A Street Fighter Picnic brings the rice and the pain!


Don’t you hate when you are just chilling at your gender-swapped Street Fighter picnic and suddenly Sagat shows up and causes trouble? I know I do. Also these girls are not big fans, hence the furious action that takes place.

A Street Fighter Picnic is a video from ReallyCleverAndroids, who do youtube sketches, because that’s what the kids do these days. In my day, we just set fire to phone books in the woods. A simpler time… What is neat is most of the scenes were shot in two hours! Imagine how good it would be if they had three hours!

If you liked this, you can double feature it with the gender-swapped stuntwoman Family Guy Epic Chicken Fight video! See, this is a thing now.

A Street Fighter Picnic Cast:
Dhalsim-Soni Araylnn
Guile-Vi Nguyen
Ryu-Kandyce Phung
E.Honda-Kimberly Hamilton
Ken-Tory Steele
Sagat-Tracie Garrison
Chun Li-Lenny Tran

Filmed/Edited By: David Hoang

Assisted By:
Michael Rivera
Alex Rodriguez
Jonathan Le

Street Fighter Picnic

Street Fighter Picnic

Street Fighter Picnic

Confessions of a go-go girl

Confessions of a Go-Go Girl

Confessions of a Go-Go Girl

Confessions of a go-go girl
2008
Written by Lenore Kletter
Based on the play by Jill Morley
Directed by Grant Harvey

Confessions of a go-go girl

Nietzsche said “One repays a teacher badly if one always remains nothing but a pupil.” Hence I have stripped off that schoolgirl costume!


Lifetime Channel is a gift to the movie world. It’s been constantly creating and showcasing an array of original dramas and has one of the most prolific content creation legacies of a channel in history. Of course, most of their film output is despised by critics if they even bother to think of them, because most critics wouldn’t know a good film if it married them while after the suspicious deaths of its three previous wives. TarsTarkas.NET is not afraid to do whatever it takes to find cinematic gold, even if we have to watch a channel for….women! I kid, I kid. But people who have an aversion to Lifetime films are just missing out on a whole barrel of fun! From Cyber Seduction to Social Nightmare, Lifetime is magical. Their films are so popular they got their own spinoff network! Even SyFy can’t boast of that feat. Thus, in celebration of Lifetime, we shall now watch this film about go-go dancing.
Confessions of a go-go girl

Post-Modern Times


Confessions of a Go-Go Girl has an amazing title and an amazing plot, following innocent rich girl Jane McCoy as she’s lured into the increasingly sleazy world of go-go dancing, parts of which correlate with your favorite stories about women becoming strippers. But this isn’t stripping, it’s go-go dancing. It’s totally different. Go-go dancing can be shown on tv!

This go-go movie has the decency to be partially self-aware, sections which I’m guessing are legacies from the stage play it’s based on. Because huge other chunks are not self-aware at all. As the play “True Confessions of a Go-Go Girl” by Jill Morley sounds biographical, things were probably enhanced for television dramatics, much as a character attempts to enhance her chest via a character named Dr. Double D. As we shall see, neither option turns out too well, but Confessions of a Go-Go Girl does manage to entertain in a schlocky way, and you can see it as how Jane McCoy gains her confidence. Part of the fun is wondering just when her family is going to find out what she’s doing, and how bonkers their reactions are going to be. Because her family is pretty terrible. Not terrible in a dysfunctional way, but terrible in an afunctional way. Dad is overly controlling and angry, Mom is upper crust oblivious, her brother is a puritanical tyrant, and her boyfriend would faint if he saw a woman in a short skirt. Jane needs these stereotypes as family members, which allows her to set out on her journey where she meets all the other stereotypes in the stri– I mean, go-go dancing world. Jane even becomes a stereotype, but that’s for a purpose. As Jane is in acting school, she creates a character persona that becomes her dancing persona. Soon the lines blur, which is Jane, and which is Dylan? Better keep dancing until you figure it out…

Confessions of a go-go girl

Time to feel guilty for being a perv!


