Godzilla Marvel 13

Godzilla #13 (August 1978)


Godzilla Marvel 13

Triax stole the rocket boots idea from Spock in Star Trek 5!


Godzilla #13 – The Mega-Monsters From Beyond! Part 2 Triax (August 1978)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Herb Trimpe
Editor – Archie Goodwin

When last we left Godzilla, he was kidnapped by aliens and told that he’s about to get used as an intergalactic Pokemon! Godzilla wasn’t too pleased, but he was less pleased with the jerkoff evil monster Triax, who showed up to beat him up. Triax will soon be joined by his two buddies and we’ll be off at the races. If you need catching up on the who what and wheres, check out the Godzilla Marvel Splash Page, and yes, March of Godzilla 2013 is marching into June!

Triax looks like a rhino that forgot his horn and instead put his eyes on stalks. Luckily for us, he also has rocket thrusters on the bottom of his feet, allowing him to fly around like he’s Iron Man or something. Triax is also arrogant and leaves psychic taunts, except for when the taunts are coming from the Megan controllers, at which point I just assume the writer wasn’t paying attention. Fellow Mega-monster Krollar looks like a giant red Leech toy from Master of the Universe, with a horn on his head and the ability to burrow underground (Hello, Baragon!) Krollar does one better by eating dirt and crap and spitting it back out as a weapon. Krollar is a giant flying green monster with dinner plates for jaws and a tail that turns into a helicopter blade. He was altered by the Megans and is a “Biomech”, something the Megans have to remind Krollar of, because he’s too stupid to realize he’s now a freak of nature. Alien nature. Krollar has only one eye, because the last thing you want a flying monster to have is depth perception.

Triax in the mood for slaughter (and refers to himself as the “first” of the monsters…) He has hover jets on the bottom of his feet, and can transform into a sleeker flying attack mode to battle both Godzilla and Red Ronin.

The Megans spend their time taunting Robby with psychic babbling. Robert gets over his reluctance to kill because this monster is intelligent and evil. Very convenient!

Triax tries to trash Salt Lake City! How often do monsters attack Salt Lake City? Not very…

The Megans send the other two Mega-Monsters to help, Rhiahn and Krollar. The Megas declare their monsters are more powerful thanks to their biomech genetic alterations. Triax’s jet feet, Rhiahn’s helicopter tail, and Krollar’s burrowing and super-spitting ability.

Godzilla Marvel 13

The truth about the Housing Bubble!


The Megan ship Megan Booster-One arrives and plans to zap the Mega-Monsters with the Energex-ray, which will give them ten times their strength but will ultimately kill them. It’s the world’s worst stempack! The Betans expose their secret moon base location in an attempt to intercept the Megan spaceship, the Betan Leader volunteering to fly the ship to stop them.

“Snurf” — Triax
“Grooo” — Krollar
Actual quotes!

The Betans damage the Megan crash but get destroyed (and crash into the air dome of their base, rupturing it and dooming everyone inside!)

Riahn uses his Anterior Bio-Blade to decapitate Red Ronin! You might say, Red Ronin has lost his head over all this excitement!

The Megan ship fires its Energex-ray! (and then explodes!)

Oh noes, the monsters are Energexed! What will Godzilla do now that these monsters have gone all Super Mario and ate mushrooms? Find out in the next exciting issue! Be there, or catch it eventually, I know life can get busy at times…

Godzilla Marvel 13

Not the Energex-Ray! Explain the Energex-Ray! Not the Energex-Ray!

TarsTarkas.NET is 9 Years Old!

Pink Cake

Yes this cake has pink icing. Because that rules.


Hey-hey! During our brief break where I got writer’s blocked the fuck up, TarsTarkas.NET crossed the magic milestone into 9 years online! So better late than never, especially when I have an excuse to buy a cake. A cake that was ON SALE! With PINK ICING! And mistakenly labeled marble cake when it was just vanilla (actually, BOO! to that point!)

