Sleepy Hollow Lesser Key Solomon

Avalanche Sharks are no snow job!

Director Scott Wheeler(Transmorphers: Fall of Man, Celebrity Sex Tape) gives us Avalanche Sharks! Yes, it is another movie about a shark in the snow:

Spring break in the mountains: snowboarding, beer, drunken co-eds in bikinis. As the yearly Bikini Ski Day party descends on a small mountain town, something lurks beneath the snow. When an unwitting rider causes an avalanche, it awakens a huge, menacing, pre-historic Snow Shark! With a newfound taste for human flesh, the Snow Shark picks off the snow bunnies mercilessly. Cut off from help by mountainous terrain and blinding snow, the local sheriff must make an unlikely alliance with a motley crew of snowboarders to take down the Snow Shark before the white hills run red with blood!

Avalanche Sharks stars a whole bunch of attractive ladies judging from the imdb pictures, though only Erika Jordan is familiar to me. Besides her, we got Emily Addison, Kate Nauta, Kelle Cantwell, Erin Ross, Mika Brooks, Nicole Helen, and Patrizia Cavaliere. I guess it’s good to be the king….of casting!

Expect Avalanche Sharks to show up on SyFy eventually, probably on the same day they do a rerun of Snow Shark, and maybe Sand Sharks, as this is a quasi-sequel.

via TitanGlobal-Ent
Avalanche Sharks

Godzilla Marvel 8

Godzilla #8 (March 1978)


Godzilla Marvel 8

The weirdest jump rope game ever!


Godzilla #8 – Titan Times Two! (March 1978)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Herb Trimpe
Editor – Archie Goodwin

When last we saw Godzilla and Red Ronin, they were just about to fight. Now they do fight! Amazing how that works. Yes, no filler episode this month, it’s a full-fledged battle issue! For those new to the Marvel Godzilla comics, make sure you are informed via the Godzilla Marvel Splash Page, and keep up with all the March of Godzilla 2013 marvelness!

Godzilla and Red Ronin fight! Finally, Godzilla is battling a giant robot like we all demanded! Red Ronin pilot, the 12-year-old child Rob Takiguchi doesn’t want to hurt Godzilla, so he’s reluctant to break out the big guns like the laser sword (aka a light saber) or heavier laser guns. Godzilla is not reluctant to do anything and blasts Red Ronin with his atomic breath. Robert’s unfamiliarity with the controls prevents him from putting up the shields in time, and his roboride is damaged more than it should be.

The SHIELD helicarrier Behemoth moves in to fight Godzilla, but Robert uses Red Ronin to attack the helicarrier as a distraction, then grabs Godzilla via magnetic grappling hooks and uses rocket boots to fly away, Big G in tow!

Godzilla Marvel 8

Godzilla is literally a cat!


Godzilla is not too crazy about being suspended in the air by some dumb robot and squirms loose. By now the action has moved to San Diego Bay (answering the question of where we are.)

Red Ronin blasts the Behemoth again, then stands in front of Godzilla and points away from San Diego towards the open countryside.

And Godzilla walks that way…

Towards land where more people will be, not the ocean where he can find a nice island. D’oh!

Godzilla Marvel 8

Go home, Godzilla, you’re drunk!

ZombOObies and LinkbOObies!

I dream of genie microwave

It’s that time again! No, not time to bury the hatchet! I’m still bitter after all these years, Tina Yothers… It’s time to link a bunch of cool posts on cool blogs and then some news stories and stuff and ramble on a bit.

**Don’t forget to check out our very own March of Godzilla 2013, still marching on!

**Trash Film Guru adopts Celia: Child Of Terror!

**Blueprint: Review takes on the White Tiger!

**Pre-Code re-elects the Mayor of Hell!

**Green People Soup is on to Dr. Drew!

**Can’t Stop The Movies enters Room 237!

**Turban Decay catches The Thief of Bagdad, and hangs him high!

**FourDK is unable to convince Madam X to give up her maiden name!

**Xsmarkthespot tips their hats to Jonathan Winters!

**3Guys1Movie rock out to Music in Film!

**ExploderButton is deluged with Deluge!

**A reminder that TarsTarkas.NET is still actively looking for interested contributors

**The Jewish Stars of Bollywood

**Cool article that starts out trying to find the name of Radar from M*A*S*H’s teddy bear and ends with a discussion on tv culture in general

**Did you know there was an Alien stage show, performed by bus drivers? Now you know.
Alien Bus Drivers

**Coelacanth DNA makes mice sprout limbs! The genes are probably related to how ancient fish switched from fins to legs as walking on land became a bigger and bigger lure.

