co-Chairman, Donna Langley.

Kurtzman and Orci have collaborated with some of the industry’s top creative minds including J.J. Abrams, with whom they wrote the third installment of Mission: Impossible, which grossed nearly $400 million at the worldwide box office. In 2007, they wrote Transformers and went on to write Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in 2009. Together, those films grossed more than $1.5 billion worldwide. More recently, the pair wrote and executive produced 2009’s Star Trek, which grossed more than $385 million worldwide. Accompanying their impressive film resume, Kurtzman and Orci have found tremendous success in television, having created the series Fringe, writing/producing Alias and in 2010, producing the reboot of Hawaii Five-O. They also currently executive produce the highest rated show on Hasbro’s The Hub, Transformers Prime.

“Alex and Roberto are extraordinarily talented writers and producers who know the value of a great story in building successful tentpole films,” Fogelson and Langley said in a joint statement. “They have been a major part of some of Hollywood’s biggest movies and television shows in recent history, and we’re eager to have them build on that success at Universal.”

“We’re thrilled to call Universal Pictures our home,” said Kurtzman and Orci. “From the moment we sat down with Adam, Donna, Peter, Jeff and the entire Uni team, there was an instant flow of inspired ideas. They really understand the importance of building a strong creative team and giving our shared projects their full support. We’re proud to start making movies that will live as part of Universal’s enduring legacy.”

Kurtzman and Orci’s K/O Paper Products will develop and produce a modern reimagining of Universal library titles including The Mummy, alongside producer Sean Daniel and writer Jon Spaihts. The pair will also develop and produce Universal’s reimagined Van Helsing, with Tom Cruise attached to star in and produce the film.

Kurtzman and Orci’s upcoming projects include writing Sony’s next installment of The Amazing Spider-Man; producing Now You See Me, for Lionsgate Summit, set for release in March 2013; and producing Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game, also for Lionsgate Summit. Kurtzman and Orci wrote and produced People Like Us, which marks Kurtzman’s directorial debut and is scheduled to be released in June 2012, and wrote and produced the second installment of Star Trek, set for release in 2013. The pair most recently rewrote All You Need Is Kill for Warner Bros., with Tom Cruise attached to star, Doug Liman to direct and Erwin Stoff to produce.

Kurtzman, Orci and the rest of their K/O Paper Products team, including President Bobby Cohen, will be housed on the Universal lot. Former assistants Ben Kim and Kim Cavyan will come aboard as creative executives. Kurtzman and Orci are represented by CAA and attorneys Michael Gendler and Kevin Kelly of Gendler & Kelly, APC.

Van Helsing pic from here

The Hero’s Guide to Being Optioned by Fox Animation

The book The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom hasn’t even come out until today, but it already got it’s movie rights snatched up by Fox Animation! It’s a children’s book by Christopher Healy, and deals with the various princes from Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty, who team up to take down a greater threat than the various evil things they defeated. Besides that, I don’t know, because the book isn’t out for me to pretend to read. No word on anyone attached yet to direct. But it does show that fantasy is still well in the realm of animated film, and this has the potential to be pretty good. Of course, it could also be ridiculously awful. Waiting and seeing gets me impatient at times…

HR via @rwmead

Troll Dolls

This has nothing to do with the book, I just like that it showed up on Google Image Search

Rascal Raccoon’s Raging Revenge is awesome, will be a film

Rascal Raccoon’s Raging Revenge is a graphic novel that looks at what would happen if Wile E. Coyote did catch the Road Runner and killed him. (Yes, he caught him in that one cartoon where he was tiny…) Of course, we can’t be murdering Merry Melodies characters, so instead it’s Rascal Raccoon and Jumpin’ Jackalope. Rascal is one of the Meanies, who try to take down those no-good do-gooders, the Toonies, in the cartoon setting of Toonie Terrace. And Rascal succeeds, killing Jumpin’ unexpectedly when Jumpin’ fails to revive after being ran over. He’s a hero, until he realizes his life is now empty…and he must get Jumpin’ back! Thus he has to take on the animator who created them…then things get weird….

The story is cool, and now Warner Brothers has optioned the screenrights, with Matt Fogel writing and Todd Strauss-Schulson (A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas) directing. Brendan Hay (writing) and Justin Wagner (art) created the original story. The best part is WB got the rights, when the whole thing is loosely based on their cartoons!

HR via @rwmead

Rascal Raccoon's Ragin Revenge