Godzilla Marvel 5 cover

Godzilla #5 (December 1977)


Godzilla Marvel 5

Mraww!


Godzilla #5 – The Isle of Lost Monsters (December 1977)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Tom Sutton
Editor – Archie Goodwin

When last we left our green friend, he was interrupting the plans of crazed psycho Dr. Demonicus and his band of skeleton suited men. The fierce Batragon lies dead, but three new monsters await to battle Godzilla. But Dr. Demonicus holds them back so Godzilla and SHIELD will fight each other first. We all know Dr. Demonicus is one of those dudes who wants to take over the world with an army of his mutant monsters, but before you can soar you must learn to walk. And Dr. Demonicus will be needing a wheelchair!

Be sure to get acquainted with the cast via the Godzilla Marvel Splash Page, and check out the rest of March of Godzilla 2013!

Godzilla and SHIELD battle each other until Dum Dum finally notices the other monsters in the volcano. So Demonicus let’s them free!

The trio are: Ghilaron – a mutant komodo dragon with eight legs and a head crest. Lepirax – a gigantic moth that is in now way an evil Mothra. Centipor – a mutant centipede with tentacles on its face.

The monsters attack! Fight fight fight! Gabe Jones’s fighter crashes, and he’s captured by Dr. Demonicus’s men (who are called The Demon Soldiers, in case you were wondering.) Dr. Demonicus says “Freeze, Black Man!” Wow, maybe his costume used to be his Klan costume! Dr. Demonicus then wastes time giving his life story to Gabe Jones, as Jones is stalling for time.

Godzilla Marvel 5

I like how SHIELD just takes crazy dudes in costumes and giant monsters in stride!


During his fantasy takeover of the world via an army of giant monsters, he has two fantasy monsters that are cool but sadly don’t exist.

Godzilla eventually kills all the monsters thanks to his deft skill and maneuvering. And his punching and burning them to death. Which he did with deft skill and maneuvering! Dr. Demonicus and his goons are captured, the Eskimos are freed (and many helped to stop Demonicus’s men) and Godzilla sniffs Dum Dum before returning to the sea.

Dum Dum cares not, he still thinks Godzilla is evil. But maybe a tiny bit not evil. Just a tad.

Godzilla Marvel 5

Mothra’s teenage son picks the wrong Godzilla to mess with!


Interesting note, the letters page includes a letter from an Asian-American guy (Bill Wu) who mentions how he and his white friend noticed the Asians are drawn and colored like normal people, not crazy racist depictions! It’s cool to see things like this noticed and appreciated. I know one guy who won’t appreciate it, Dr. Demonicus!

Godzilla Marvel 5

Time to go all A Raisin In The Sun on this mofo!

Is Rise of the Dinosaurs SyFy's last Saturday Creature Flick for a long time?

Haters gonna hate Decepticons

Because SyFy’s moving their movies to Thursday premieres for the summer! If you haven’t noticed, SyFy has gone loco and suddenly started to produce a bunch of actual science fiction shows and is attempting to become an actual network that follows its name and not just a place for edited movie reruns and wrestling. I, for one, support this endeavor, and whole-heartedly approve of SyFy’s attempt to bring a bunch of science fiction dramas to television. But, as fallout from this, one of the nights SyFy is setting up programming blocks will be Saturday. Thus, the movie premieres are getting moved to Thursdays! Long time watchers of SyFy (back when it was SciFi Channel!) might remember that Thursday was once the day these new movies premiered (and even became a day they would randomly premiere one anyway after the move to Saturday!) so this isn’t so out of line. It’s just been a good long while.

But before that happens, there will be a few more films popping up. First up is Stonados on April 27. It features tornadoes with rocks in them. May 11th features the premiere of Rise of the Dinosaurs, and there are no more movie premieres scheduled for the rest of May. The real mystery is Rise of the Dinosaurs. Because I can’t find a thing about it. Which means it’s probably something else renamed. But what? Asylum’s Age of the Dinosaurs? That doesn’t seem finished enough to be it. Jurassic Attack? It’s out in Europe, so maybe. A bootleg Ice Age sequel? Or it could be something else entirely. No one who knows is saying nothing! Those jerks!