**Screw you, Pelusios seychellensis, you were never real to begin with!

**

ZombOObies exploded onto the social web last year, but there hasn’t been much news since then about the film being completed. What looks like a cool take on the Sushi Typhoon ultra gore flicks will hopefully see the light of day in 2013. The awesome Cathy Shim stars with Diana Toshiko and Marisa Tayui. Francois Fujimoto directs. Official site here.

While conducting experiments to create “the perfect boobs” a group of doctors are transformed into Evil Mutant Creatures with an unstoppable hunger for boobs! See our hot action women fight to keep their perfect breasts out of the evil doctors’ mutant hands!!!

Cathy Shim Zomboobies

Zomboobies

**Also keep an eye out for DJ Girl, the movie about a girl, who decides to be a DJ, so she can date a DJ. The trailer is something you have to see. It’s a shame this has been sitting in a box for three years. Official DJ Girl site

I hope you enjoyed this journey together through the realm of links and crap. Any suggestions for next time, fell free to drop them below or via email!

Rebel

Rebel


2012
Written and directed by Lawrence Raghavendra

Rebel
Only Rebel has the power to defeat flaming torches with his chest!

If you want ridonkulous action sequences and stylized hyperediting like a music video on speed, then you quickly break out some Telugu action cinema. So we did, and the film we got was Rebel, a revenge story that sadly gets a little too much flashy without backing it up. There is still some entertaining parts, but a bit of schizophrenia and pacing problems keep Rebel from becoming engaging.

Rebel
Duh-Doy!

Rebel seems torn as to what kind of film it is. It’s a revenge action film, no doubt, but the question is just how serious should we be taking it? Before the intermission everything seems more action comedy, but after the intermission we’ve suddenly shifted into action drama. There are even actors who only appear in certain halves of the flick to emphasize the tonal shifts (comedic actor Brahmanandam appears in the humor section, while legendary actor Krishnamraju is only after the intermission.)

Rebel suffers from not introducing who characters are before major scenes where we are supposed to care that they are in danger or are committing acts of violence. Sure, a few of them are played by famous actors who are almost always heroes or villains, so it is expected what they are doing, but it’s not the case all the time. A good film will give you just enough to connect and care about a character you don’t know before things happen, while Rebel doesn’t bother to set that up.

Rebel
Needs more explosions flipping cars.

I’ll also complain about how this film treats women, because it does so very badly. There are two main women in Rebel. Nandini is the daughter of a criminal who is wooed by the hero as a ruse to get to her father. But of course she ends up falling for the hero anyway because of how awesome he is, and he ends up with her because she’s Tamannaah. Rishi wins her heart by doing the most ridiculous PUA technique I’ve seen in a film. He calls her ugly, which freaks her out so much she has a conference with all of her friends to reassure her, then spends the next few scenes trying to convince Rishi that she is attractive just to show him up that she’s attractive. Then he’s like “I was saying you were beautiful the whole time!” and she betrays her dad for him, even capturing him for torture. The other female is Deepali, who was Rishi’s great love and was murdered by the villains. She’s an orphan, and finally gets a family to belong to right before her death. Now, her character isn’t treated badly beyond being killed, but at the end of the film Nandini declares that Rishi should call her Deepali, which implies that Nandini is gone and is now playing the part of Deepali, a woman she never met, just to please her man. I find that insulting to both characters, and to the concept of grief. Yes, I’m complaining about how Rebel treats the concept of grief!