Jane McCoy (Chelsea Hobbs) – Jane is your boring rich girl whose life is all planned out for her. Even Jane’s name is Plain Jane! But Jane suddenly wants to be an actress, and that throws her nutty parents into a tailspin of crazy! She continues in her quest, turning towards the easy money of go-go dancing to pay the bills after she’s cut off, then sticking with the dancing as it gives her confidence. But it’s skirting the line of danger, and Jane may just cross over into doom! Jane dances under the name Dylan.
Angela Lucas (Sarah Carter) – The seductress who lures Jane into the world of go-go, all part of a recruitment scheme to get some of Jane’s tips. Angela doesn’t want Jane cutting in on her action, but also wants Jane to succeed, which leads to weird dichotomies. Angela’s loser boyfriend also steals all her money, driving Angela back to drugs, bad work ethics, a downward spiral that takes half of the film to crash, and a shock ending no one except everyone saw coming. Angela dances under stage name Aurora
Nick Harvey (Corbin Bernsen) – The owner of the go-go club Jane starts working at. Is actually fare and pays his girls a decent wage, which is why he’s a fictional club owner. Probably Corbin Bernsen’s greats role ever (excluding Star Trek)
Donna Mercer (Rachel Hunter) – Veteren dancer who is approaching the expiration date. Gives advice to the new girls, but is also the target of everyone’s ire when they aren’t in a good mood. A single mom of a teenager named Elizabeth. Donna makes everyone’s costumes because she’s a rocking sewer. Has got it going on.
Confessions of a go-go girl

The worst bachelor party ever

Mortal Instruments becoming a franchise due to "popular demand"

Jemima West Isabelle Lightwood

In the sequel, I will have TWICE as many tattoos!


In what is widely assumed by everyone to be a desperate attempt to not lose millions of $$ on sets, costumes, and actor pay that was committed to a Mortal Instruments: City of Bones sequel before the original was released to dismal numbers, production on Mortal Instruments: City of Ashes has resumed. Don’t worry, the spin is in!:

Martin Moszkowicz, Constantin Film’s head of film and TV, said Clare’s massive fan base has responded positively to the adaptation and that Constantin is determined to continue the franchise.

“The fan response, from the blogosphere and the thousands of mails we have received, has encouraged us to keep going,” Moszkowicz told The Hollywood Reporter. “It’s been overwhelmingly positive, in contrast to some other YA titles.”

Yes, it was the fans. Of which there wasn’t enough to even get the film over $100 million worldwide. But never fear, a tax writeoff of a failed sequel will probably keep Constantin Films around for a few more years. Or just end the company. Either way, the public wins with another ridiculous Mortal Instruments movie, though City of Ashes does not provide as many dirty jokes as City of Bones. For shame, Mortal Instruments!

It is assumed the entire cast will be back, they were even scheduled to start filming in September before everything was halted. I would wager on a rushed shooting schedule, lower budget, and weirder advertising for City of Ashes. Will this gamble pay off, or will it crash and burn like the Percy Jackson sequel? Only time will tell…

Remember: Never forget Cassandra Clare! Because her fanfic origin will be repeated again and again over the next decade.

Viva Riva

SuperMechagodzilla on… WALL•E and Robots

Not to agree with Jeferoo, or resurrect an old topic, but eating and shitting imagery is very important!

Compare best-ever computer animated movie WALL•E with a debacle like Robots. When Wall-E extrudes a cube of trash from his waste port, he grunts like he’s taking a little robot dump. He also survives by ‘eating’ solar power and parts of his fallen comrades. (when his foot is worn out, he heads to the junk/grave-yard and attaches a new one).

The attaching of a new foot to restore the decaying one blurs the line between eating, clothing, and surgical modification – making some really subtle points about prosthesis and identity. Taken to a logical extreme, Wall-E himself is a Ship of Theseus, where his identity somehow persists despite all his original parts being replaced.

There’s a lot of fun with gender in the movie as well. Despite the masculine name, Wall-E tries on a bra, wears makeup, contemplates a wedding ring… But he does so naively and playfully, because these concepts are alien to him. His gender is fluid, and he doesn’t have a sex: the waste port serves as a generic orifice that both he and EVE share.

Wall-E ‘consumes’ media by putting it in his port – but then displaying it in his home instead of simply ‘digesting’ and ‘shitting’ it. The home thus serves as an extension of himself, a body whose parts he modifies, the same way he swaps out his parts.

The Robots robots eat gears and shit the worn gears, drink oil and piss used oil. Larger components are called ‘upgrades’ and serve as a metaphor for healthcare.