EDIT: Just got confirmation from the TuningIntoSciFiTV guys that Rise of the Dinosaurs IS Jurassic Attack! Also Stonados has been delayed due to the events in Boston (it is set in Boston)

Girl vs Monster

Take a bite out of The Apple – A New RiffTrax VOD!

They finally gone and did it. They finally RiffTraxxed The Apple, the finest piece of crazed cheese this side of the Muenster Asylum! Yes, the crazy will never stop, as we got a disco version of The Book of Genesis! IF you haven’t seen this, there is really no way to properly explain it. You must watch it! The Apple is entertaining enough without the RiffTrax commentary, but I shall bet this pushes it to a whole new level. It’s gone to the top of the list of RiffTrax VODs I need to get around to watching (sorry, Viva Knievel!) If only I had a time machine for all this time I need to watch all this stuff!

The year was 1980 and one trend was sweeping America! No, not that animated dancing cat from the Paula Abdul video. We admire you thinking outside the box, but jeez, you were off by like nine years. Reign it in a bit. We were talking about the nationwide fad of really crappy musicals!

Yes, 1980 brought us Xanadu, The Village People’s Can’t Stop the Music and of course the crown* jewel of them all: The Apple. Because what we needed at the start of Reagan’s America was the book of Genesis set to music.

The Apple tells the story of Alphie and Bibi, a pair of sweetheart musicians from Canada who make the Osmonds look like GG Allin. Alphie’s vaguely foreign-y accent and resemblance to sensei John Kreese do nothing to slow them down as they ascend the ladder to stardom. Of course, they have a little assistance from Mr. Boogalow of the sinister BIM Corporation, which is at times a record company, an oppressive totalitarian regime and the producer of a reality singing TV show (listed in order from least despicable to most.) Forgot the name BIM already? Do not worry, there is a solid ten minutes of the movie where people shout it at you while doing aerobics.

When Bibi is unable to resist the temptation and signs the record contract (GET IT???) she’s vaulted to superstardom, but at what cost? The answer appears to be not much for her. She’s actually doing pretty OK. Alphie on the other hand moves in with an elderly female landlord, as you do when times get rough. The real victims of Satan’s nefarious temptation appears to be the audience’s ear drums, which are assaulted with a variety of songs that are best described as Disco’s death rattle.

Mike, Kevin and Bill would love to stop and chat but they just got word that BIM is on the way. Why don’t you watch The Apple while they wait for him to get here.

*One of those cheap cardboard crowns you get at Burger King

The Apple RiffTrax

Tasmanian Devils

Tasmanian Devils


2013
Written by Brook Durham
Directed by Zach Lipovsky

Tasmanian Devils
Inspector Mom is now Ranger Mom!

What if the Tasmanian Devil from the Bugs Bunny cartoons was a SyFy killer movie animal? Well, that’s not going to happen, so enjoy the next best thing, a group of supernatural real Tasmanian devils that attack a group of base jumpers and park rangers. And let’s throw in a flip-flopping gender politics theme for good measure! Thus we have Tasmanian Devils, the best movie about supernatural killer Tasmanian Devils ever! Unfortunately, due to the weird flip-flop the aforementioned gender politics thing takes, Tasmanian Devils gets the fun sucked out of it, and manages to finish as just your average SyFy flick. A shame, because there are some really good things about it. If only they had keep this pot on the stove a few minutes longer…

Dancia McKellar’s Alex is a female park ranger who becomes the defacto voice of authority when all the other rangers are slaughtered. Despite that event, in general her ideas are pretty good and her knowledge of Tasmanian devil habits and aboriginal folklore are assets to survival. But some of the basejumpers (mainly Anderson, a character who is used to being in control and having the answers himself) doesn’t listen to her and does things that work against what is best for survival because he thinks his ideas will work. They just end up in tragedy, and Alex begins to look like the golden child of knowing how to survive a horror film. She even saves a male character named Jayne (and a prior scene points out that both characters have names of the opposite genders!) But by the end of the film, Alex has suddenly become weak and helpless, needing Jayne’s protection and ideas to figure out a way to finally kill the last Supertaz. This sudden shift is strange to say the least, and makes me wonder if there wasn’t some script-flipping schenanigans going on.