Despite the critical and TarsTarkas.NET complaints, Rebel did well at the box office because it’s designed for mass appeal. It’s got visual tricks up the wazoo, action action action, and villains who are hilariously evil. And Tamannaah. It even scored one of those rare things for Indian cinema, a BluRay DVD that doesn’t look terrible (except the moving watermark!) Eega got robbed.

Rebel
It’s called symbolism, people!

Rishi (Prabhas) – Rishi is a man on a mission, a mission of vengeance. Stephen Robert better watch their butts! Don’t worry, you will get filled in with great detail Rishi’s tragic backstory. Prabhas is a film star who achieved massive fame in recent years due to appearing in a string of hit movies. He has earned the nickname Young Rebel Star due to his acting style.
Nandini (Tamannaah) – Daughter of Nanu, the main guard of villains Stephen Robert. Nandini moved to Bangkok to teach dance because she disapproves of her father’s lifestyle Tamannaah is an actress and model who has made a name for herself in both Tamil and Telugu cinema. Tamanna Bhatia changed the spelling of her name due to numerological reasons.
Deepali (Deeksha Seth) – Deepali was the love of Rishi’s life. Then she was murdered! To death! It was very sad because she was an orphan. Deeksha Seth is an actress and model who has recently begun appearing in Tamil and Telugu cinema.
Nasa (Brahmanandam) – Narasa Raju – aka Nasa – is Rishi’s guide during the first half of the film, helps him get acquainted with the Stephen Robert situation and assists in the seduction of Nandini. Disappears after intermission.
Mr. Bhoopathi (Krishnamraju) – The strong-integrity father of Rishi who wants his son to not be in the tough enforcing of good things via goon squad violence business he is in. Is murdered. Krishnam Raju is a legend in the Telugu film industry and was a megastar in the 70s and 80s. He’s also Prabhas’s uncle and was also known as Rebel Star, thus his inclusion as our Rebel’s righteous father Bhoopathi is a legacy role.
Rebel
It stinks!
Godzilla Marvel 7 cover

Godzilla #7 (February 1978)


Godzilla Marvel 7

I hope it was a C-section!


Godzilla #7 – Birth of a Warrior! (February 1978)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Herb Trimpe
Editor – Archie Goodwin

Yes, more Godzilla and more Marvel! Be make sure you know what the frak is going on with the Godzilla Marvel Splash Page, and keep up with all the March of Godzilla 2013 madness!

Godzilla is rampaging on the military base he was brought to and easily escaped the specialized prison from in the last issue. The military base that just happens to have a whole lot of nuclear missiles on it!

Why did they build a giant monster cage here??? Or even bring a giant monster???? These gooberheads!

Red Ronin, however, is randomly wandering free. He was activated by the unconscious brain of Robert, but has had no real commands. Jimmy Woo climbs inside and stops Red Ronin just in time to be told they need to go take Red Ronin to stop Godzilla. Jimmy decides to pilot the robot there, but Red Ronin won’t respond!

Godzilla Marvel 7

Robot Stomp!


It turns out that Rob’s random mashing of buttons caused an overload that made it so Red Ronin will now only respond to Rob’s brain commands! Rob wakes up and steals the Red Ronin again to go save Godzilla. Robert is one of those kids who should be locked in a cage in the middle of the ocean, because he’s just going to wander out and do bad things. Robert also names Red Ronin at this moment. Be cause he has a bit of red on him and sort of is like a ronin, maybe.

Red Ronin arrives…just in time for the battle to begin next issue! D’oh!

One thing the Godzilla comic excels in in having issues that just build up to a fight in the next issue. Fillers, if you will. Well, next issue there WILL be fighting. Or else!

Godzilla Marvel 7

World War G!

Tai Chi Zero

Tai Chi Zero

aka 太極1從零開始 aka Tai Chi 0

2012
Written by Chang Chia-Lu and Cheng Hsiao-Tse
Directed by Stephen Fung Tak-Lun

Tai Chi Zero
Mike Mulligan and Mary Anne are back, but darker and edgier!

A festive feast of visual excess that leaves you unsatisfied and full of regret, Tai Chi Zero is that mirage in the desert that looks good, but is nothing but sand when you get up close. The fun graphics and video game inspired editing are polish over a generic and predictable plot that doesn’t even do us the favor of trying to be creative. All the enthusiasm and cool effects are wasted, and that just makes me mad!

