Lord of the Crumbs Sesame Street Cookie Monster

Lord of the Crumbs has Sesame Street rule them all!

It’s time for more Sesame Street fun with their latest parody video, which knocks that darn Lord of the Rings down a few pegs! In Lord of the Crumbs, Cookie Monster is a monster named Gobble, and he must recreate the recipe for cookies using his memory! The video will teach you how to have patience, to use mnemonic devices to remember things, and that Mt. Doom was really just an oven. Like I always knew!

Legend speaks of a dessert unimaginably sweet and delicious, and when it was destroyed all that remained was the dessert’s powerful recipe. It remained in the hands of a monster named Gobble for a long time, but when it disappeared, all cookies on Monster Earth disappeared along with it. It is up to Cookie Monster to use his memory and remember the recipe in order to bake the cookies in the fires of Mount Crumb.

Godzilla Marvel 22 cover

Godzilla #22 (May 1979)


Godzilla Marvel 22

The true reason dinosaurs went extinct!


Godzilla #22 – The Devil and the Dinosaur! (May 1979)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Herb Trimpe
Editor – Archie Goodwin

Trapped in the past, Godzilla and his new pals Moon-Boy and Devil Dinosaur prepare to fight evil dudes who are evil. The Lizard-Warriors attack along with their pack of dinosaurs. The pack feature more Chargers, Triceratops, Sauropods, Pteradons, a mohawked Theropod, what looks like a badly drawn Gallimimus. There is an awesome two-page spread of all the dinosaur fighting. Godzilla, Moon Boy, and Devil Dinosaur are outnumbered hundreds to three, so they decide to run.

Back in modern day 1979, the SHIELD squad discuss what to do now that they are all out of a job. Ben Grimm and Reed Richards notice radiation coming from the time machine! Dang it, Reed, why you got to mess up history like that?

Godzilla and Devil Dinosaur will make a stand while Moon Boy tries a new trick, and talks to the Hag who controls the Region of the Pits. Hey, the name of the character is Hag, I’m not just calling this crazy old cave lady a bad name! Hag is in charge of a land that has a bunch of pits on it, so the plan is to cover the pits with grass and lure the enemy Lizard-Warriors onto it. You might think that the bad guys must be awfully stupid if all of them fall into the pits, and you are correct! Goodbye morons!

Godzilla Marvel 22

Check out that HARDCORE mohawk dinosaur!


The time machine will soon explode and yank Godzilla back to our time…like a yo-yo. Does this make any sense? Of course it doesn’t! Just go along with it, please. Reed and crew figure they must get the time machine to an open area. Forget central park, let’s take it to Times Square! I’m beginning to think these characters get off on putting the public in danger…

The radiation in the area with the pits combines with the radiation in Godzilla and the radiation from the time machine to make the radiation storm that restores Godzilla to his proper size and transports him back to our time, 1979!

This issue is pretty much just an excuse for Godzilla to punch dinosaurs for most of the length. And how!

Next month: Two issues left, so time for Godzilla to fight the Avengers! But will Sam Jackson show up after the credits to offer him a job???

Godzilla Marvel 22

Godzilla follows anyone short! Once these dwarves couldn’t get him to leave until Godzilla ate an apple and fell asleep…

Demir yumruk Devler geliyor Iron Fist Giants are Coming

Iron Fist: The Giants Are Coming

Demir yumruk: Devler Geliyor

aka Iron Fist: The Giants Are Coming
Demir yumruk Devler geliyor Iron Fist Giants are Coming
1970 or 1973
Written and directed by Tunç Basaran

Demir yumruk Devler geliyor Iron Fist Giants are Coming

It’s me! Super-Bat-Other Man!


Iron Fist – Giants are Coming is an interesting fantastic Turkish film, because it uses super hero tropes, but isn’t really a super hero film. There is a diabolical villain ripped straight from pulp novels, disguises, and people punching people like they’re in those cliffhanger serials. But the actual masked hero is just a disguise used by the heroes after they fake their deaths. It is very common in these pulp Turkish cinema films for the heroes to essentially be super heroes already, with incredible fighting powers and brains. Often the heroes barely get into their costumes, because they don’t need them. Demir yumruk is a nice bridge of the two groups, and I certainly didn’t think that what transpired was how the super heroics was to be involved.

Our hero Enver is a typical Turkish film hero male, in that he regularly cheats on his girlfriend (who sees it as an amusing quirk – when she’s not violently kicking the other woman out of the house!), spends much of his time hanging out with his bros and at the gym, and gets into long long long physical fights will many many villains without even the slightest of bruises. His girlfriend Meral is a tough undercover woman who can fight just as well as the men while still looking like a fashion model. She is capable of infiltrating all sorts of locations and can dazzle the minds of villains with her belly dancing skills. She even saves Enver, though later he has to save her.