Tasmanian Devils
Dental plan! Supertaz needs braces!

Alex is afraid of heights because when she was a child, her brother fell out of a high tree they both were in and died. She says in this confession that she feels guilt that she couldn’t save her brother and vowed to not get into a situation like that again. But it takes so many deaths to get to the realization that she is in the situation that is comes too late. She’s been constantly being the one to save people while working against characters doing dumb things. And instead of overcoming the obstacles and finding a way to get her and Jayne out alive, she doesn’t. Jayne, who at this point would be acting as the surrogate brother, figures out what to do to save the day. In addition, besides being a nice guy who thinks Alex knows what she’s talking about, Jayne hasn’t really come up with solutions to prior problems. His sudden inspiration is out of character. A bad conclusion to what would have been more fun.

The characters Walsh and Lisbon are developed more than Jayne. If anything, Walsh was the coolest character in the film, an awesome cop who both really loved Lisbon but also did stupid things occasionally. Their deaths impact the film by sucking much of the charisma out of it, which takes a further hit when Dancia McKellar’s Alex goes all wimpy. I wanted so hard to like Tasmanian Devils, but it made it too difficult. Instead we get a pretty by the numbers SyFy flick, complete with require references to Jurassic Park.

Tasmanian Devils
I’m about to publish my mathmatical theorem on burning your butt!

Tasmanian Devils is also pretty darn gory, which is cool. More blood for the blood god! The Tasmanian blood god! Writer Brook Durham wrote the fun SyFy flicks Showdown at Area 51 and Mammoth, while director Zach Lipovsky is an effects artist who occasionally dabbles in directing, though this looks like his first SyFy feature.

Alex (Danica McKellar) – American working for the Tasmanian Parks Service because she researches aboriginal mythology and Tasmanian devil biology. Don’t tell her the Tasmanian devils are like the cartoon! She is afraid of heights.
Jayne (Kenneth Mitchell) – A man who was afraid of heights and became a basejumper to get over his fear. Usually listens to others.
Anderson (Mike Dopud) – The man with the plan, helicopter pilot and extreme planner. But his plans are too extreme at times, resulting in some characters dying.
Walsh (Terry Chen) – NYPD officer and extreme sports enthusiest. Base jumping is his religion, the most important part of him. Is the coolest character in the movie, so you know he dies. BOOOOO!!! You might know Terry Chen from Snakes on a Plane and Battlestar Galactica.
Lisbon (Rekha Sharma) – Walsh’s fiance and a ER doctor. Walsh asked her out on a date when he came into the ER with multiple gunshot wounds. Is also a pretty cool character, so you know she dies. BOOOOO!!! Rekha Sharma is best known for her role on Battlestar Galactica.
Simon (Roger Cross) – Basejumper who trusts Anderson, but is unable to properly kick.
Supertazes (CGI) – 6 super Tasmanian devils are unleashed on our characters thanks to some idiot who fell into a hole. Good job, hole guy! When a supertaz is coming, get out of the way! A supertaz will get bigger when it eats the fallen body of a fellow supertaz.
Tasmanian Devils
The best ET shot ever.
Godzilla Marvel issue 4

Godzilla #4 (November 1977)


Godzilla Marvel issue 4

Godzilla performs his trademark “Kaiju Clutch” and it’s all over now!


Godzilla #4 – Godzilla versus Batragon! (November 1977)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Tom Sutton
Editor – Archie Goodwin

March of Godzilla 2013 continues plowing through issues of Marvel Comics’ Godzilla, because that’s what you expect from a movie review site! This time, Godzilla actually fights a monster, and not in one-panel flashback form! And it’s not one of those “man is the real monster” cop outs, though new villain Dr. Demonicus is certainly a real monster. If you need to get a quick catch-up on who is who in the Marvel Godzilla U, drop on by our splash page. Now let’s get this party started!

