Justin Bieber's Mom will be the queen of abortion films with Crescendo!

Justin Bieber Puking

I know America just can’t get enough of abortion and Justin Bieber, and now the two great things are combined in one appetizing movie short as Justin Bieber’s mom Pattie Mallette brings us Crescendo. Crescendo will let us know that abortion is bad and tiny American flags are good. Which is truly odd because she’s Canadian… Our friends at Movie to Movement is producing. You might remember Movie to Movement when we discussed the Right Wing Nuthouse flicks, as they’re responsible for 2016: Obama’s America getting popular thanks to their “theater captains” (they also worked with Hating Breitbart, which didn’t work out so well for them!) But wingnut welfare is a lucrative business, and the movie propaganda arm is chugging full steam ahead. Crescendo will screen across the country beginning February 28th, with Pattie Mallette appearing at some of the shows. Movie to Movement is hoping to raise $10 million for “pregnancy centers.” Of course, as soon as that baby comes out, don’t ask for help, because then you are one of the 47% of takers, you monster! You just have to wait until your kid becomes a millionaire pop star like all children of teenage mothers.

via HuffPo

Mr Bean Kesurupan Depe

Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe (Review)

Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe


2012
Directed by Yoyok Dumprink

Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe
He’s hopping his way to a lawsuit!

Could it be true? Could Rowan Atkinson be reprising his role as Mr. Bean in an obscure Indonesian pocong comedy? This thought rattled around the internet for a few hours, perpetrated by the producer behind Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe, until the hoax unraveled and everyone realized this was too crazy to be true, even though it was just crazy enough to maybe be true. After having finally watched Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe, I am left to wonder why they even bothered with the whole Mr. Bean hoax. In fact, I’m wondering why they even bothered with the film at all! It’s a very quick and dirty half an hour of story stuffed with some pointless filler and jokes that aren’t funny even if you’re Indonesian. The Mr. Bean plot has almost nothing to do with the rest of the film, aside from Mr. Bean occasionally leering at DePe’s character. This is after they’re both dead and pocongs, and while she’s a very very pregnant pocong. But let’s first give a bit of background.

Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe
When you think Catwoman, you think skimpy-dressed schoolgirls!

Pocongs are a type of Indonesian folklore, bodies that are wrapped up in their kain kafan (burial shrouds.) They cannot move their legs, so they get around by hopping (like certain other Asian movie monsters) and spend their time spooking people. Recently, there have been a bunch of pocong comedies that have invaded the theaters of Indonesia, the local audience treating them much like how we in America treat the Seltzerberg (Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer) Movie “comedies”, by ignoring them as much as possible, but also wondering how they keep making enough money to justify more. Everyone from Indonesia I have mentioned these films to has had a reaction of utter disdain for the films and sad amazement that they’re beginning to get play outside of Indonesia.

Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe
Too late, this is already messed up!

Besides using Mr. Bean for promotion, the main “plot” of the film centers on attending a concert by Catwoman, who in this universe is a famous Indonesian singer on par with Lady Gaga. She’s also played by DePe for added confusion, and also because DePe is an actress not afraid to run around in a skimpy Catwoman costume. As DePe was involved in some of the marketing without shooting down the rumor of Rowan Atkinson’s involvement, many consider her culpable in the fraud they accuse producer KK Dheeraj of. It’s also interesting that the most common comments on Indonesian movie blogs (besides calling this movie garbage) is saying not to blame Indonesian movie producers because KK Dheeraj is Indian. KK Dheeraj’s only attempt to keep from being sued seemed to be not including the title screen on the vcds and DVDs, even though the guy playing Mr. Bean is still credited as “Mister bean”! (Either that, or they just forgot to include the title!) The controversy did serve a purpose, as thousands of people who had never heard of the pocong comedy genre (or even pocongs!) now have a film to look out for. This review calling it awful will only increase the desire to watch it.

Make no mistake, Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe is terrible. The plot is so thin, it is worshiped as an idol by those anorexia blogs. The actual “story” involving Marni and Parmin takes maybe 30 minutes total. To beef up the running time, Mr. Bean wanders around being “funny” for a bit. and even that wasn’t enough to fill up the running time so there is another pocong couple who add nothing to the film either. The entire movie is filler made to fill running time for filler. It’s like the Twilight Zone of pointless stories. I do give them props for being in focus.

Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe
Oh, Knockoff Pocong Bean, you can do one charming thing.