Now, I love cool looking visuals and razzmatazz editing. But you need something beneath that that’s just as creative. When the story is essentially something that has been done to death a thousand times, often more creatively, it’s just not exciting. The cast, the look, the effects, the wasted potential.

Tai Chi Zero
Chef Emeril Lagasse?

The main hero’s arc tale is set against a conflict that is essentially the modern West vs. the traditional East. Of course, tradition and kung fu wins out over technology and guns. One of the ways to get your film easily approved by Chinese censors is to make it about how awesome China is, so a lot like this is an easy pass. Creative films use that “China rules!” setting to say other things that censors are too dull to pick up on. Instead, Tai Chi Zero has characters saying how technology is bad in scenes with video game graphics and editing. It’s almost as if there is something else being said, but there isn’t. This expectation and disappointment exposes Tai Chi Zero as nothing more than a mannequin that can’t talk or move, but sure is wearing a pretty dress in the store display window. But it has encouraged me to go find some real people in real clothes, aka good movies. The East vs. West thing is even more hilarious because I can literally walk to the high school producer Daniel Wu went to school at here in America.

Tai Chi Zero
It’s the cover of one of those cheap shot on video horror films!

The action scenes I have little complaint with. The diagrams and arrows while the characters go through their stances were neat touches, and Sammo Hung and Andy Cheng Kai-Chung know what they’re doing to make things looks cool. The video game stylizing is incorporated into the choreography, which makes many scenes look like they are straight from a fighting arcade game. When each cast member first shows up, there are character cards for each of them as well as a brief one sentence bio. Besides looking cool, the biographies are good for beginners to Hong Kong/Chinese cinema, and good for those of us who don’t keep up with wushu stars who are making their first appearance in film.

Tai Chi Zero
SURRENDER HUMANS! TODAY THE MACHINES RISE!

Tai Chi Zero‘s tale is your normal hero’s arc story. Yang Lu Chan is The Freak, born with a super rare skin tag on his forehead which means he has super kung fu powers. Which is good, because he doesn’t have super brain powers. Discovered at a young age by a master, Yang Lu Chan is trained as a warrior and becomes his greatest fighter in the battles that come. But a chance encounter with Master Dong clues Yang Lu Chan in that his kung fu skills will prematurely kill him unless he learns negative kung fu, which is only taught in Chen Village, and then not to outsiders.

Yang Lu Chan/The Freak (Jayden Yuan Xiao-Chao) – A fictionalized version of real a tai chi master and teacher, Yuan Xiao-Chao is depicted as a martial arts prodigy with a growth on his forehead – the three crown blossoms – that gives him supernatural powers when smacked. It also will kill him if he doesn’t learn the style of kung fu taught in Chen Village. So he goes to learn. Is not very bright.
Chen Yu Niang (AngelaBaby) – Daughter of Master Chen, leader of the Chen School. She and her boyfriend Fang Zijing are trying to persuade Chen Village to accept the rail station that is planned to be built there. Until Fang Zijing goes bad and rejects her, then she tries to save her home from his plans.
The Old Labourer/Chen Chang Xing (Tony Leung Ka-Fai) – Gee, could this mysterious Yoda character secretly be Master Chen Chang Xing? Duh Doy! Of course, he’s just using Yang Lu Chan to save his village, but eventually is less manipulatively evil about it when the crap hits the fan. Is also a fictionalized version of a real person.
Fang Zijing (Eddie Peng Yu-Yan) – Chinese citizen educated overseas in England, who tries to bring modern technology back to the scoffing villagers. Is never accepted in Chen village and eventually rejects it in favor of not looking like a failure in front of the Emperor. Brings the giant steam machine to forcibly build the rails and reconnects with his overseas lover Claire Heathrow.
Claire Heathrow (Mandy Lieu) – Fang Zijing’s sweetheart from England who has come over as part of the East India company to lay tracks, and also to come with Fang.
Tai Chi Zero
I hate it when my steam-powered superweapon is infested with lady ninjas!t