A monster named Batragon attacks a random oil tanker off the Pacific Northwest. The action attracts Godzilla, who immediately attacks the new monster because that’s what Godzilla does. Batragon is what his name suggests, a combination of bat and dragon.

Meanwhile, a new oil tanker driven by masked goons shows up to siphon off the oil out of the first damaged oil tanker. The masked goons mention their boss Demonicus, and how he created Batragon and other monsters to help them rob oil so their criminal empire doesn’t suffer from the gas shortage that America is going through. These costumed goons look straight out of Japanese tokusatsu shows!

Godzilla Marvel issue 4

Let my Eskimo go!


Batragon flies into its volcano home on an Aleutian island, where a few other monsters are, and more of the masked goons and their leader, Demonicus.

The monsters live on a lifestone that is a radioactive meteor at the bottom of a volcano, and Batragon is using it to heal now. The other three monsters aren’t named until the next issue, but they are: Ghilaron, Lepirax, and Centipor. More on them next issue.

Dr. Demonicus’s men are using Eskimo slaves to build a flying craft out of the meteor rock so they can fly the creatures around the world without them needing to return to the volcano to recharge. The Eskimos are not too happy with being slaves, so the bad guys gun a few down!

Dr. Demonicus looks like he got his uniform from a drawing a drunk person did of Killink. The teeth of the skull section droop down and make him look like he was left out in the rain and his skull paint went runny. During these issues, Demonicus’s men are dressed in costumes that look similar to his, but when he appears again in Iron Man, they will be less similar and more like a generic Hydra costume. Perhaps he had to scale back his costume budget after Godzilla trashes everything…

The cruelty of man against his fellow man, Godzilla sees all. And attacks Dr. Demonicus’s men! Go Godzilla! Godzilla blows up the meteor metal smelting machine. Then he attacks the monster lair where the four monsters are charging. Dr. Demonicus has a shield defending the monsters (that also acts as a cage keeping them in), but Batragon crashes through the shield it and attacks Godzilla!

Godzilla Marvel issue 4

Godzilla: King of the Monster Freedom Fighters!


But Godzilla kicks his butt! Batragon is now gone, because he’s dead.

Then SHIELD attacks, having noticed the action, but they attack Godzilla as they are unaware there is a volcano full of monsters.

Dr. Demonicus decides to not unleash the rest of the monsters until the two sides destroy each other….

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Godzilla Marvel issue 4

Die, unofficial Toho kaiju!

Did IMDB just screw over smaller movie blogs?

I know, I know….”Again???” you ask? Well, this time your traffic is probably affected, so listen up. Like many bloggers, one of the things I do when I finish a review is add it to the External Reviews section of IMDB. Long ago, this was located on the left side column, but it got moved to the bottom of the page like a year or two ago during one of IMDB’s regular awful redesigns. That layout was awful because not only was the External Reviews link moved below, but most of the other links were as well. So finally, IMDB made a change, and moved all the links to the right column as Quick Links. And this is what it looks like:
IMDB quick links

Notice anything missing? That’s right, the External Reviews! Where are they? Well, you have to click that section marked Explore More. Then scroll down. And down. And down.
IMDB quick links

There it is! Yes, the External Reviews are behind an extra click! And a scroll way down. Combine that with the unfamiliar layout and this spells less visits to your site from IMDB click-throughs. Now, I get maybe 1% of my traffic from IMDB, and that percentage has dropped by 2/3rds at least in the past week since this change has been implemented. I don’t even want to think about what it has done to smaller blogs that get a lot of their traffic via IMDB referrals. Of course, it all makes sense to the IMDB, promoting their own User Reviews over things that will make you leave the site. Too bad 99% of those user reviews are terrible! I can’t even begin to count the number of cool sites I found only due to the External Reviews (and conversely, the number of awful awful movie blogs!), and it is the place I go to find out what people thought of random movie from years ago. I hope this doesn’t discourage people from still posting their own reviews to the IMDB External Review section, because you never now whn they will redesign the site all over again.