Marni (DePe/Dewi Persik) – Hot young wife of Parmin who is very pregnant. She is a big fan of the famous singer Catwoman and begs Parmin to take her to see her. He relents, and they end up murdered on the way. As a pocong, she’s somehow still pregnant and they expect to have a bouncing baby pocong in a few weeks. Dewi Persik/Perssik is an Indonesian singer and actress who can’t seem to keep out of the scandal headlines. Between risque pictures, dance moves that offend conservative morons, physical altercations with other actresses, multiple marriages, and “secondary virginity” surgery, she’s almost constantly in the news.
Parmin (Doyok) – An older one-eyed rickshaw operator who married Marni despite every guy in town chasing after her, because she knew he was capable of doing good things. And as we find out in the end of the film, he does. Doyok is a comedic actor who has been active since 1985 in Indonesian movies and television. He’s also crossed over into more serious roles during times where comedies were less successful. Doyok once spent time in prison on drug charges.
Catwoman (DePe/Dewi Persik) – The most famous singer in the entire universe. You’ve obviously heard of her so there is no point is talking about her more.
Mr. Bean (William Ferguson) – It’s Mr. Bean! Except not. At all. This “Mr. Bean” is dead and a pocong, but periodically escapes to wander around the living world and cause trouble.
Mr. Bean Kesurupan Depe
Looks like someone saw the trailer for The Dark Knight Rises just in time for filming!

Dredd (Review)

Dredd


2012
Written by Alex Garland
Based on characters created by John Wagner and Carlos Ezquerra
Directed by Pete Travis

Dredd
If I hadn’t seen Eega, Dredd would be my favorite flick of 2012. Which not only surprised me, but surprised everyone who saw Dredd, from the small amount of people who saw it in theaters, to the increasingly loud amount of people just now discovering it on DVD. Dredd is awesome, a solid action vehicle that builds a believable world without drowning you in lots of back story.
Dredd
It’s sad that I knew Dredd would fail at the box office before it was even released, the scars of Stallone’s Judge Dredd is still too fresh in the minds of the American public, a public that has zero knowledge of the comic inspiration. But Dredd is having a second life, bolstered by loud supporters and a shocked new audience that is keeping Dredd on the top of the rental and sales charts.
Dredd
Dredd succeeds because of many reasons. By keeping the action largely confined to a single mega-block, it allows for saving on huge set costs and makes the action close and personal. The fighting becomes desperate as the characters are trapped. Dredd‘s score by Paul Leonard-Morgan is among my favorite scores, and is the first film album I’ve gotten in years. The operatic Slo-Mo segments based on a slowed down Justin Bieber song contrast wonderfully with the heavy-synth action tracks.

The integration of bullet-time 3D via the drug Slo-Mo is a creative way to put Matrix action into a film and make it feel natural, the first time since the Matrix movies where the slow-motion feels like it belongs and isn’t shoehorned in because some producer wanted to ape the Wachowskis.
Dredd
Olivia Thirlby’s Anderson is not your typical female action sidekick. Though in training, she’s an equal partner. Even though at some point she’s taken prisoner, she doesn’t just sit back and wait for Dredd to rescue her. She’s in control, she rescues herself, and she even saves Dredd. Anderson stays in power while going through the minds of awful people who think awful things, getting what she wants while not leaving any marks (well, not marks you can see.) It’s an equality seldom seen in today’s action epics, and painfully missed. Even Rakie Ayola’s Chief Judge seems natural, she has a respect for Dredd as the best street judge, but also firmly gives him orders.

Judge Dredd (Karl Urban) – The best judge in Mega-City One and a man who never needs backup. His pursuit of justice and punishment for those that break the law is his driving force and life. A lot of chin acting going on for Karl here.
Judge Anderson (Olivia Thirlby) – New judge on her first day for evaluation. Due to her psychic ability, has a special dispensation to become a judge despite failing her exams. A mutant who doesn’t wear a helmet so her abilities aren’t interfered with.
Ma-Ma (Lena Headey) – Former bad girl gone badder, with a thing for ultra-violence. Brutally takes over Peach Trees with a pile of dead bodies and spend bullets.
Kay (Wood Harris) – Drug pusher whose attempts to be cruel to his competition cause the Judges’ interest in Peach Trees and the eventual trouble that ensues when he’s captured.
Clan Techie (Domhnall Gleeson) – He doesn’t even get a name, but this Seth Green on meth guy with bionic eyes is Ma-Ma’s best helper, realizing her control over the systems of Peach Trees all while narrowly avoiding her doing horrible harm to his body.