Demir yumruk Devler geliyor Iron Fist Giants are Coming

I can pick both nostrils at the same time! Can your Iron Fist do that?


Beyond the ganking of pulp culture iconography and characters, Turkish cinema also features songs ripped from other films, and Demir yumruk is no exception. Surf rock aficionados will find something strangely familiar from the cool tune blasting over the opening credits, and fans of all film will recognize scores of all flavors mixmashed with scenes of completely different tones and movements. Turkey had those YouTube fan videos down pat decades before YouTube.

The influence from serials is especially prevalent, there are multiple long punching fights, and almost every one of the frequent fights has the hero or villain barely escape to menace again in a few minutes. Characters are captured and subsequently rescued, while villains disappear with magic tricks or use gimmick weapons.

Demir yumruk Devler geliyor Iron Fist Giants are Coming

The Hamburger Helper glove has gone evil!


Demir yumruk: Devler geliyor features actors in yellowface, and this isn’t the first time we’ve encountered Turkish Yellowface (or even Turkish characters named after Fu Man Chu!) But there is more on display now than I’ve seen before. Besides the Asian gang lead by Fumancu, there is another evil gang of Russians lead by a guy named Zagof. The heroic heroes try to use the enmity of the gangs to their advantage, but it just as often plays to their folly. It certainly ramps up the suspense, we don’t know which gang will become the dominant one until events play out.

Tunç Basaran has been a prolific writer and director in Turkish cinema, with many filmns in the fantasy action genres. In the West he would be best known for his cult cinema work like Iron Fist, the first Tarkan film, and Ayşecik Ve Sihirli Cüceler Rüyalar Ülkesinde, better known as Turkish Wizard of Oz.

Demir yumruk Devler geliyor Iron Fist Giants are Coming

Dammit, Gandalf, stick with your own franchise!


Enver (Enver Özer) – The all Turkish hero cop who takes this case. Like all manly Turkish men, he spends much time banging chicks who aren’t the one he’s dating, being shirtless, beating up other Turkish men, and showering with Turkish men. It’s almost as if they want me to write paragraphs and paragraphs about subtext…
Meral (Feri Cansel) – The undercover investigator bringing down Zagof’s gang from the inside, while also dating Enver, who is bringing down Zagof and Fumancu’s gangs from the outside. Though she doesn’t dress up as the super hero, she does don a mask…when she dresses as a masked bellydancer to gain access to Fumancu’s hideout. Feri Cansel was a Turkish actress and sex symbol who lead a tragic life that ended short and violently, murdered by her fiancé in 1983. The exact number of films she starred in varies, because of the Turkish practice of cutting and pasting scenes into softcore/hardcore film, but she is widely believed to be the most prolific actor of the parça seks filmleri.
Orhan (Süleyman Turan) – Ally of the heroes who is always chewing gum. He shows up randomly to help the heroes thanks to his many many jobs and connections. You could argue that Orhan is the real hero of Iron Fist, and you would be right! We all need an Orhan in our life.
Murat (Orgun Alkan) – The son of murdered professor, so he seeks revenge against Fumancu for said murder. Joins up with the heroes because revenge. The chief of police has no problems with a loose cannon civilian joining the investigation to recover missing nuclear material by terrorists.
Fumancu (Kayhan Yıldızoğlu) – Fumancu, more like Fu Man Chu! Except he’s not like Fu Man Chu, Fumancu is in a wheelchair and is shockingly effeminate. He’s got a honor guard of machine gun babes and has several assistant dudes standing over him. But is he really Wheelchair Andy Warhol?
Zagof (Altan Günbay) – Famed Russian Communist madman, seeking out the cache of uranium before it’s found by Fumancu (or people who aren’t Bondian supervillains!) He makes himself a steel hand that shoots bullets, because that’s what super villains do. His face was scared by Fumancu. Lusts after his secretaries, who he seems to hire locally, which is really weird for an international supervillain to do.
Çengel (Tarık Şimşek) – The goon we call Doublehook, he is Zagof’s chief lieutenant. His hand is replaced by a double hook, which leaves an interesting slicing pattern when used for attacks. Doublehook also scratches itches on his face with it, which is just tempting fate. But that’s how Doublehook plays!
Iron Fist (??? It is a mystery!) – A mysterious Super Hero character who starts helping the heroes right when another hero is declared dead by the enemies, but isn’t really dead. Almost as if that gives away who the hero is. But just when you think you’ve figured it out, another Iron Fist appears! Like the ending of Three Amigos!
Demir yumruk Devler geliyor Iron Fist Giants are Coming

Now this is art!