Nine years is a long time, but we’ve only just begun. Plans are afoot to add some new features, and to bring back a few older ones that have fallen by the wayside. But I don’t want to jinx anything by giving away too much. So until then, it’s time to eat some cake!!!

Hate Story

Hate Story

Hate Story

Hate Story
2012
Written by Vikram Bhatt and Rohit Malhotra (dialogue)
Directed by Vivek Agnihotri

Hate Story

Folger’s Crystals, really?


India serves up an erotic thriller that manages to not be much of either. But don’t fret, Hate Story has plenty of bad acting and spite against women to make up for it! The best part of the anti-woman themes is how much of it just seems automatic, as if director Vivek Agnihotri had bad things happen on autopilot. Characters are simply stereotypes, traced from the numerous late night cable thrillers Hate Story liberally cribs from. The only interesting aspect is the class warfare angle, as those with money are presented as corrupt and moral-less monsters. So, you know, pretty accurate. It’s that film where I agree with half of what it is saying, and am opposed to the other half. Total complication! ::shakes fist::
Hate Story

We can’t both be skins during this basketball game!


There has been the increasing trend in US politics to divide everyone into two camps, liberal or conservative, blue or red, Democrat or Republican. It stems from the two major US political parties, and a lot of issues involving teams and groups that would take thousands of words to explain. But basically, dividing issues sometimes demands a black and white look at issues. Hate Story is complicated, and smears the black and white into an ugly shade of grey. Don’t expect housewives to eagerly embrace this shade, what with the terrible views on women. Just because something is good in one aspect, but bad in another, doesn’t mean we should immediately disavow it. But you need to look at which points will have the most impact, and make your decisions based on your priorities. The problems in Hate Story destroy what would have been a cool film about socialism taking down corrupt capitalists, and flies in the face of the “treat everyone equally” aspect by making the women the punching bags. That’s not the kind of the world I want to endorse, so it’s time to tell the message of Hate Story, that the woman was ruined because she had “sex” and is now “barren”, to go fuck itself.

Hate Story is a flashy mainstream film, and makes no bones about being more pretty images than actual depth. And if Hate Story is honest about anything, it’s honest in the areas that aren’t flashy. The lines the prostitute says to Kavyah about how Kavyah is educated, so she must have already had sex, tells more about views on sexuality in India than all the sensual dance and seduction sequences throughout the film. Despite the not very explicit (by US standards) scenes here, actress Paoli Dam previously caused a stir due to a very explicit sex scene in Chatrak (which was deleted from the Indian version of the film, but has been leaked online and proved rather popular). Dam herself has spoken about how her passion for cinema gives her the strength to do scenes most Indian actresses wouldn’t dare. Her bravery is the kind of thing that should be breaking down walls, walls built up by some of the themes in Hate Story.

Hate Story

This is Folger’s Crystals as well??


One thing Hate Story excels at is terrible actors. Beyond Gulshan Devaiya hamming it up every time he talks, some of the minor characters are just awful. A security guy named Major that Sid hires to bug Kavyah’s apartment says some of the dumbest things in the dumbest ways, my favorite being “Beautiful bitch, you’ll be finished!” Of course, the signature line of Hate Story is “I fuck the people who fuck with me!”, yelled by Sid several times in increasingly maniacal manners, and later repeated by Kavyah in increasingly taunting manners.
Hate Story

Hate Story: Sponsored by Mr. Bubble

Kavyah Krishnan (Paoli Dam) – Intrepid journalist turned capitalist turned play toy turned scorned and violated woman turned fountain of revenge.
Siddharth Dhanrajgir (Gulshan Devaiya) – Arrogant executive at Cementic, a company his father gave him, who uses his power to get even against people who “fucked” him. When Kavyah helps embarrass his company, he hatches a revenge plan that ends in destroying her life, but causing her to seek greater vengeance. Gulshan Devaiya shows good acting when playing the stuttering son being yelled at by his father, but turns into maniacal cheese when playing the villain.
Vicky (Nikhil Dwivedi) – Kavyah’s longtime friend and fellow journalist, who watches her rises and falls until the point where he has to give her a big lecture about how it’s just horrible that she’s sleeping with all these dudes when he secretly loves her yet has said nothing ever.