Dredd

The Man From Nowhere

The Man From Nowhere

aka 아저씨 aka Ajeossi

2010
Written and directed by Lee Jeong-beom
The Man From Nowhere
Korea embarks on a tale of kidnapping and revenge, as a former special ops officer hunts down the men who kidnapped his young neighbor, the only person left he has a connection with. The travel embarks on a quest through the Korean underworld, dealing with organ trafficking, child slave labor, drug dealing, and identity theft. In the grand Korean tradition, things are non-compromising, with a bleak and desperate situation getting increasingly both as time goes on.
The Man From Nowhere
The Man From Nowhere is a good film to throw on for everyone disappointed with Taken 2. It takes the similar style of the original Taken (and also Man on Fire) and ramps it up. Cha Tae-sik becomes mixed up not only in the kidnapping, but with a turf war between different gangsters and the police who are trying to take everyone down. While the police often get in the way, they realize quicker than the arrogant gangsters that Cha Tae-sik is someone more dangerous than he appears.

The fights become increasingly more awesome and brutal. At first, all you see is breaking windows and an unconscious goon. Then you begin to see Tae-sik beating up small numbers of people. By the end, there is one of the best knife fights I have ever seen in a movie, and Tae-sik becomes a savage force of nature carving his way through the criminal empire.
The Man From Nowhere

Cha Tae-sik (Won Bin) – A former black ops officer who retired and runs a small pawn shop after the murder of his pregnant wife. Cha Tae-sik is withdrawn from society, his only real connection is So-mi, who practically inserts herself into his life due to her unfortunate home situation. When she’s kidnapped, Tae-sik stops at nothing to get her back.
So-mi (Kim Sae-ron) – Young outcast child who spends her free time around neighbor Cha Tae-sik because she has no friends and an absentee parent. Her mother is a heroin addict whose theft of drugs sets off the whole kidnapping situation. So-mi longs to do nail art, but she is too poor to afford most of the supplies, resorting to stealing it.
Man-seok (Kim Hee-won) – The de facto leader of a gang that includes his brother, they carve out their own criminal empire by double-crossing their former partners. Organizes all the horrible deeds done and sets up the bigger deals.
Jong-seok (Kim Sung-oh) – The most arrogant of the two brothers, is often wearing flashy clothes and is more likely to try to make a big show of how awesome he is. Is involved in more of the day to day operations than his brother. Kim Sung-oh is also in She is on Duty.
Ramrowan (Thanayong Wongtrakul) – Ramrowan is awesome, Western educated Thai gangster who is working for the Koreans for reasons unknown, who only speaks English for reasons unknown. He’s a great killer, cold and calculating, but has an honor code that is his and his alone instantly pics up that Cha Tae-sik is more than a simple pawn shop owner You get the feeling that Ramrowan could easily take over and be a boss, but he’d rather be an enforcer because he loves the job so much.

The Man From Nowhere

Emmanuelle Sex Talk

Jurassic Attack trailer!


Fangoria premiered the trailer for Jurassic Attack, one of a pair of films from Titan Global Entertainement we mentioned a while back.

While returning from a military expedition a helicopter crash lands a commando unit in a dense, remote tropical jungle – a lost world populated by dinosaurs. Now they must find a way out of this isolated valley before becoming prey for prehistoric predators.

Anthony Fankhauser directs and the flick stars Gary Stretch, Alicia Ziegler, Israel Saez De Miguel, Natascha Berg, Vernon Wells, and Corin Nemec.

Corin Nemec also revealed on twitter he’s heading off to film Poseidon Rex, the other of the two Titan monster flicks, so expect more info about that film in a short while!

Fangoria via DreadCentral
Jurassic Attack

Dreams for Sale

I am So Undercover it hurts!


Why haven’t we heard more about the upcoming Miley Cyrus direct to VOD classic So Undercover? Probably for the reasons you just saw when you watched the trailer, aka it’s going to be garbage. Such garbage. Miley Cyrus is a tough PI? Who has to go all Sister Act in a sorority full of sisters? Someone reinforce the doors of the local video store, because there’s going to be a stampede to get So Undercover on February 5, 2013!

She may be a tough-as-nails, street-smart private investigator, but when total tomboy Molly (MILEY CYRUS) is drafted by the FBI to go undercover within a college sorority, she finds that she’s way out of her class among a sisterhood of snooty, high maintenance, materialistic college girls.

However, Molly accepts the pledge to protect one of the society debs, who holds key information that will be used at a trial where her father is about to turn State’s evidence and testify against the mob. Despite being the opposite of her new “sisters,” Molly has to suck it up and bond with obnoxious upper crust trust fund babies if she’s going to succeed in her top-secret mission, in Millennium Entertainment’s action/comedy, “So Undercover.”

Miley Cyrus hair