Süpermen Dönüyor Turkish Superman

Süpermen Dönüyor

Süpermen Dönüyor

aka Superman Returns aka Turkish Superman
Süpermen Dönüyor Turkish Superman
1979
Written by Necdet Tok
Directed by Kunt Tulgar


Superman may have returned once again this past summer, but now he won’t leave, and he’s picking a fight with Batman! What a jerk! I guess we’ll just have to deal with his Turkish twin brother, who was more of a precursor to the most recent adaptation of Superman than we ever could have guessed! Be prepared for amazement, because Süpermen dönüyor is amazing. It’s pure pop culture reappropriation, done with less money that would buy a gallon of gas. And that is at 1979 gas prices! But enthusiasm for Superman is evident, and Superman fully fits in with Turkish pop cinema’s love of superior manly men who punch the crap out of dozens of evil doers without getting a scratch. You could argue that Superman is weaker, having gained his powers via his alien birthright. But the Turkish men are all awesome while being Turkish, and Superman’s ease of fit into the role shows that immigration and assimilation works just as well for Turkish Superman’s origins as it does for the American one. The subconscious parallel is strong, and speaks of Superman’s universal appeal across the globe.

Confession time, this review was originally written over 9 years ago, back before TarsTarkas.NET even used a CMS and I hand-coded every page in (awful) html. The review was terrible (even for then) and I never got around to fixing it fully, returning to it every two years or so, and rewatching Süpermen dönüyor in the process. I’ve seen it unsubtitled on VHS tape, unsubtitled on a DVDR I made of said tape, and subtitled on the amazing DVD from Omar Films. I watched it before there was an American film called Superman Returns, and I’ve watched it after Man of Steel came and left theaters. This review has been rewritten so much that none of the original version remains. The most interesting change was the reaction to Turkish Superman killing people in the wake of what happens in Man of Steel. I’m still against it, but now we know that Zach Snyder stole everything from Turkish Superman! It is time for this pigeon to take flight, time for the review to show the world that it is a super being! Time for Superman to return!

Süpermen Dönüyor Turkish Superman

I told you this would happen if you didn’t stop wanking!


Superman is a member of the proud club of US properties that got their very own Turkish productions that were “inspired” by the originals. In this case, “inspired” means “directly copied”. Superman is among the most-copied foriegn properties by Turkey. While Turkey is not the only country to use Superman in unauthorized ways, it was the most prolific, with an impressive output of films both easily found and missing and presumed destroyed.

There was a series of “Superman” films where he is called Super Adam, and only occasionally wore a costume loosely (and I mean loosely!) based on the US costume. 1971’s Süper Adam, and 1972’s Süper Adam Kadınlar Arasında and Süper Adam İstanbul’da. The 1972 film Süpermen Geliyor (Superman Is Coming) and the 1976 film Süpermen Fantoma’ya Karsi (Superman vs. The Phantom) both appear to be lost, though lost Turkish films have resurfaced before.

Supermen Fantoma Ya Karsi

These posters are all you’re going to get for Süpermen Fantoma’ya Karsi unless someone finds reels in their garage


Let us not forget 1979’s other Turkish Superman film, the softcore comedy Süper Selami. But in non-smut Supermanish films, the Superman-inspired (and Three Fantastic Supermen-inspired) Çılgın Kız ve Üç Süper Adam (3 Supermen and a Mad Girl) also came from Turkey in 1973. Turkey producers (and Cüneyt Arkın for one entry!) were also involved in two of the Three Fantastic Supermen films – Three Supermen vs The Godfather and 3 Supermen at the Olympics. The most recent Superman-ish Turkish film is 2012’s SuperTurk!

This was the second film directed by Kunt Tulgar (the first was 1974’s Tarzan Korkusuz AdamTarzan the Mighty Man ) Another notable film in his resume is the Turkish martial arts flick Ejderin İntikamı (Revenge of the Dragon) Kunt Tulgar has gained fame in the West due to his name having an unfortunate other meaning in English.

Süpermen dönüyor is an amazing film, and while not being the best Turkish pop cinema entry (that would be Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam!), it is definitely top 5, and is essential viewing for cult cinema fans.