And SPOILERS below…

Hate Story

I’ll get you, Folger’s Crystals, if it’s the last thing I do!

Sleepy Hollow Midnight Ride

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu will do the Star Trek Into Darkness theme!

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu

Part of the Star Trek Into Darkness global domination tour involves having local artists in six countries sing their own Star Trek theme songs. Nothing interesting there, until you realize the Japanese artist will be Kyary Pamyu Pamyu. If you don’t know who Kyary Pamyu Pamyu is, then you ain’t seen anything! She is literally the embodiment of crazy JPop costumes, her videos are some of the most entertaining things that ever evered. So we eagerly await the video to the Star Trek song, knowing it might just be the best thing that was ever connected to Star Trek. Plus, any time I can talk about Kyary Pamyu Pamyu is a good time!

via JapanToday

Commando a one man army

Get locked up with Jurassic Block

Jurassic Block

Ever thought prison movies needed more sorority girls and dinosaurs? Sure, we all have. And Jurassic Block is the movie for you! It’s got locked up sorority girls, velociraptors, Ray Wise, and that special direct to SyFy flair that you just can’t get anywhere else. Did I mention dinosaurs, in prison? The only thing that would be cooler is if the dinosaurs were locked up for various crimes, and have mug shots.

Sean Cain directs and writes, and Jurassic Block stars Ray Wise, Vernon Wells, Kevin Gage, Dana Melanie, Kayla Carlyle, and Monique Parent.

A trio of sorority girls are tossed in the drunk tank after a wild party gone wrong. They have to team up with some nasty characters to survive the night after a pack of Velociraptors get loose when a secret convoy is diverted from their original destination to the bowels of the jail.

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Dana Melanie Kayla Carlyle Sean Cain Jurassic Block

Commando a one man army

Firehead – New RiffTrax VOD!


Yes, there is a movie called Firehead! I was as surprised as you, and I generally know about these things so it takes a lot for a title to surprise. But Firehead exists, and it stars some guy and Jack Lemmon’s son and looks godawful. Which means the RiffTrax must be amazing! Find out today!

You know you’re in for a treat when we were considering starting this description, “When an Estonian cyborg defects to America…”

This Estonian cyborg, as you’ve come to expect from Estonian cyborgs by this point in time, is the ultimate killing machine. Played by The Actor You Get When Reb Brown is Making Something Even Crappier, he possesses the devastating ability to shoot lasers out of his eyes! For this reason he is called LaserEyes. Er, The Blinkinator. Maybe Cyclops from X-Men. No, it was Firehead! He’s called Firehead, since he can shoot fire lasers from his head eyes.

Who’s the most suitable man to track down Firehead and ensure that he doesn’t go on a rampage? Did you say Chris Lemmon, son of screen legend Jack? Of course you didn’t. Did you know he existed? Well, have you ever seen someone really commit themselves to a terrible Jack Lemmon impression? Right, of course you haven’t. But take our word for it, Chris makes a strong case that the true villain of this movie is Hollywood Nepotism.

Actually, the real villain is a shadowy organization known as The Upper Order, which plots the beginning of World War III from a rented conference room at the airport Ramada. They are led by another legend, Oscar winner Christopher Plummer, who was having so much fun that he brought along fellow Oscar winner Martin Landau. Rumor has it they almost convinced Orson Welles to come along too, but he wanted to spend his twilight years pursuing dignified, artistHAHA! We almost made it through that sentence!

Join Mike, Kevin and Bill, all Estonian defectors themselves, as they riff LaserEy Firehead!

Firehead RiffTrax