There’s literally a scene where Ewan MacGregor’s character gets a penis attached. (Robin Williams also has his lower half swapped with a female one, at one point, to his chagrin). Washroom doors display a plug or socket to denote ‘men’ or ‘women’. However, the robots reproduce by purchasing a kit that comes in a cardboard box. (How does cardboard work, in a world without trees?) There’s a scene where MacGregor tinkers to build a tiny homunculus in his bedroom, and gets embarrassed when his parents walk in. It’s a masturbation scene! ‘Sex’ and ‘childbirth’ are weirdly simultaneous here – and asexual.

There’s also the important distinction that oil is not merely a substitution for ‘water’ in this narrative, since the robots also use literal water to clean things and put out fires. They cannot subsist on water alone. They need to purchase drinks by the can or bottle, from larger companies. The hero’s goal is also to start a small business to supply cheaper gears (food/healthcare) to meet the demands of lower-income consumers. The film also, unlike Wall-E, draws a hard line between clothing and prosthesis. ‘Medical’ upgrades change you, while clothing is ‘merely cosmetic’. There’s a gag where a buff robot has his ‘shirt’ torn off to reveal just a spindly, naked(?) (exo)skeleton.

Where does the massive amount of used oil-piss go? Where do the drains lead? And from where do all these private companies obtain their fresh oil?

Robots’ use of food and shit imagery is then rather insidious. With few exceptions, everything in the Robots world is privatized, and the only alternative presented is a ‘capitalism with a human face’. You can’t just go down to the river and scoop up some oil, or collect rain-oil. In some ways this is accurate – the ideology is all-pervasive and inescapable. But in a more accurate way, it’s normalizing.

The scene where MacGregor gets his robot penis attached functions as a sort of reverse castration, but why have male and female genders determined by sexual organs at all? Why is MacGregor’s mom a housewife?

Wall-E is of course very concerned with what happens to the garbage.

source

Wall-e

Viva Riva

The Husband She Met Online creeps around on Lifetime!

The Husband She Met Online

Worst wedding since Kim Kardashian’s last wedding


How many movies is it going to take before people stay away from the internet??? Hopefully no one will ever learn, and we will continue to get crazy movies that explain how everything and everyone related to the internet is evil! In that spirit, Saturday is the premiere of a new amazing Lifetime movie The Husband She Met Online, about an innocent woman who meets a man online. Spoiler alert: He’s EVIL!!!!!

When hotel event planner Rachel breaks up with her boyfriend John for cheating on her, she decides to go looking online for a new boyfriend. In the expanse of cyberspace, she meets a charming, wealthy man named Craig, who at first, seems perfect. He’s attractive, fun, romantic, and he’s been successfully running his mother’s global real estate company while his mother, Doris travels the world. But Craig is far from perfect. He’s obsessive and controlling, and once he sets his sights on Rachel, he has no plans of ever letting go…

The Husband She Met Online stars Jason Gray-Stanford and Meredith Monroe.

REMEMBER: Stay away from the internet!!

via Lifetime

The Husband She Met Online

Never date someone from the internet who is friends with street magicians!

Dhoom 3

CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story premiers tonight on VH1!

CrazySexyCool TLC VH1

Take a break from that waterfall chasing that you were warned against to watch the premiere of CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story on VH1 tonight! You must remember TLC – T-Boz, Left Eye, and Chilli – and how they were ubiquitous with 90s music. But between the Grammys and platinum albums and MTV videos, there was a lot of drama, both intra-group and against the record companies. And you might remember a certain someone’s house being set on fire. CrazySexyCool documents the entire saga, running from one drama to the next. With how much has happened, things must proceed at breakneck speed.

Drew Sidora plays Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins, Keke Palmer is Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas, and Lil Mama plays Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes. Also starring is Donny Boaz as TLC’s manager Bill Diggins, Evan Ross as Dallas Austin, , Carl Anthony Payne II as L.A. Reid, and Rochelle Aytes as Pebbles Reid.

Both the director and script have good pedigrees – Charles Stone III directed Drumline, and screenwriter Kate Lanier wrote What’s Love Got To Do With It, Set it Off, and Beauty Shop.

A supertrailer is available at VH1’s website.