Süpermen Dönüyor Turkish Superman

Until you get rebooted in 3 years…


Tayfun (Tayfun Demir) – Tayfun Demir stars at Superman (and thus Clark Kent), he looks 7 feet tall and wears some of the goofiest glasses ever during his Clark Kent scenes. His character is named Tayfun (such originality!) but we’re just going to call him Clark Kent and Superman, as it’s much easier for all involved. Tayfun Demir seems to have been plucked out of obscurity to star as Clark Kenty and Superman, but then jumped right back in, as all we’ve been able to dig up was a date of death in 2003. Fun fact: his name translates to Typhoon Iron, which is a real superhero name if I’ve heard one!
Süpermen (Tayfun Demir) – Superman came to Earth and is now Turkish. Turkish Superman powers: When he flies, he turns into a doll! Flying Superman can rear project backgrounds! Superman can use his mental powers to type at normal speed without touching the typewriter! Super x-ray vision that sees through clothes but not underwear! Guillotine-proof head! Superman can see back in time! Superman can see long distances, but not while he’s flying!
Alev (Güngör Bayrak) – The Lois Lane character is played by Güngör Bayrak. She does the traditional roles of being the damsel in distress that Superman has to save, falling in love with Superman but not Clark, as well as constantly getting in the way of the villain. As seems to be the case with most Turkish actresses in the 60s and 70s, Güngör Bayrak posed for some risque pictures, thus equivilencing herself with Margot Kidder, who was in Playboy in 1975.
Ekrem (Yildirim Gencer) – The Lex Luthor character wants kryptonite to use in a ray that will transform metal into other metals, so he can make lots of gold! Also, the ray will create a weapon against Superman, just for kicks. Ekrem is a reputable scientist, and you’d think he could easily get a hold of the formula from his friend without all sorts of evil schemes, but you’d be wrong! Ekrem is played by Yildirim Gencer, who starred in at least 197 films and died in 2005. We’ve seen him here before, but not his face. For he was…Kilink!!!
Professor Çetinel (Esref Kolçak) – Professor Çetinel (Hetin in the subtitles) is that famous scientist who discovered the formula for Kryptonite after finding a meteor containing it, thus becoming a target of mysterious villains lead by his trusted scientific colleague, Ekrim. He wants to use Kryptonite as an unlimited power supply. Is the father of Alev.
Haydar (Nejat Özbek) – Ekrem’s most prominent henchman, causes trouble for Alev and Superman on more than one occasion before he meets his untimely demise. Don’t be a henchman, folks!
Süpermen Dönüyor Turkish Superman

Superman never should have supported the French royalists…

Godzilla Marvel 20 The Doom Trip cover

Godzilla #21 (April 1979)


Godzilla Marvel 20 The Doom Trip

Looks like all my 50 Shades of Grey jokes are more accurate than I thought!


Godzilla #21 – The Doom Trip! (April 1979)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Herb Trimpe
Editor – Archie Goodwin
Godzilla Marvel 20 The Doom Trip

Beware, those Chargers will ruin your credit score!


D-D-D-D-Doom Trip!!! And we don’t mean the video game Doom, though a BFG might come in handy in case of Godzilla attacks. When last we left Big G, he and the Fantastic Four were duking it out in a museum, and The Thing had just knocked Godzilla into a shark tank.

The sharks do nothing, especially not to The Thing, who also drops in the tank. Mr. Fantastic wraps around and smothers Godzilla until he’s unconscious. Which is sort of disgusting when you think about it, and also sort of creepy.

They tie Godzilla to the Fantasiticar and fly him to the Baxter Building. Mr. Fantastic’s big idea is to use Dr. Doom’s time machine and send Godzilla back to the past where he belongs – 900 million years in the past to the Mesozoic age!

This is totally wrong! The Mesozoic Age was 252 to 66 million years ago! Reed Richards should know that 900 million years ago was the Tonian Period of the Neoproterozoic Era! The Tonian Era featured unicellular bacteria and fungi, but also had multicellular algae. So basically Godzilla will be very bored. Luckily Reed Richards is as bad at programming the time machine as he is at knowing about ancient geological eras of Earth, and luckily does dump Godzilla during the Mesozoic Age. I can only credit Dr. Doom having an idiot-proof time machine control console.

Godzilla likes it!

Godzilla Marvel 20 The Doom Trip

Feral He-Man characters threaten the future of the past!


But the Lizard-Warriors (mean cave dudes) are on the march, trying to conquer Flame Valley with their Beasts of Strife. They send two purple tyrannosaurids called Chargers to attack Big G, just because they’re mean. Moon Boy and Devil Dinosaur hear the commotion and go investigate. Moon Boy sees Godzilla use his atomic breath and declares him a demon, and sends Devil Dinosaur to fight him. even though he just saw Godzilla fight his common enemy.

Godzilla and Devil Dinosaur battle and fight, but then the Lizard-Warriors invade, and Moon Boy convinces Devil Dinosaur to make peace and attack the real villains. Way to be several pages behind, Moon Boy, but at least you got it right in the end. Godzilla goes along with this because Moon Boy is similar to Rob, which means that any young boy can convince Godzilla to do all sorts of stuff. And here we thought it was Gamera that was friend to all children.

As the invaders close in, we to be continued!

Next month will have lots and lots of dinosaur fights! It’s like you’re three and playing with your toys again, but in drawn on comic strips form!

Godzilla Marvel 20 The Doom Trip

It is Marvel Law that two characters must fight before teaming up against the real threat.